Lesson 2/3 Matriarchy/Sacred sexuality

[Ylva]

Lesson 2/3 Matriarchy/Sacred sexuality

I'm looking at these 2 lessons at the same time.

I have a lot of these issues coming up right now. I thought
I had put the anger of my teens behind me somehow, but it has
become apparent that it was only shuffled away.

So here comes the rant... enjoy

Yay, a rant!

------------------------------------------------------------

~society~

Ok, we are coming out of a past where sex (or rather female sexuality)was simply considered ~bad~ unless it was for reproduction. Now, everyone is walking around saying how 'good' and 'natural' it is, while at the same time doing everything they can to remove its true power.

So now it's had its (female) teeth drawn out and repackaged as a pretty consumer product for men to enjoy. Or maybe something for the whole family to enjoy, an evening at Hooters with the kids watching Daddy drool while Mom's dreaming herself far, far away... Sorry Mom, there's not much for you here.

Squeeze sex through thousands of years of repression and misogyny and out with a sorry splat comes Hugh Hefner licking his own ass. Yay. Sex(tm) now officially means airbrushed and domesticated young women with robotic stares and servile smiles superglued onto their faces.  Damn the woman who does not smile! Am I the only one feeling horny yet?... Sorry, gotta check my smile... ouch

Sex today often seems to be some kind of competition -
who is sexiest, most popular, has had the most lovers, 'scored'
most, has the most sex toys, done it in most locations/positions etc.

People (at least men) seem to be most comfortable when sex
is shallow, unemotional and not too intimate.

'Sex' today makes you buy Coca-cola. Or a car. Or magazines to show you how to fit the norm, perhaps if you're willing to make the efforteven become a sexual athlete or a male/female heartbreaker/stud... A sexual frequency of 2.3 times a week to go with your 2.1 kids and Volvo... or perhaps one of 5.6 to go with your Ferrari. Never mind the quality of sex,only the quantity counts.

We are said to be living in a 'hedonistic' and 'pleasure-oriented' society, but what we really live in is a status- and consumer-oriented society. It's yoursexual ego that counts, the external achievements of sex, not whatyou are actually feeling/experiencing while having it. Because that can't really be quantified. 'Sex' today is just another thing to put on your CV.

(I am surprised they haven't invented an orgasm-intensity meter yet, so people could compete in this way too). "I scored a 3.2 last night shagging my wife ~and~ the hamster while bungee-jumping balancing two oranges on my head!"

Good for you, mate.

~patriarchy~ (anger rant)

A woman is expected to be 'sexy' while at the same time being
completely non-threatening sexually. Otherwise he might not get
it up. (Never mind that you weren't interested anyway)

A woman's sexuality is not to be defined by her own feelings and
desires, but by how she fits in with male projections. A woman's
sexual performance in the eyes of men is considered to be her sexuality as such.

Only young and/or sexually attractive women are expected to even
have a sexuality.

A man will tell his teenage daughter to not go out dressed
'too sexy' or she might 'get in trouble'. Later at night, the
same man will jerk  off to porn movies featuring women the
same age as his daughter - apparently not having any problem
whatsoever with (what he imagines to be) their sexuality.¨

(Makes me want to punch someone... HARD)

Then there's the guy who will accuse you of being 'tight' or
'repressed' because you're not interested in sleeping with him...
if you walk away with another guy instead, he would most likely consider you a 'slut'.

Men refusing to take responsibility for their own actions due
to their own sexual reactions to women (ie blaming rape on the victim)

And the idea that if a man doesn't have access to a vagina as soon as his balls fill up, this can cause severe trauma (hopefully brain damage), and a woman in a relationship with him, of course has the duty and responsibility to provide this. If not, she is being unloving/castrating or maybe even not sexual enough (on demand)

It's not even a men's world anymore, it's a boys' world...

~personal~

I've always had this vision deep in my heart that sex could
be sacred, that this is how I wanted it to be. Unfortunately,
I have never really been able to manifest this vision with a partner,like I wanted to. Actually, I haven't even been close.

Oh, I'm fully 'functional' with orgasms and all the bells and whistlesand whatnot. It's just that it gets so boring after a while. Just repeating thissame thing over and over, and every time it becomes more mechanical and less intimate. Boring and sad. I get especially turned off when it starts to feel like a duty. I start asking myself why I am wasting my time.

The boringness and shallowness make me long for something else all the more.It makes me want to run away in horror. I'd gladly trade 10 years of regular balls-maintenance sex for one or two times of high quality, meld-with my beloved soul-sex.

Actually, I'd PAY you to get rid of it.

I have a right to a preference, don't I?

So.. I am going for a holiday... With someone really special, to clear out all this stuff and find out what it's ~really about~. A trip that is long overdue. Actually, I already left a while ago. I've just been a little too... busy to send out the postcards. So many new things to see.

It's ok to check out for a while, isn't it? I have to get away from the insanity. Because insanity it is.

Don't know when I'm coming back... maybe never... probably as a different person.

Sorry... for being inconvenient

[Ylva]

oops, editing all messed up... copy and paste and all that... it's late

night night

sweet dreams

[Ylva]

Ok so I have a lot of anger... don't know what to do with it really. In the past I would just end up beating up myself with it or I get depressed. And then I get angry at myself for doing this.

I don't feel my anger is acceptable. And that makes me even more angry!

I usually keep the lid on it, because if I open it I have no idea how much is going to come out! Not sure I will be able to handle it.

[Ylva]

No I haven't been sexually abused... Just emotionally messed up.

I just think it's pretty difficult to be a woman today and come through your teens with a healthy sexuality centered in your ~own being~ This is how i define a healthy sexuality. I think society in general defines it as 'puts out appropriately and on schedule but no more and according to the rules).

I spent my teens just trying to handle all the contradictory messages that were bombarding me from all angles. Things that had nothing to do with me and my own inner feelings. Luckily for me, I was somewhat in touch with my anger and managed to shield off and keep some kind of core of sanity inside. But it was tough, and still is.

I get angry when someone says 'to enjoy sex'. Because I am hearing 'to enjoy sex for them, ~on their terms~, on their schedule, etc'. Like it's not my own business what and when and how I enjoy.

It fells kinda like the idea is to keep female sexuality confined but in such a way that it's still available - on tap. Like keeping lions in a cage and throwing them a few bones now and then. Wait until they get out and bite your head off.

All this talk about 'witholding sex' like it's something that belongs to the world and not to me. If I am enjoying myself on my own without a partner, I feel like I am just being selfish.

Depriving The World of Pussy - the ultimate sin?

I'm reevaluating whether I should even be with a partner anyore, because I just feel so overwhelmed with all this emotional baggage and anger but also with their expectations and ideas and projections on me.

I just don't want anymore energies from other people... I really crave aloneness... being able to breathe. Not sure I understand why, but it's really strong right now.

------------------
: Ok so I have a lot of anger... don't know what to do with it really. In the past I would just end up beating up myself with it or I get depressed. And then I get angry at myself for doing this.

: I don't feel my anger is acceptable. And that makes me even more angry!

: I usually keep the lid on it, because if I open it I have no idea how much is going to come out! Not sure I will be able to handle it.

[Gustaf]

: Lesson 2/3 Matriarchy/Sacred sexuality

: I'm looking at these 2 lessons at the same time.

: I have a lot of these issues coming up right now. I thought
: I had put the anger of my teens behind me somehow, but it has
: become apparent that it was only shuffled away.

: So here comes the rant... enjoy

: Yay, a rant!

: ------------------------------------------------------------

: ~society~

: Ok, we are coming out of a past where sex (or rather female sexuality)was simply considered ~bad~ unless it was for reproduction. Now, everyone is walking around saying how 'good' and 'natural' it is, while at the same time doing everything they can to remove its true power.

: So now it's had its (female) teeth drawn out and repackaged as a pretty consumer product for men to enjoy. Or maybe something for the whole family to enjoy, an evening at Hooters with the kids watching Daddy drool while Mom's dreaming herself far, far away... Sorry Mom, there's not much for you here.

: Squeeze sex through thousands of years of repression and misogyny and out with a sorry splat comes Hugh Hefner licking his own ass. Yay. Sex(tm) now officially means airbrushed and domesticated young women with robotic stares and servile smiles superglued onto their faces.  Damn the woman who does not smile! Am I the only one feeling horny yet?... Sorry, gotta check my smile... ouch

I can totally understand your perspective. When we grow up, men are conditioned to be just like you describe, as well.. I've lost count of the layers of sexual repression and conditioning that has caused me nothing but pain, guilt and suffering. I remember growing up where all the guys would share their latest conquests and deregatory comments about women and so in. Often I joined in, but my gut was twisting in a big no every time. I've also lost count of the many times I lost incredible oppurtunities for intimacy with girls that I felt very strong attraction for, because she had a bad reputation or any other very silly reasons. Not only did I end up hurting them, but I ended up hurting myself in the process.

In its essence, the Divine Masculine is giving, sharing and incredibly beautiful, but has become distored in to taking and conquering. Caveman mentality prevailing where it really isn't needed.

: Sex today often seems to be some kind of competition -
: who is sexiest, most popular, has had the most lovers, 'scored'
: most, has the most sex toys, done it in most locations/positions etc.

I hear ya!  Just open a newspaper. Looking back through my life, the only thing I really dreamt of was intimacy. We all did the best we could at the time, we didn't know better due to conditioning, etc..

: People (at least men) seem to be most comfortable when sex
: is shallow, unemotional and not too intimate.

That's a media myth just as much as the media myth of the subservient, eager-to-please women who always smile.  Nothing is more unsatisfying, more unfulfilling than shallow, unemotional, unintimate sex.  It's basically like Osho describes it, a sneeze. Sex becomes a relief of tension, not much more. A sexual encounter or masturbation is unlikely to have any deep effect. Sexuality was never comfortable for me either. The idea of performing just made me uncomfortable. I've cleared many layers of "stud" conditioning. Everytime I hear someone say deregatory things about the feminine, or about their own conquests I just sense a low self-esteem and a sense of unfulfillment from that person, mirroring what I've experienced myself.

: 'Sex' today makes you buy Coca-cola. Or a car. Or magazines to show you how to fit the norm, perhaps if you're willing to make the efforteven become a sexual athlete or a male/female heartbreaker/stud... A sexual frequency of 2.3 times a week to go with your 2.1 kids and Volvo... or perhaps one of 5.6 to go with your Ferrari. Never mind the quality of sex,only the quantity counts.

Complete nonsense, isn't it?  Utterly and completly empty and useless. Nothing that we need really, so let's just toss it aside. That's what we do with ad papers that come into the mailbox anyway. Off into the garbage.

: We are said to be living in a 'hedonistic' and 'pleasure-oriented' society, but what we really live in is a status- and consumer-oriented society. It's yoursexual ego that counts, the external achievements of sex, not whatyou are actually feeling/experiencing while having it. Because that can't really be quantified. 'Sex' today is just another thing to put on your CV.

I guess everybody are trying to reinforce their identity one way or the others. Being a good sexual performer with beautiful women/men and going through the checklist of orgasms, exotic locations for sex, and so on.. Well.. it gives many a strengthened sense of self.. Of course it's not real, no more real than the sense of self given by a job, car, or any other personal statistics..  We don't need that one either.  Goddess take this...   Anyone who wants to keep their identity, well, that's up to them. I've noticed that too much belief in statistics will totally throw one out of the now.

: (I am surprised they haven't invented an orgasm-intensity meter yet, so people could compete in this way too). "I scored a 3.2 last night shagging my wife ~and~ the hamster while bungee-jumping balancing two oranges on my head!"

Actually, they have!  There are many many articles in the Swedish tabloids, where 'experts' have graded different levels of orgasms, and how you can do it too.

: ~patriarchy~ (anger rant)

Keep it coming!

: A woman is expected to be 'sexy' while at the same time being
: completely non-threatening sexually. Otherwise he might not get
: it up. (Never mind that you weren't interested anyway)

Funny. Deep inside I always wanted a sexually agressive woman, but every time I attracted one, I ran the other way.. Or at least ran from the situation..  I was at the disco once and walked up to a girl and started talking to her, I asked her what she was up to. She looked right into my eyes and told me she was here for sex. Despite that that was I was looking for too, the sexual directness took me completely off guard and I was scared.

I once had an encounter with a girl I picked up at a hamburger restaurant who followed me home.  She was a "nympho", and directly started to ask me what kind of sexual things I wanted to do, and eventually lost patience and started tearing her clothes off, screaming to be taken.  That freaked me out too, despite it was exactly what I wanted deep down!

Some sort of conditioning held me back from enjoying something with someone who was very directly and clearly asking for just the same thing!  And it still does, but thanks to an absolutely wonderful partner, it's something that's dissolving.

: A woman's sexuality is not to be defined by her own feelings and
: desires, but by how she fits in with male projections. A woman's
: sexual performance in the eyes of men is considered to be her sexuality as such.

And at the same time, women are helping to keep this illusion alive. Men project, and the women project back in an ever harmful circle that distorts the feminine and masculine alike. Have you noticed that due to this overlay, how women are trying to be masculine too?  Especially in the job sector. Women dress like men, conquer like men, and so on.  Condolezza Rice often gave me that impression.

: Only young and/or sexually attractive women are expected to even
: have a sexuality.

Yeah. It's been a lot worse though, and it still is in many developing countries where girls are married off at the age of 12 to a man who is 60 years old, whether she asks for it or not, or where in some places in Africa, they flatten the girls breasts with hot rocks, so they will not attract any men. The last 20 years or so, even older women have started to talk openly about their sexuality.

As bizarre as it may seem, tabloids are often a reflection of changes in sexual attitudes. Even homosexuals speak openly about their relationships now.

Men project this idea that women have to be young, slim and so on, and the women reflect it back by trying to live up to it. Another of those karmic circles. All we have to do is to step off the carouselle. Women and men alike.

: A man will tell his teenage daughter to not go out dressed
: 'too sexy' or she might 'get in trouble'. Later at night, the
: same man will jerk  off to porn movies featuring women the
: same age as his daughter - apparently not having any problem
: whatsoever with (what he imagines to be) their sexuality.¨

Yeah!  Maybe that's how the polarities and shadow works, for example in this man.. I mean, any society that has moral condemnation expressed, is bound to have a shadow side to it, a polar opposite.  Like the pious priests and scholars and project stiff moral pointers at people and eventually end up molesting children or other sex scandals. As long as we have moral condemnation of anything sexual, while -at the same time- expecting people to be sexual, we're gonna have a lot of this. I'm realizing that I can be sexual, yet at the same time not be neurotic about it.

: (Makes me want to punch someone... HARD)

There are hooks in dad's garage. A bar of concrete. You could get a punching bag. That would shatter illusions of a placid woman!  

: Then there's the guy who will accuse you of being 'tight' or
: 'repressed' because you're not interested in sleeping with him...
: if you walk away with another guy instead, he would most likely consider you a 'slut'.

How could you not want to tighten up when sex is always such a pain and hassle?  Someone who acts like that is probably not worth sleeping with in the first case, so good riddance. Jealous and egotistic. I've behaved like that too.  Didn't make me or any woman feel good in any way. The stiff, conditioned patriarchy is hurting the men as well. Something feels very out of tune, very unfulfilled.

: Men refusing to take responsibility for their own actions due
: to their own sexual reactions to women (ie blaming rape on the victim)

Yeah.  Especially in fundamentalist states. The woman can be stoned to death for being raped.

: And the idea that if a man doesn't have access to a vagina as soon as his balls fill up, this can cause severe trauma (hopefully brain damage), and a woman in a relationship with him, of course has the duty and responsibility to provide this. If not, she is being unloving/castrating or maybe even not sexual enough (on demand)

That's just the Shakti flow living only in the lower chakras, which is still the case for the majority. Sexual energy builds up and the animal kingdom takes over. Procreate..  Maybe living as far as the second chakra and it becomes an outlet for pleasure. Most women have more open heart chakras than men, in general, and better connection between the polar opposites. When we are awakened and grounded, our tendencies to do abusive things (or accept abusive things coming our way) decrease radically. Our energies are more free and open to express themselves in a multitude of ways.

During the early part of my awakening when Shakti was stirring in the root chakra, I had a year or so of some very, very disturbing sexual energies, it was intense and nearly unbearable.

It seems to me that men and women in our society often live from different chakra dimensions and place a difference lens on each other.. Most men are still living in the animal realm, and it's distorted, so we end up fearing it when we become "spiritual" That's something that Shakti tries to work out when she comes back down from the higher centers with insights, into the lower centers.

Not expecting you to agree or disagree with anything.. Just reading your post and responding with whatever comes through spontaneously at the moment. Goddess eats anything we write here!

Good to see you angry 'sis!  Goddess knows for how long you've kept all these things inside.

: It's not even a men's world anymore, it's a boys' world...

Eckhart Tolle said. "The world is insane. Well, maybe not completely insane, but maybe... 90% insane"

My understanding is that we have two choices. We can keep contributing to this insanity, or we can detract from it, by stepping out of it.

I'm stepping out of the insanity.

:
: ~personal~

: I've always had this vision deep in my heart that sex could
: be sacred, that this is how I wanted it to be. Unfortunately,
: I have never really been able to manifest this vision with a partner,like I wanted to. Actually, I haven't even been close.

Do you believe this vision? And have you asked Goddess to take anything that keeps you from realizing it?  And even this, surrender the vision itself, and see what comes back!

: Oh, I'm fully 'functional' with orgasms and all the bells and whistlesand whatnot. It's just that it gets so boring after a while. Just repeating thissame thing over and over, and every time it becomes more mechanical and less intimate. Boring and sad. I get especially turned off when it starts to feel like a duty. I start asking myself why I am wasting my time.

: The boringness and shallowness make me long for something else all the more.It makes me want to run away in horror. I'd gladly trade 10 years of regular balls-maintenance sex for one or two times of high quality, meld-with my beloved soul-sex.

: Actually, I'd PAY you to get rid of it.

: I have a right to a preference, don't I?

: So.. I am going for a holiday... With someone really special, to clear out all this stuff and find out what it's ~really about~. A trip that is long overdue. Actually, I already left a while ago. I've just been a little too... busy to send out the postcards. So many new things to see.

: It's ok to check out for a while, isn't it? I have to get away from the insanity. Because insanity it is.

: Don't know when I'm coming back... maybe never... probably as a different person.

: Sorry... for being inconvenient

You don't have to apologize for anything here. Not for being here, and not for when you are not here either.  

Thanks for sharing. I've found that reading and responding is doing a round of karma-sweeping for me as well.

Namaste 'sis!

'bro Gustaf

[Ylva]

Hi Gustaf, thanks for answering!

It seems like you have been taking your time and put some thought into your post, so I will take my time reading it before I reply to your specifics.

I will be away from Wednesday to Sunday, going to a music festival here in Sweden, doing some promotion for my website. And having fun too, hopefully!

Skimming through though, I am happy to see that at least my own anger hasn't caused the punishing explosion of reactive anger that I was afraid might come from my brother(!) I don't hate men, but I do hate all this stuff, programming, whatever. Hoping no one will take it personally, although I realize that may not be my problem.

I don't know whether it's Kundalini or not, but a lot of stuff has started to come up since about last October. I knew this course would probably lead to even more stuff coming up for clearing. But that is all good and well. I have asked for it so I will not try to resist it.

Kind of feel like I'm vomiting all over the boards. But toxic stuff will have to come out somehow. After my initial post, things have been starting to move at least. It feels like it helps to name and identify everything I need to clear out also. Instead of just having this vague feeling of uncomfortablesness like I've always had, and feeling powerless because you don't even know what it is.

Anyway, thanks and hugs,

Ylva

[Gustaf]

Hi Ylva!

Any reactivity on my part would just be on behalf of my ego. Whenever that arises here it usually burns, too.

This is a safe space! Just hang in there and keep posting, and enjoy the festival.

Love
Gustaf

: Hi Gustaf, thanks for answering!

: It seems like you have been taking your time and put some thought into your post, so I will take my time reading it before I reply to your specifics.

: I will be away from Wednesday to Sunday, going to a music festival here in Sweden, doing some promotion for my website. And having fun too, hopefully!

: Skimming through though, I am happy to see that at least my own anger hasn't caused the punishing explosion of reactive anger that I was afraid might come from my brother(!) I don't hate men, but I do hate all this stuff, programming, whatever. Hoping no one will take it personally, although I realize that may not be my problem.

: I don't know whether it's Kundalini or not, but a lot of stuff has started to come up since about last October. I knew this course would probably lead to even more stuff coming up for clearing. But that is all good and well. I have asked for it so I will not try to resist it.

: Kind of feel like I'm vomiting all over the boards. But toxic stuff will have to come out somehow. After my initial post, things have been starting to move at least. It feels like it helps to name and identify everything I need to clear out also. Instead of just having this vague feeling of uncomfortablesness like I've always had, and feeling powerless because you don't even know what it is.

: Anyway, thanks and hugs,

: Ylva

[juergen]

: No I haven't been sexually abused... Just emotionally messed up.

: I just think it's pretty difficult to be a woman today and come through your teens with a healthy sexuality centered in your ~own being~ This is how i define a healthy sexuality. I think society in general defines it as 'puts out appropriately and on schedule but no more and according to the rules).

: I spent my teens just trying to handle all the contradictory messages that were bombarding me from all angles. Things that had nothing to do with me and my own inner feelings. Luckily for me, I was somewhat in touch with my anger and managed to shield off and keep some kind of core of sanity inside. But it was tough, and still is.

: I get angry when someone says 'to enjoy sex'. Because I am hearing 'to enjoy sex for them, ~on their terms~, on their schedule, etc'. Like it's not my own business what and when and how I enjoy.

: It fells kinda like the idea is to keep female sexuality confined but in such a way that it's still available - on tap. Like keeping lions in a cage and throwing them a few bones now and then. Wait until they get out and bite your head off.

: All this talk about 'witholding sex' like it's something that belongs to the world and not to me. If I am enjoying myself on my own without a partner, I feel like I am just being selfish.

: Depriving The World of Pussy - the ultimate sin?

: I'm reevaluating whether I should even be with a partner anyore, because I just feel so overwhelmed with all this emotional baggage and anger but also with their expectations and ideas and projections on me.

: I just don't want anymore energies from other people... I really crave aloneness... being able to breathe. Not sure I understand why, but it's really strong right now.

: ------------------
: : Ok so I have a lot of anger... don't know what to do with it really. In the past I would just end up beating up myself with it or I get depressed. And then I get angry at myself for doing this.

: : I don't feel my anger is acceptable. And that makes me even more angry!

: : I usually keep the lid on it, because if I open it I have no idea how much is going to come out! Not sure I will be able to handle it.

[juergen]

: No I haven't been sexually abused... Just emotionally messed up.

: I just think it's pretty difficult to be a woman today and come through your teens with a healthy sexuality centered in your ~own being~ This is how i define a healthy sexuality. I think society in general defines it as 'puts out appropriately and on schedule but no more and according to the rules).

: I spent my teens just trying to handle all the contradictory messages that were bombarding me from all angles. Things that had nothing to do with me and my own inner feelings. Luckily for me, I was somewhat in touch with my anger and managed to shield off and keep some kind of core of sanity inside. But it was tough, and still is.

: I get angry when someone says 'to enjoy sex'. Because I am hearing 'to enjoy sex for them, ~on their terms~, on their schedule, etc'. Like it's not my own business what and when and how I enjoy.

: It fells kinda like the idea is to keep female sexuality confined but in such a way that it's still available - on tap. Like keeping lions in a cage and throwing them a few bones now and then. Wait until they get out and bite your head off.

: All this talk about 'witholding sex' like it's something that belongs to the world and not to me. If I am enjoying myself on my own without a partner, I feel like I am just being selfish.

: Depriving The World of Pussy - the ultimate sin?

: I'm reevaluating whether I should even be with a partner anyore, because I just feel so overwhelmed with all this emotional baggage and anger but also with their expectations and ideas and projections on me.

: I just don't want anymore energies from other people... I really crave aloneness... being able to breathe. Not sure I understand why, but it's really strong right now.

: ------------------
: : Ok so I have a lot of anger... don't know what to do with it really. In the past I would just end up beating up myself with it or I get depressed. And then I get angry at myself for doing this.

: : I don't feel my anger is acceptable. And that makes me even more angry!

: : I usually keep the lid on it, because if I open it I have no idea how much is going to come out! Not sure I will be able to handle it.

Oh, sorry! My other post was just a "Test", so here we go:

Hi, Ylva, have read your posts with great pleasure, they are a fresh wind in here! Let me a little comment on this:

>Luckily for me, I was somewhat in touch with my anger and managed to shield off and keep some kind of core of sanity inside.
-------
Do You know this joke?, a sermon in many bureaus: "You don't need to be crazy to work here, but it certainly helps".
Such a bureau i want to use as an allegory for the insane world; it simply says: the crazy suffer less.
Or turned consistantly: The non-crazy suffer more!
It seems to be a problem of many of us, and partly this is a comfort.
Interesting is Your remark, that You managed to shield off, because that seems the best answer: to develop strategies.
The crazy who suffer less or not at all need no strategies, at least not at that point. So Providence provides them a world of their own, with an extra dose of insanity, 'till they also begin to suffer and develop their own strategies.
So "crazy" is relative, from my own point the crazy is always, who doesn't perceive the insane world like i do(and suffer accordingly).
As long as two persons suffer differently, Goddess confronts them with different insanities(horror-bureaus,families,countries...).
But what is all behind this, what is the benefit in suffering and insanities?
Well, i see all these insanities, contradictions in itself, and so on, confronting us, as vicious circuits, where our own stupidity plays a certain role, but no one is easily accepting that. However, we're much more susceptible to anger, mean people, damage and the like, so this comes in to make us make some suitable choices to break these vicious circuits. Let us make the necessary departures, prepare new arrivals.
There is a method of God's winepress, or something like that, in John's Apocalypse, which i think wants to say it just in other words.

After arriving at a better place and looking back, we might not only see the annoyances, but also the stupidness in those circuits, where we were integrated to some degree or thought we need to belong to. So annoyances help for insights. We seem to need them.

Now there is chiefly a strong patriarchal component in Your "rants".
And You can believe it, that i'm sharing Your whole attitude greatly, as a male.
But it's also quite useless, while condoling with women upon phallo-horrors, to make an impression, as if the woman is only the victim and the male has it all in his hands.
First, these horrors do really exist, and not only in far remote countries, remote in distance and culture; no glossing overs here.
Second, based on human special conditions(Technology), bull-force is not such an issue of control like in other species, on the contrary, to this date all species of muscular superiority, are now under human control, and along this thoughtline there is no need to conclude by the "bull-force"-argument, that men should rule women.
Third, from conception, this tantra is a female dominant tantra(i think not all tantras are female dominant). I haven't got it totally clear why and how this exactly will show up, but am confident, that with growing faith insights will grow along.
For the moment i only have the vague idea, that before awakening, men have the advantage, but after awakening women do prevail(awakened women over awakened men.)
Some women and men arrange with patriarchy, some don't, and while Goddess uses patriarchy as Her winepress, more and more are running away from the horror they just recently supported or tolerated, so maybe no one is to blame and everything turns out good: former evil machos become good slaves to enlightened women, women who expressed much crap in their basically superior brains in an attempt to play along, maybe as a mother for her husband's sons, will switch that same brain into femdom mode.
More details aren't yet enough matured.

Is this mere fantasy-bs, or do You, and others find some grain of sense in it?

[Mystress]

What an interesting thread!

: : Lesson 2/3 Matriarchy/Sacred sexuality

: : I'm looking at these 2 lessons at the same time.

: : I have a lot of these issues coming up right now. I thought
: : I had put the anger of my teens behind me somehow, but it has
: : become apparent that it was only shuffled away.

: : So here comes the rant... enjoy

: : Yay, a rant!

Let 'er rip!
: : ------------------------------------------------------------

: : ~society~

: : Ok, we are coming out of a past where sex (or rather female sexuality)was simply considered ~bad~ unless it was for reproduction. Now, everyone is walking around saying how 'good' and 'natural' it is, while at the same time doing everything they can to remove its true power.

Now tell me what you believe the true power to be? What is the true power of female sexuality?

: : So now it's had its (female) teeth drawn out

If it could be made powerless so easily then it would not truly be power.  Yeah, women get programmed by culture. Men do too.

: and repackaged as a pretty consumer product for men to enjoy. Or maybe something for the whole family to enjoy, an evening at Hooters with the kids watching Daddy drool while Mom's dreaming herself far, far away... Sorry Mom, there's not much for you here.

Unless Mom is bisexual. I appreciate beauty in either gender. You are beautiful.

 The power of feminine beauty is a force of nature. Give up the fight against it and count your blessings to have that power for yourself.

  In Amsterdam, I had a moment of feminist despair/disgust at seeing women displaying themselves in the windows of the red light district... like they are a handbag, or a pair of shoes.
 When I moved through that initial reaction, my own dominant reaction from my male side made my mouth water with lust at their openly receptive  sexuality and wanton knowledge of the power of their beauty. Slave grrls are yumminess to my sexual orientation... but beyond the appearance of submission was the reality, these were not slave grrls but Goddesses. They are women who are consciously using the power of beauty to meet their personal needs and mantain social balance, and I openly admire that.  

  I went into a leather store and met the owner's Mom. So proud of her daughter who had her own line of fetish gear and videos that she starred in.  I told her I was delighted to know of a woman successful in the porn industry as a CEO and not just a model or actress hired by men. Salut!

 You are not angry at the Men, Yvla. You are angry at yourself for buying into the cinderella programming and making it more important than following your own bliss, into fulfillment.
 Young women do not understand their own power, and complain of the advances that are the evidence of it impacting other people.  

: : Squeeze sex through thousands of years of repression and misogyny and out with a sorry splat comes Hugh Hefner licking his own ass.

I like Hugh Hefner.  

:: Yay. Sex(tm) now officially means airbrushed and domesticated young women with robotic stares and servile smiles superglued onto their faces.  

Heh.

:Damn the woman who does not smile!

LOL! A domina is supposed to look forbidding and scary... I tend to laugh a lot. I see plenty of unsmiling models in magazines... all kinds of magazines.

:Am I the only one feeling horny yet?... Sorry, gotta check my smile... ouch

: I can totally understand your perspective. When we grow up, men are conditioned to be just like you describe, as well.. I've lost count of the layers of sexual repression and conditioning that has caused me nothing but pain, guilt and suffering. I remember growing up where all the guys would share their latest conquests and deregatory comments about women and so in.

and what few people realize is that it is only the young men's fear speaking. They are helpless before their bodies reaction to female beauty. Goddess did it. The irresistable impetus of hormones, they cannot control how their bodies respond to women and they know the women have all the power, that awful power to reject or accept their offerings.

 I have known men who were so angry at their helplessness in the face of their bodies needs that they wanted to be castrated to be set free. Young men, especially. The sexual peak may be at 18 but they don't stop growing physically until the early 20's, and the hormones don't begin to calm down until the 30's.

 Women get angry because they expect men to be women with penises. They don't look past their anger to really examine men for who and what they really are.

 Women get angry because they don't understand that all the patriarchal noise is because Pussy rules the world, and always has.

 Women have always known this, until feminism came along and women stopped going to the tea parties and quilting circles of their grandmothers.  The descent of women's wisdom, women's mysteries was interrupted for several generations. I'm going to write a book on the selection, care and training of husbands.  

: Often I joined in, but my gut was twisting in a big no every time. I've also lost count of the many times I lost incredible oppurtunities for intimacy with girls that I felt very strong attraction for, because she had a bad reputation or any other very silly reasons. Not only did I end up hurting them, but I ended up hurting myself in the process.

Women are terrifying to men, sexual women even more so because they are aware of the power of their beauty.

: In its essence, the Divine Masculine is giving, sharing and incredibly beautiful, but has become distored in to taking and conquering. Caveman mentality prevailing where it really isn't needed.

The conquering mentality is Nature, too. Women choose aggressive men over passive ones, more often than not. Aggressive men will be aggressive in competing and providing for the progeny. They want a strong spirited horse to pull their chariot. One who will fight for them, if fighting is required.

 Men bitch about women who look for the Rolex and the fancy car. Tough shit, that is nature. It is a primal question - have you the resources and energy to provide for what may result if the women opens her legs and lets the swimmers in?  Do you have the DNA worthy of her egg and lifetime childcare committment?

  A bird might look at how well feathered the nest is too, a fem seal will only mate with the one who has proven himself the strongest and toughest, because only that one is worthy to breed with.

 Men will always eye youth and curves, because Nature whispers the evidence of their ripeness and fertility. Flat bellies vanish and breasts sag with the first pregnancy. Sperm's divining rod hardens and points in the direction of maximum reporductive potential, especially in the teens and twenties when DNA is fresh, and hormones are strong.

 When men get older, after the hormones ease off and they get to have a brain again,  they get better. My druid made me laugh this morning with a story... he woke in the night and watched TV... all the late night ads with the ripe young women inviting you to call their chatline and talk to them. he said the women were all very beautiful but not a single one of them looked like someone he could imagine having an interesting conversation with...  

: : Sex today often seems to be some kind of competition -
: : who is sexiest, most popular, has had the most lovers, 'scored'
: : most, has the most sex toys, done it in most locations/positions etc.

So what?  Yvla, you are a grown woman, what do these adolescent competitions have to do with you?  

: I hear ya!  Just open a newspaper. Looking back through my life, the only thing I really dreamt of was intimacy. We all did the best we could at the time, we didn't know better due to conditioning, etc..

Yesssssssss... and the male need for intimacy, union with the feminine is even more terrifying to him than the biology.  

: : People (at least men) seem to be most comfortable when sex
: : is shallow, unemotional and not too intimate.

: That's a media myth just as much as the media myth of the subservient, eager-to-please women who always smile.  Nothing is more unsatisfying, more unfulfilling than shallow, unemotional, unintimate sex.  It's basically like Osho describes it, a sneeze. Sex becomes a relief of tension, not much more. A sexual encounter or masturbation is unlikely to have any deep effect. Sexuality was never comfortable for me either. The idea of performing just made me uncomfortable. I've cleared many layers of "stud" conditioning. Everytime I hear someone say deregatory things about the feminine, or about their own conquests I just sense a low self-esteem and a sense of unfulfillment from that person, mirroring what I've experienced myself.

You threw the baby out with the bathwater. All acts of love and pleasure serve the Goddess. Who decides whether sex will be intimate? You are a psychic, intuitive empath, there is no greater intimacy than that. Better if your lover is also empathic, but the higher level communication happens whether they are aware of it or not.

 For me, a limit is that I need someone who can handle the intensity of my pleasure without frying like an ant under a magnifying glass. With empathy, their energy limitations become my own and I simply cannot take them with me, to the vibration I desire to attain.  

:
: : 'Sex' today makes you buy Coca-cola. Or a car. Or magazines to show you how to fit the norm, perhaps if you're willing to make the efforteven become a sexual athlete or a male/female heartbreaker/stud...

It is really good that this stuff is coming up and out because you two are spewing some really strange ideas. Did it never occur to you to become a sexual athelete for your *own* pleasure?

 Why was I walking around Stockholm with a stone egg up my yoni? Primarily, for my own pleasure and to become a better sexual athlete, which is also for my own pleasure.

 That it helped to burn off some second chakra blockages from karma I picked up was secondary, the karma yoga helped to enhance my own reawakening sex drive.

If the muscles in my yoni can play my lover's organ like a flute, then not only can I manipulate it for better contact with my own G-spot, but I get to share his pleasure with empathy, and he shares mine. There is no where to go but up.

 One of my lovers was telling me recently that some women really do just lie there and expect the man to do everything... then complain they are not satisfied.

 Mark Twain said that any one woman can wear out any ten men, sexually. Personally, I am looking for ten men to test this idea myself... So far I have only experienced wearing out two or three men... the point is, expecting one man to be able to fully satisfy a sexual woman is expecting too much of the poor dears.  You have to take your sexual satisfaction into your own hands.

 At the very least, take some time to preheat the oven before you put the meat in!

 If my shower tantra makes the lights flicker and sparks a thunderstorm, that too is for my own pleasure... acts of love and pleasure serve.  

:: A sexual frequency of 2.3 times a week to go with your 2.1 kids and Volvo... or perhaps one of 5.6 to go with your Ferrari. Never mind the quality of sex,only the quantity counts.

: Complete nonsense, isn't it?  Utterly and completly empty and useless. Nothing that we need really, so let's just toss it aside. That's what we do with ad papers that come into the mailbox anyway. Off into the garbage.

: : We are said to be living in a 'hedonistic' and 'pleasure-oriented' society, but what we really live in is a status- and consumer-oriented society.

I live a hedonistic lifestyle. I don't much care about what society thinks about it.
: : ~patriarchy~ (anger rant)

: Keep it coming!

: : A woman is expected to be 'sexy' while at the same time being
: : completely non-threatening sexually. Otherwise he might not get
: : it up. (Never mind that you weren't interested anyway)

Women are terrifying to men, that's life. I have one lover who took a decade and a blue pill to finally be able to maintain an erection with me. I did not mind, he was a fantastic tantra partner anyhow because of his lust for me and his knowledge of energy... he was pivotal in reawakening my own sexuality six months ago... and now he is even better! I've nicknamed him "the Bull."
 I have a kink for provoking lust in men, to a degree where they forget they are even human and become mindless rutting beasts. I find the energy of that singleminded animal lust to be delicious.

: Funny. Deep inside I always wanted a sexually agressive woman, but every time I attracted one, I ran the other way.. Or at least ran from the situation..  I was at the disco once and walked up to a girl and started talking to her, I asked her what she was up to. She looked right into my eyes and told me she was here for sex. Despite that that was I was looking for too, the sexual directness took me completely off guard and I was scared.

: I once had an encounter with a girl I picked up at a hamburger restaurant who followed me home.  She was a "nympho", and directly started to ask me what kind of sexual things I wanted to do, and eventually lost patience and started tearing her clothes off, screaming to be taken.  That freaked me out too, despite it was exactly what I wanted deep down!

Vagina Dentata. Pussy with teeth. Men fear being devoured by female sexual hunger, the Kali in all women.

: Some sort of conditioning held me back from enjoying something with someone who was very directly and clearly asking for just the same thing!  And it still does, but thanks to an absolutely wonderful partner, it's something that's dissolving.

Yay!

: : A woman's sexuality is not to be defined by her own feelings and
: : desires, but by how she fits in with male projections. A woman's
: : sexual performance in the eyes of men is considered to be her sexuality as such.

Still wondering where you get some of these wierd ideas... good thing they are being released!
 For perspective though... I am a guy in a fem body so I see both sides of the fence.

: And at the same time, women are helping to keep this illusion alive. Men project, and the women project back in an ever harmful circle that distorts the feminine and masculine alike. Have you noticed that due to this overlay, how women are trying to be masculine too?  Especially in the job sector. Women dress like men, conquer like men, and so on.  Condolezza Rice often gave me that impression.

It is the loss of Grandmother wisdom, women don't know their own power. However, given that men have two heads and only blood enough for one at a time, not distracting a co-worker with sexuality is a kindness.

: : Only young and/or sexually attractive women are expected to even
: : have a sexuality.

: Yeah. It's been a lot worse though, and it still is in many developing countries where girls are married off at the age of 12 to a man who is 60 years old, whether she asks for it or not, or where in some places in Africa, they flatten the girls breasts with hot rocks, so they will not attract any men. The last 20 years or so, even older women have started to talk openly about their sexuality.

I saw a show on TV a while ago about the situation in India. For more than a generation men have pressured women to abort or abandon female babies in favour of sons... and now their sons have no-one to marry and are often suicidal. These people are headed for extinction through their having devalued the feminine. I predict that Indian society will have a huge matriarchal swing to a nearly female dominant culture, within a generation.

 Africa is being wiped out by AIDS... I'm not racist, I am not happy that these cultures are facing extinction, but from the Witness I see that they reap what they have sown, and that is a prescription for positive change.

 Gender balance is a force of nature, and it is not a survival strategy to mess with it. Nature always wins, whether it takes a year or many generations.

: As bizarre as it may seem, tabloids are often a reflection of changes in sexual attitudes. Even homosexuals speak openly about their relationships now.

: Men project this idea that women have to be young, slim and so on, and the women reflect it back by trying to live up to it.

Let go of that stuff... it is nature, the biological sign of fertility. Men wise up once the hormones calm down and they get their brain back. Some men wise up sooner... and some remain eternally adolescent!  

:Another of those karmic circles. All we have to do is to step off the carouselle. Women and men alike.

: : A man will tell his teenage daughter to not go out dressed
: : 'too sexy' or she might 'get in trouble'. Later at night, the
: : same man will jerk  off to porn movies featuring women the
: : same age as his daughter - apparently not having any problem
: : whatsoever with (what he imagines to be) their sexuality.¨

: Yeah!  Maybe that's how the polarities and shadow works, for example in this man.. I mean, any society that has moral condemnation expressed, is bound to have a shadow side to it, a polar opposite.  Like the pious priests and scholars and project stiff moral pointers at people and eventually end up molesting children or other sex scandals. As long as we have moral condemnation of anything sexual, while -at the same time- expecting people to be sexual, we're gonna have a lot of this. I'm realizing that I can be sexual, yet at the same time not be neurotic about it.

Sex is a natural thing, and nature always wins... whether it takes one generation or dozens. What is repressed, comes up ugly.

: : (Makes me want to punch someone... HARD)

: There are hooks in dad's garage. A bar of concrete. You could get a punching bag. That would shatter illusions of a placid woman!  

It is really cool to read a conversation between siblings in the tea room. Usually it is a gathering of strangers.
 Yeah, release this anger, Yvla. Anger is a passionate emotion, it is not the opposite of love. You cannot get angry unless you care... however, anger is not really a place of strength, it only feels like one, at the time.

 Release it, move past it and look again? Why get angry at a game you are winning? You are young and slim with a flat belly and a beautiful  manifestation of what society desires. You are also smart, motivated and K awakened.

 I'm not flirting, I am sharing with you what I figured out for myself more than a decade ago, when I stopped fighting what IS and decided to make the best use of the power of the assets Goddess gave me. My Pro-Dom days, my weight and measurements were exactly those of a typical "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit model, and I strolled around in stiletto boots sparking and feeding on the worship, lust and adoration. Using that energy for my own purposes. Growing into a woman of power on all other levels, growing confidence and wisdom.

: : Then there's the guy who will accuse you of being 'tight' or
: : 'repressed' because you're not interested in sleeping with him...
: : if you walk away with another guy instead, he would most likely consider you a 'slut'.

Hahahaha!! There is an old joke told among women of power. What is the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut sleeps with everybody, and a bitch sleeps with everybody but you.
 A feminist observed that she gets called a bitch whenever she acts in ways that demonstrate she is not a doormat. The B-word makes me laugh, because when I hear it, it means someone is angry at the power I have over them. Instant win for me, in their win/lose world.

: How could you not want to tighten up when sex is always such a pain and hassle?  Someone who acts like that is probably not worth sleeping with in the first case, so good riddance.

Well, duh! Isn't it wonderful to have such a clear "asshole detector" to know who is not worthy of your attention?

:Jealous and egotistic. I've behaved like that too.  Didn't make me or any woman feel good in any way. The stiff, conditioned patriarchy is hurting the men as well. Something feels very out of tune, very unfulfilled.

The most empowering and fulfilling experience a het man can have, is to feel loved and accepted by the open arms and open legs of a loving woman, to lose himself in that, and in the moment of orgasm, to touch the Void. That experience makes him whole and gives him strength like no other. It is his need for that, and the painful vulnerability to rejection he feels that makes him go crazy with repressing it and turning against the feminine.

: : Men refusing to take responsibility for their own actions due
: : to their own sexual reactions to women (ie blaming rape on the victim)

The temples to Aphrodite and other love Goddesses served an important function in ancient societies, as a safety valve for male energy. Men go bad and rape out of rage at rejection. Any man could go to the temple to make an offering, and have it received by a Priestess. After sex, men are tired and women are more alive... he has given part of his life force, and also some of his karma.  

: Yeah.  Especially in fundamentalist states. The woman can be stoned to death for being raped.

It is extreme, but some of it makes sense when you understand that the women are veiled in black just like the Shrine at Mecca, because both are temples of the sacred.

: : And the idea that if a man doesn't have access to a vagina as soon as his balls fill up, this can cause severe trauma (hopefully brain damage), and a woman in a relationship with him, of course has the duty and responsibility to provide this. If not, she is being unloving/castrating or maybe even not sexual enough (on demand)

Man's need for a women is primal and fundamental. The woman has all the power in the relationship, and can use sex to train a man as easily as biscuits for a puppy.  Women complain that there are no good men anymore... but good men are the products of feminine training, and always have been.  Women burned their bras, castrated the men and stopped doing their job of training and civilizing, nurturing men to be good husbands and lovers.  
 All pubescent girls go through a nurturing phase of fascination with puppies or ponies... and it is nature teaching them how to handle men! How to care for, train and manage big strong creatures that cannot talk about how they feel.

 and while the idea of being treated like a horse or a dog might be degrading to a man, it is a relief of freedom compared to being expected to understand and follow a woman's thoughts and emotions and respond like another woman would.

 Goddess given men limits when she makes the fetus male. Switches off the gene that allows women to pick up social skills as easily as they pick up language... disables the language center  on the emotional side of the brain altogether, and the male cerebral cortex that joins the two halves of the brain is half the size of a woman's. The language and emotions cannot operate together as a woman can.
 There are some things men cannot do very well, and women err in expecting them to be able to... while rejecting the ability Goddess gives them instead. Drawing down the moon. When a man projects the Goddess onto a woman, she becomes that... gets to experience herself as that, and he gets to be with a Goddess... and become a God. He does this, with his desire... the woman who rejects the energy of desire does not understand what she is being given.  

: That's just the Shakti flow living only in the lower chakras, which is still the case for the majority. Sexual energy builds up and the animal kingdom takes over.

Yummy.  All acts of love and pleasure serve.

:Procreate..

Not today.

: Maybe living as far as the second chakra and it becomes an outlet for pleasure. Most women have more open heart chakras than men, in general, and better connection between the polar opposites. When we are awakened and grounded, our tendencies to do abusive things (or accept abusive things coming our way) decrease radically. Our energies are more free and open to express themselves in a multitude of ways.

: During the early part of my awakening when Shakti was stirring in the root chakra, I had a year or so of some very, very disturbing sexual energies, it was intense and nearly unbearable.

: It seems to me that men and women in our society often live from different chakra dimensions and place a difference lens on each other.. Most men are still living in the animal realm, and it's distorted, so we end up fearing it when we become "spiritual" That's something that Shakti tries to work out when she comes back down from the higher centers with insights, into the lower centers.

Men and women are different. Talking about feelings, is foreplay to women. Whereas feeling desire is foreplay to men. Feeling is more important to men, than talking about feelings. Men potentially have even greater range of emotional expression, but a narrower opening to express it, which is why there are many great male artists expressing feelings in non-verbal ways.  

: : I've always had this vision deep in my heart that sex could
: : be sacred, that this is how I wanted it to be. Unfortunately,
: : I have never really been able to manifest this vision with a partner,like I wanted to. Actually, I haven't even been close.

: Do you believe this vision? And have you asked Goddess to take anything that keeps you from realizing it?  And even this, surrender the vision itself, and see what comes back!

Everything is sacred, if your eyes are opened to see it.

: : Actually, I'd PAY you to get rid of it.

: : I have a right to a preference, don't I?

: : So.. I am going for a holiday... With someone really special, to clear out all this stuff and find out what it's ~really about~. A trip that is long overdue. Actually, I already left a while ago. I've just been a little too... busy to send out the postcards. So many new things to see.

: : It's ok to check out for a while, isn't it? I have to get away from the insanity. Because insanity it is.

: : Don't know when I'm coming back... maybe never... probably as a different person.

: : Sorry... for being inconvenient

You are very funny.  I find rants are comedic... long overdue for you to celebrate your own sexuality, for yourself. Yay! Blessings...

[Vyana]

Wow! This thread made me somewhat confused at first. I never had any strong reactions to these lessons when I first took them. It all just seemed so obvious. Not much to talk about, actually. Basically, I have always adored women and spontaneously perceived sexuality as something very positive and even sacred (although I did not use that word).

One thing is, I don%rsquot share Mystress%rsquo view on men %ndash at least, I don%rsquot think I am like that %ndash but personally I have always perceived women as more interesting and I also perceive a great portion of humor behind some of her statements.

The distinction between patriarchy and matriarchy I don%rsquot perceive as very important today, as I believe they will eventually merge into something different and hopefully better. In my secular country, feminism is actually the closest we have to a state religion. Still a firmly established patriarchal culture prevails in great parts of society. But in the area to which I am most closely connected feminism is really put (or even forced) into reality. The short time result of this is to some degree crazy.

For instance, at least some women have very much higher wages than more qualified men (in an environment where women where already at least equally paid a campaign for equal payment resulted in that). Women are also often preferred for employment and assignments. Women with bad qualifications are actually sometimes preferred before highly qualified men. As there is supposed to be an equal number of men and women in all important committees in different areas, a very limited number of women (often just one) participate in them all, while most men are excluded. But the worse surprise is actually the female managers. I thought women would make good bosses, if they managed to keep up the necessary standards of integrity and objectivity and add some mature female empathy and understanding of how people function. A few of them seem to manage that and are good, but too may expose an extreme degree of selfishness and immaturity that a male manager would not get away with for a week. They seem to be obsessed by power and by their personal career and they choose to adopt the worse qualities of male management and add to it the worse female qualities. However, I am not really engaged, and I suppose something good might come from this over time. Anyway, an established, mature and smoothly working paternalistic structure is by far better than a newly established, immature matriarchal structure, and that goes equally for men and women.

As I said before, I did not perceive any problems with these lessons when I first read them. Then, when I read this wonderful %ldquorant%rdquo I did not really recognize parts of the world in which it was written. Then I thought I had missed something important. It is very reassuring to se that Mystress makes very similiar comments on most paragraphs that I would have done, had I dared to, only that she is much more straightforward than what I would have been. I might disagree only in some details, which I perceive as less important.

But there is something in this that triggers my power chakra blockages anyhow. Ylva complains, with all right I suppose, on what she seems to perceive as superficial sex. Gustaf remembers being scared by those probably very wonderful women. I remember similar experiences, although my women where more sophisticated and not that straightforward. I have often cut of a relationship at a very early stage, because I just felt in my guts that %ldquothis is not the right women for me%rdquo. This was somewhat confusing. I had decided I would approve to sex without commitments, but for some reason it just did not work. However, I met my wife at 21 and with her there has never been any such problem.

Then, about two weeks ago, I had this experience, where I was kind of offered very emotional and sexual love. Then I perceived it as very beautiful and pleasant, but in the same time kind of emotionally overwhelming (see the thread %ldquoReally strange experience%hellip%rdquo). It was the blockages in my power chakra that was the obstacle for perceiving these feelings to their full extant. Looking back at my experiences of these blockages, the major problems seem to be connected to the first signs of the opening of my heart chakra. As I perceive it, the power chakra blockages somehow are in the way of the communication of energy between the second chakra and the heart chakra.

This makes me think of the Tantra Novum tape on sexual healing where the man is helping the woman to move her sexual energy up into her heart chakra. When the woman is giving healing to the man she, on the other hand, only cares for keeping his erection while his pleasure is elevated without an orgasm. I always wondered why the connection to the man%rsquos heart chakra is neglected. Are men not supposed to make this connection? Maybe the inability to integrate to heart chakra in lovemaking is what Ylva complains on?

This summer has been really wonderful this far and I feel much better than before. Still, there are blockages in my power chakra. However I think that as my heart chakra is growing brighter and the communication between my heart and the second chakra is increasing, the blockages just cannot survive in that environment. Therefore, the will soon dissolve and then just be gone. Then I will be able to feel the sexual and emotional love to its full extent in all those chakras.

[Gustaf]

: Unless Mom is bisexual. I appreciate beauty in either gender. You are beautiful.

:   The power of feminine beauty is a force of nature. Give up the fight against it and count your blessings to have that power for yourself.

:    In Amsterdam, I had a moment of feminist despair/disgust at seeing women displaying themselves in the windows of the red light district... like they are a handbag, or a pair of shoes.
:   When I moved through that initial reaction, my own dominant reaction from my male side made my mouth water with lust at their openly receptive  sexuality and wanton knowledge of the power of their beauty. Slave grrls are yumminess to my sexual orientation... but beyond the appearance of submission was the reality, these were not slave grrls but Goddesses. They are women who are consciously using the power of beauty to meet their personal needs and mantain social balance, and I openly admire that.  

I can feel the pressure of conditioning that admiring feminine beauty, especially in a sexual way is immoral and degrading. It seems like an unecessary struggle. If the feeling is there, it is there, allow it!  Discernment is of course essential, so I don't project sexual fantasies onto someone without her consent and get tangled up in the karma resulting from it.  The idea of admiring feminine beauty, letting sexual impulses be as they are and be appreciated, makes me feel a whole lot less tense about it. It gives me a sensation starting in the sex center and then in all the other centers as well.  My heartvoice tells me I won't do anything that will cause harm to myself or anybody else. Without the inner guidance I could, but I can definitely let that butt-stick be removed. It's fear of control and fear of bliss alike. Most clearly all of this is reflected in my relationship with Wife. She mirrors back to me so clearly where my hangups are. We watched a movie the other day, called "Law of Attraction", made by the same people as "What the Bleep"  Quite a great flick!  They were talking about our internal guidance system, and how it so simply guides us to follow our bliss, and to not spend so much time focusing on what we don't want, but what we really want (following our bliss) Funny, I have been focusing so much on the aspects of sexuality that I -don't- want, as issues, problems or whatever, rather than just dropping it and looking where the real joy and bliss is, regardless of whether it is seen as moral, immoral or conditioned or whatever. Sexual energy is so powerful, It'll take me far beyond laughing very loudly at trainstations pinned and tickled mercilessly by two women. (lol)

:
  Young women do not understand their own power, and complain of the advances that are the evidence of it impacting other people.  

I've seen some that do though!  They seem to have quite a blast..

: LOL! A domina is supposed to look forbidding and scary... I tend to laugh a lot. I see plenty of unsmiling models in magazines... all kinds of magazines.

Smiles can definitely be inviting. But a woman who looks like she is going to rip me into pieces and eat me up..  that can be even better! No wonder I love Kali so much.

: and what few people realize is that it is only the young men's fear speaking. They are helpless before their bodies reaction to female beauty. Goddess did it. The irresistable impetus of hormones, they cannot control how their bodies respond to women and they know the women have all the power, that awful power to reject or accept their offerings.

Looking back at various life experiences, I've had a billion oppurtunities to enjoy myself abundantly! I didn't have the discernment and freedom of fear to cope with it though.

:  I have known men who were so angry at their helplessness in the face of their bodies needs that they wanted to be castrated to be set free. Young men, especially. The sexual peak may be at 18 but they don't stop growing physically until the early 20's, and the hormones don't begin to calm down until the 30's.

I've felt truly helpless! (surrendering that too) Ah now to feel -consciously- helpless and apprechiate the gifts of that!

: Women are terrifying to men, sexual women even more so because they are aware of the power of their beauty.

Yes, I can definitely feel that.   So a lot of fear is projected back, and it all ends up with a vicious circle. Bitterness for what you can't have. (surrender) The insights I get is that it's just a matter of focus though. I discovered the other day that there are two kinds of desires, those creating more karma and those that lead to bliss. I started becoming aware exactly how to discern between the two, too. Those that create more karma are like an aching, like a subtle pain, trying to fill up an empty hole with something, and they are almost always followed by some sort of explanation, like "Why can't I have that which those people have?" or a myriad of other explanations.  At other times, there may be something leading to bliss, but it's got layers of covering on it.
(surrender)
Truth is, that everything I -truly- wish for is already there, ready to blossom inside me (Although it may manifest as something external) The freedom to let my heart be directed to what I really wish, rather than focusing on all the things I don't have or should have or whatever..
(surrender)
I had a rather funny experience the day after watching the "Law of Attraction" movie.  I went deep inside and asked "What do I want?"  The answer was "Dissolve in an eternal ocean of bliss"  Such a thing of course seems inconceivable, with all sorts of ego-excuses, how can I attain that in the future, or that doesn't seem realistic at all because of all these problems, and so on. I surrendered those things and asked again. "How do I do that?"  The answer was "Just go ahead and dissolve in an eternal ocean of bliss"   So, walking to work from the train that morning, I allowed myself to do exactly that. I was glowing, the silly smile threatened to split my head in two. It's so simple!  The storehouse of excuses I have collected however!  That pulls up another note saying "It can't be that simple, it needs to be more complicated Gustaf, you need more advanced techniques.. -then- maybe, sometime in the future"
Oh well... Goddess take this...

: The conquering mentality is Nature, too. Women choose aggressive men over passive ones, more often than not. Aggressive men will be aggressive in competing and providing for the progeny. They want a strong spirited horse to pull their chariot. One who will fight for them, if fighting is required.

(Surrender)  My heart voice tells me that I don't need to conquer anything though. Goddess will provide with everything that I need. All I have to  do is to be open and empty to receive it. Is that not a contradiction?  Just a sec, let me surrender that too and see what happens.
... Ok, so apparently I don't need to seek dominion over anything in order to let myself be a strong spirited horse. In a sense, what appears to be passiveness may sometimes just be a fear to express oneself fully and freely.  You never know what a wild horse is going to do next, not even the horse does. (surrender) We fear instinctual drives, don't we?  That it will pull us back to the animal kingdom. But fighting them is a losing battle isn't it?  I see a bird ready to soar, but its legs are tied because he is afraid of his instincts, and his wings are tied because he is afraid of the vastness of the sky. But what happens when we allow ourselves to be instinctual, -with awareness- ? Heart voice is telling me that all I have to do to find out is to let it happen... Hmm, that's it, isn't it?  When I allow the instincts to become expressed, I am already aware, and free.  If I fight with them, Goddess will smack me on the head with them.

:  Men bitch about women who look for the Rolex and the fancy car. Tough shit, that is nature. It is a primal question - have you the resources and energy to provide for what may result if the women opens her legs and lets the swimmers in?  Do you have the DNA worthy of her egg and lifetime childcare committment?

Essentially, all that would have to be done would be to surrender to let Goddess provide him with all he needs, instead of bitching. Of course it may on end up being what was expected. It usually isn't. It's a very interesting point you are making. A life experience of various forms of bitching tells me that it's a waste of breath, especially if it's repeated about the same things, over and over again.

: Yesssssssss... and the male need for intimacy, union with the feminine is even more terrifying to him than the biology.  

It is, isn't it?  Yet all that is really needed is  just to take a step forward and find out what happens...

: You threw the baby out with the bathwater. All acts of love and pleasure serve the Goddess. Who decides whether sex will be intimate? You are a psychic, intuitive empath, there is no greater intimacy than that. Better if your lover is also empathic, but the higher level communication happens whether they are aware of it or not.

Point taken.  Goddess please show me any issues and inhibitions I have concerning this and take them. It's a gift for you, thank you very much!

: It is really good that this stuff is coming up and out because you two are spewing some really strange ideas. Did it never occur to you to become a sexual athelete for your *own* pleasure?

:   Why was I walking around Stockholm with a stone egg up my yoni? Primarily, for my own pleasure and to become a better sexual athlete, which is also for my own pleasure.

Point taken!

:   At the very least, take some time to preheat the oven before you put the meat in!

Can't argue with that!

: Vagina Dentata. Pussy with teeth. Men fear being devoured by female sexual hunger, the Kali in all women.

I fear it but it's the deepest of desires at the same time. No wonder we cause ourselves so much frustration. My Divine Beloved once showed up as a grey-blue skinned demon chick covered with oil, with predator eyes and the whole thing. Can you handle me? She asked. Just let it happen.  

: Yay!

We started getting back into the loop the same day  you left for England.

: I saw a show on TV a while ago about the situation in India. For more than a generation men have pressured women to abort or abandon female babies in favour of sons... and now their sons have no-one to marry and are often suicidal. These people are headed for extinction through their having devalued the feminine. I predict that Indian society will have a huge matriarchal swing to a nearly female dominant culture, within a generation.

It'll have to!

:  Africa is being wiped out by AIDS... I'm not racist, I am not happy that these cultures are facing extinction, but from the Witness I see that they reap what they have sown, and that is a prescription for positive change.

Are many of the diseases in Africa due to overpopulation? From the Witness it appears that way, nature's way of coping with it. As harsh as it may seem.

: Let go of that stuff... it is nature, the biological sign of fertility. Men wise up once the hormones calm down and they get their brain back. Some men wise up sooner... and some remain eternally adolescent!  

(surrender)

: Sex is a natural thing, and nature always wins... whether it takes one generation or dozens. What is repressed, comes up ugly.

No kidding!

: Hahahaha!! There is an old joke told among women of power. What is the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut sleeps with everybody, and a bitch sleeps with everybody but you.
:   A feminist observed that she gets called a bitch whenever she acts in ways that demonstrate she is not a doormat. The B-word makes me laugh, because when I hear it, it means someone is angry at the power I have over them. Instant win for me, in their win/lose world.

I love it!

: Well, duh! Isn't it wonderful to have such a clear "asshole detector" to know who is not worthy of your attention?

Men don't seem to have as efficient asshole detectors like women do. But I have one now. I guess it's Shakti, the prime asshole detector chief!

: The most empowering and fulfilling experience a het man can have, is to feel loved and accepted by the open arms and open legs of a loving woman, to lose himself in that, and in the moment of orgasm, to touch the Void. That experience makes him whole and gives him strength like no other. It is his need for that, and the painful vulnerability to rejection he feels that makes him go crazy with repressing it and turning against the feminine.

: Men and women are different. Talking about feelings, is foreplay to women. Whereas feeling desire is foreplay to men. Feeling is more important to men, than talking about feelings. Men potentially have even greater range of emotional expression, but a narrower opening to express it, which is why there are many great male artists expressing feelings in non-verbal ways.  

There seem to be more male painters, musicians and so on than female. There seems to be a much bigger portion female writers though! Although Shakti seems to rewire my brain beyond recognition every day, so who knows what's gonna be there in the end. Looking forward to find out!  Bah, lol. There is no end.  Just enjoy it now.

: Everything is sacred, if your eyes are opened to see it.

Can't and won't argue with that!

I'm enjoying the thread too, and enjoying some more of my own issues being burned into little beautiful crisps.

Namaste
Gustaf

[Ylva]

This thread is getting very long, so I will answer some of the main themes. Thanks for replying!

I hope the formatting comes out right... one only seems to have one shot here.

---------------------------------------------

Gender balance is a force of nature, and it is not a survival strategy to mess with it. Nature always wins, whether it takes a year or many generations.

My own theory... Observing very male-dominated cultures, like those in the Middle East, I have come to the conclusion that the reason for wanting more male babies is that these cultures always seem to exist in geographical areas where a lot of warfare has been going on. These geographical areas are characterized by having plenty of food and a high population growth, leading to overpopulation and a struggle over land and resources.

Warfaring cultures need cannon fodder. Boys are bred to become soldiers, and women need to be turned into breeding machines. They also need to be kept down so they don%rsquot start protesting about their sons being taken away to be killed in war. This also explains the whole harem-keeping and multiple wives thing I think. Despite a preference for male children, they end up being killed so there is actually a constant surplus of women. But they are precious resources, guarded by the few and powerful. Since the majority of men are never likely to see any pussy in their entire life, they are better off dead anyway, right? Not hard to convince them to go to war.

There is actually a culture somewhere in Asia where women marry more than one man. Usually it is a set of brothers. It is in a mountain area though (don%rsquot remember where), conditions would have been very different here. Less food. Food is bad. Contraception is good.

Now tell me what you believe the true power to be? What is the true power of female sexuality?

Sexuality in general... the power to transform. We are just moving it form one box to another. Men like women to be liberated%hellip on men%rsquos terms, men making themselves miserable in the process.

Unless Mom is bisexual. I appreciate beauty in either gender. You are beautiful. The power of feminine beauty is a force of nature. Give up the fight against it and count your blessings to have that power for yourself.

I wish I was bisexual...

Ok%hellip in my relationship... it%rsquos fine to enjoy beauty as long as it is ~female~ beauty. I can, and do appreciate female beauty. My husband (obviously) encourages me to enjoy female beauty, but any mention of male beauty is met with resistance. He thinks that even admitting to beauty or attractiveness in a man would make him GAY. He thinks that men are not %lsquosupposed to%rsquo be beautiful (gets him off the hook from making efforts or feeling insecure about looks, right?) or even that they should have to make any effort in the direction of attractiveness. Face, it, if men spent as much time taking care of their bodies and hygiene as women currently do, women might not have the upper hand on looks%hellip

As long as we are admiring sweet, sexy, yet harmless females that fit the currently accepted male fantasy (I%rsquom sure there are others, but those are more dangerous for the men to admit), everything is fine. Anything else%hellip however.

I%rsquove spent years being extremely considerate, never openly admiring men in front of my husband. I wanted him to feel safe and loved and being the only one. I even tend to do my best to find faults with attractive men and mention those to my husband so he will feel even better. Truth is, there are a few of guys out there way hotter than him. But I haven%rsquot wanted to hurt his feelings. Unfortunately, he hasn%rsquot been doing the same thing for me. Being too frustrated with the imbalance%hellip I finally decided to be brutally honest and told him some things he didn%rsquot want to hear%hellip one of my principles is not to hurt people%rsquos feelings so now I feel like a really bad and unloving person. I think he is pretty hurt.

I don%rsquot want to spend my time pretending to admire images of women that I don%rsquot particularly want to be like%hellip while ignoring my own feelings and desires. I could keep it to myself if others did too%hellip but why am I the only one who has to be %lsquogood%rsquo all the time? I don%rsquot have the excuse of being a guy, so people are going to consider me much more inconsiderate for the same behaviour than they would him.

Adding to things... my husband has recently been %lsquohit on%rsquo by more than one man. Women don%rsquot hit on him, men do. I think this makes him insecure. I took him to the local gay club because friends of mine were playing with their band. Husband spent night freaked out and tightly pressed up against a wall, while I was dancing my butt off and enjoying compliments from the girls in the bathroom. I guess we are not going back%hellip I don%rsquot even know how to tell him that my female friend in that band is a post-op transsexual. Why do I keep protecting him and his feelings%hellip making myself frustrated. I guess because I see him as naïve and helpless?

They are women who are consciously using the power of beauty to meet their personal needs and mantain social balance, and I openly admire that.

Yeah, but look at what is happening %ndash you changed your perspective and you saw things differently. I might see it yet differently. But all we are doing is really is that we project our own perspectives onto this woman. A man may project his own sense of sexual powerlessness and assume that she is experiencing sexual power. But the only thing that really matters for her is what ~her~ experience of the situation is. Is she feeling truly empowered? Fine, then she is. If not%hellip Where is her voice? Politicians get to voice more opinions about prostitutes than prostitutes themselves%hellip

True empowerment in life has to extend to all levels. She may be feeling empowered in the fields of sexual power over others and financially. But is she also feeling empowered in emotional terms? Is she feeling empowered in terms of getting what she needs in terms of her own sexual desire? Maybe, maybe not. She has to sleep with a lot of men the rest of us wouldn%rsquot want to touch. Good for them, but what is this doing to her?

Is she feeling socially empowered? Most definitely not, prostitutes have lower social status than anyone in society. Just watch any regular police drama or thriller%hellip 99% of them start with the murder of a prostitute. Because you want to go easy on the audience with a death that seems trivial.

The temples to Aphrodite and other love Goddesses served an important function in ancient societies, as a safety valve for male energy. Men go bad and rape out of rage at rejection. Any man could go to the temple to make an offering, and have it received by a Priestess. After sex, men are tired and women are more alive... he has given part of his life force, and also some of his karma.

That may have been a big difference between these women and today%rsquos prostitutes. I assume these women would have been trained in how to process that karma. I can%rsquot imagine that receiving vast amounts of karma from different men any day is going to do you much good. Perhaps this accounts for the rapid aging you so often see in prostitutes, assuming that they are not all drug or alcohol addicts?

When prostitutes have hired bodyguards instead of pimps plus start looking healthy, I may start to believe that they are empowered%hellip

This whole karma dumping thing is very scary for a woman who is not prepared to deal with it. I have only recently become aware of this process even existing due to becoming more in tune with things. I can see how my past relationships have added to my burdens. Toxic stuff.

Must be wonderful to sleep with someone who isn%rsquot dumping karma on you%hellip wonder what that feels like.

Personally I am up to my neck with processing my own karma at the moment. Do I really have to deal with processing someone else%rsquos too? Why am I expected to heal others before I have found healing myself? Where do women go to get healed? Where are the temples for women? I have no one to dump my karma on%hellip And I am still expected to help?

The thing is, I have changed my priorities a lot lately. Relationships are now taking second place to my own spiritual growth and process so things have been turned on their head.

When it comes to rape%hellip I think men would be well empowered by learning to handle their own rage%hellip and by taking responsibility for their own feelings and actions. Take this burden off women%rsquos shoulders so we can stop being scared of our own sexuality. The fear of rape is a big barrier for women which blocks the flow of sexual energy for us.

Perhaps all men from sexually repressive cultures should be taken to nudist beaches and chained up until they learn what%rsquos mine and what%rsquos yours%hellip to control their sexual impulses.

There are men that are so hot that there might be an impulse to attack them and tear their pants off%hellip but to think that I have any ~right~ to his body is way beyond ridiculous for me. I want the same respect.

and what few people realize is that it is only the young men's fear speaking. They are helpless before their bodies reaction to female beauty. Goddess did it. The irresistable impetus of hormones, they cannot control how their bodies respond to women and they know the women have all the power, that awful power to reject or accept their offerings.

That is poor comfort though%hellip so they have a good excuse %ndash how does that help me with dealing with the problem?

Who wants to sleep with a guy who is going to brag about it? Who wants to share %lsquoacts of love and pleasure%rsquo with someone who%rsquos going to stab you in the back and talk about you like you%rsquore a piece of trash? That just gives the whole experience a bitter aftertaste.

If guys only learned to shut up, they would definitely get a lot more sex! I%rsquove said this to a few guys I%rsquove caught trying to brag to ~me~ (yes, even! And yes, grownups, we%rsquore talking 25-35) and I%rsquove only been met with blank stares so far.

You might say that %lsquolocker room talk%rsquo is harmless. But it really does do harm. Once the guys start to talk about a girl, she is stigmatized and that starts to lower her social status. While the guy gets a higher social status. Sometimes I wonder if men don%rsquot even want the sex, perhaps sometimes they just want the notch in their belt? Even closet gays sleep around with women in order to improve their social score.

If men really want sex so much, they sure have a funny way of saying %lsquothanks%rsquo%hellip Who wants to have sex with an enemy? I don%rsquot.

So what, low social status doesn%rsquot do harm? Just ignore it? Well, Gustaf just mentioned how he had turned down a couple of girls because they had %lsquobad reputations%rsquo (and later regretted it). One of those girls might really have liked Gustaf and have been really hurt by the rejection. Perhaps she had slept with some guys that then rejected her, acquired a %lsquobad%rsquo reputation in the process and then learned the hard way that now only jerks want to sleep with her and that no one is now going to consider her to be good for anything more than sex, never a relationship?

The fear that %lsquothis could happen to you%rsquo then puts every woman in front of a difficult choice: Will saying yes to the sex I want make me less loveable, less respectable in the eyes of this guy I really like, really want? Because of course I want him to love and respect me too%hellip whether there is going to be a relationship or not, I still want the respect. This creates an inner conflict %ndash you have to ~choose~ between saying yes to your desires and being deserving of love.

I can understand the stigmatizing if the girl steals other people%rsquos boyfriends or husbands. This will naturally be perceived as hostile by other women. But if she sleeps with guys who are single, or even guys who are lying about their relationships status (then the guy should have the responsibility for the consequences occurring in his relationship, not her).

Personally, I feel very betrayed that a guy could like me less because we had good sex together, shouldn%rsquot it make him like me more%hellip it would certainly make me like him more. I don%rsquot understand%hellip I don%rsquot want to know. It hurts.

Your mind just can%rsquot get around it, bouncing back and forth. This sucks a lot of energy and can make you go crazy. Similar kinds of double binds in parent-child relationships have been proved to induce in children what later turns into schizophrenia

Not only men fear or have to face rejection%hellip it%rsquos just as bad for women, perhaps even more so. For a woman, being sexually rejected is far more devastating since we are supposed to have all the sexual power.

I am a guy in a fem body so I see both sides of the fence.

Just so you know, you are playing with very expensive toys!

I'm not flirting, I am sharing with you what I figured out for myself more than a decade ago, when I stopped fighting what IS and decided to make the best use of the power of the assets Goddess gave me. My Pro-Dom days, my weight and measurements were exactly those of a typical "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit model, and I strolled around in stiletto boots sparking and feeding on the worship, lust and adoration. Using that energy for my own purposes. Growing into a woman of power on all other levels, growing confidence and wisdom.

I wonder if this experience is different if one is a guy in a fem body? Are all Dominatrixes like this? You seem more able to experience your own body as a tool than I would be or would even want to be. Most of the time, I find myself desperate to %lsquoclaim it back%rsquo from all the projections, judgements and ideas of other people. I%rsquove worn stiletto boots and corsets too, in my goth days, but what I enjoyed most about that was the sense of protection that gave me. I was never once attacked on the streets of London due to scary dress. I find that women who try to like harmless are more likely to get attacked%hellip rapists are cowards.

I was never, or really had any interests in being a Dominatrix or anything like that. But I used this behaviour once to escape a situation that could have turned into rape. Going home from a club at 4 am or so, having missed the last bus, a %lsquoprivate%rsquo cab stopped and offered to drive me home for a fee. Being as tired as I was, I decided to take the chance. After a few minutes, the guy asked me if he could masturbate. Now I should have gotten scared. Instead, anger welled up and I told him that he was just going to drive me straight home and that it was an order and he better obey. And he did! During the drive, I would tell him to %lsquostep on it%rsquo or I would give him pain. Can%rsquot believe how meek he turned%hellip I was chuckling to myself at what actually turned out to be a positive experience. Later, telling friends they tried to tell me about everything that %lsquocould have happened%rsquo, trying to make me feel fearful and small. Because that%rsquos how we are ~supposed~ to feel. Never take any risks, never be angry, never feel powerful.

My dad would always tell me to be ~careful~ sexually, my mom would always tell me to be careful, period. And then berated me for lacking confidence. My natural though self is pretty adventurous and tends to create dangerous or interesting situations through the back door, so I won%rsquot die of boredom%hellip

Release it, move past it and look again? Why get angry at a game you are winning? You are young and slim with a flat belly and a beautiful manifestation of what society desires. You are also smart, motivated and K awakened.

Winning%hellip hmm no one can ~win~ this game I think. It just temporarily looks that way. I don%rsquot enjoy win/lose games much because they keep us all stuck.

Despite not being too bad looking at the moment, I am far from the ideal of perfection in many ways. I will also not be young for that much longer so there is no way I am going to %lsquowin%rsquo.

But that is not the important thing. I have also experienced being an %lsquougly duckling%rsquo in my early teens and learnt that men (and even people in general) will treat you very differently according to how attractive they perceive you to be. I have seen men literally %lsquochange their face%rsquo and whole attitude while talking to different women, as if a more attractive woman somehow is more deserving of respect and even manners. Then later, they will turn around and say things they%rsquod never say to her face.

I wasn%rsquot one of the popular girls in school. Our school was run by a gang of girls who decided who was cool or not. I was just weird, different. Guys would not dance with me at the school parties, not sure whether the reason was that I was ugly or whether it was because the gang of girls who ruled the situation had given orders about who they could dance with. Guys would toe the line, because anyone who didn%rsquot would end up getting bullied. Anyone who liked a girl who wasn%rsquot on the %lsquolist%rsquo would go to great lengths to hide it. I had a friend who was very attractive, but she wasn%rsquot popular with the girls so the guys who liked her had to get her to promise not to tell anyone that they did.

I met one of these guys a few years ago at a party, and he was on his knees begging me to dance with him. But I was just thinking%hellip well I wasn%rsquot good enough for you then, but I am good enough now? So no dancing for him. But every time I get a compliment from someone or whatever, I am wondering what they would have said to me back then.

These people don%rsquot know me, they don%rsquot know who I am, they are not seeing ~me~. When I get older and less attractive again, they will go back to treating me the way they did. In a way, I despise them.

But releasing it sounds good.

You are not angry at the Men, Yvla. You are angry at yourself for buying into the cinderella programming and making it more important than following your own bliss, into fulfillment.
Young women do not understand their own power, and complain of the advances that are the evidence of it impacting other people.

Youth is wasted on the young%hellip women should have this power when they are much older and know how to use it. Anyway I might not be as young as I appear. I often have people shocked in that respect. Many of my friends are 5-10 years younger than me.

It%rsquos not really power of others I am looking for, but empowerment for myself. The free flow of my own sexuality, my own desire. Much more important to me than any power I might have over others. Fearing %lsquoconsequences%rsquo (rape, talk, judgements) of being sexual makes me shut down my own sexual energy and this makes me miserable. Like I can%rsquot be allowed to fully exist or that I might be punished just for existing and being myself. I%rsquod trade the power to make men rape me any day for just feeling safe and allowed to be myself. I want to be met by benevolent, loving masculine energy, not by fear and hate.

I feel I express my sexual energy best through dancing%hellip because I can do this and still feel safe. Energies can be shared freely and safely and inclusively. I also love and make music that tends to be very emotionally intense and passionate.

At the festival we visited, I was dancing like a go-go girl on the speakers outside the tent, (we had huge speakers and a pirate flag) actually drawing a bit of a crowd%hellip Energy was flowing and everyone was included%hellip happy moments. A young lesbian couple told me I was %lsquoillegally hot%rsquo. Never had a compliment like that before. I ~love~ compliments from women so they got big hugs. I always wished I was bisexual, lol. An incredibly handsome stranger came up to me and took my hands and asked %lsquowho ARE you?%rsquo The sexy girl in the tent next door to us who is usually the center of attention seemed to have to compensate by putting on a BIG show the next day%hellip I just let her have it because I found it flattering%hellip she seemed a little surprised that I wasn%rsquot interested in a competition, giving her compliments instead seemed to make her confused, that%rsquos funny%hellip Not trying to brag, (well maybe just a little) but it was amazing. Not sure what happened there, its not usually at this level. It was almost scary lol.

I feel my female friends same age as me%hellip definitely think I%rsquom too old for such behaviour. It%rsquos like everyone is compensating for the fact that it%rsquos not really acceptable for them having fun anymore. Leaving them to identify with the only thing that%rsquos left%hellip the moral highground, being responsible%hellip respectable%hellip putting others down for being childish or immature or whatever. Talking about how immature they used to be. Where is the life force? Of course younger people can be really immature in annoying ways%hellip but I hate to see people walking around like the living dead. Especially my old friends.

Is this my future?

It is really cool to read a conversation between siblings in the tea room. Usually it is a gathering of strangers.

It may also put some limits on what I can discuss, unfortunately. A gathering of strangers can be a good thing.

[Ylva]

Ok I messed up so half the post is in italics... new attempt.

--------------------------------------------

This thread is getting very long, so I will answer some of the main themes. Thanks for replying!

I hope the formatting comes out right... one only seems to have one shot here.

---------------------------------------------

Gender balance is a force of nature, and it is not a survival strategy to mess with it. Nature always wins, whether it takes a year or many generations.

My own theory... Observing very male-dominated cultures, like those in the Middle East, I have come to the conclusion that the reason for wanting more male babies is that these cultures always seem to exist in geographical areas where a lot of warfare has been going on. These geographical areas are characterized by having plenty of food and a high population growth, leading to overpopulation and a struggle over land and resources.

Warfaring cultures need cannon fodder. Boys are bred to become soldiers, and women need to be turned into breeding machines. They also need to be kept down so they don%rsquot start protesting about their sons being taken away to be killed in war. This also explains the whole harem-keeping and multiple wives thing I think. Despite a preference for male children, they end up being killed so there is actually a constant surplus of women. But they are precious resources, guarded by the few and powerful. Since the majority of men are never likely to see any pussy in their entire life, they are better off dead anyway, right? Not hard to convince them to go to war.

There is actually a culture somewhere in Asia where women marry more than one man. Usually it is a set of brothers. It is in a mountain area though (don%rsquot remember where), conditions would have been very different here. Less food. Food is bad. Contraception is good.

Now tell me what you believe the true power to be? What is the true power of female sexuality?

Sexuality in general... the power to transform. We are just moving it form one box to another. Men like women to be liberated%hellip on men%rsquos terms, men making themselves miserable in the process.

Unless Mom is bisexual. I appreciate beauty in either gender. You are beautiful. The power of feminine beauty is a force of nature. Give up the fight against it and count your blessings to have that power for yourself.

I wish I was bisexual...

Ok%hellip in my relationship... it%rsquos fine to enjoy beauty as long as it is ~female~ beauty. I can, and do appreciate female beauty. My husband (obviously) encourages me to enjoy female beauty, but any mention of male beauty is met with resistance. He thinks that even admitting to beauty or attractiveness in a man would make him GAY. He thinks that men are not %lsquosupposed to%rsquo be beautiful (gets him off the hook from making efforts or feeling insecure about looks, right?) or even that they should have to make any effort in the direction of attractiveness. Face, it, if men spent as much time taking care of their bodies and hygiene as women currently do, women might not have the upper hand on looks%hellip

As long as we are admiring sweet, sexy, yet harmless females that fit the currently accepted male fantasy (I%rsquom sure there are others, but those are more dangerous for the men to admit), everything is fine. Anything else%hellip however.

I%rsquove spent years being extremely considerate, never openly admiring men in front of my husband. I wanted him to feel safe and loved and being the only one. I even tend to do my best to find faults with attractive men and mention those to my husband so he will feel even better. Truth is, there are a few of guys out there way hotter than him. But I haven%rsquot wanted to hurt his feelings. Unfortunately, he hasn%rsquot been doing the same thing for me. Being too frustrated with the imbalance%hellip I finally decided to be brutally honest and told him some things he didn%rsquot want to hear%hellip one of my principles is not to hurt people%rsquos feelings so now I feel like a really bad and unloving person. I think he is pretty hurt.

I don%rsquot want to spend my time pretending to admire images of women that I don%rsquot particularly want to be like%hellip while ignoring my own feelings and desires. I could keep it to myself if others did too%hellip but why am I the only one who has to be %lsquogood%rsquo all the time? I don%rsquot have the excuse of being a guy, so people are going to consider me much more inconsiderate for the same behaviour than they would him.

Adding to things... my husband has recently been %lsquohit on%rsquo by more than one man. Women don%rsquot hit on him, men do. I think this makes him insecure. I took him to the local gay club because friends of mine were playing with their band. Husband spent night freaked out and tightly pressed up against a wall, while I was dancing my butt off and enjoying compliments from the girls in the bathroom. I guess we are not going back%hellip I don%rsquot even know how to tell him that my female friend in that band is a post-op transsexual. Why do I keep protecting him and his feelings%hellip making myself frustrated. I guess because I see him as naïve and helpless?

They are women who are consciously using the power of beauty to meet their personal needs and mantain social balance, and I openly admire that.

Yeah, but look at what is happening %ndash you changed your perspective and you saw things differently. I might see it yet differently. But all we are doing is really is that we project our own perspectives onto this woman. A man may project his own sense of sexual powerlessness and assume that she is experiencing sexual power. But the only thing that really matters for her is what ~her~ experience of the situation is. Is she feeling truly empowered? Fine, then she is. If not%hellip Where is her voice? Politicians get to voice more opinions about prostitutes than prostitutes themselves%hellip

True empowerment in life has to extend to all levels. She may be feeling empowered in the fields of sexual power over others and financially. But is she also feeling empowered in emotional terms? Is she feeling empowered in terms of getting what she needs in terms of her own sexual desire? Maybe, maybe not. She has to sleep with a lot of men the rest of us wouldn%rsquot want to touch. Good for them, but what is this doing to her?

Is she feeling socially empowered? Most definitely not, prostitutes have lower social status than anyone in society. Just watch any regular police drama or thriller%hellip 99% of them start with the murder of a prostitute. Because you want to go easy on the audience with a death that seems trivial.

The temples to Aphrodite and other love Goddesses served an important function in ancient societies, as a safety valve for male energy. Men go bad and rape out of rage at rejection. Any man could go to the temple to make an offering, and have it received by a Priestess. After sex, men are tired and women are more alive... he has given part of his life force, and also some of his karma.

That may have been a big difference between these women and today%rsquos prostitutes. I assume these women would have been trained in how to process that karma. I can%rsquot imagine that receiving vast amounts of karma from different men any day is going to do you much good. Perhaps this accounts for the rapid aging you so often see in prostitutes, assuming that they are not all drug or alcohol addicts?

When prostitutes have hired bodyguards instead of pimps plus start looking healthy, I may start to believe that they are empowered%hellip

This whole karma dumping thing is very scary for a woman who is not prepared to deal with it. I have only recently become aware of this process even existing due to becoming more in tune with things. I can see how my past relationships have added to my burdens. Toxic stuff.

Must be wonderful to sleep with someone who isn%rsquot dumping karma on you%hellip wonder what that feels like.

Personally I am up to my neck with processing my own karma at the moment. Do I really have to deal with processing someone else%rsquos too? Why am I expected to heal others before I have found healing myself? Where do women go to get healed? Where are the temples for women? I have no one to dump my karma on%hellip And I am still expected to help?

The thing is, I have changed my priorities a lot lately. Relationships are now taking second place to my own spiritual growth and process so things have been turned on their head.

When it comes to rape%hellip I think men would be well empowered by learning to handle their own rage%hellip and by taking responsibility for their own feelings and actions. Take this burden off women%rsquos shoulders so we can stop being scared of our own sexuality. The fear of rape is a big barrier for women which blocks the flow of sexual energy for us.

Perhaps all men from sexually repressive cultures should be taken to nudist beaches and chained up until they learn what%rsquos mine and what%rsquos yours%hellip to control their sexual impulses.

There are men that are so hot that there might be an impulse to attack them and tear their pants off%hellip but to think that I have any ~right~ to his body is way beyond ridiculous for me. I want the same respect.

and what few people realize is that it is only the young men's fear speaking. They are helpless before their bodies reaction to female beauty. Goddess did it. The irresistable impetus of hormones, they cannot control how their bodies respond to women and they know the women have all the power, that awful power to reject or accept their offerings.

That is poor comfort though%hellip so they have a good excuse %ndash how does that help me with dealing with the problem?

Who wants to sleep with a guy who is going to brag about it? Who wants to share %lsquoacts of love and pleasure%rsquo with someone who%rsquos going to stab you in the back and talk about you like you%rsquore a piece of trash? That just gives the whole experience a bitter aftertaste.

If guys only learned to shut up, they would definitely get a lot more sex! I%rsquove said this to a few guys I%rsquove caught trying to brag to ~me~ (yes, even! And yes, grownups, we%rsquore talking 25-35) and I%rsquove only been met with blank stares so far.

You might say that %lsquolocker room talk%rsquo is harmless. But it really does do harm. Once the guys start to talk about a girl, she is stigmatized and that starts to lower her social status. While the guy gets a higher social status. Sometimes I wonder if men don%rsquot even want the sex, perhaps sometimes they just want the notch in their belt? Even closet gays sleep around with women in order to improve their social score.

If men really want sex so much, they sure have a funny way of saying %lsquothanks%rsquo%hellip Who wants to have sex with an enemy? I don%rsquot.

So what, low social status doesn%rsquot do harm? Just ignore it? Well, Gustaf just mentioned how he had turned down a couple of girls because they had %lsquobad reputations%rsquo (and later regretted it). One of those girls might really have liked Gustaf and have been really hurt by the rejection. Perhaps she had slept with some guys that then rejected her, acquired a %lsquobad%rsquo reputation in the process and then learned the hard way that now only jerks want to sleep with her and that no one is now going to consider her to be good for anything more than sex, never a relationship?

The fear that %lsquothis could happen to you%rsquo then puts every woman in front of a difficult choice: Will saying yes to the sex I want make me less loveable, less respectable in the eyes of this guy I really like, really want? Because of course I want him to love and respect me too%hellip whether there is going to be a relationship or not, I still want the respect. This creates an inner conflict %ndash you have to ~choose~ between saying yes to your desires and being deserving of love.

I can understand the stigmatizing if the girl steals other people%rsquos boyfriends or husbands. This will naturally be perceived as hostile by other women. But if she sleeps with guys who are single, or even guys who are lying about their relationships status (then the guy should have the responsibility for the consequences occurring in his relationship, not her).

Personally, I feel very betrayed that a guy could like me less because we had good sex together, shouldn%rsquot it make him like me more%hellip it would certainly make me like him more. I don%rsquot understand%hellip I don%rsquot want to know. It hurts.

Your mind just can%rsquot get around it, bouncing back and forth. This sucks a lot of energy and can make you go crazy. Similar kinds of double binds in parent-child relationships have been proved to induce in children what later turns into schizophrenia

Not only men fear or have to face rejection%hellip it%rsquos just as bad for women, perhaps even more so. For a woman, being sexually rejected is far more devastating since we are supposed to have all the sexual power.

I am a guy in a fem body so I see both sides of the fence.

Just so you know, you are playing with very expensive toys!

I'm not flirting, I am sharing with you what I figured out for myself more than a decade ago, when I stopped fighting what IS and decided to make the best use of the power of the assets Goddess gave me. My Pro-Dom days, my weight and measurements were exactly those of a typical "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit model, and I strolled around in stiletto boots sparking and feeding on the worship, lust and adoration. Using that energy for my own purposes. Growing into a woman of power on all other levels, growing confidence and wisdom.

I wonder if this experience is different if one is a guy in a fem body? Are all Dominatrixes like this? You seem more able to experience your own body as a tool than I would be or would even want to be. Most of the time, I find myself desperate to %lsquoclaim it back%rsquo from all the projections, judgements and ideas of other people. I%rsquove worn stiletto boots and corsets too, in my goth days, but what I enjoyed most about that was the sense of protection that gave me. I was never once attacked on the streets of London due to scary dress. I find that women who try to like harmless are more likely to get attacked%hellip rapists are cowards.

I was never, or really had any interests in being a Dominatrix or anything like that. But I used this behaviour once to escape a situation that could have turned into rape. Going home from a club at 4 am or so, having missed the last bus, a %lsquoprivate%rsquo cab stopped and offered to drive me home for a fee. Being as tired as I was, I decided to take the chance. After a few minutes, the guy asked me if he could masturbate. Now I should have gotten scared. Instead, anger welled up and I told him that he was just going to drive me straight home and that it was an order and he better obey. And he did! During the drive, I would tell him to %lsquostep on it%rsquo or I would give him pain. Can%rsquot believe how meek he turned%hellip I was chuckling to myself at what actually turned out to be a positive experience. Later, telling friends they tried to tell me about everything that %lsquocould have happened%rsquo, trying to make me feel fearful and small. Because that%rsquos how we are ~supposed~ to feel. Never take any risks, never be angry, never feel powerful.

My dad would always tell me to be ~careful~ sexually, my mom would always tell me to be careful, period. And then berated me for lacking confidence. My natural though self is pretty adventurous and tends to create dangerous or interesting situations through the back door, so I won%rsquot die of boredom%hellip

Release it, move past it and look again? Why get angry at a game you are winning? You are young and slim with a flat belly and a beautiful manifestation of what society desires. You are also smart, motivated and K awakened.

Winning%hellip hmm no one can ~win~ this game I think. It just temporarily looks that way. I don%rsquot enjoy win/lose games much because they keep us all stuck.

Despite not being too bad looking at the moment, I am far from the ideal of perfection in many ways. I will also not be young for that much longer so there is no way I am going to %lsquowin%rsquo.

But that is not the important thing. I have also experienced being an %lsquougly duckling%rsquo in my early teens and learnt that men (and even people in general) will treat you very differently according to how attractive they perceive you to be. I have seen men literally %lsquochange their face%rsquo and whole attitude while talking to different women, as if a more attractive woman somehow is more deserving of respect and even manners. Then later, they will turn around and say things they%rsquod never say to her face.

I wasn%rsquot one of the popular girls in school. Our school was run by a gang of girls who decided who was cool or not. I was just weird, different. Guys would not dance with me at the school parties, not sure whether the reason was that I was ugly or whether it was because the gang of girls who ruled the situation had given orders about who they could dance with. Guys would toe the line, because anyone who didn%rsquot would end up getting bullied. Anyone who liked a girl who wasn%rsquot on the %lsquolist%rsquo would go to great lengths to hide it. I had a friend who was very attractive, but she wasn%rsquot popular with the girls so the guys who liked her had to get her to promise not to tell anyone that they did.

I met one of these guys a few years ago at a party, and he was on his knees begging me to dance with him. But I was just thinking%hellip well I wasn%rsquot good enough for you then, but I am good enough now? So no dancing for him. But every time I get a compliment from someone or whatever, I am wondering what they would have said to me back then.

These people don%rsquot know me, they don%rsquot know who I am, they are not seeing ~me~. When I get older and less attractive again, they will go back to treating me the way they did. In a way, I despise them.

But releasing it sounds good.

You are not angry at the Men, Yvla. You are angry at yourself for buying into the cinderella programming and making it more important than following your own bliss, into fulfillment.
Young women do not understand their own power, and complain of the advances that are the evidence of it impacting other people.

Youth is wasted on the young%hellip women should have this power when they are much older and know how to use it. Anyway I might not be as young as I appear. I often have people shocked in that respect. Many of my friends are 5-10 years younger than me.

It%rsquos not really power of others I am looking for, but empowerment for myself. The free flow of my own sexuality, my own desire. Much more important to me than any power I might have over others. Fearing %lsquoconsequences%rsquo (rape, talk, judgements) of being sexual makes me shut down my own sexual energy and this makes me miserable. Like I can%rsquot be allowed to fully exist or that I might be punished just for existing and being myself. I%rsquod trade the power to make men rape me any day for just feeling safe and allowed to be myself. I want to be met by benevolent, loving masculine energy, not by fear and hate.

I feel I express my sexual energy best through dancing%hellip because I can do this and still feel safe. Energies can be shared freely and safely and inclusively. I also love and make music that tends to be very emotionally intense and passionate.

At the festival we visited, I was dancing like a go-go girl on the speakers outside the tent, (we had huge speakers and a pirate flag) actually drawing a bit of a crowd%hellip Energy was flowing and everyone was included%hellip happy moments. A young lesbian couple told me I was %lsquoillegally hot%rsquo. Never had a compliment like that before. I ~love~ compliments from women so they got big hugs. I always wished I was bisexual, lol. An incredibly handsome stranger came up to me and took my hands and asked %lsquowho ARE you?%rsquo The sexy girl in the tent next door to us who is usually the center of attention seemed to have to compensate by putting on a BIG show the next day%hellip I just let her have it because I found it flattering%hellip she seemed a little surprised that I wasn%rsquot interested in a competition, giving her compliments instead seemed to make her confused, that%rsquos funny%hellip Not trying to brag, (well maybe just a little) but it was amazing. Not sure what happened there, its not usually at this level.

I feel my female friends same age as me%hellip definitely think I%rsquom too old for such behaviour. It%rsquos like everyone is compensating for the fact that it%rsquos not really acceptable for them having fun anymore. Leaving them to identify with the only thing that%rsquos left%hellip the moral highground, being responsible%hellip respectable%hellip putting others down for being childish or immature or whatever. Talking about how immature they used to be. Where is the life force? Of course younger people can be really immature in annoying ways%hellip but I hate to see people walking around like the living dead. Especially my old friends.

Is this my future?

It is really cool to read a conversation between siblings in the tea room. Usually it is a gathering of strangers.

It may also put some limits on what I can discuss, unfortunately. A gathering of strangers can be a good thing.

[Ylva]

Often I joined in, but my gut was twisting in a big no every time. I've also lost count of the many times I lost incredible oppurtunities for intimacy with girls that I felt very strong attraction for, because she had a bad reputation or any other very silly reasons. Not only did I end up hurting them, but I ended up hurting myself in the process.

Yes and also making it a no-win situation in general for women to say yes to sex. Just because she had a bad reputation didn%rsquot mean she had no feelings.

In its essence, the Divine Masculine is giving, sharing and incredibly beautiful, but has become distored in to taking and conquering.

Yes, he%rsquos a hottie!

Caveman mentality prevailing where it really isn't needed.

Both the Feminine and Masculine have shadows%hellip are  we seeing those? Seems both the Masculine and Feminine are due for a healing and these issues are coming up now. We seem to be individually dealing with these issues but they are more like universal issues. A lot of people are looking for political %lsquosolutions%rsquo when what is needed is workthrough and healing on  energetic and archetypal levels.

I am looking in to these issues heavily at the moment, getting a lot of books too. So you will be able to borrow them and read. There%rsquos a lot of interesting stuff going on.

These issues have become so urgent for me that I%rsquove had to put work aside somewhat in favour of intense research%hellip

We don%rsquot know any of these cavemen personally%hellip some of them may have been real sweethearts%hellip Why blame everything on people we don%rsquot even know?

I hear ya! Just open a newspaper. Looking back through my life, the only thing I really dreamt of was intimacy. We all did the best we could at the time, we didn't know better due to conditioning, etc..

Why is life wasted%hellip

That's a media myth just as much as the media myth of the subservient, eager-to-please women who always smile. Nothing is more unsatisfying, more unfulfilling than shallow, unemotional, unintimate sex. It's basically like Osho describes it, a sneeze. Sex becomes a relief of tension, not much more. A sexual encounter or masturbation is unlikely to have any deep effect.

It%rsquos not that the %lsquosneeze%rsquo has no purpose... it%rsquos not that the %lsquosneeze%rsquo is evil%hellipbut when you know that more is possible, and not achieving it, you tend to feel alone, longing. Maybe not all people, but this happens for me.

I read an article by a Japanese professor describing what he called %lsquomale frigidity%rsquo, describing the emptiness men feel after sex. When women, instead are often basking in %lsquoafterglow%rsquo and feeling happy. It may be that this is just normal for men%hellip but is still makes me feel sad and cheated%hellip that he can%rsquot be there with me, that we can%rsquot share this%hellip makes me feel alone. After sex is for me, if possible, even better than sex itself. And here is something I am bracing myself to say, it%rsquos probably not much fun for men to hear%hellip arghh what can I say, women don%rsquot tell men this, I%rsquom about to commit an evil action here.

Masturbation for women is often better than sex with a man, especially if the sex is very basic. It%rsquos more or less always better for me, because I can be with DB afterwards instead of with some man who just makes me feel lonely.

Actually, they have! There are many many articles in the Swedish tabloids, where 'experts' have graded different levels of orgasms, and how you can do it too.

: A woman is expected to be 'sexy' while at the same time being
: completely non-threatening sexually. Otherwise he might not get
: it up. (Never mind that you weren't interested anyway)

Funny. Deep inside I always wanted a sexually agressive woman, but every time I attracted one, I ran the other way.. Or at least ran from the situation..

Yes so she is being rejected for being sexually aggressive. What does her example tell women?

I once had an encounter with a girl I picked up at a hamburger restaurant who followed me home. She was a "nympho", and directly started to ask me what kind of sexual things I wanted to do, and eventually lost patience and started tearing her clothes off, screaming to be taken. That freaked me out too, despite it was exactly what I wanted deep down!

Some sort of conditioning held me back from enjoying something with someone who was very directly and clearly asking for just the same thing! And it still does, but thanks to an absolutely wonderful partner, it's something that's dissolving.

Who labelled her a %lsquonympho%rsquo?  Very brave woman%hellip since I assume you rejected her in the end.

: A woman's sexuality is not to be defined by her own feelings and
: desires, but by how she fits in with male projections. A woman's
: sexual performance in the eyes of men is considered to be her sexuality as such.

And at the same time, women are helping to keep this illusion alive. Men project, and the women project back in an ever harmful circle that distorts the feminine and masculine alike.

Women just like to be loved and approved of, trying to deliver what you guys want.

Have you noticed that due to this overlay, how women are trying to be masculine too?

Especially in the job sector. Women dress like men, conquer like men, and so on. Condolezza Rice often gave me that impression.

(Mystress) It is the loss of Grandmother wisdom, women don't know their own power. However, given that men have two heads and only blood enough for one at a time, not distracting a co-worker with sexuality is a kindness.

Those are two different things%hellip It%rsquos a good idea to keep sexuality out of the workplace, because people need to feel safe and able to relate in a professional way.

The problem is not women dressing like men, (people should be free to dress how they like) it%rsquos that we are living in a culture that has more or less labeled female qualities as being weak/negative (for both men and women) and that makes it difficult for a woman to access her feminine qualities from a place of strength. Here I agree that mainstream feminism has made a ~huge~ mistake. Being successful and making it in male society has become more important than figuring out who we really are and start creating with integrity.

Men project this idea that women have to be young, slim and so on, and the women reflect it back by trying to live up to it. Another of those karmic circles. All we have to do is to step off the carouselle. Women and men alike.

(Mystress) Let go of that stuff... it is nature, the biological sign of fertility. Men wise up once the hormones calm down and they get their brain back. Some men wise up sooner... and some remain eternally adolescent!

It%rsquos one thing to demand that people %lsquoshould%rsquo find you attractive%hellip that cannot be done. More disconcerting is that older women are expected to hide their sexuality, their own desires. Because it%rsquos not %lsquoappropriate%rsquo. To me, older women who are still in touch with their sexuality radiate a totally different power than the domesticated, self-imprisoned inhabitants of the moral high ground that you see all around. They don%rsquot expect every man to desire them, but neither do they deny their own sexuality.

When your only power in society is the power of your sexual ~attractiveness~, it becomes dangerous to desire more than you are desired, because then you lose that power. This is a disadvantage for women, we have to control our own desire in order to stay in power. A big downside is that always working on being desired, never stopping to reflect on what you desire, puts you out of touch with your own sexual ~energy~.

When women get older, they often trade in their sexual power for morality, and this imprisons them... they are not allowed to have fun anymore, so neither is anyone else! I wonder if there is another way... if women focus more on sexual energy and desire (rather than just being desired) and claim those, we might be able to find a power in the creativity that results... a power that is simply a power in ourselves, not dependent on others.

Women themselves have a big part to play here, I find that there is a lot of %lsquobehaviour policing%rsquo going on between women socially. The relations women-women between are just as unhealthy and just as big a problem as the ones between men and women at the moment. Women need to be supportive of each other in terms of sexuality.

Yeah! Maybe that's how the polarities and shadow works, for example in this man.. I mean, any society that has moral condemnation expressed, is bound to have a shadow side to it, a polar opposite. Like the pious priests and scholars and project stiff moral pointers at people and eventually end up molesting children or other sex scandals. As long as we have moral condemnation of anything sexual, while -at the same time- expecting people to be sexual, we're gonna have a lot of this.

I bet you didn%rsquot read between the lines. But you are right. It%rsquos the burning of witches, just in a milder form.

I'm realizing that I can be sexual, yet at the same time not be neurotic about it.

Men always had that right, socially. And you still had to work on it. How hard do you think it is for a woman?

During the early part of my awakening when Shakti was stirring in the root chakra, I had a year or so of some very, very disturbing sexual energies, it was intense and nearly unbearable.

I find mine stirring more in the second chakra, but I don%rsquot find it disturbing really. I feel like I have full free will choice whether to relieve it or I can channel it into creative expression. It even feels like will power in a way.

Not expecting you to agree or disagree with anything.. Just reading your post and responding with whatever comes through spontaneously at the moment. Goddess eats anything we write here!

I hope she%rsquos hungry.

Good to see you angry 'sis! Goddess knows for how long you've kept all these things inside.

A long time.

Thanks for sharing. I've found that reading and responding is doing a round of karma-sweeping for me as well.

Good!

Ylva

[Mystress]

: Ok I messed up so half the post is in italics... new attempt.

Yeah, there is a guide to the basic html codes, attached to the intro letter. (Gustaf: stuff in angle brackets doesn't show.)  I usually paste the text into a text file to edit it, then paste it back to post.

: My own theory... Observing very male-dominated cultures, like those in the Middle East, I have come to the conclusion that the reason for wanting more male babies is that these cultures always seem to exist in geographical areas where a lot of warfare has been going on. ...
: Warfaring cultures need cannon fodder.

That's patriarchy for ya... it makes the value of male life even less than that of women. Men are more disposable. Pawns.

 My father-in-law used to say, those people have been fighting for 6000 years and will go on fighting for another six thousand.

: Now tell me what you believe the true power to be? What is the true power of female sexuality?

: Sexuality in general... the power to transform. We are just moving it form one box to another. Men like women to be liberated%hellip on men%rsquos terms, men making themselves miserable in the process.

: I wish I was bisexual...

Kundalini tends to make people bisexual... you become drawn to energy, more than physical form. Love knows no gender.

: Ok%hellip in my relationship... it%rsquos fine to enjoy beauty as long as it is ~female~ beauty. I can, and do appreciate female beauty. My husband (obviously) encourages me to enjoy female beauty, but any mention of male beauty is met with resistance. He thinks that even admitting to beauty or attractiveness in a man would make him GAY. He thinks that men are not %lsquosupposed to%rsquo be beautiful (gets him off the hook from making efforts or feeling insecure about looks, right?) or even that they should have to make any effort in the direction of attractiveness.

So why coddle him when you could be using jealousy to motivate him? Men are trainable. Why have you been putting up with that noise?

 Ya know, when you pretend to be what you are not, you never get to be loved for who you really are. It is a no-winner.

 I dated a lot of hunky guys. They are trouble... especially if they know they are attractive.  I married a bald big nose geek with a hairy back who loves me unconditionally and spoils me rotten. He is very clean and hygienic.

: As long as we are admiring sweet, sexy, yet harmless females that fit the currently accepted male fantasy (I%rsquom sure there are others, but those are more dangerous for the men to admit), everything is fine. Anything else%hellip however.

I don't really understand where you get these ideas. I find them to be rather dated... but perhaps my perspective is warped by having been a world famous dominant pin up queen...
 Spew them up and get them out... but release it all. Stop fighting to be right about how the world sucks hairy moose cock.

Most of the current popular crop of sex symbols are in their 30's, even supermodels are getting older because the market of baby boomers want to see models closer to their own age. I watch a lot of space channel... plenty of women of all ages there, kicking ass and getting all the nerds excited. All the cop and detective shows too, have sexy strong older women.

: I%rsquove spent years being extremely considerate, never openly admiring men in front of my husband. I wanted him to feel safe and loved and being the only one.

You spoiled him. Emotional safety is one thing, making a fantasy world like for a child, is quite another. What made you think you had to do that, to be loved?

: I even tend to do my best to find faults with attractive men and mention those to my husband so he will feel even better. Truth is, there are a few of guys out there way hotter than him. But I haven%rsquot wanted to hurt his feelings.

Awwwww.. that is sweet. What made you think he needed or wanted you to do that? What made you think you had to do that? Where did you get these ideas? Look at the roots. This is karma. You made a choice, at some moment to accept these beliefs.

Unfortunately, he hasn%rsquot been doing the same thing for me. Being too frustrated with the imbalance%hellip I finally decided to be brutally honest and told him some things he didn%rsquot want to hear%hellip one of my principles is not to hurt people%rsquos feelings so now I feel like a really bad and unloving person. I think he is pretty hurt.

Well, that is what happens... you bite your tongue for so long, then it explodes. Better to be honest from the beginning, eh? Why try to be loved for what you are not?

 There is one aspect of SM relationships I wish would go mainstream, and that is the open negotiation of relationships. We talk about our expectations, and what we want from each other.

: I don%rsquot want to spend my time pretending to admire images of women that I don%rsquot particularly want to be like%hellip while ignoring my own feelings and desires.

Why do you do it?

: I could keep it to myself if others did too%hellip but why am I the only one who has to be %lsquogood%rsquo all the time? I don%rsquot have the excuse of being a guy, so people are going to consider me much more inconsiderate for the same behaviour than they would him.

How long have you been making public opinion more important than your own heart?

Yvla, being true to your own heart is an aspect of integrity, and integrity is essential to self esteem and personal power. Remember your wings.

 You have been giving your power away in every direction, and that is why you feel powerless. You are seeing it now, and have the option to take it back.

: Why do I keep protecting him and his feelings%hellip making myself frustrated. I guess because I see him as naïve and helpless?

I guess you do. Why do you project that onto him?
  You talk about him like he is an idiot. Why did you marry an idiot? Do you plan to remain married? You appear to be headed for divorce court.. K is rough on relationships.  

: They are women who are consciously using the power of beauty to meet their personal needs and maintain social balance, and I openly admire that.

: Yeah, but look at what is happening ­ you changed your perspective and you saw things differently. I might see it yet differently. But all we are doing is really is that we project our own perspectives onto this woman.

Of course we do. All we have is our own perspective. All we see, is ourselves reflected.

 I read your perspectives of the world, and wonder why you want to live there? Your thoughts have power, they are navigation.  In my world, women are succeeding because feminine values work better for business in the information age. Change your thoughts, move into a different reality.

: A man may project his own sense of sexual powerlessness and assume that she is experiencing sexual power. But the only thing that really matters for her is what ~her~ experience of the situation is. Is she feeling truly empowered?

Whether you choose to feel empowered or not, is entirely up to you. That is Free will.

:Fine, then she is. If not%hellip Where is her voice? Politicians get to voice more opinions about prostitutes than prostitutes themselves%hellip

Actually... in Vancouver there is a prostitutes activist league that is very vocal. Sex activism, as a whole is large. We are legalizing gay marriage and a whole whack of old laws that limited sexual freedom have just been thrown out.

: Is she feeling socially empowered? Most definitely not, prostitutes have lower social status than anyone in society. Just watch any regular police drama or thriller%hellip 99% of them start with the murder of a prostitute. Because you want to go easy on the audience with a death that seems trivial.

Yup, basic patriarchal programming... but TV is not life. In life, women are most often murdered by their partners... Husbands, boyfriends.

: The temples to Aphrodite and other love Goddesses served an important function in ancient societies, as a safety valve for male energy. Men go bad and rape out of rage at rejection. Any man could go to the temple to make an offering, and have it received by a Priestess. After sex, men are tired and women are more alive... he has given part of his life force, and also some of his karma.

: That may have been a big difference between these women and today%rsquos prostitutes. I assume these women would have been trained in how to process that karma.

Most are not, and thus porn stars often have tragic lives and I teach students not to fantasize about someone without their consent.

:I can%rsquot imagine that receiving vast amounts of karma from different men any day is going to do you much good. Perhaps this accounts for the rapid aging you so often see in prostitutes, assuming that they are not all drug or alcohol addicts?

I have never been a prostitute so I cannot say. I can say that I aged 10 years in three, when I retired as a ProDom and stopped feeding on male energy... and I seem to be getting younger and more fit now that I have started again... but there is a sort of filter on my pin up pics... energy sent to them is redirected to Goddess, autopilot. What is given to Goddess comes back multiplied, I trust Her to take care of them, but I do think I get some fringe benefits for being the mailman/icon.  
 The power to transform is Unconditional love.

: When prostitutes have hired bodyguards instead of pimps plus start looking healthy, I may start to believe that they are empowered%hellip

Are you spewing this to release it or to validate it?  What you focus on, will grow and attaching to a negative world view is not a good thing to do with Kundalini.

: This whole karma dumping thing is very scary for a woman who is not prepared to deal with it. I have only recently become aware of this process even existing due to becoming more in tune with things. I can see how my past relationships have added to my burdens. Toxic stuff.

: Must be wonderful to sleep with someone who isn%rsquot dumping karma on you%hellip wonder what that feels like.

Hahahaha!! That doesn't happen! Part of the gender thing. Energy is energy, it is resistance that turns it toxic.  Unconditional love changes karma into bliss. Feminine-receptive. The power to devour.  Digestion transforms.  

: Personally I am up to my neck with processing my own karma at the moment. Do I really have to deal with processing someone else%rsquos too? Why am I expected to heal others before I have found healing myself?

Wounded healer, karma yoga. Resonant stuff that you clear from another, lifts from you too... there is good payback for the work.

 Anyhow, who asked you to heal anyone?  You are sliding into martyrdom.

: Where do women go to get healed? Where are the temples for women? I have no one to dump my karma on%hellip And I am still expected to help?

You are dumping it on Goddess, aren't you?

: The thing is, I have changed my priorities a lot lately. Relationships are now taking second place to my own spiritual growth and process so things have been turned on their head.

Good, about time. The Beloved must come first.

:
: When it comes to rape%hellip I think men would be well empowered by learning to handle their own rage%hellip and by taking responsibility for their own feelings and actions. Take this burden off women%rsquos shoulders so we can stop being scared of our own sexuality. The fear of rape is a big barrier for women which blocks the flow of sexual energy for us.

Only if you allow it.  Let it go.  Men get raped too.

: Perhaps all men from sexually repressive cultures should be taken to nudist beaches and chained up until they learn what%rsquos mine and what%rsquos yours%hellip to control their sexual impulses.

Heh, now you sound like a Patriarch. Spew it out!

: There are men that are so hot that there might be an impulse to attack them and tear their pants off%hellip but to think that I have any ~right~ to his body is way beyond ridiculous for me. I want the same respect.

:
: and what few people realize is that it is only the young men's fear speaking. They are helpless before their bodies reaction to female beauty. Goddess did it. The irresistible impetus of hormones, they cannot control how their bodies respond to women and they know the women have all the power, that awful power to reject or accept their offerings.

: That is poor comfort though%hellip so they have a good excuse ­ how does that help me with dealing with the problem?

: Who wants to sleep with a guy who is going to brag about it? Who wants to share %lsquoacts of love and pleasure%rsquo with someone who%rsquos going to stab you in the back and talk about you like you%rsquore a piece of trash? That just gives the whole experience a bitter aftertaste.

Women train men to be civilized. So it has always been. It is feminism that caused us to lose the Grandmother wisdom about our own power and how to civilize men. Instead we have castrated them and then wonder why they try to be macho... or why the sensitive ones have erection problems. Of course they overcompensate, and get mouthy.

: If guys only learned to shut up, they would definitely get a lot more sex! I%rsquove said this to a few guys I%rsquove caught trying to brag to ~me~ (yes, even! And yes, grownups, we%rsquore talking 25-35) and I%rsquove only been met with blank stares so far.

: You might say that %lsquolocker room talk%rsquo is harmless.

I never said it was harmless, I said it was understandable. Understanding aids compassion.  

Complaining about a problem doesn't do anything, you have to understand it to find the roots, the point of power and action that is effective, empowering for all and win/win.

  Men will always be mysterious to women, but it is not so hard for a woman to understand a man, once she gets over expecting him to be a woman.  

: But it really does do harm. Once the guys start to talk about a girl, she is stigmatized and that starts to lower her social status. While the guy gets a higher social status. Sometimes I wonder if men don%rsquot even want the sex, perhaps sometimes they just want the notch in their belt? Even closet gays sleep around with women in order to improve their social score.

 ?  

 You know, if you get tired of the world you live in, you can go someplace better by changing your thinking.  Personally, I don't run into these problems.  Seems like I did, once upon a time... or thought I did... but being a vessel of the Goddess, and a sexual being seems all good to me!  Wheeeeeeeee!

In 1997 I wrote:

The Lady.

%nbsp%nbsp%nbspPity for the princesses imprisoned by their fear of being called "un-Ladylike".

I have my own definitions of Lady. The Lady is a term for Goddess, and so to be Female with awareness that I am Goddess Manifest, is to be a Lady.
I am a Lady, therefore, if I do something, it must be Ladylike it is Ladylike because a Lady is doing it.I will not allow anyone
outside myself to tell me what is Ladylike behavior. %nbsp%nbsp%nbsp If they are not a Lady, how would they know what is Ladylike?

This Lady is not a victim of opinions that would judge and limit Her expression.

%nbsp%nbsp%nbspMake a choice in confidence that you are Goddess Manifest, and if there are those who would
judge you as less, let them know otherwise.

%nbsp%nbsp%nbspI am a Lady, so if I do it, it is Ladylike. End of story.

: The fear that %lsquothis could happen to you%rsquo then puts every woman in front of a difficult choice: Will saying yes to the sex I want make me less loveable, less respectable in the eyes of this guy I really like, really want? Because of course I want him to love and respect me too%hellip whether there is going to be a relationship or not, I still want the respect. This creates an inner conflict ­ you have to ~choose~ between saying yes to your desires and being deserving of love.

Yvla, it is just not about the men, or about the world. You did not love and respect yourself, enough to be true to yourself.  You have lied and pretended to be what you are not, because you did not think you would be worthy of love unless you did. You have not honoured yourself, your own thoughts and desires. You have given yourself away to a man whom you now think is not worthy of you. You have given yourself away to wanting approval from the world. Would you do that if you really loved, valued and respected yourself?  You won't get it, true love and self esteem have to be grown, from within.  
 You made choices, and now the world reflects the karma of those choices.

 Your stated purpose in posting this was to release it, but you seem to be sliding into victimhood instead of being empowered by surrender. Your power, your choice.  

: I am a guy in a fem body so I see both sides of the fence.

: Just so you know, you are playing with very expensive toys!

I don't know what that means...

:
: I'm not flirting, I am sharing with you what I figured out for myself more than a decade ago, when I stopped fighting what IS and decided to make the best use of the power of the assets Goddess gave me. My Pro-Dom days, my weight and measurements were exactly those of a typical "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit model, and I strolled around in stiletto boots sparking and feeding on the worship, lust and adoration. Using that energy for my own purposes. Growing into a woman of power on all other levels, growing confidence and wisdom.

: I wonder if this experience is different if one is a guy in a fem body? Are all Dominatrixes like this? You seem more able to experience your own body as a tool than I would be or would even want to be.

No, it is more about being an artist. A vessel of expression. An actor or singer refers to the body as an instrument, but it is the same for all artists. Most artists experience a state of no-mind where it seems like they are a puppet of the creative powers moving through them.

You are not your body, you are not your mind, your emotions or the karma you spew. What you are is Infinite and incomprehensible.

: Most of the time, I find myself desperate to %lsquoclaim it back%rsquo from all the projections, judgements and ideas of other people.

As an artist, you have not been true to yourself, that is why you are muddied. Fill you with you, with the creative power you are a vessel/manifestation of, and then take the monkey hands off the steering wheel of your life.

 You saw me with karma incoming as if I was being pelted with skittles, and you saw how it was mostly burning off in the outer layers of my aura, long before it reached the body.  I am not special, you can manifest that kind of energy for yourself... but by releasing these limiting beliefs, not by trying to be right about it all.  

:I%rsquove worn stiletto boots and corsets too, in my goth days, but what I enjoyed most about that was the sense of protection that gave me. I was never once attacked on the streets of London due to scary dress. I find that women who try to like harmless are more likely to get attacked%hellip rapists are cowards.

I have had the same experience, then done it again in nice grrl clothes. It is about attitude, body language, not wardrobe.

:  Later, telling friends they tried to tell me about everything that %lsquocould have happened%rsquo, trying to make me feel fearful and small. Because that%rsquos how we are ~supposed~ to feel. Never take any risks, never be angry, never feel powerful.

They gave you their karma, to pass onto Goddess for them, because they saw Her in you.

: Release it, move past it and look again? Why get angry at a game you are winning? You are young and slim with a flat belly and a beautiful manifestation of what society desires. You are also smart, motivated and K awakened.

: Winning%hellip hmm no one can ~win~ this game I think. It just temporarily looks that way. I don%rsquot enjoy win/lose games much because they keep us all stuck.

You are playing a lose-lose game now, so actually moving to win/lose would be an improvement.  I look for win/win, always but surrender to Free Will. There is no win/win with someone who plays in the win/lose world... but why not win in both?  

: Despite not being too bad looking at the moment, I am far from the ideal of perfection in many ways. I will also not be young for that much longer so there is no way I am going to %lsquowin%rsquo.

I am going to abandon this and go sailing for a week.

 If you want to hang onto the idea that there is no way to win in your life then go ahead, you are free to do that. I don't know why you would want to, but I do know my limitations.  I know that getting past scarcity consciousness and the world of losers and victimhood, is not something that can really be taught.  I can set people up to have experiences where they may discover that a different way of thinking is more effective, but only if they choose with their free will to be open to that.  
  Being Goddess of your own life is about seeing perfection in what Is. It is knowing that what you see is yourself reflected and if you don't like it, then change the world from the inside of you.

 Keep surrendering, Yvla... Blessings...

[Vyana]

I just want to say, I found this thread very valuable. Here are a lot of very important insight not only about male-female relationships but also about human relations and life in general.

[Ylva]

Hi,

Still processing this stuff. For some reason I also got a huge cold with sinus clearing after getting back from the festival, there is probably some kind of connection.

I am making a post tonight with comments on some of the stuff, about 1/3 or so... it's long.

Hope people don't feel they have to reply to everything, that wasn't the intention because it can be time-consuming.

Ylva

..............................................

There is one aspect of SM relationships I wish would go mainstream, and that is the open negotiation of relationships. We talk about our expectations, and what we want from each other.

That sounds like a great idea. Perhaps the current %lsquofailure%rsquo rate of marriages has something to do with the fact that people are trying to live out agreements based on the outdated expectations of some third party instead of figuring out what they really want for themselves?

Most of the current popular crop of sex symbols are in their 30's, even supermodels are getting older because the market of baby boomers want to see models closer to their own age. I watch a lot of space channel... plenty of women of all ages there, kicking ass and getting all the nerds excited. All the cop and detective shows too, have sexy strong older women.

Yes, you are right. But... I just wish there were more role models in real life too%hellip a lot of the women I meet that are older than me seem to be somewhat %lsquoclosed down%rsquo and overly domesticated. Their main concern seems to be with %lsquofitting in%rsquo. I have been told a little too often lately by women 5-10 years older than me that I don%rsquot act my age and don%rsquot fit in enough%hellip just because %lsquoyou have to%rsquo. Like just because they stopped enjoying themselves their job is now to police everyone else%hellip On the other hand, I was always told stuff like this so I%rsquom kinda used to it. I get scared though when I see it happen to friends, how they change and seem to lose their life force.

I do not want to become like this, but also the outside pressure seems to increase as I get older. Like I am running out of %lsquoexcuses%rsquo to be who I am. A woman%rsquos age being some kind of final, secret weapon to be used to beat her down with, as if it is something to be ashamed of. I have been standing up for myself about htis stuff for a long time. Don't want to give in now, but it might get harder.

Younger people on the other hand seem to like me and often even look up to me.

Most are not, (trained in how to process karma) and thus porn stars often have tragic lives and I teach students not to fantasize about someone without their consent.

Even regular fame seems to hurt some people.

I have never been a prostitute so I cannot say.

Now I am a little confused%hellip wouldn%rsquot it work similarly to how it works with the porn stars? Or is karma from a distance more dangerous than karma upfront? Perhaps the porn stars receive more mental energies than the prostitutes though?

I can say that I aged 10 years in three, when I retired as a ProDom and stopped feeding on male energy... and I seem to be getting younger and more fit now that I have started again...

Cool%hellip But also a little confused here%hellip aren%rsquot we supposed to be able to be self-sufficient with energy from our own source? At least I was hoping so, because I am pretty much fed up with needing any outside energies. Perhaps for you it is simply a matter of being in your Dharma?

but there is a sort of filter on my pin up pics... energy sent to them is redirected to Goddess, autopilot. What is given to Goddess comes back multiplied, I trust Her to take care of them, but I do think I get some fringe benefits for being the mailman/icon.
The power to transform is Unconditional love.

Cool%hellip so how would you go about setting up such a filter?

: When prostitutes have hired bodyguards instead of pimps plus start looking healthy, I may start to believe that they are empowered%hellip
Are you spewing this to release it or to validate it? What you focus on, will grow and attaching to a negative world view is not a good thing to do with Kundalini.

Hmmm no, I was thinking it might be a good thing, a landmark of sorts. Perhaps the future. While I understand that it is all equal from a higher perspective, I still consider these things currently pretty unbalanced from a regular perspective... but I am getting some ideas about how prostitution might be able to exist in a more balanced way.

One thing though... that has always bugged me. If you spend all your day having sex with people you don't have any desire to have sex with... for money. Being intimate, letting someone inside your body you don't really want to have in there.

I guess people can be very different, but personally, I wouldn't be able to do this without shutting down almost completely sexually. I would most likely lose my ability to enjoy sex as something I wanted to do as part of my own desires. It would change the meaning of sex for me.

Women train men to be civilized. So it has always been. It is feminism that caused us to lose the Grandmother wisdom about our own power and how to civilize men. Instead we have castrated them and then wonder why they try to be macho... or why the sensitive ones have erection problems. Of course they overcompensate, and get mouthy.

I think the Victorians already did a pretty good job with messing up sexuality%hellip and the move from lager families to smaller, nuclear ones have lessened everyone%rsquos social support systems.

Not sure feminism should be blamed for everything, seems a little black and white to me. I am sure there is a reason for all that and it%rsquos the future that counts. Something was unbalanced, the pot needed to be stirred. What was unconscious and automatic needed to be made conscious, now we have choices. It might be true that you can%rsquot make an omelette without breaking a few eggs on the way.

But yes, we probably need to create a new grandmother wisdom. Patriarchy itself can do a pretty good job of severing family ties between women, as traditionally a woman would be moved to the man%rsquos household, losing touch with her own family.

I never said it was harmless, I said it was understandable. Understanding aids compassion.

I still don%rsquot understand why you would talk badly about someone after giving you ~exactly~ what you want%hellip thereby lessening your chances of getting more of what you want. Assuming it really ~is~ what you want.

I am not surprised that some people consider sex and sexual relations as being so messed up that they'd rather stay away from it completely.

You know, if you get tired of the world you live in, you can go someplace better by changing your thinking. Personally, I don't run into these problems. Seems like I did, once upon a time... or thought I did... but being a vessel of the Goddess, and a sexual being seems all good to me! Wheeeeeeeee!

So you did at one time%hellip how did that change for you? I assume a Dominatrix more or less automatically gets respect though?

I want to go someplace better... but I am not sure where yet. I have to imagine it first and somehow be able to believe in it too.

later...

[Ylva]

Ok at least my ranting has lead to some good then...

Y

: I just want to say, I found this thread very valuable. Here are a lot of very important insight not only about male-female relationships but also about human relations and life in general.

[Ylva]

A few more:

---------------------------------------------

In 1997 I wrote:
The Lady.

This is great!

Yvla, it is just not about the men, or about the world. You did not love and respect yourself, enough to be true to yourself. You have lied and pretended to be what you are not, because you did not think you would be worthy of love unless you did.

That is true. I find this belief very hard to give up for some reason though. It used to be much worse though, I am doing it much less than I used to. It used to be almost 100%. Baby steps, I guess.

You have not honoured yourself, your own thoughts and desires. You have given yourself away to a man whom you now think is not worthy of you.

It%rsquos not that so much%hellip but no human being is really worthy of me giving away too much of myself. Or vice versa. I know that at some level and get angry at myself for doing it. I guess I project some of that anger back on the people I feel %lsquocaused%rsquo me to behave that way. But what really caused me to behave that way was a sense of powerlessness. This is really messed up.

You have given yourself away to wanting approval from the world. Would you do that if you really loved, valued and respected yourself? You won't get it, true love and self esteem have to be grown, from within.

I have always had a very strong and negative Inner Critic. Like 24/7 telling me how I am not ~allowed~ to feel good about myself unless I check with %lsquoreality%rsquo, which usually means someone else has to approve of me first.

Partly, this is how I was brought up, and I never questioned this idea that I was inherently flawed and needed to constantly improve myself and be accepted. It is really strong programming to break through, where every step feels like you risk being destroyed. I fight but I don%rsquot always win against those inner forces. They often have some trick up their sleeve it seems.

Last October I locked this character/voice in a box after an intense clearing session with my zone therapist. So it was quiet for a while. But what happened then is that I more or less lost any motivation to do anything, work etc. Because the main motivation for any work was always tied up to getting approval and finally proving myself. I haven't really got my motivation back. What if I don't really want to do anything? That's how I feel a lot of the time - don't want to do anything... don't want anything at all even. Unfortunately when I judge myself for feeling this way it opens up the back door for the critic to come back.

On the plus side, it has given my Beloved a bit of an opening... I have experienced some real love and even relaxation inside myself for the first time in ever. But I panic, because it feels like I am being forced to rest from some kind of huge exhaustion. I was hoping I would find new motivation sooner and be able to get on with my life... now I more or less feel that my life makes no sense and I don't even know what to do with it anmore.

How long will it take? If I lose patience with myself, the critic might get the upper hand again. He is muffled, but that doesn't make him harmless. He keeps telling me that I ~need~ him and his critical motivation to get anything done in my life and that if I stay with the Beloved I will just get spoiled and mess up my life. But what life? It never worked very well anyway.

[Gustaf]

: Yes and also making it a no-win situation in general for women to say yes to sex. Just because she had a bad reputation didn%rsquot mean she had no feelings.

Actions born out of fear causes hurt, hurt for myself and for others. That's what happened. And that fear is in 99% of the time completely illusiory.

: Both the Feminine and Masculine have shadows%hellip are  we seeing those? Seems both the Masculine and Feminine are due for a healing and these issues are coming up now. We seem to be individually dealing with these issues but they are more like universal issues. A lot of people are looking for political %lsquosolutions%rsquo when what is needed is workthrough and healing on  energetic and archetypal levels.

: I am looking in to these issues heavily at the moment, getting a lot of books too. So you will be able to borrow them and read. There%rsquos a lot of interesting stuff going on.

: These issues have become so urgent for me that I%rsquove had to put work aside somewhat in favour of intense research%hellip

: We don%rsquot know any of these cavemen personally%hellip some of them may have been real sweethearts%hellip Why blame everything on people we don%rsquot even know?

I wasn't blaming the situation on anything or anybody, simply sharing my experience. With "Caveman mentality" I am refering to instincts within us relating to territorial aspects, reproduction, self-preservation and so on. They are sometimes very much needed. But I don't see any need for territorialism, search for reproduction and survival every minute of my life.

It seems to me rather dysfunctional, or rather, very stressful to always have territory, win or lose, fight or flight taking up every ounce of consciousness. It seems like they get tied up with the ego, and everything becomes a fight for survival, even in the line in the grocerystore. I don't believe we need to take it to that extent.

: Why is life wasted%hellip

How could it be wasted? It's just what we make out of it.

: It%rsquos not that the %lsquosneeze%rsquo has no purpose... it%rsquos not that the %lsquosneeze%rsquo is evil%hellipbut when you know that more is possible, and not achieving it, you tend to feel alone, longing. Maybe not all people, but this happens for me.

: I read an article by a Japanese professor describing what he called %lsquomale frigidity%rsquo, describing the emptiness men feel after sex. When women, instead are often basking in %lsquoafterglow%rsquo and feeling happy. It may be that this is just normal for men%hellip but is still makes me feel sad and cheated%hellip that he can%rsquot be there with me, that we can%rsquot share this%hellip makes me feel alone. After sex is for me, if possible, even better than sex itself. And here is something I am bracing myself to say, it%rsquos probably not much fun for men to hear%hellip arghh what can I say, women don%rsquot tell men this, I%rsquom about to commit an evil action here.

: Masturbation for women is often better than sex with a man, especially if the sex is very basic. It%rsquos more or less always better for me, because I can be with DB afterwards instead of with some man who just makes me feel lonely.

I feel this afterglow when sex, alone or in couple has been an intimate, pleasurable experience.. The body feels good about itself, the mind feels good about itself.. The emptiness only comes in when there is no intimacy.. Funny thing, is that it takes but one person to be intimate, just occurred to me. What if when you look at the research, what you hear about other people, happy or suffering with sex, is but a reflection what you feel about sex yourself? After all, there are so many aspects of it.  What is it that you want to get out of it?  That's more important than the lack in my view.

: Yes so she is being rejected for being sexually aggressive. What does her example tell women?

Actually she stayed with me the whole night and we laid together and talked. She did not consider herself a victim to anything but was able to see that the issues were with me. She was very empathic and compassionate.

Ylva, when you say "women" and "men" what else could it mean than yourself? Your idea of yourself?  Looking back at my own memories and perspective on men, when I look at all men and women as a reflection of myself, what does it tell me?  What do I see?   Victims and aggressors?  Not any more. I see people who think they are half because they are a man or a woman.. Now what does that tell me?  That there's a split inside me, that's all. It doesn't mean I am half, just that there's a belief somewhere that this is so. The masculine and feminine wish to be healed.. Heal=make whole.. Holiness when there is unity. My body is male, but I am also woman.   Through my third eye I have on a couple occasions looked down on myself while walking or riding a train, seeing skirts!  Of course it is the Divine Beloved..

Many times I have noticed that when I am screaming in frustration, so is she.. When I am laughing and dancing, so is she. The deepest sharing and compassion possible.

The beauty is that I have full empowerment to heal my life. Total freedom. Whatever I see around me that makes me feel suffering I can take into my heart, looking within as something inside me, as a reflection of the suffering that is already thereI can ask for it to be surrendered, or healed.

Why do you see victims and aggressors? I see many who feel lonely and grasping.  What does this say?  I am going to heal and surrender the world of loneliness and grasping.  It's not necessary, it can look different, and it already is.

: Who labelled her a %lsquonympho%rsquo?  Very brave woman%hellip since I assume you rejected her in the end.

Heh, you know my old friends.   Nympho is not really a deregatory term, unless you want it to be. Looking back at it now, it was a beautiful experience.

: Women just like to be loved and approved of, trying to deliver what you guys want.

Read that line again and check with your discernment. Mine was very loud and clear on it.. I'd compare "women" and "guys" with archetypes within yourself that are screaming to be healed.  You are so incredibly bright and sovereign, the light of a Goddess! How does a Goddess look upon women and men, the feminine and the masculine?

: Those are two different things%hellip It%rsquos a good idea to keep sexuality out of the workplace, because people need to feel safe and able to relate in a professional way.

I find that difficult to agree with or disagree with, since there are so many different places to work.. Say, if you are a teacher, especially spiritual teacher, it is probably a very good idea in most cases!  But at McDonalds? I dunno, in social environments sexuality finds an outlet anyway if it's suppressed, often in predatory powergames, bullying and backstabbing.

: The problem is not women dressing like men, (people should be free to dress how they like) it%rsquos that we are living in a culture that has more or less labeled female qualities as being weak/negative (for both men and women) and that makes it difficult for a woman to access her feminine qualities from a place of strength. Here I agree that mainstream feminism has made a ~huge~ mistake. Being successful and making it in male society has become more important than figuring out who we really are and start creating with integrity.

The amazing thing is how we can heal ourselves completely from this, when we realize that what we see "out there" is just how we perceive ourselves, how we wish to be healed ourselves

: It%rsquos one thing to demand that people %lsquoshould%rsquo find you attractive%hellip that cannot be done. More disconcerting is that older women are expected to hide their sexuality, their own desires. Because it%rsquos not %lsquoappropriate%rsquo. To me, older women who are still in touch with their sexuality radiate a totally different power than the domesticated, self-imprisoned inhabitants of the moral high ground that you see all around. They don%rsquot expect every man to desire them, but neither do they deny their own sexuality.

: When your only power in society is the power of your sexual ~attractiveness~, it becomes dangerous to desire more than you are desired, because then you lose that power. This is a disadvantage for women, we have to control our own desire in order to stay in power. A big downside is that always working on being desired, never stopping to reflect on what you desire, puts you out of touch with your own sexual ~energy~.

: When women get older, they often trade in their sexual power for morality, and this imprisons them... they are not allowed to have fun anymore, so neither is anyone else! I wonder if there is another way... if women focus more on sexual energy and desire (rather than just being desired) and claim those, we might be able to find a power in the creativity that results... a power that is simply a power in ourselves, not dependent on others.

: Women themselves have a big part to play here, I find that there is a lot of %lsquobehaviour policing%rsquo going on between women socially. The relations women-women between are just as unhealthy and just as big a problem as the ones between men and women at the moment. Women need to be supportive of each other in terms of sexuality.

I find that there are many beautiful and healthy relations between women and men, men and men, and women and women.

: I bet you didn%rsquot read between the lines. But you are right. It%rsquos the burning of witches, just in a milder form.

I think that as long as we believe that there's a victim anywhere, and an aggressor, it's difficult to heal.. Having society being responsible for our sexuality, our joys and sorrows is a really powerless state, how could we ever hope to feel at ease even for a moment?

: Men always had that right, socially. And you still had to work on it. How hard do you think it is for a woman?

How hard is it for you?  I've met women who have no problem with it at all.

: I find mine stirring more in the second chakra, but I don%rsquot find it disturbing really. I feel like I have full free will choice whether to relieve it or I can channel it into creative expression. It even feels like will power in a way.

Funny that you said that. I read an article the other day in a Satyananda yoga mag, where they said that the experiences of first and second chakras tend to differ between men and women. In the power chakra it probably -will- manifest as willpower.. In the first two chakras as sexual power in one way or the other, in the heart, as love, and so on. Imagine it manifesting in all the chakras at the same time? Whoa what a ride!

: I hope she%rsquos hungry.

We are the hungry ones, starving for love. And love has no bounds, there's plenty to go around!

I don't expect you to agree with or like everything I say. Take care!

Namaste
Gustaf