Straight Spine

[Paris]

When I went to massage school we had a class that focused on the different aspects of our personalities, helping us to understand our behaviour and incorperate the various selves.  There is a huge part of my personality, a protector, whom I call "Bad Paris."  (That is not a value judgement, rather it is a description.)  Bad Paris can be pretty mean and heartless.  He is focused completely on self-preservation.  He (I) comes out when Goofy Paris (I) feels threatened.  I guess I developed that aspect of my personality in Argentina, either when I was on the streets dodging terrorists and the facist police or in the hospital when I was dancing with the reaper.  Bad Paris scares the shit out of people, and they leave me alone.  When I'm like that most people won't even look at me.  They keep their heads bowed and eyes on the ground.  I don't know what's happening at first, and I always wonder why everyone's acting so weird.

Anyway, I was reading an essay lesson that talked about posture and it said how Kundalini like a straight spine.  I learned the same thing in Tai Chi.  I tucked my pelvis and walk around a bit.  The lumbar area of my spine started to ache a little and my eyes started to wander some.  I went into work the next morning, and they gave me a check sheet to do inventory.  With my eyes acting funky it was hard and very stressful.  I felt threatened.

Well, everyone's been trying to be nice to me, and I've been pissed as hell.  I did some Tai Chi today, and I felt great.  But that was an hour ago, and right now I'm gonna kill something.  Or maybe I'll go have a big bowl of Lucky Charms.

[Scott E]

I have had the Tai Chi eyes that you are talking about since kundalini awakened. I got used to it. I feel that the kundalini is working out brain karma and eye karma but I am not saying that I think one should induce pain however. I think I look better now then I did a few years ago.

Today I re-read Mystress's article on Surrender on kundalini teacher. I might suggest that you re-read it. I was surprised that I had not absorbed all of what it had to say.

Scott

: Well, everyone's been trying to be nice to me, and I've been pissed as hell.  I did some Tai Chi today, and I felt great.  But that was an hour ago, and right now I'm gonna kill something.  Or maybe I'll go have a big bowl of Lucky Charms.

[Paris]

Scott wrote:

I have had the Tai Chi eyes that you are talking about since kundalini awakened. I got used to it.

Paris:

Strange you should say that.  Severe head-injuries always mess up your eyes.  They just don't want to coopperate with each other anymore.  When I was 16 I had an opperation to pull them back in line.  When I was 23 somethingf happened, that I now recognize as a big jolt of Kundalini, but after that I couldn't keep my eyes in line for nothing.  Worse than that they would jitter.  The right eye would go up and down, and the left eye would follow the outline of a trapazoid.  Just to walk across the room would make me sick to my stomach and give me headaches.  I started wearing a patch, and I ended up dropping out of college.  I always thought it was due to my head-injury.  Not being able to read much is a tragety to me.  Think about it and I want to cry.

[Scott E]

Hi Paris,

I have read that if when you look through your eyes, if you see the right side of your nose that you are predominantly logic minded and if your see the left side of your nose then you have a creative mind. Following this, I have wondered if the intense eye-ball stress was re-wiring of the logical and creative mind.

Head karma is intense and painful sometimes. I am sorry to hear about your difficulties. I left school too when K arose because it was to painful and stressful (24/7 stress from work and school and life purpose), but life seemed to balance out later. I am going to try and go back (or continue from home).

Not to scare, but I have read that some stretchy-yoga Gurus warn that a person will go crazy when kundalini goes into the brain. I think that message is a little excessive but it perhaps outlines the power of the body. In yoga schools such as hatha and kriya and the other stretchy types of yogas they often train their neck to deal with the kundalini before they awaken the snakes. I am not recommending that you do that but maybe it gives reverance to the pain felt when K re-organizes the physical and the mental.

I was in a chat with Mystress and she said that most people have head karma ( maybe you have more in your case).

A few tips that I have come up with for myself  is keeping a straight back, breathing through the abdomen, breathing through the legs or opening up the crown chakra. Relaxing the body and mind is also good I have found. A good trick for me is to try and not resist the kriyas when you are working intensly. But maybe your situation is far different from mine.

If I am not mistaken, the stuff being released tries to exit the crown, so in doing so I think it seems to pass through the eye balls.

Maybe try and ask Goddess to teach you how to deal with such a thing -- A deep personal surrender in the moment. I was angry at my eye balls for a long time until I sort of "sunk in" to my body. I think that being in the body helps. Grounding has helped me even tho it seemed painful. I got real with myself tho, the process was already painful. I was surprised that letting the energy release from the bottom of my body out the crown helped improve my posture.

Also maybe try a deep personal surrender when you are working and even ask god to help you get through your tasks. I was surprised at the innate body guidance Goddess has provided for me.

But don't do anything that you feel is unsafe to yourself. Its not really appropriate for me to say "this is how you should treat your body" especially when dealing with serious physical and neurological issues because I think it might be illegal to give medical advice.

Scott

: Strange you should say that.  Severe head-injuries always mess up your eyes.  They just don't want to coopperate with each other anymore.  When I was 16 I had an opperation to pull them back in line.  When I was 23 somethingf happened, that I now recognize as a big jolt of Kundalini, but after that I couldn't keep my eyes in line for nothing.  Worse than that they would jitter.  The right eye would go up and down, and the left eye would follow the outline of a trapazoid.  Just to walk across the room would make me sick to my stomach and give me headaches.  I started wearing a patch, and I ended up dropping out of college.  I always thought it was due to my head-injury.  Not being able to read much is a tragety to me.  Think about it and I want to cry.

[Paris]

Thanks Scott.  My relationship with the Great and Holy Thing has improved dramatically since I started that Fire Serpent Tantra course.  I used to play soccer before my accident, and I loved it more than anything.  I loved to run and dribble.  That's the only thing I cried about after my accident --not being able to play soccer anymore.  Since I started that course, every now and then when I'm home watching the kids, there is an occation to pass a ball from one foot to the other.  I'm alway surprised and delighted at how adroit I've become.

All this sorrow, pain and anguish I seem to go through periodically seems to open new doors for me.  New doors to new levels of tranquility.

Bless you, Scott.  Dropping out of college has been such a terrible pain for me (and I did it so many times!)  It's good to realize that just another twist to the path.  Unlike you, though, I don't anticipate ever going back (if I were too absolutely rule it out, it might happen.)

Thanks again,

Paris