Goddess' way or the highway?

[Gustaf]

Hello!  It's been a while since I started a post here, but I feel it's time for some stuff to be eaten.

Ever since the spring/summer I've noticed something becoming ever more apparent.. Often I am not sure whether it is getting worse or that more stuff is being cleared so it is just more nakedly apparent. It was an obvious inner discomfort that I noticed -always- finds something to be anxious, angry or nervous about. When one thing passes, it finds the next.. It can be any inner or outer occurance.. Never at ease, always saying "When this is dealt with, -then- we can relax, be at ease, enjoy life"

I thought that it would eventually disappear if I simply watched it, but it has grown in intensity. During august I had red, irritated rashes appear on my face, mostly around my eyes. It disappeared in a week or so. After that, I've been having dry and irritated skin on my forehead and cheeks, and a lot of heat and dryness in general. It almost resembles mild rosacea or something. Other people barely seem to notice that it is there unless I directly point it out to them, to me it looks horrible.  Wife says that it is completely mind-made, and that I have the problem because I keep focusing on it, trying to get rid of it, rubbing my face etc. This is odd, because she is usually the one to tell me to go and see a doctor promptly. My heartvoice agrees.  It's annoying, itching and burning. Whenever I feel nervous, my whole BODY feels like its burning even more, itching and prickling all over.  I had something similar like that way back in 2002 or so after my initial awakening, where any nervousness or excitement that was unbalanced would make me feel like someone was stabbing me all over the back with a thousand sharp needles.

I've asked my heartvoice, will I be ok?  YES, it says.. I asked it "How do I get my face to stop bugging me. "  It said "Stop bugging your face" It was rather funny..   Not only that, I've kept getting these visions of a bright, joyful face waiting just underneath the surface, about to emerge if I let it, and this feeling of all the red, rashed, irritated skin just peeling off. It's been an insistant vision too, and I got the impression that it represents more than just skin, that it represents a more free, joyful and unburdened man that can enjoy the world and life as it is, without being worried or burdened by it.  

Wife's heartvoice has strongly agreed with this too, it's transformational, but I am fighting it, creating dramas out of it and worrying about diseases. I did some research on all that it could be and got very depressed afterwards. She keeps telling me to not pay too much attention to it. Leave it be and enjoy it.. That it will get worse if I keep focusing on it.

And I completely agree.. We watched "The Secret Law of Attraction" again the other day, which talks about how you create what you think and focus on. Almost -everything- they said that applied so clearly to me.  My heartvoice sent waves of light and warm shivers throughout my body in response in long resonating YES'es, telling me, yes, you are creating this.. Now create something else!  Something you want.. Time to stop creating what you DON'T want, huh?

Wife is doing an incredible job in pulling me out of this. I can't even begin to say how grateful I am to her. Her support and patience is incredible.

I feel like I'm going nuts.. Such a minor thing as some rashes and I am creating a frenzy over it. What the heck am I doing?  Wife, Secret Law, FST, Eckhart Tolle and many others have explained exactly how to just open the door and step out.  I can even see the incredible beauty, joy and peace.. Why am I so attached to fight it? Simply because I seem to refuse to accept having rashes on my face?  Oh man...  The thoughts that follow it are completely insane. "Enlightened people can't have skin problems", and many other thoughts related to showing other people a face that would have visible flaws. It even gets to the point of incessantly staring in the mirror, looking for the better or the worse, poking and prodding.. Oh yeah, did I mention -focusing- on it?  Worrying about the future, how bad could it get? and so on.

What is even more frustrating is that right now it seems to ne the -only- thing bugging me.. Of course, ego has given similar impressions before.  This time it feels like Shakti is really poking me in the ass though.  It's my way, or the highway..   Eh, let's change that.. It's my way, I am the highway...

Wife was seeing another vision where I break down a brick wall, then as I am about to step out, I take the bricks and build another one... I have been doing what I can to surrender every issue I can find around it, get grounded, love my body, who knows what else.  I have even gone into meditation into my inner space, stayed in a wonderful state of peace where I feel the space and life moving through every pore of my being, where no problems or suffering exist.  Feels good for a while when I return to the body, but it doesn't take long before the drama pulls me right back in..

I am asking Goddess, please take this!  I don't seem to know how to manage it!

Goddess, please take the feelings of embarrassment of sharing this with others..  Why am I so afraid of being human, and not make such a drama out of a little physical discomfort?  Unless of course the discomfort IS the drama.. Bah.

In deep gratitude for the sacred space to share this in.

Namaste
Gustaf

[Vyana]

Now, it%rsquos probably not possible to offer you an advice, as you already know all I know and more. However, it seems obvious to me that your wife%rsquos vision is very adequate. One of the first things I learned after having engaged on this course was that having karma is optional, that I create my own karma myself and that I can get rid of it instantly whenever I want to. Right after my tummo initiation I asked Goddess to take it all, and she did. It was rather scary though, although it shouldn%rsquot. So I asked her to give it back and then to take it peace by peace at a pace that I am able to handle. Since then she has done that.

At my last session with Mystress, this came up: I am scared because I am living in a world of limitations. The unlimited scares me because it has no limitations. So basically, the limitations make me fear the unlimited. Mystress laughed and said nobody had had that exact problem before. However, I wonder if that is really true.

We are basically unlimited, and we never cease being unlimited. It%rsquos all about where we chose to direct our attention. When we first direct our attention to the world of duality we get caught by the contrasts between up and down, future and past, good and bad, love and fear and so on. Most important, we learn to know fear. And the world of duality is scary, because of its limitations. Therefore we seek safety. We seek a world where up is up and down is down, where we can clearly distinguish between future and past, where we know what is good and what is bad, who we love and who we fear etc. Thus we form us a fortress of karma. And we think it is very rational, although it is not.

When we start practicing yoga we start to remove our protective shell. The aim is to be able to direct our attention back to the unlimited. But now our perception is formed by the karma we took on to feel safe in duality. In duality even safety is based on contrasts. To feel safe we need to know where up and down is; what is in the future and what is in the past; what is good and what is bad and so on. In the unlimited there are no such contrasts. Therefore, the unlimited seems very scary to us, although it is not.

I suppose, if we could instantly surrender our perceptions at the same time as we surrender our karma, we might be able to go instantly from duality to the unlimited, but it seems that our perception is the last thing we surrender.

Anyway, the less karmic junk we have left, the more inclined we are to create new karma and when we do, the more obvious it gets that this new brick wall that we build to protect ourselves from the unlimited is not rational. I would suggest this is what is happening to you. But I suppose you already knew that and that it doesn%rsquot help knowing.

Now and then I go back to this short metaphoric story to kind of remind me where I really am:

A small boy is sitting in a chair at a cinema, watching a film. He is totally consumed by the film, forgetting all about the world outside the film. In fact, this boy is somewhat special, because he is even forgetting there is a world outside the film.

The film is kind of scary, and the boy should not really be watching it at all; especially not on his own. There are soldiers killing other soldiers on the film. There are soldiers chasing women and children to kill or torture them. There are many other people harming other people and kids in many different ways. The film just goes on, non-stop, seemingly for ever. The boy has forgotten all about his own world, where there is peace and love and harmony, and nothing like this ever happens. To him, all that exist is the film.

Then, by chance the boy%rsquos eyes are drawn to the border-line of the film image at the cinema screen. He notices that the world of the film suddenly ends. He notices there is a world outside the film. This is even scarier to him. Where is he in this world? Is there a solider holding a gun to the back of his head, ready to fire? The boy thinks, %ldquoNo this is just too scary! I don%rsquot dare to look! Let%rsquos just forget about that border and focus on the film!%rdquo And he turns his eyes in another direction %ndash and there is another border-line. He becomes very frightened again, but yet not as frightened as the first time.

The boy starts to think. %ldquoIf there is a world outside the film, it%rsquos maybe not scary at all. Why should it be?%rdquo A shadow of a shadow of a memory of the better world where he actually lives reaches his mind and he starts to feel better. Still, he is too frightened to turn his head around to se what is really there. He starts to play with the border-line and as time goes by he becomes braver and braver. %ldquoIf I look, only very fast, just a little bit outside the border-line, what will happen? What will happen if I focus on the middle of the screen and try to perceive what is at the edges of my perception? If I dare to focus on a spot just outside the border-line, what will I perceive?

This boy is still playing with the border-line. Eventually he will become accustomed to the idea of the world outside the film and then he will be brave enough to just stand up and walk out of the cinema, but he has not accomplished that yet.

[Mystress]

: Hello!  It's been a while since I started a post here, but I feel it's time for some stuff to be eaten.

: Ever since the spring/summer I've noticed something becoming ever more apparent.. Often I am not sure whether it is getting worse or that more stuff is being cleared so it is just more nakedly apparent. It was an obvious inner discomfort that I noticed -always- finds something to be anxious, angry or nervous about. When one thing passes, it finds the next.. It can be any inner or outer occurance.. Never at ease, always saying "When this is dealt with, -then- we can relax, be at ease, enjoy life"

An "if... then" statement is always illusion. You are making conditions, it is not unconditional. It is an excuse of ego: Whenever you make a statement like that, you are postponing enlightenment.  You make peace and enjoyment something that is always in the future.

 There will always be drama if you make drama, and attach to that instead of abiding in peace. Shit happens, getting stressed about it is optional... that is your issue, that the stress doesn't seem optional.

  Artists, attach to drama because ego thinks it is necessary for art... that the artist persona is supposed to be very emotional. In a way this is correct because the muse is non-dual energy but creation happens in duality... art is dualistic. The thing is, it is the transmutation of karma with unconditional love, that generates the most creative energy.

 Turn your karma into Art, Gustaf.

: I thought that it would eventually disappear if I simply watched it, but it has grown in intensity. During august I had red, irritated rashes appear on my face, mostly around my eyes. It disappeared in a week or so. After that, I've been having dry and irritated skin on my forehead and cheeks, and a lot of heat and dryness in general. It almost resembles mild rosacea or something. Other people barely seem to notice that it is there unless I directly point it out to them, to me it looks horrible.  Wife says that it is completely mind-made, and that I have the problem because I keep focusing on it, trying to get rid of it, rubbing my face etc. This is odd, because she is usually the one to tell me to go and see a doctor promptly. My heartvoice agrees.  It's annoying, itching and burning. Whenever I feel nervous, my whole BODY feels like its burning even more, itching and prickling all over.  I had something similar like that way back in 2002 or so after my initial awakening, where any nervousness or excitement that was unbalanced would make me feel like someone was stabbing me all over the back with a thousand sharp needles.

 On the physical... dandruff shampoo for your face, and some kind of anaesthetic ointment so you can forget about it for a while.

 The rash may be the tummo fire getting unbalanced because it is pushing on a blockage you won't surrender. Do a meditation on each chakra starting from the root and working upward: imagine the tummo fire in each chakra burning white hot like a blowtorch for a few minutes, then onto the next.  

: I've asked my heartvoice, will I be ok?  YES, it says.. I asked it "How do I get my face to stop bugging me. "  It said "Stop bugging your face" It was rather funny..   Not only that, I've kept getting these visions of a bright, joyful face waiting just underneath the surface, about to emerge if I let it, and this feeling of all the red, rashed, irritated skin just peeling off. It's been an insistant vision too, and I got the impression that it represents more than just skin, that it represents a more free, joyful and unburdened man that can enjoy the world and life as it is, without being worried or burdened by it.  

Yes, it represents the mask of ego peeling away.

: I feel like I'm going nuts.. Such a minor thing as some rashes and I am creating a frenzy over it. What the heck am I doing?  Wife, Secret Law, FST, Eckhart Tolle and many others have explained exactly how to just open the door and step out.  I can even see the incredible beauty, joy and peace.. Why am I so attached to fight it? Simply because I seem to refuse to accept having rashes on my face?  Oh man...  The thoughts that follow it are completely insane. "Enlightened people can't have skin problems", and many other thoughts related to showing other people a face that would have visible flaws. It even gets to the point of incessantly staring in the mirror, looking for the better or the worse, poking and prodding.. Oh yeah, did I mention -focusing- on it?  Worrying about the future, how bad could it get? and so on.

: What is even more frustrating is that right now it seems to ne the -only- thing bugging me.. Of course, ego has given similar impressions before.  This time it feels like Shakti is really poking me in the ass though.  It's my way, or the highway..   Eh, let's change that.. It's my way, I am the highway...

: Wife was seeing another vision where I break down a brick wall, then as I am about to step out, I take the bricks and build another one... I have been doing what I can to surrender every issue I can find around it, get grounded, love my body, who knows what else.  I have even gone into meditation into my inner space, stayed in a wonderful state of peace where I feel the space and life moving through every pore of my being, where no problems or suffering exist.  Feels good for a while when I return to the body, but it doesn't take long before the drama pulls me right back in..

It is all good. The stress leads to break through. You won't give up drama until you get completely fed up with it. You are not your face, or your body, or the drama your ego creates. Stop identifying with that, and instead look inward to what aspect of yourself prefers drama to peace. What is dangerous about peace, for you?  My sense is, the drama is covering some other, scarier emotional issues that might surface if there were silence.  

 Ask your DB to introduce you to the part of yourself that has secrets.

  Blessings...

[Mystress]

: Hello!  It's been a while since I started a post here, but I feel it's time for some stuff to be eaten.

: Ever since the spring/summer I've noticed something becoming ever more apparent.. Often I am not sure whether it is getting worse or that more stuff is being cleared so it is just more nakedly apparent. It was an obvious inner discomfort that I noticed -always- finds something to be anxious, angry or nervous about. When one thing passes, it finds the next.. It can be any inner or outer occurance.. Never at ease, always saying "When this is dealt with, -then- we can relax, be at ease, enjoy life"

An "if... then" statement is always illusion. You are making conditions, it is not unconditional. It is an excuse of ego: Whenever you make a statement like that, you are postponing enlightenment.  You make peace and enjoyment something that is always in the future.

 There will always be drama if you make drama, and attach to that instead of abiding in peace. Shit happens, getting stressed about it is optional... that is your issue, that the stress doesn't seem optional.

  Artists, attach to drama because ego thinks it is necessary for art... that the artist persona is supposed to be very emotional. In a way this is correct because the muse is non-dual energy but creation happens in duality... art is dualistic. The thing is, it is the transmutation of karma with unconditional love, that generates the most creative energy.

 Turn your karma into Art, Gustaf.

: I thought that it would eventually disappear if I simply watched it, but it has grown in intensity. During august I had red, irritated rashes appear on my face, mostly around my eyes. It disappeared in a week or so. After that, I've been having dry and irritated skin on my forehead and cheeks, and a lot of heat and dryness in general. It almost resembles mild rosacea or something. Other people barely seem to notice that it is there unless I directly point it out to them, to me it looks horrible.  Wife says that it is completely mind-made, and that I have the problem because I keep focusing on it, trying to get rid of it, rubbing my face etc. This is odd, because she is usually the one to tell me to go and see a doctor promptly. My heartvoice agrees.  It's annoying, itching and burning. Whenever I feel nervous, my whole BODY feels like its burning even more, itching and prickling all over.  I had something similar like that way back in 2002 or so after my initial awakening, where any nervousness or excitement that was unbalanced would make me feel like someone was stabbing me all over the back with a thousand sharp needles.

 On the physical... dandruff shampoo for your face, and some kind of anaesthetic ointment so you can numb the itch and forget about it for a while.

 The rash may be the tummo fire getting unbalanced because it is pushing on a blockage you won't surrender. Do a meditation on each chakra starting from the root and working upward: imagine the tummo fire in each chakra burning white hot like a blowtorch for a few minutes, then onto the next.  

: I've asked my heartvoice, will I be ok?  YES, it says.. I asked it "How do I get my face to stop bugging me. "  It said "Stop bugging your face" It was rather funny..   Not only that, I've kept getting these visions of a bright, joyful face waiting just underneath the surface, about to emerge if I let it, and this feeling of all the red, rashed, irritated skin just peeling off. It's been an insistant vision too, and I got the impression that it represents more than just skin, that it represents a more free, joyful and unburdened man that can enjoy the world and life as it is, without being worried or burdened by it.  

Yes, it represents the mask of ego peeling away.

: I feel like I'm going nuts.. Such a minor thing as some rashes and I am creating a frenzy over it. What the heck am I doing?  Wife, Secret Law, FST, Eckhart Tolle and many others have explained exactly how to just open the door and step out.  I can even see the incredible beauty, joy and peace.. Why am I so attached to fight it? Simply because I seem to refuse to accept having rashes on my face?  Oh man...  The thoughts that follow it are completely insane. "Enlightened people can't have skin problems", and many other thoughts related to showing other people a face that would have visible flaws. It even gets to the point of incessantly staring in the mirror, looking for the better or the worse, poking and prodding.. Oh yeah, did I mention -focusing- on it?  Worrying about the future, how bad could it get? and so on.

: What is even more frustrating is that right now it seems to ne the -only- thing bugging me.. Of course, ego has given similar impressions before.  This time it feels like Shakti is really poking me in the ass though.  It's my way, or the highway..   Eh, let's change that.. It's my way, I am the highway...

: Wife was seeing another vision where I break down a brick wall, then as I am about to step out, I take the bricks and build another one... I have been doing what I can to surrender every issue I can find around it, get grounded, love my body, who knows what else.  I have even gone into meditation into my inner space, stayed in a wonderful state of peace where I feel the space and life moving through every pore of my being, where no problems or suffering exist.  Feels good for a while when I return to the body, but it doesn't take long before the drama pulls me right back in..

It is all good. The stress leads to break through. You won't give up drama until you get completely fed up with it and you are nearly there. You are not your face, or your body, or the drama your ego creates. Stop identifying with that, and instead look inward to what aspect of yourself prefers drama to peace. What is dangerous about peace, for you?  My sense is, the drama is covering some other, scarier emotional issues that might surface if there were silence.  

 Ask your DB to introduce you to the part of yourself that has secrets.

  Blessings...

[Gustaf]

Thank you so much for your response!  A lot of things happened since I wrote it. But I've decided to wait and allow it to unfold before writing any more about it.  The shampoo works surprisingly well btw.   Also thanks to Vyana for your very inspiring response.

Namaste
Gustaf

: : Hello!  It's been a while since I started a post here, but I feel it's time for some stuff to be eaten.

: : Ever since the spring/summer I've noticed something becoming ever more apparent.. Often I am not sure whether it is getting worse or that more stuff is being cleared so it is just more nakedly apparent. It was an obvious inner discomfort that I noticed -always- finds something to be anxious, angry or nervous about. When one thing passes, it finds the next.. It can be any inner or outer occurance.. Never at ease, always saying "When this is dealt with, -then- we can relax, be at ease, enjoy life"

: An "if... then" statement is always illusion. You are making conditions, it is not unconditional. It is an excuse of ego: Whenever you make a statement like that, you are postponing enlightenment.  You make peace and enjoyment something that is always in the future.

:   There will always be drama if you make drama, and attach to that instead of abiding in peace. Shit happens, getting stressed about it is optional... that is your issue, that the stress doesn't seem optional.

:    Artists, attach to drama because ego thinks it is necessary for art... that the artist persona is supposed to be very emotional. In a way this is correct because the muse is non-dual energy but creation happens in duality... art is dualistic. The thing is, it is the transmutation of karma with unconditional love, that generates the most creative energy.

:   Turn your karma into Art, Gustaf.
:

: : I thought that it would eventually disappear if I simply watched it, but it has grown in intensity. During august I had red, irritated rashes appear on my face, mostly around my eyes. It disappeared in a week or so. After that, I've been having dry and irritated skin on my forehead and cheeks, and a lot of heat and dryness in general. It almost resembles mild rosacea or something. Other people barely seem to notice that it is there unless I directly point it out to them, to me it looks horrible.  Wife says that it is completely mind-made, and that I have the problem because I keep focusing on it, trying to get rid of it, rubbing my face etc. This is odd, because she is usually the one to tell me to go and see a doctor promptly. My heartvoice agrees.  It's annoying, itching and burning. Whenever I feel nervous, my whole BODY feels like its burning even more, itching and prickling all over.  I had something similar like that way back in 2002 or so after my initial awakening, where any nervousness or excitement that was unbalanced would make me feel like someone was stabbing me all over the back with a thousand sharp needles.

:
:   On the physical... dandruff shampoo for your face, and some kind of anaesthetic ointment so you can numb the itch and forget about it for a while.

:   The rash may be the tummo fire getting unbalanced because it is pushing on a blockage you won't surrender. Do a meditation on each chakra starting from the root and working upward: imagine the tummo fire in each chakra burning white hot like a blowtorch for a few minutes, then onto the next.  

: : I've asked my heartvoice, will I be ok?  YES, it says.. I asked it "How do I get my face to stop bugging me. "  It said "Stop bugging your face" It was rather funny..   Not only that, I've kept getting these visions of a bright, joyful face waiting just underneath the surface, about to emerge if I let it, and this feeling of all the red, rashed, irritated skin just peeling off. It's been an insistant vision too, and I got the impression that it represents more than just skin, that it represents a more free, joyful and unburdened man that can enjoy the world and life as it is, without being worried or burdened by it.  

: Yes, it represents the mask of ego peeling away.

: : I feel like I'm going nuts.. Such a minor thing as some rashes and I am creating a frenzy over it. What the heck am I doing?  Wife, Secret Law, FST, Eckhart Tolle and many others have explained exactly how to just open the door and step out.  I can even see the incredible beauty, joy and peace.. Why am I so attached to fight it? Simply because I seem to refuse to accept having rashes on my face?  Oh man...  The thoughts that follow it are completely insane. "Enlightened people can't have skin problems", and many other thoughts related to showing other people a face that would have visible flaws. It even gets to the point of incessantly staring in the mirror, looking for the better or the worse, poking and prodding.. Oh yeah, did I mention -focusing- on it?  Worrying about the future, how bad could it get? and so on.

: : What is even more frustrating is that right now it seems to ne the -only- thing bugging me.. Of course, ego has given similar impressions before.  This time it feels like Shakti is really poking me in the ass though.  It's my way, or the highway..   Eh, let's change that.. It's my way, I am the highway...

: : Wife was seeing another vision where I break down a brick wall, then as I am about to step out, I take the bricks and build another one... I have been doing what I can to surrender every issue I can find around it, get grounded, love my body, who knows what else.  I have even gone into meditation into my inner space, stayed in a wonderful state of peace where I feel the space and life moving through every pore of my being, where no problems or suffering exist.  Feels good for a while when I return to the body, but it doesn't take long before the drama pulls me right back in..

: It is all good. The stress leads to break through. You won't give up drama until you get completely fed up with it and you are nearly there. You are not your face, or your body, or the drama your ego creates. Stop identifying with that, and instead look inward to what aspect of yourself prefers drama to peace. What is dangerous about peace, for you?  My sense is, the drama is covering some other, scarier emotional issues that might surface if there were silence.  

:   Ask your DB to introduce you to the part of yourself that has secrets.

:    Blessings...

[Gustaf]

: An "if... then" statement is always illusion. You are making conditions, it is not unconditional. It is an excuse of ego: Whenever you make a statement like that, you are postponing enlightenment.  You make peace and enjoyment something that is always in the future.

:   There will always be drama if you make drama, and attach to that instead of abiding in peace. Shit happens, getting stressed about it is optional... that is your issue, that the stress doesn't seem optional.

:    Artists, attach to drama because ego thinks it is necessary for art... that the artist persona is supposed to be very emotional. In a way this is correct because the muse is non-dual energy but creation happens in duality... art is dualistic. The thing is, it is the transmutation of karma with unconditional love, that generates the most creative energy.

:   Turn your karma into Art, Gustaf.
:

I have noticed one thing in the drama, and it's a fear saying "If you accept this moment, you will be stuck in it, or it may get worse"  Hah. Of course opposite to how it actually works. The drama became very obvious when I had a bad day. I woke up after some very unpleasant dreams of masses of people being tortured and killed, locked up in chains and so on..  I had to walk home in very cold weather and noticed two things. First thing was that I didn't -have- to be upset about it. There was plenty of beaty in the moment. In contrast to that was the very bizarre fact that I -wanted- to be upset. I was faced with it very clearly.. I didn't have to, but wanted to. What kind of insanity is it to -want- to be angry or depressed about something? I guess my insanity.  I also observed that it was very hard to stay upset when I was conscious about it, so ironically I -held on- to it, so I could come home and rant to Wife about it..  I saw the other potential, which would have been to tell her about the beauty that was all around and give her a kiss instead.

And you are right, every time I have thrown myself into a creative activity, a lot of tension lifts. We had an incredible haunted house for our Halloween party and we made most of the props by hand, it was great fun.  The drama also tells me to NOT enjoy the creative activity, that it's not worth it, and so on, almost as if it's threatened by it.

This morning I started to be very mindful of it, to surrender every idea that pops into view.. If it comes back, I surrender it, again. If something unpleasant happens, ok.. Goddess will handle it. The suffering is really in the drama isn't it?

Last night I gave Wife a warm footbath. It filled me with joy.

:
:   On the physical... dandruff shampoo for your face, and some kind of anaesthetic ointment so you can numb the itch and forget about it for a while.

:   The rash may be the tummo fire getting unbalanced because it is pushing on a blockage you won't surrender. Do a meditation on each chakra starting from the root and working upward: imagine the tummo fire in each chakra burning white hot like a blowtorch for a few minutes, then onto the next.  

The shampoo definitely clears off old skin quickly, even though the redness doesn't disappear. It comes and goes and doesn't really bother me all that much any more. What you say makes sense. It kinda looks and feels like a sunburn or something, dry and red, too much heat.

The chakra meditation is really good.  I feel that the blowtorch is stirring up stuck thoughts and memories in or around each chakra and airing them out. I've been doing it at least once every day.. A session with grounding and some karma clearing, plus the chakra meditation, 15-30 minutes. I remember that you recommended it for me sometime in some other post too. It seems to help me become more focused too.  Mattias said about the fire element that it should be treated as a friend... If there is heat, give it focus.

The heat that comes from grounding and the chakra meditation is sometimes very intense and I have to sit nearly bare in a fairly cool room when I do it.  Lol, maybe I could melt some towels!  Feels like I have a living blowtorch inside me.. Weird thing though, it often feels very good, even when it's really hot in the body!  The only annoying part can be the prickles that appear when I get too nervous or excited.

: Yes, it represents the mask of ego peeling away.

: It is all good. The stress leads to break through. You won't give up drama until you get completely fed up with it and you are nearly there. You are not your face, or your body, or the drama your ego creates. Stop identifying with that, and instead look inward to what aspect of yourself prefers drama to peace. What is dangerous about peace, for you?  My sense is, the drama is covering some other, scarier emotional issues that might surface if there were silence.  

:   Ask your DB to introduce you to the part of yourself that has secrets.

:    Blessings...

So far I haven't found any specific issues.. Wife said I was analyzing it too much, having too much expectations on something (lol) dramatic to show up.  She asked a very good question.  "Who would you be without this drama?"  My immediate response was "Nobody."   She said "That's what's freaking you out."  As I am surrendering the drama, whatever is underneath is uncovered..  Will have to find out what that is.

Thanks!
Gustaf