Breakdown

[Vyana]

I had a kind of (nervous?) break-down last night. I was lying in my bed and suddenly something happened so that I had to get up in a hurry. I did that, but soon noticed that I could hardly stand on my feet. The symptoms %ndash which were extremely unpleasant %ndash are difficult to describe even in my own language. My heart was running wild, but still felt kind of weak as if it might stop beating anytime. My shoulders were shaking and felt as if they were loose. My stomach felt like it was expanding like a balloon and became very hard and tense, making it difficult to move. There were tensions in the upper part of my body, and especially chest and stomach. These tensions affected my body, so that I could hardly move. Then I also felt weak and had to soon lay down to relax my muscles and rest. The extremely unpleasant feeling in my chest, heart and shoulders is impossible to describe. Still in the morning after, I feel exhausted and my stomach feels expanded and tense.

I have had similar attacks earlier, which have sometimes been even worse. First time I had them were about six or seven years ago, when I was getting off some SSRI medication (Fevarin). I then had a few similar attacks during a period of a year or something. Last time I hade it was last summer, after I had been food poisoned abroad and my stomach had been upset for several days. Then I had not had such an attack for several years. These attacks normally just slowly fade away after a few hours.

What caused the attack is not easy to say. One psychological factor is that a manager played me a really nasty trick yesterday; setting me up for being hated by a lot of people (I have been the target of an extremely severe defamation campaign for over seven years). Another explanation might be lack of sleep. I have not got enough sleep the last nights. Then, it seems to me that a major part of the general problems I have to face are related to my muscular system; it%rsquos like the muscles in the left half of my body are somewhat contracted. I have been doing a lot of stretching on some of these muscles this last week. Then there is a possibility that lack of calcium might be involved. I have not been taking any additional calcium pills etc since august, but only once a day the mix of flax seed oil and what we call keso (cottage-cheese) the Mystress advised.

[Vyana]

I forgot to say that I also have a problem with heart burn and that stomach acid coming up into the oesophagus might be the causing factor of these attacks.

[Vyana]

Maybe I just had some bad food? It%rsquos only the stomach that%rsquos still turned upside down.

[Paris]

: I forgot to say that I also have a problem with heart burn and that stomach acid coming up into the oesophagus might be the causing factor of these attacks.

This "acid reflux" is a sure sign of the kundalini process in action.  It first happened to me after the first day of a workshop on Feldonkrais.  It was overwhelming.  The burning continued off and on for several years, but now it has disappeared.  It fact, I almost wish it would return (not really) as that was one of the guages I uses to judge whether something would help to raise Kundalini and whether I was overdoing it.  I think it comes from Kundalini burning off blockages in the third chakra.  I could be wrong.

[Vyana]

Thank you Paris! I cannot tell if that is correct generally, but it sure makes sense in my case. It started about the same time I had my first strong experiences of altered states of consciousness (I was 13 years old). Then it has come back now and then. My major problem also seems to be a power chakra trauma related to being the victim of bullying. I am working on that with chakra meditation and kriya yoga (ajapa japa) and it seems that my stomach is just getting more and more sensitive all the time. You didn%rsquot do anything specific to made it go away?

[Paris]

I haven't done anything specific to get over that burning.  Rolaids seem to work better than sodium bicarbonate.  Doing energy-work on the pyloric valve (valve between the stomach and the esophogus) seemed to help.  It's uncomfortable, but you're not going to die.

I still have funky things happening to my stomach.  I don't know if this is the best thing to do, but I just let it happen and go about my business.

: Thank you Paris! I cannot tell if that is correct generally, but it sure makes sense in my case. It started about the same time I had my first strong experiences of altered states of consciousness (I was 13 years old). Then it has come back now and then. My major problem also seems to be a power chakra trauma related to being the victim of bullying. I am working on that with chakra meditation and kriya yoga (ajapa japa) and it seems that my stomach is just getting more and more sensitive all the time. You didn%rsquot do anything specific to made it go away?

[Mystress]

  Hello, Vyana:

   I'll often wait for insights before responding to messages. I've sat on this one for a while, but I'm still not really getting anything. I think your understanding of what happened is pretty complete already.

That power chakra issues can cause digestive upset, you know that. Emotional distress upsets the stomach too, that is normal. Upset stomach and kriyas are normal for where you are at.. A symptom of power chakra stuff, and also of calcium/mineral imbalance, as you know.  Some subtle allergies can have bizarre effects. What you describe sounds like a physical reaction to a poison or toxin.
 I know when I am poisoned, even something as mundane as dentists anaestetic, or a bad smell... K rises to clear it from my system. At the dentist, I ask Shakti to wait...!

 I do hope you are seeing a Dr. to rule out a physical cause. Acid reflux is not harmless, it can burn a hole in the esophagus and cause all kinds of problems.  

 I'm sorry I cannot wave my magic wand and make it all perfect for you. I can only trust, that it Is. Goddess will give you the insights you require.  

 Kundalini, and shadow work especially are a DIY project. I can only guide. The Shadow is hidden by definition, and it lies in all the things you most fear to be true about yourself. Power chakra rules boundaries.

 Use your mind and soul, to go into the hurting places in your body with your whole focus, and often those places will surrender their memories, or simply release.

 Please do keep us posted on your progress. Blessings!

: I had a kind of (nervous?) break-down last night. I was lying in my bed and suddenly something happened so that I had to get up in a hurry. I did that, but soon noticed that I could hardly stand on my feet. The symptoms %ndash which were extremely unpleasant %ndash are difficult to describe even in my own language. My heart was running wild, but still felt kind of weak as if it might stop beating anytime. My shoulders were shaking and felt as if they were loose. My stomach felt like it was expanding like a balloon and became very hard and tense, making it difficult to move. There were tensions in the upper part of my body, and especially chest and stomach. These tensions affected my body, so that I could hardly move. Then I also felt weak and had to soon lay down to relax my muscles and rest. The extremely unpleasant feeling in my chest, heart and shoulders is impossible to describe. Still in the morning after, I feel exhausted and my stomach feels expanded and tense.

: I have had similar attacks earlier, which have sometimes been even worse. First time I had them were about six or seven years ago, when I was getting off some SSRI medication (Fevarin). I then had a few similar attacks during a period of a year or something. Last time I hade it was last summer, after I had been food poisoned abroad and my stomach had been upset for several days. Then I had not had such an attack for several years. These attacks normally just slowly fade away after a few hours.

: What caused the attack is not easy to say. One psychological factor is that a manager played me a really nasty trick yesterday; setting me up for being hated by a lot of people (I have been the target of an extremely severe defamation campaign for over seven years). Another explanation might be lack of sleep. I have not got enough sleep the last nights. Then, it seems to me that a major part of the general problems I have to face are related to my muscular system; it%rsquos like the muscles in the left half of my body are somewhat contracted. I have been doing a lot of stretching on some of these muscles this last week. Then there is a possibility that lack of calcium might be involved. I have not been taking any additional calcium pills etc since august, but only once a day the mix of flax seed oil and what we call keso (cottage-cheese) the Mystress advised.

[Vyana]

Hello, Vyana:
I'll often wait for insights before responding to messages. I've sat on this one for a while, but I'm still not really getting anything. I think your understanding of what happened is pretty complete already.

- Well, that is valuable information for me.

That power chakra issues can cause digestive upset, you know that.

- Yes, and my stomach problems started the same time as my experiences of higher states of consciousness.

Emotional distress upsets the stomach too, that is normal. Upset stomach and kriyas are normal for where you are at.  A symptom of power chakra stuff, and also of calcium/mineral imbalance, as you know. Some subtle allergies can have bizarre effects. What you describe sounds like a physical reaction to a poison or toxin.

- I saw my doctor yesterday and he suggested the same thing! I had a small piece of smoked sausage that evening, and he suggested that there was some kind of salt in that sausage, such as saltpetre, which caused the reaction. I have this extreme sensitivity to ordinary salt too. When I get too much of it in my food, my stomach can be upset for days and extra sensitive for weeks.

I know when I am poisoned, even something as mundane as dentists anaestetic, or a bad smell... K rises to clear it from my system. At the dentist, I ask Shakti to wait...!

- About three years ago I was to have surgery for my eyes, but they had to call the whole thing off. My whole body turned upside down just after I got the anaesthetics injected. My stomach expanded and felt like it would explode. They said it was a psychological reaction and that I had been nervous for the surgery, but that was probably not true. It was the second eye and the first operation (where I did not get any injection but just some pills) was a very positive experience.

I do hope you are seeing a Dr. to rule out a physical cause. Acid reflux is not harmless, it can burn a hole in the esophagus and cause all kinds of problems.

- I have been to several doctors for several years and they don%rsquot find anything save (1) there is coming up a little acid in my oesophagus just after I have gone to bed in the evening and (2) a light irritation in my oesophagus. They usually describe acid neutralizers, which only turn my stomach upside down, or Losec, which is even worse. So I am just taking a medicine called Gaviscon to stop the acid from coming up just before I go to bed.  

- I am presently seeing a doctor who is using some alternative methods on his stomach patients. His general observation is that I am unbelievably healthy. My blood pressure is splendid; my blood count is very good. He can find no toxins in my blood. My immune system is in an exceptionally good condition (when it comes to the condition of the white blood cells and absence free radicals) and he estimates my biological age at about five years old. It was also good to hear that the extremely severe stress I have been through has not had any lasting negative effect on my body. When he asked for an explanation I referred to the kundalini. An important part of the explanation for my symptoms seems to be that my body is very sensitive and tend to focus strongly on what is wrong.

- This doctor is now trying to find out if there is something wrong with the minerals in my body (which was also what you indicated almost a year ago). I had some homeopathic capsules (Utilin D6) this autumn to clean out my body on a cellular level. They made my stomach really upset when I had them but that was to be expected and they seem to have had a good effect, although I don%rsquot feel better. Now I am soon starting with some other capsules to clean out the lymph system (Latensin D6).

I'm sorry I cannot wave my magic wand and make it all perfect for you.

I certainly don%rsquot expect you to. You have really already helped me a lot. The tummo initiation really made magic. Your methods are very smooth and have made it possible for me to proceed without turning my whole energy system upside down. I am very grateful for that.

I can only trust, that it Is. Goddess will give you the insights you require.
Kundalini, and shadow work especially are a DIY project. I can only guide. The Shadow is hidden by definition, and it lies in all the things you most fear to be true about yourself. Power chakra rules boundaries.

- I am not yet at the shadow lesson. Actually I have not preceded much since last summer. This autumn I have focused on chakra meditation and on getting back in touch with my spine and getting able to do the kriya yoga exercises related to the spine. Presently I am going through the lessons from the beginning again, as a part of the lesson on body discernment.

- I think I sometimes fear death, i.e. when I have a severe attack such as the one I described. I also fear that I would fall prey to the impulse to get back at my bullies and really hurt them. It would be really easy for me to hurt them badly, one by one, just by publishing some facts and judgements. But I don%rsquot want to hurt any one. That is a very strong belief to me. Sometimes I think that I might need to get past that belief; that I might have to start acting like average people, to overcome my problems. I am however not afraid to do that, if it was not an act of revenge but an act of personal development. But most of the time I just think that I just have to copy with the situation emotionally and get past my spontaneous need for other peoples appreciation.

- This autumn I have been through strong feelings of, first, depression (not totally gone yet, I think), than anger, than fear and then the feeling of being of less value because other people are attacking me, which is the first spontaneous reaction to bullying. One good thing that seems to have come out of this is that it appears that my ability to visualize internal images has become somewhat better.

- One funny thing related to boundaries: My doctor noticed that I had Candida in my blood. It was not enough to be a problem. The funny thing was that my white blood cells did not attack those. Therefore he thought there was some kind of pact between them. Somehow, I perceive a parallel to my way of relating to my bullies. I could fight back at them as easily I my white blood cells could probably handle the Candida.

- A few days ago I started reading Wayne Dyers book Real magic. I have a feeling that finding my purpose in life would make my path easier. But when he started emphasizing the importance of getting to purpose and referred to Victor Frankl I put the book away. I don%rsquot believe in creating your own purpose the way Frankl prescribes. It might work for others, but I want the real thing. The next day I decided to give the book a second chance. I then discovered that Dyer claimed that his purpose in life was to serve and to love unconditionally (I don%rsquot remember the exact details). A purpose like that makes more sense to me.

Use your mind and soul, to go into the hurting places in your body with your whole focus, and often those places will surrender their memories, or simply release.

- I have practiced the yoga exercise that is called pratyahara, which is exactly what you describe, now and then for several years. Then the result is often that the pain is moving around a lot. It starts in the stomach but often moves to my head or neck. I also often get muscular contractions in my neck and/or body. Sometimes spontaneous head movements similar to those I do almost every day as a part of my yoga program.

[Percyval]

: I had a kind of (nervous?) break-down last night. I was lying in my bed and suddenly something happened so that I had to get up in a hurry. I did that, but soon noticed that I could hardly stand on my feet. The symptoms %ndash which were extremely unpleasant %ndash are difficult to describe even in my own language. My heart was running wild, but still felt kind of weak as if it might stop beating anytime. My shoulders were shaking and felt as if they were loose. My stomach felt like it was expanding like a balloon and became very hard and tense, making it difficult to move. There were tensions in the upper part of my body, and especially chest and stomach. These tensions affected my body, so that I could hardly move. Then I also felt weak and had to soon lay down to relax my muscles and rest. The extremely unpleasant feeling in my chest, heart and shoulders is impossible to describe. Still in the morning after, I feel exhausted and my stomach feels expanded and tense.

hi Vyana,

as Mystress has said, seeing a dr is very important... in case you haven't been thoroughly checked yet, much of what you describe are common symptoms of heart disease...

for quick info, go here:
 http://www.americanheart.org/  and click on  "Heart Attack Warning Signs"

keep in mind that aside from the obvious things like chest pain,i quote from the website above: "women are somewhat more likely than men to experience some of the other common symptoms, particularly shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting, and back or jaw pain."

warmly,

Percyval

[Vyana]

Thank you! I have had several typical heart attack symptoms from my stomach for many years. I have also had my heart thoroughly investigated, and it%rsquos not likely that I have any severe heart disease. Like many other kundalities I seem to be an exceptionally healthy man with strange symptoms. I think it%rsquos most likely that I was kind of poisoned as Mystress and my doctor suggests. Some kind of panic attack might be an alternative explanation. Anyway, I think the attack was triggered by food.