Karmic lessons on decisions

[Vyana]

When I have a lesson from kundalini, I most often forget about it in a day or two. I hope the insights from the lesson are still somehow added to my everyday behaviour. But you never know for sure, do you? And just the other day I read somewhere about how extremely important it was to write down all such insights. So, I will write this down and share it on this message board.

Three nights ago, the dog waked me up at 2 am and wanted to go out. I let him out for a short while, and then returned to sleep.

The next night, I woke up at 2 am again and felt terrible in my stomach in the solar plexus area. I had to drink a glass of water to feel good again. Then, I could not go back to sleep. Instead I got some kind of lesson. I have forgotten most details, but I think it was mostly a kind of anti-stress lesson about being relaxed, especially in my shoulders, in situations which are potentially upsetting.

This last night, I again woke up at 2 am and got another lesson. This time it was about making decisions.

We are living in a rather big house and keeping it warm in the winter is almost more than we can afford, especially since prices have increased extremely the last years, while wages and all other prices have hardly moved at all. Still, my wife is all the time putting the curtains in front of the heaters, which makes them ineffective and makes the costs increase even more.

Now I noticed, my wife had covered the heaters with the curtains once more, in spite of the fact that I had removed them before going to bed. When I got back to bed, I made a decision to discuss this with my wife in the morning. When I made this decision I noticed, I kind of made myself feel very serious and concentrated, then I kind of made an emotion or energy knot with that concentrated seriousness within my chest. It was similar to putting a string around a finger, not to forget about something important, but much more effective. I would suggest it was a kind of mental programming.

I probably do this all the time. And this is probably the technique I have all my life been using to accomplish my goals. But this time, as I was (after the lesson the night before) really relaxed and observant even in the intense second (or fraction of a second) of making the decision, I also noticed that having this knot there was really uncomfortable and that it kind of added to my power chakra problem. So, I started to surrender all decisions I had ever made using this technique. It felt like opening up a hole in my solar plexus area and letting a lot of small figures jump out of that hole. I probably went on with this for an hour or more. Then I probably fell at least half asleep, and later I noticed this process was going on in my head instead (or maybe at the same time).

For the future I will have to find another technique to make decision %ndash or to do without them.

[Gustaf]

: I probably do this all the time. And this is probably the technique I have all my life been using to accomplish my goals. But this time, as I was (after the lesson the night before) really relaxed and observant even in the intense second (or fraction of a second) of making the decision, I also noticed that having this knot there was really uncomfortable and that it kind of added to my power chakra problem. So, I started to surrender all decisions I had ever made using this technique. It felt like opening up a hole in my solar plexus area and letting a lot of small figures jump out of that hole. I probably went on with this for an hour or more. Then I probably fell at least half asleep, and later I noticed this process was going on in my head instead (or maybe at the same time).

Very interesting!  Because right before I read this post, I made a "decision" to remember testing something in the morning. I felt the very knot you described, from a witness state. Rememberance to surrender such things. And now new insights came back to me about it.  

Thanks!
Namaste
Gustaf

[Mystress]

  Heh, you guys. Fun to watch you growing.

 I simply don't make decisions anymore. I surrender decisions, it is more effective. That it was a decision to try to control what someone else does, would make the knot even bigger! Surrender it, and either it will resolve itself, or you will be given insights, words, and the perfect opportunity for discussion.

If I try to force myself to do something, I'll probably end up doing the opposite thing. I have no self-control, control belongs to Goddess.
 Especially with wanting to get things done the next day- I make a list, write it down. Otherwise trying to remember will keep me awake!

 Interesting to read old "things to do" lists and see how many things turned out to not need doing! Not necessary.

 Blessings!

: : I probably do this all the time. And this is probably the technique I have all my life been using to accomplish my goals. But this time, as I was (after the lesson the night before) really relaxed and observant even in the intense second (or fraction of a second) of making the decision, I also noticed that having this knot there was really uncomfortable and that it kind of added to my power chakra problem. So, I started to surrender all decisions I had ever made using this technique. It felt like opening up a hole in my solar plexus area and letting a lot of small figures jump out of that hole. I probably went on with this for an hour or more. Then I probably fell at least half asleep, and later I noticed this process was going on in my head instead (or maybe at the same time).

: Very interesting!  Because right before I read this post, I made a "decision" to remember testing something in the morning. I felt the very knot you described, from a witness state. Rememberance to surrender such things. And now new insights came back to me about it.  

: Thanks!
: Namaste
: Gustaf

[noco]

:  If I try to force myself to do something, I'll probably end up doing the opposite thing. I have no self-control, control belongs to Goddess.

Now this makes a great deal of sense to me, explains a lot. In that brief second I see the absolute value of surrender and the futility of attempting control. A brief flash yet all seen clearly. Yes, surrender it all. What will be will be, and usually to the good. C'est la vie...

Thank you for the trigger.

noco

[Mystress]

  Cool!

: :  If I try to force myself to do something, I'll probably end up doing the opposite thing. I have no self-control, control belongs to Goddess.

:
: Now this makes a great deal of sense to me, explains a lot. In that brief second I see the absolute value of surrender and the futility of attempting control. A brief flash yet all seen clearly. Yes, surrender it all. What will be will be, and usually to the good. C'est la vie...

: Thank you for the trigger.

: noco