Ending patriarchal rulership

[Lynn]

I really want to focus my complete attention on this brilliant course/ portal. Unfortunately, the guru that I left 14 months ago after almost getting killed when my crown was opened too forcefully, returned (his focus) and will not stop torturing my system with too many amps of constant destructive Shakti. I've written to him, but he is evidently angry that I've found my real teacher after he invested 5 years of his time, so he increased the amps again. My system is fried, in the process of being more fried, and I'm at a loss...

He is applying extreme amount of pressure, also. It feels/sounds like a huge generator in my body.

I couldn't bring myself to tell him my teacher is Mystress for fear that he will snap his cap even more. He is about Patriarchal rulership all the way, and that is brutal!

I would love to be able to overcome this situation!

[Gustaf]

Dear Lynn!

Any guru or teacher worth his weight will tell you that the real guru is within you, and that it is just a matter of difference in the form that it takes. Guru, Self, God are all the same. His only purpose is to remove the obstacles that make you believe you are something else.

Most of this stuff is a bit out of my league, but I will respond to the best of my ability and discernment.

So you have written to him, did he respond to you angrily?

Your real Guru is inside you, it is the Self. If you look within you, can you feel any pointer to where it is?  If not, no worries. This tantra course will teach you how to do exactly that.

I will tell you of a real guru. Several years ago, I received a personal mantra from Swami Niranjananda Saraswati, successor to Swami Satyananda Saraswati. There was no conditions or contracts with it. It was a beautiful resonating gift of love and vibrations. The power of this mantra is the power I allow it to have. The depth of surrender to any guru, within or without, is solely dependant on the surrender of my ego, surrender of my own free will. In the end it is all the same.

I had a long absence from my mantra, because the meditation was bringing me too much pain. I was seeking too hard. Now just a month ago, the mantra came back to me, delivered by the Heart. It delivered the vibratory, true essence of it. Not the words, but the full experience of it. Still, I will say the words. "I surrender to Spirit/Goddess" Now, everytime I hear it sounding inside me, whatever is in that moment, is surrendered, returning to the source it came from. The last thing going through my mind falling asleep at night is peace, taking surrender into sleep.

As I am typing this, my head is resting in my Divine Beloved's lap.  She has the form of Saraswati today. She touches my hair, and whispers  the mantra in my ear. My eyes are watering again. Thanks goodness I've relearned how to cry a little bit.

Swami Satyananda once said that no matter who your guru is, no matter where you go, you take the same mantra with you. It is more than just words, the mindless rotating of a mala.

I've told the Swamis of Mystress and her teachings. They have checked out the webpages. "This is good for you Gustaf" They see no conflict in it with the yoga I'm learning from them.

I've gotten off topic a bit!

Are you for sure that the energies you are feeling, the intense Shakti is something forced on you. What if this huge generator is your own Shakti?  In fact, Shakti can't be controlled, or manipulated. Prana can, thoughts maybe, but Shakti? She is pure intelligence, pure spirit. It sounds as if you are going through something very rough and intense at the moment.  Mystress teaches many good things about how to deal with projections.  You can ask Goddess to return anything that isn't yours, to the person it came from. Just make sure that Goddess takes care of it, otherwise you will project back at him.

He really has no power over you. In truth you are no victim. You are Self, you are Goddess.

Namaste and Love!
Gustaf

: I really want to focus my complete attention on this brilliant course/ portal. Unfortunately, the guru that I left 14 months ago after almost getting killed when my crown was opened too forcefully, returned (his focus) and will not stop torturing my system with too many amps of constant destructive Shakti. I've written to him, but he is evidently angry that I've found my real teacher after he invested 5 years of his time, so he increased the amps again. My system is fried, in the process of being more fried, and I'm at a loss...

: He is applying extreme amount of pressure, also. It feels/sounds like a huge generator in my body.

: I couldn't bring myself to tell him my teacher is Mystress for fear that he will snap his cap even more. He is about Patriarchal rulership all the way, and that is brutal!

: I would love to be able to overcome this situation!

[Lynn]

: Dear Lynn!

: Any guru or teacher worth his weight will tell you that the real guru is within you, and that it is just a matter of difference in the form that it takes. Guru, Self, God are all the same. His only purpose is to remove the obstacles that make you believe you are something else.

Hi Gustaf,
You are absolutely right! I was raised by a guardian who was a guru, and he was just like the one I'm dealing with now, except on  different levels. It is a karmic pattern. I love them both with all of my heart, but they are insane and dominating. Also brilliant. What can I say?
This guru seems to be teaching me about the power within myself. Evidently, I need to be pummeled and pounded and freaked out and practically killed before I will awaken to this. It's a complete torturous drag, but I hope it is over now, and Mystress is affecting my life in such a positive way.

: So you have written to him, did he respond to you angrily?

Yes! He was furious and raised the energy again - it is sort of like having a hose on full force in manipura, the power chakra. He does this to his students when they are disobedient. I was the most disobedient student (not on purpose) and also most sensitive to his punishment. It reminded me of that movie about the doctor who lives on an island where he created half animal-half humans, and he keeps them in line by zapping them in their implants.
I couldn't grow! I felt like I was walking on egg shells all the time.

: Your real Guru is inside you, it is the Self. If you look within you, can you feel any pointer to where it is?  If not, no worries. This tantra course will teach you how to do exactly that.

Yes, the course is incredible! The shakti from the course is what is creating big change for me.

: I will tell you of a real guru. Several years ago, I received a personal mantra from Swami Niranjananda Saraswati, successor to Swami Satyananda Saraswati. There was no conditions or contracts with it. It was a beautiful resonating gift of love and vibrations. The power of this mantra is the power I allow it to have. The depth of surrender to any guru, within or without, is solely dependant on the surrender of my ego, surrender of my own free will. In the end it is all the same.

: I had a long absence from my mantra, because the meditation was bringing me too much pain. I was seeking too hard. Now just a month ago, the mantra came back to me, delivered by the Heart. It delivered the vibratory, true essence of it. Not the words, but the full experience of it. Still, I will say the words. "I surrender to Spirit/Goddess" Now, everytime I hear it sounding inside me, whatever is in that moment, is surrendered, returning to the source it came from. The last thing going through my mind falling asleep at night is peace, taking surrender into sleep.

It appears you travel home through the bhakti and mantra yoga together. We have that in common. I love the mantra experience. a part of my journey has been through mantra as well. After I had a traumatic crown chakra opening, and it has been healing slowly, I began surrendering all the time in a way that causes my body to rotate. I offer everything up, then sink down, and then the kundalini moves up and makes my neck, head& body rotate. It is evidently from doing a form of Kriya for many years.

: As I am typing this, my head is resting in my Divine Beloved's lap.  She has the form of Saraswati today. She touches my hair, and whispers  the mantra in my ear. My eyes are watering again. Thanks goodness I've relearned how to cry a little bit.

: Swami Satyananda once said that no matter who your guru is, no matter where you go, you take the same mantra with you. It is more than just words, the mindless rotating of a mala.

: I've told the Swamis of Mystress and her teachings. They have checked out the webpages. "This is good for you Gustaf" They see no conflict in it with the yoga I'm learning from them.

What is the yoga you are learning? You are a natural bhakta.

: I've gotten off topic a bit!

: Are you for sure that the energies you are feeling, the intense Shakti is something forced on you. What if this huge generator is your own Shakti?  In fact, Shakti can't be controlled, or manipulated. Prana can, thoughts maybe, but Shakti? She is pure intelligence, pure spirit. It sounds as if you are going through something very rough and intense at the moment.  Mystress teaches many good things about how to deal with projections.  You can ask Goddess to return anything that isn't yours, to the person it came from. Just make sure that Goddess takes care of it, otherwise you will project back at him.

Yes, Gustaf. thank you! It is my own Shakti. You are right. I've been thinking about it & expressing it wrong. I've been in this relationship for many years and the acceleration of energy that the guru creates is a big part of it. He focuses and causes it to happen. But, yes, I know what you mean by the Shakti not being a manipulatable energy. What happens is he causes our own energy to become accelerated by his focusing. It feels invasive, overwhelming and crippling.

: He really has no power over you. In truth you are no victim. You are Self, you are Goddess.

Thanks for reminding me, Gustaf.

I've been learning more about the eka cords.
It has been seemingly impossible to stop the influence of the guru's power through the eka cords. I've been grounding 8x a day and sipping back my own energy through the cords, but then he just focusses more and it comes back stronger!
So, I started cutting them with the sword of Truth, and then they get fried and pulling out the cords from the power chakra. I'm much better, but almost afraid to say anything yet because he may just be taking a break. Something very intense is happening, though, and it is part of the effects of the grounding and also something else that is very important. It is intention! Because my intention has become pure and direct,and I'm more grounded, the world has been taking on the appearance of being very dreamlike. When I feel the acceleration of energy in my power chakra from the guru's focussing, it is more choppy and dreamy now.

: Namaste and Love!

Lynn

[Gustaf]

: Hi Gustaf,
: You are absolutely right! I was raised by a guardian who was a guru, and he was just like the one I'm dealing with now, except on  different levels. It is a karmic pattern. I love them both with all of my heart, but they are insane and dominating. Also brilliant. What can I say?

: This guru seems to be teaching me about the power within myself. Evidently, I need to be pummeled and pounded and freaked out and practically killed before I will awaken to this. It's a complete torturous drag, but I hope it is over now, and Mystress is affecting my life in such a positive way.

Haha, often that seems to be the case with me too. Although I have no insane personal gurus close to me in my life, I get whacked and pummeled into surrender by any other form Goddess takes to do so. Most teachers I've met have always known I sometimes need some tough love, and respond well to it without shrinking into defensiveness. In sense it's a gift, since in retrospection it can bring some pretty fast growth!

: Yes! He was furious and raised the energy again - it is sort of like having a hose on full force in manipura, the power chakra. He does this to his students when they are disobedient. I was the most disobedient student (not on purpose) and also most sensitive to his punishment. It reminded me of that movie about the doctor who lives on an island where he created half animal-half humans, and he keeps them in line by zapping them in their implants.

Sounds rather painful. Do you believe he is doing it for his personal means or do you experience Goddess working through him with it? Something feels odd about it, just don't know what.

: I couldn't grow! I felt like I was walking on egg shells all the time.

No doubt! Reminds me of electric shock therapies in the 1950's that left mental patients as nervous wrecks.

: Yes, the course is incredible! The shakti from the course is what is creating big change for me.

Me too!  I started it in January, and so much has happened since then.

: It appears you travel home through the bhakti and mantra yoga together. We have that in common. I love the mantra experience. a part of my journey has been through mantra as well. After I had a traumatic crown chakra opening, and it has been healing slowly, I began surrendering all the time in a way that causes my body to rotate. I offer everything up, then sink down, and then the kundalini moves up and makes my neck, head& body rotate. It is evidently from doing a form of Kriya for many years.

: What is the yoga you are learning? You are a natural bhakta.

Yes! Bhakti comes very natural for me. To simply melt into eternity! The yoga I'm learning is a mix of several different things. Bhakti yoga in form of mantras and devotion. Mystress teaches that too, with different forms of surrender. For my body, I practice (and also teach) Hatha yoga. I'm also practicing some Kriya yoga and Nada yoga. Karma yoga is important too. Give up doership in daily activities... I've found that Karma yoga and Bhakti yoga have a lot in common. They are both all about surrender. And of course the introspection of Jnana yoga.  LOL it seems like a lot, but in truth, I don't spend all that much time with it. It's just the perfect blend of all things after years of experiences.  How about you?

: Yes, Gustaf. thank you! It is my own Shakti. You are right. I've been thinking about it & expressing it wrong. I've been in this relationship for many years and the acceleration of energy that the guru creates is a big part of it. He focuses and causes it to happen. But, yes, I know what you mean by the Shakti not being a manipulatable energy. What happens is he causes our own energy to become accelerated by his focusing. It feels invasive, overwhelming and crippling.

: Thanks for reminding me, Gustaf.

: I've been learning more about the eka cords.
: It has been seemingly impossible to stop the influence of the guru's power through the eka cords. I've been grounding 8x a day and sipping back my own energy through the cords, but then he just focusses more and it comes back stronger!
: So, I started cutting them with the sword of Truth, and then they get fried and pulling out the cords from the power chakra. I'm much better, but almost afraid to say anything yet because he may just be taking a break. Something very intense is happening, though, and it is part of the effects of the grounding and also something else that is very important. It is intention! Because my intention has become pure and direct,and I'm more grounded, the world has been taking on the appearance of being very dreamlike. When I feel the acceleration of energy in my power chakra from the guru's focussing, it is more choppy and dreamy now.

I am very happy to hear that you are moving through all this with your own faith and discernment. I get a strong feeling that things are going very well for you

I had some experience of the cords with family. I learned how to snip them, like with scissors. It makes family confused. They don't recognize me at times. Hey, where's Gustaf's family karma? "Why is this button not working? I am pushing like always."

Anyways, I am off for a day trip to sing Kirtans now, excited already.

Namaste
Gustaf

[Lynn]

: : Hi Gustaf,

: : This guru seems to be teaching me about the power within myself. Evidently, I need to be pummeled and pounded and freaked out and practically killed before I will awaken to this. It's a complete torturous drag, but I hope it is over now, and Mystress is affecting my life in such a positive way.

: Haha, often that seems to be the case with me too. Although I have no insane personal gurus close to me in my life, I get whacked and pummeled into surrender by any other form Goddess takes to do so. Most teachers I've met have always known I sometimes need some tough love, and respond well to it without shrinking into defensiveness. In sense it's a gift, since in retrospection it can bring some pretty fast growth!

You are talking about something that is healthy, Gustaf -it is accomplished without ego. Mystress's teaching unveils the authentic self pretty quickly, and I notice that I say things occasionally that I don't fully believe in order to try and make things feel safer. The truth is, I don't really believe that I needed to be whacked to such an extent by this being. It went beyond tough love. It seems like a power trip.I just hope it all turns out OK.

: : Yes! He was furious and raised the energy again - it is sort of like having a hose on full force in manipura, the power chakra. He does this to his students when they are disobedient. I was the most disobedient student (not on purpose) and also most sensitive to his punishment. It reminded me of that movie about the doctor who lives on an island where he created half animal-half humans, and he keeps them in line by zapping them in their implants.

: Sounds rather painful. Do you believe he is doing it for his personal means or do you experience Goddess working through him with it? Something feels odd about it, just don't know what.

I experience both Goddess and his egoistic motivation. He feels that I am his property, and wants me to come to him. In a deep way, I am married to this being because of our merged essence. He taught me so much! He has knowledge that is extremely rare, but he never transcended his ego fully. After the crown chakra incident, a lot of things about this
man's past were revealed to me. He had a very rough time of it, evidently, when he was young.
It is important to make sure that a male guru had a good relationship with his mother before you get deeply involved or that he is healed from the damage - and not to ever fall for the "crazy wisdom" thing. A deep abiding trust should be established before initiation.

: : I couldn't grow! I felt like I was walking on egg shells all the time.

: No doubt! Reminds me of electric shock therapies in the 1950's that left mental patients as nervous wrecks.

Yes, or like S%M without a safe word.

. Karma yoga is important too. Give up doership in daily activities... I've found that Karma yoga and Bhakti yoga have a lot in common. They are both all about surrender. And of course the introspection of Jnana yoga.  LOL it seems like a lot, but in truth, I don't spend all that much time with it. It's just the perfect blend of all things after years of experiences.  How about you?

Only Mystress's Grounding exercise, and today I'm too expanded and off balance physically to do it. Your practice feels very clean, Gustaf, and that is the way it should be. Surrender is so easy for you..

Last early evening, I fell asleep for a few hours, and when I woke up, my heart started pounding and a dense mass came down into my body. It didn't come in straight, though. It came in on a slant. I felt very compressed, and then my being became quite expanded so that the earth is inside me and then the universe and the experience of being the Self. I was in psychic conversation with the guru who was merging with me. He was showing me how ridiculous were my attempts to try and resist him by doing work with the cords, etc, which I have to admit does seem pretty pathetic in comparison to the power and vastness of his presence. He was laughing and I couldn't stop laughing with him uncontrollably for so many hours that I'm still exhausted. So, my being is still quite expanded, my essence is merged with his, but physically, there hasn't been a complete alignment. Whatever part of him that came in, is still slanted. I'm hoping things will align if I give it some time. I may need Mystress's help if she can give me some advice as to how to facilitate the full alignment.

: I had some experience of the cords with family. I learned how to snip them, like with scissors. It makes family confused. They don't recognize me at times. Hey, where's Gustaf's family karma? "Why is this button not working? I am pushing like always."

I had to leave my family physically as well as doing work with the cords. What a relief that was!

: Anyways, I am off for a day trip to sing Kirtans now, excited already.

Are you actually living in India?

Lynn

[Gustaf]

: Only Mystress's Grounding exercise, and today I'm too expanded and off balance physically to do it. Your practice feels very clean, Gustaf, and that is the way it should be. Surrender is so easy for you..

Often I've found it important to me to narrow down the amount of practices, or I tend to lose focus. Grounding is part of everything these days. Surrender is, too.

: Last early evening, I fell asleep for a few hours, and when I woke up, my heart started pounding and a dense mass came down into my body. It didn't come in straight, though. It came in on a slant. I felt very compressed, and then my being became quite expanded so that the earth is inside me and then the universe and the experience of being the Self. I was in psychic conversation with the guru who was merging with me. He was showing me how ridiculous were my attempts to try and resist him by doing work with the cords, etc, which I have to admit does seem pretty pathetic in comparison to the power and vastness of his presence. He was laughing and I couldn't stop laughing with him uncontrollably for so many hours that I'm still exhausted. So, my being is still quite expanded, my essence is merged with his, but physically, there hasn't been a complete alignment. Whatever part of him that came in, is still slanted. I'm hoping things will align if I give it some time. I may need Mystress's help if she can give me some advice as to how to facilitate the full alignment.

When I took the Tummo initiation, the more personal contact definitely helped to touch some of the more deeper, personal imbalances that were there. I also believe that your discernment is already taking you in a balanced direction, not falling for all the tricks and manipulation that comes your way!  

: Are you actually living in India?

No, I live in Sweden, but I'm blessed to know two Swamis who have given me both guidance and blessed friendship through the last few years. We arrange Kirtans in this area every second week. It's a true joy.

Namaste!
Gustaf

[Mystress]

: : : Hi Gustaf,

: : : This guru seems to be teaching me about the power within myself. Evidently, I need to be pummeled and pounded and freaked out and practically killed before I will awaken to this.

Apparently.

It's a complete torturous drag, but I hope it is over now, and Mystress is affecting my life in such a positive way.

I'm glad.

: You are talking about something that is healthy, Gustaf -it is accomplished without ego. Mystress's teaching unveils the authentic self pretty quickly, and I notice that I say things occasionally that I don't fully believe in order to try and make things feel safer. The truth is, I don't really believe that I needed to be whacked to such an extent by this being. It went beyond tough love. It seems like a power trip.I just hope it all turns out OK.

Sigh. Danijel and I were very good friends once upon a time, he used to be a K-list member and one of the guest essays in this course is his. I love him much but I got tired of the endless flame wars and I broke off contact. Love him better from a distance. I was never his student, we were friends.
 Usually he does not intend to be mean. I concuded it is a cultural thing, he seemed to think it was normal, so I guess Croations normally insult and disrespect people.

I know he is certainly capable of being a giant flaming asshole, but chasing after students who have said they don't want to play, really  doesn't seem like his style.

: I experience both Goddess and his egoistic motivation. He feels that I am his property, and wants me to come to him. In a deep way, I am married to this being because of our merged essence.

He is still playing that game? LOL! Jeez, I'd have thought he'd had enough of burnt fingers by now. He says that to all of his students. If you agree to it, then your inner Divine Beloved appears wearing DT's face. It can get messy. This is not the first time I have inherited one of his students for rehabilitation. He would say I should send you back to beg his forgiveness... (shrug)

The true sacred marriage, is to Goddess within yourself. Danijel has some power, and is quite the Sanskrit scholar but Free will is Goddess law and nothing transcends that. No means no.

 I think you need to ask yourself what you get out of projecting your Divine Beloved onto him, and giving him credit for what Goddess within you does.  

: He taught me so much! He has knowledge that is extremely rare,

Ya think so?

: but he never transcended his ego fully. After the crown chakra incident, a lot of things about this
: man's past were revealed to me. He had a very rough time of it, evidently, when he was young.
: It is important to make sure that a male guru had a good relationship with his mother before you get deeply involved or that he is healed from the damage - and not to ever fall for the "crazy wisdom" thing. A deep abiding trust should be established before initiation.

You have him pegged pretty well.

: Yes, or like S%M without a safe word.

ROTFLOL!! Tell him so, if you want to really piss him off! He always denied we had that kink in common.

 Blessings...

[Lynn]

:  I know he is certainly capable of being a giant flaming asshole, but chasing after students who have said they don't want to play, really  doesn't seem like his style.

He wanted to finish things his way. About 3 weeks after the crown chakra crisis, he came to me astrally, but Goddess had revealed a yogic remedy when I asked for a way to survive, and I was completely focussed on that & couldn't respond to him. So, he finally went away. Three months later, he showed up astrally in my head, and said "You're Not Good Enough," in a completely emotionless voice, through a leviathan like construct with vajra emanating from it. It was an impressive construct, but I certainly didn't respond. When he returned last month doing the ol' manipura torture, I said no in every way possible, but he would not hear it. He wanted me to merge into him, and when I wouldn't surrender, he finally forced it. So, the drama of resisting is over, anyway.

: : I experience both Goddess and his egoistic motivation. He feels that I am his property, and wants me to come to him. In a deep way, I am married to this being because of our merged essence.

: He is still playing that game? LOL! Jeez, I'd have thought he'd had enough of burnt fingers by now. He says that to all of his students.

Well, it's true of all of his students. Not a physical marriage, but a merged essence thing.

If you agree to it, then your inner Divine Beloved appears wearing DT's face. It can get messy.

Is there a way to undo it? I'm already unified with the Divine Beloved with his face. I need to get free.

This is not the first time I have inherited one of his students for rehabilitation. He would say I should send you back to beg his forgiveness... (shrug)

Exactly! Unbelievable!

:  The true sacred marriage, is to Goddess within yourself. Danijel has some power, and is quite the Sanskrit scholar but Free will is Goddess law and nothing transcends that. No means no.

Then how could he do that to me when I've been screaming and doing everything possible to get him to leave me alone?
He overrode my free will because in his warped estimation, what I say means nothing. He recently took down the English forum from his website and posted family pictures, but when it was up, I read it. His students, and there are only a few, (can't imagine why), have been brainwashed into thinking that his many casualties don't matter because a yogi master of his caliber is so valuable to God, easily worth more than countless lives of the average beings.

:   I think you need to ask yourself what you get out of projecting your Divine Beloved onto him, and giving him credit for what Goddess within you does.  

I don't get anything good from it.I want to be free from doing that. Vajra is powerful energy: the harder-than-a-diamond, etheric phallus of God that is located in the throat chakra, and when it is intuited and experienced, the ether emerges. He awakened me to that, and I identified him with that power, so that has his face on it too. He has been manipulating things from his end. I'm not imagining that, but I see the projection game that exists.If there were a way to undo it, I would certainly want to accomplish that.

: : He taught me so much! He has knowledge that is extremely rare,

: Ya think so?

Actually, I've had only small tastes of the knowledge that he keeps hidden until one becomes his advanced student. It seems to me, he learned a lot of it from you. He also kept the grounding technique from me so I would be at a disadvantage.

: : Yes, or like S%M without a safe word.

: ROTFLOL!! Tell him so, if you want to really piss him off! He always denied we had that kink in common.

I don't want to piss him off...
I see him decked out in his Hitler outfit, tho, ready to lash me (his mother) just one mo' time. )

[Gustaf]

::His students, and there are only a few, (can't imagine why), have been brainwashed into thinking that his many casualties don't matter because a yogi master of his caliber is so valuable to God, easily worth more than countless lives of the average beings.

My goodness! That kind of thinking gave me the image of a very large, balloon shaped ego. Yet I feel so honored to see you having come through it. I'm in awe before the resiliance of the true inner spirit.

PS: Apologies in advance if the italics or font is messed up, not sure how to reset it back to standard font.

[Lynn]

:Often I've found it important to me to narrow down the amount of practices, or I tend to lose focus. Grounding is part of everything these days. Surrender is, too.

Yes, I'm finding that less is definitely more. I've been told for 15 years that I need to get grounded. Finally, I found the way.

: When I took the Tummo initiation, the more personal contact definitely helped to touch some of the more deeper, personal imbalances that were there.

I think I should do that, but I'm so frazzled right now from all of the stress. Was it very dramatic for you?

: : Are you actually living in India?

: No, I live in Sweden, but I'm blessed to know two Swamis who have given me both guidance and blessed friendship through the last few years. We arrange Kirtans in this area every second week. It's a true joy.

It sounds beautiful. It reminds me of the time I spent with the Hare Krishnas a long time ago.
The Krishna folks made unbelievably fantastic prasad.

Lynn

[Lynn]

: ::His students, and there are only a few, (can't imagine why), have been brainwashed into thinking that his many casualties don't matter because a yogi master of his caliber is so valuable to God, easily worth more than countless lives of the average beings.

: My goodness! That kind of thinking gave me the image of a very large, balloon shaped ego. Yet I feel so honored to see you having come through it. I'm in awe before the resiliance of the true inner spirit.

) Thanks, Gustaf. You have been a real support through this whole thing.

: PS: Apologies in advance if the italics or font is messed up, not sure how to reset it back to standard font.

That was my fault, Gustaf. I got all merged into Mystress's italics. Wonder if that is significant!

[Gustaf]

: ) Thanks, Gustaf. You have been a real support through this whole thing.

Happy to be in service. I've been surrendering many things as well.

: That was my fault, Gustaf. I got all merged into Mystress's italics. Wonder if that is significant!

It wouldn't surprise me.

[Scott E]

Hi Lynn,

This story really rocked me. Gave me a lot to think about. Thank you for sharing.

All the best to you!

Scott

: I really want to focus my complete attention on this brilliant course/ portal. Unfortunately, the guru that I left 14 months ago after almost getting killed when my crown was opened too forcefully, returned (his focus) and will not stop torturing my system with too many amps of constant destructive Shakti. I've written to him, but he is evidently angry that I've found my real teacher after he invested 5 years of his time, so he increased the amps again. My system is fried, in the process of being more fried, and I'm at a loss...

: He is applying extreme amount of pressure, also. It feels/sounds like a huge generator in my body.

: I couldn't bring myself to tell him my teacher is Mystress for fear that he will snap his cap even more. He is about Patriarchal rulership all the way, and that is brutal!

: I would love to be able to overcome this situation!

[Mystress]

: : I know he is certainly capable of being a giant flaming asshole, but chasing after students who have said they don't want to play, really  doesn't seem like his style.

: He wanted to finish things his way. About 3 weeks after the crown chakra crisis, he came to me astrally, but Goddess had revealed a yogic remedy when I asked for a way to survive, and I was completely focussed on that & couldn't respond to him. So, he finally went away. Three months later, he showed up astrally in my head, and said "You're Not Good Enough," in a completely emotionless voice, through a leviathan like construct with vajra emanating from it. It was an impressive construct, but I certainly didn't respond. When he returned last month doing the ol' manipura torture, I said no in every way possible, but he would not hear it. He wanted me to merge into him, and when I wouldn't surrender, he finally forced it. So, the drama of resisting is over, anyway.
:  

We used to do some karma clearing on each other.. (though I am sure he would deny it now) and at one point he went after something in my power chakra... I never did identify what, I couldn't find anything. I became very ill with a racking cough, ripped an intercostal muscle in my ribs. Really painful. He was contrite.
I whacked him pretty hard a few times too, LOL! He'd say I nearly killed him. We loved each other but we fought all the time... but even so, it is, as I said, a cultural thing. I realized verbal abuse is normal communication style to Croats, just like criticism is normal love language to Germans. They are genuinely surprised when people of other cultures are offended by it. Danijel is pretty crazy but he is essentially compassionate and has a good heart.

: : He is still playing that game? LOL! Jeez, I'd have thought he'd had enough of burnt fingers by now. He says that to all of his students.

: Well, it's true of all of his students. Not a physical marriage, but a merged essence thing.

I want you to ask your heart if it is really true, or necessary. Look deeper in your heart and ask yourself why you gave away your soverignty over yourself.

: If you agree to it, then your inner Divine Beloved appears wearing DT's face. It can get messy.

: Is there a way to undo it? I'm already unified with the Divine Beloved with his face. I need to get free.

Yes, talk to your DB and ask it to take another form. Ask your Guardian angel not to let DT in again. Quit claiming victimhood.

: This is not the first time I have inherited one of his students for rehabilitation. He would say I should send you back to beg his forgiveness... (shrug)

: Exactly! Unbelievable!

Eh, I'm really not sympathetic. You actually do owe him an apology, and will give it to him eventually when you evolve in understanding... your conscience will demand it.  Hopefuly it won't take too long.  He probably owes you one too... . but not so much as you think.

 All of the students I inherited were passive aggresive types who refused to accept that what they see is themselves reflected. Danijel's error was in trying to push them past the resistance  (Free will is Goddess law so trying to push people past victimhood or resistance will only make it grow into psychosis) instead of calling it quits and sending them to another teacher. Some would say that is a sign of dedication.  I am not so dedicated because I see Goddess in everyone and don't believe anybody needs me. If people want to keep their karma, then they can. I don't care.

  I'm not sympathetic when people have bad experiences of teachers and Gurus.  I think people tend to get the Guru they deserve. Own the choices that led you to where you went, realize your life is self created. The position of power is "I attract that which occurs."

  Quit blaming Danijel and instead take a good long look in the ugly mirror of your own shadow self.

 You valued yourself, your body, your life and your Divine power so little you were willing to give it all away to a 25 year old know-it-all in Croatia! That is a pretty silly thing to do, eh? I mean really, what were you thinking??? LOL! (hugs!)

: :  The true sacred marriage, is to Goddess within yourself. Danijel has some power, and is quite the Sanskrit scholar but Free will is Goddess law and nothing transcends that. No means no.

: Then how could he do that to me when I've been screaming and doing everything possible to get him to leave me alone?

You left a door open.

 Lynn, you are God of your own life. When you choose a Guru or a position of victimhood you make someone else be God for you. You give your Divine power away to them, and it makes a connection.

 People, generally,  do not want to take responsibility for their own lives and minds... for thier own growth, and experiences. They want to give it away to a teacher, a Guru, government, devil, etc... and there are always people who like power and are willing to take what you offer... but don't expect those folks to have your best interests in mind!
Why would they, when you do not? Why expect someone to love and care for you when you do not love and care for yourself?
 Humans are selfish critters, it is natural.

 Blaming him as you are doing, is sending him power and energy. It makes a connection. Blame is shipping responsibility and karma to someone else, really not much different from sending them a curse.

 Give to Goddess what belongs to Goddess... your power, and have none before.  

 So long as you are blaming him for how you feel, and what you experienced, you are sending him your karma and that means on some level you are still thinking of him as your Guru. Making him be God for you.

: He overrode my free will

In a word, bullshit. You damage yourself with this kind of thinking, worse than anything anyone else could do to you. Snap out of it!
 Do you hear what you are saying? That Danijel is more powerful than Goddess Law? That's a crazy idea, not to mention utterly disrespectful of Goddess. Goddess doesn't care if you disrespect Her, so I don't either but it does you no good to disrespect Goddess in yourself in this way.

: because in his warped estimation, what I say means nothing. He recently took down the English forum from his website and posted family pictures, but when it was up, I read it. His students, and there are only a few, (can't imagine why), have been brainwashed into thinking that his many casualties don't matter because a yogi master of his caliber is so valuable to God, easily worth more than countless lives of the average beings.

Unconditional love doesn't judge like that. We are all equally precious and unique in the eyes of the Divine.
 There is no brainwashing. His students like to believe his specialness because it makes them feel important. Believing he is still after you, makes you feel important too. In your mind it absolves you of responsibility for your own choices and actions. Doesn't work, this sort of thinking only disempowers you even more.

: :   I think you need to ask yourself what you get out of projecting your Divine Beloved onto him, and giving him credit for what Goddess within you does.

: I don't get anything good from it.

Denial is not conducive to growth. People don't do stuff unless they get something out of it. Whether that something is good or bad, they would not do it unless it met some need within them.  

:I want to be free from doing that. Vajra is powerful energy: the harder-than-a-diamond, etheric phallus of God that is located in the throat chakra,

Don't you notice your power chakra closing when you write that?

 Get grounded and check your discernment... Gustaf and the others in this thread, you check it too and tell me what ya get. Help give Lynn a reality check. Do it with the whole thread.

 Heh, the diamond hard phallus of God in your throat... Just doesn't get much more patriarchal than that. Sounds like a bad porn flick.

:and when it is intuited and experienced, the ether emerges. He awakened me to that, and I identified him with that power, so that has his face on it too. He has been manipulating things from his end. I'm not imagining that, but I see the projection game that exists.

LOL!! No, you don't! You do not begin to see your own projections!

 What you see is yourself reflected, inevitably. The shadow side of the persona is defined as "that which we think we are not", good and bad. You think you are not God, you want someone else to be God for you. You think you are not aggressive, egoistic and self centered? Look again.

 Victimhood and blame is passive aggression. Passive aggression only exists when there is an ego that is very invested in believing itself innocent and harmless, and so the aggression is pushed underground and comes out unconsciously.

 The funny thing is, the essay of Danijel's that is part of this course, is all about mirror games and projections... and it is included because it is well written and true. Saved me having to write it myself! LOL!

:If there were a way to undo it, I would certainly want to accomplish that.

We shall see!
:
: : : He taught me so much! He has knowledge that is extremely rare,

: : Ya think so?

: Actually, I've had only small tastes of the knowledge that he keeps hidden until one becomes his advanced student. It seems to me, he learned a lot of it from you. He also kept the grounding technique from me so I would be at a disadvantage.

Heh, now you are trying to suck up to me. That doesn't work either.
 Danijel doesn't teach Grounding because he doesn't use it, except for Shaktipat. He is into crown chakra energy. Patriarchal.

  Most of what I teach is really universal. I don't claim to have esoteric advanced secrets, or being any kind of special. There are very few ideas in this course that are truly original... seeing the anima/animus as the Divine Beloved, maybe... mostly it is just I have some talent for expressing them in very plain language, and aditionally communicating the information directly as energy packets that unfold as understanding.

 Most of what appears to be secret really is not, it is just that it cannot be understood until the chakra eye that can see, is opened. The higher chakras cannot really be defined in words as such, anyhow. When the chakra opens, you get insights and stuff starts to make sense.
 Different teachers might interpret insights somewhat differently, but that is just words. There is usually more in common than not, if the teacher has attainments. I do know a few types of magic I keep secret because I consider them too dangerous to teach, but that is not the same thing.

 Danijel and I are both pretty open about sharing what we know. Whether it is understood, is another story!

: : : Yes, or like S%M without a safe word.

: : ROTFLOL!! Tell him so, if you want to really piss him off! He always denied we had that kink in common.

: I don't want to piss him off...
: I see him decked out in his Hitler outfit, tho, ready to lash me (his mother) just one mo' time. )

Stop it. Just stop. Stop it now.

 Did you give Danijel a safeword before you started with the projections, verbal abuse and humiliation? Did he consent to what you are doing with this thread?

 You think yourself powerless so you do not have to take responsibility for what you do with your power. This is classic passive aggression.

  You think you are not Hitler? If you genuinely want to grow spiritually to be able to know yourself as All that Is, then start with recognising you are Hitler and you are God and you are all what you project onto others. So long as you deny it, then the shadow Hitler within you, is in charge.

 Consider Hitler for a moment.. he was part Jewish! He used an excuse of victimhood (Evil Zionist banking conspiracy) to kill millions of people. The difference between that, and what you are doing with your old Guru is only a matter of degree. In essence, it is the same pattern.

 I'd like you to stop posting to this board for a week, while you meditate on what I have written. You can read the responses, but don't post. No more victimhood, no more vampiric pity seeking, no more blame. Grow up, Lynn. It's time you took responsibility for your life, your power, and what you attract and create.  

 I know from personal experience how hard, painful and humiliating the Shadow work can be, but it is absolutely essential if you are sincere in growing, as you say you are.

 Blessings!

[Scott E]

From Mytress's Message:Get grounded and check your discernment... Gustaf and the others in this thread, you check it too and tell me what ya get. Help give Lynn a reality check. Do it with the whole thread.

--
I will try and give you some advice. My comments in between the dashes.

First thing that occured to me is that if you are stuck, in a mess can't immediatly see a way out of, like an inprisonment, then there is probably some belief or misconception that is holding you back. Free will is Goddess law, so the only thing holding you back from the life you want is the attitude.
--

: :  I know he is certainly capable of being a giant flaming asshole, but chasing after students who have said they don't want to play, really  doesn't seem like his style.

: He wanted to finish things his way. About 3 weeks after the crown chakra crisis, he came to me astrally, but Goddess had revealed a yogic remedy when I asked for a way to survive, and I was completely focussed on that & couldn't respond to him. So, he finally went away. Three months later, he showed up astrally in my head, and said "You're Not Good Enough," in a completely emotionless voice, through a leviathan like construct with vajra emanating from it. It was an impressive construct, but I certainly didn't respond. When he returned last month doing the ol' manipura torture, I said no in every way possible, but he would not hear it. He wanted me to merge into him, and when I wouldn't surrender, he finally forced it. So, the drama of resisting is over, anyway.

--
If you are worried that someone is penetrating your boundaries astral wise, I suggest that you affirm that Goddess has it handled and get back to what you want to do with your life.
--

:    
: : : I experience both Goddess and his egoistic motivation. He feels that I am his property, and wants me to come to him. In a deep way, I am married to this being because of our merged essence.

: : He is still playing that game? LOL! Jeez, I'd have thought he'd had enough of burnt fingers by now. He says that to all of his students.

: Well, it's true of all of his students. Not a physical marriage, but a merged essence thing.

:  If you agree to it, then your inner Divine Beloved appears wearing DT's face. It can get messy.

: Is there a way to undo it? I'm already unified with the Divine Beloved with his face. I need to get free.

: This is not the first time I have inherited one of his students for rehabilitation. He would say I should send you back to beg his forgiveness... (shrug)

: Exactly! Unbelievable!

: :  The true sacred marriage, is to Goddess within yourself. Danijel has some power, and is quite the Sanskrit scholar but Free will is Goddess law and nothing transcends that. No means no.

: Then how could he do that to me when I've been screaming and doing everything possible to get him to leave me alone?

: He overrode my free will because in his warped estimation, what I say means nothing. He recently took down the English forum from his website and posted family pictures, but when it was up, I read it. His students, and there are only a few, (can't imagine why), have been brainwashed into thinking that his many casualties don't matter because a yogi master of his caliber is so valuable to God, easily worth more than countless lives of the average beings.

--
Its impossible for him to override your free will. Maybe you are mistaken about his power over you.

He is just a guy. I wouldn't really worry that he can take over your life. Goddess is bigger. Your free will is under divine care.
--

: :   I think you need to ask yourself what you get out of projecting your Divine Beloved onto him, and giving him credit for what Goddess within you does.  

: I don't get anything good from it.I want to be free from doing that. Vajra is powerful energy: the harder-than-a-diamond, etheric phallus of God that is located in the throat chakra, and when it is intuited and experienced, the ether emerges. He awakened me to that, and I identified him with that power, so that has his face on it too. He has been manipulating things from his end. I'm not imagining that, but I see the projection game that exists.If there were a way to undo it, I would certainly want to accomplish that.

:
: : : He taught me so much! He has knowledge that is extremely rare,

--
It sounds like until you are waiting until you find the firepower ("how to end patriarchal rulership") that says "whoosh" good bye to this man and this event and his powers, then it won't be over . More patriarch!! Surrender it up to Goddess first. The solution is probably pretty mundane and doesn't make any noises.

The superpowers can be a distraction. It might be better to focus on the personal growth.
--

: : Ya think so?

: Actually, I've had only small tastes of the knowledge that he keeps hidden until one becomes his advanced student. It seems to me, he learned a lot of it from you. He also kept the grounding technique from me so I would be at a disadvantage.

: : : Yes, or like S%M without a safe word.

: : ROTFLOL!! Tell him so, if you want to really piss him off! He always denied we had that kink in common.

: I don't want to piss him off...
: I see him decked out in his Hitler outfit, tho, ready to lash me (his mother) just one mo' time. )

--
Give it up to the real mother, Mother Goddess. Surrender to the unconditionally loving Goddess and blessings will follow. When you surrender, the rulership, if such a thing truly existed, is over.

He is a teacher with a lesson plan. Maybe he is a bad teacher but I don't think he wants the karma of ruining your life by attacking you.

I like Mystress's response. It is plain and to the point.

My confession, I think it should be said that I got a little ungrounded while I was writing this (maybe I was impaired by some personal karma that was upturned for me to deal with?) so I suggest you approach my stuff with discernment too, but I think it was over all pretty good.

All the best to you!

Scott
--

[Lynn]

: I want you to ask your heart if it is really true, or necessary. Look deeper in your heart and ask yourself why you gave away your soverignty over yourself.

The intention was to surrender my will because of the desire for liberation. He is a jivanmukta who has divine patternings that correspond to my own. I didn't surrender fully, though, because I didn't trust in him enough. I sense him smiling for some reason. He has that Christ patterning in the center. Always killed me with that one.
I know I'm sick right now. Just bear with me.

: : Is there a way to undo it? I'm already unified with the Divine Beloved with his face. I need to get free.

: Yes, talk to your DB and ask it to take another form. Ask your Guardian angel not to let DT in again. Quit claiming victimhood.

By "face", I thought you meant divine signature. I don't see an actual face. I feel and see him everywhere as everything. I merged with my angel a long time ago, and experience that vastness when not traumatized into fearful thoughts leading to physical or astral body attention.

: : This is not the first time I have inherited one of his students for rehabilitation. He would say I should send you back to beg his forgiveness... (shrug)

: : Exactly! Unbelievable!

: Eh, I'm really not sympathetic. You actually do owe him an apology, and will give it to him eventually when you evolve in understanding... your conscience will demand it.  Hopefuly it won't take too long.  He probably owes you one too... . but not so much as you think.

We conversed through the astral when he merged into me. He knows I'm here and that I am working things out.

:    I'm not sympathetic when people have bad experiences of teachers and Gurus.  I think people tend to get the Guru they deserve. Own the choices that led you to where you went, realize your life is self created. The position of power is "I attract that which occurs."

The situation is karmic; it happened before. The last one was just as colorful and intense for that time. I know I attracted this. Even when I'm terrified and shaking like a leaf, there is a part of me that is yawning, it is so old.

:    Quit blaming Danijel and instead take a good long look in the ugly mirror of your own shadow self.

:   You valued yourself, your body, your life and your Divine power so little you were willing to give it all away to a 25 year old know-it-all in Croatia! That is a pretty silly thing to do, eh? I mean really, what were you thinking??? LOL! (hugs!)

I was a very difficult nut to crack, and he took me on anyway. No one else would have dared. You have no idea. He was 27. I didn't deserve his attention.    

: : :  The true sacred marriage, is to Goddess within yourself. Danijel has some power, and is quite the Sanskrit scholar but Free will is Goddess law and nothing transcends that. No means no.

: : Then how could he do that to me when I've been screaming and doing everything possible to get him to leave me alone?

: You left a door open.

Yes, a big one. It is on my left side, and it is hard to close. I love this being very deeply. I just didn't want him to kill me in a violent way or push me into psychosis.

:   Lynn, you are God of your own life. When you choose a Guru or a position of victimhood you make someone else be God for you. You give your Divine power away to them, and it makes a connection.

:   Blaming him as you are doing, is sending him power and energy. It makes a connection. Blame is shipping responsibility and karma to someone else, really not much different from sending them a curse.

I'm not blaming him. I didn't stop sending love to him when we had a falling out last year. So, I didn't really end it. Like when I  do the gardening or take a photo, I am sharing everything with him. I feel like I'm being ripped apart! There is the SHiva part of him that is etheric and still, beyond the mind. It is emotionless. Beyond the elements. permanent samadhi. I know and love that power, but in a distorted way. I've not ever been myself. Always hiding. Please help me to come home quickly then. I'm in hell all crumpled up in this guilt basket.

:   Give to Goddess what belongs to Goddess... your power, and have none before.  

:   So long as you are blaming him for how you feel, and what you experienced, you are sending him your karma and that means on some level you are still thinking of him as your Guru. Making him be God for you.

I'm not blaming him. I was reacting before because I was terrified. It seems Goddess did all these things through him because she wanted me to leave the situation and understand things.

:   Do you hear what you are saying? That Danijel is more powerful than Goddess Law? That's a crazy idea, not to mention utterly disrespectful of Goddess. Goddess doesn't care if you disrespect Her, so I don't either but it does you no good to disrespect Goddess in yourself in this way.

Believing he is still after you, makes you feel important too. In your mind it absolves you of responsibility for your own choices and actions. Doesn't work, this sort of thinking only disempowers you even more.

I wrote in my previous email that he left. He gave me something, and now he is gone. Probably thanking and praising Goddess for finally being relieved of me. He probably gave me something really beautiful. My mind is falling apart.

: : :   I think you need to ask yourself what you get out of projecting your Divine Beloved onto him, and giving him credit for what Goddess within you does.

: : I don't get anything good from it.

: Denial is not conducive to growth. People don't do stuff unless they get something out of it. Whether that something is good or bad, they would not do it unless it met some need within them.  

I got love and power from it, and I see that it wasn't my power, but his, and what I mean by that is his divine signature is on it. I think I must have misused power in a major lifetime, and that is why I have denied myself power in this one. I have gone to extreme lengths to give it away thinking I had to do that in order to experience power safely. But it obviously doesn't work very well. I love power, but am terrified of it, and in not unifying with it,I've been attracting it in the raw and misused forms.

: :I want to be free from doing that. Vajra is powerful energy: the harder-than-a-diamond, etheric phallus of God that is located in the throat chakra,

: Don't you notice your power chakra closing when you write that?

No. Vajra feels safe to me. I used those words to describe what is deep inside the neon blue light at the throat; it is harder than anything in creation.
Matter is lke a cobweb in comparison. After that is experienced, the ether comes out. I won't use that particular metaphor again, ok?

:   Heh, the diamond hard phallus of God in your throat... Just doesn't get much more patriarchal than that. Sounds like a bad porn flick.

It is completely pure. I think Vishuddha actually means purity if I'm not mistaken. I couldn't eat or drink for 2 days bacause it is sort of like having dry ice on your throat until the system becomes acclimated, and I had to take cold showers and baths because the sexual energy when this happens is intense. The polarities merge. I kept getting flung into the witness state because the male and female were so heavily involved. I thought my body was going to turn itself inside out!

: :and when it is intuited and experienced, the ether emerges. He awakened me to that, and I identified him with that power, so that has his face on it too. He has been manipulating things from his end. I'm not imagining that, but I see the projection game that exists.

: LOL!! No, you don't! You do not begin to see your own projections!

:   What you see is yourself reflected, inevitably. The shadow side of the persona is defined as "that which we think we are not", good and bad. You think you are not God, you want someone else to be God for you. You think you are not aggressive, egoistic and self centered? Look again.

I know I am God, but I'm still identifying with the unreal to too great an extent. I'm on the brink of something. I am aggressively pursuing the state of consciousness in which you live.

:   Victimhood and blame is passive aggression. Passive aggression only exists when there is an ego that is very invested in believing itself innocent and harmless, and so the aggression is pushed underground and comes out unconsciously.

True, but even Hitler in his day, would have been entitled to talk with one friend, and share what he is going through,and allow support in order to calm down, even if it is only subjective nonsense that is being processed. Gustaf was very healing. When the system is overwrought with trauma, how can one surrender?

: : : : He taught me so much! He has knowledge that is extremely rare,

: : : Ya think so?

: : Actually, I've had only small tastes of the knowledge that he keeps hidden until one becomes his advanced student. It seems to me, he learned a lot of it from you. He also kept the grounding technique from me so I would be at a disadvantage.

: Heh, now you are trying to suck up to me. That doesn't work either.
:   Danijel doesn't teach Grounding because he doesn't use it, except for Shaktipat. He is into crown chakra energy. Patriarchal.

I'm not trying to suck up to you. I don't feel I have to do that because I really don't want to be anywhere where I'm not supposed to be. I've wasted far too much time already. I just saw so many parallels in the work, the books you name, and flashes of sameness, and I was trying to move on. It has been devastating that I have lost the opportunity to advance in the yoga that takes one to the limits of being a refined worldly being anyway. It was made clear to me that I would have to pass through it in order to get home. It occured to me, after doing the house spell, that Patanjali's work is essentially magic. I am also very interested in the energy of the crown and above that, regardless of it being labeled Patriarchal.
It is intersting that you say my old guru used grounding for shaktipat. When I was in difficulty from the crown chakra, I pled for him to give me stronger shaktipat so I could keep the energy down in my body. Now that makes sense.

: : : : Yes, or like S%M without a safe word.

: : : ROTFLOL!! Tell him so, if you want to really piss him off! He always denied we had that kink in common.

: : I don't want to piss him off...
: : I see him decked out in his Hitler outfit, tho, ready to lash me (his mother) just one mo' time. )

: Stop it. Just stop. Stop it now.

:   Did you give Danijel a safeword before you started with the projections, verbal abuse and humiliation? Did he consent to what you are doing with this thread?

The joke I made above, is not humiliation. My former teacher prides himself on taking the position of Hitler, Stalin, Lucifer and Darth Vader, etc. It is part of the throat chakra level. He is the bearer of dark jokes that enlighten.
As far as this thread, it is obvious that I wanted his name to be kept anonymous. I gave you his name in confidence, not knowing that you have had past issues with him. You then intervened, and brought out his name with no regard for anyone else involved, not that he cares in the least.Except that he will love it! He loves being a bad ass, and I ve just been establishing him as that even moreso.I thought that this forum was a safe place. Only for him!
I will probably have to make restitution indefinitely.

:   You think yourself powerless so you do not have to take responsibility for what you do with your power. This is classic passive aggression.

:    You think you are not Hitler? If you genuinely want to grow spiritually to be able to know yourself as All that Is, then start with recognising you are Hitler and you are God and you are all what you project onto others. So long as you deny it, then the shadow Hitler within you, is in charge.

:   Consider Hitler for a moment.. he was part Jewish! He used an excuse of victimhood (Evil Zionist banking conspiracy) to kill millions of people. The difference between that, and what you are doing with your old Guru is only a matter of degree. In essence, it is the same pattern.

My intention was not to do anything
harmful to my guru, because that only ties me to him in a really bad way, but only to learn in a safe place where discretion is used. I'm the one who is cursed. He is laughing his ass off!

[Mystress]

: : I want you to ask your heart if it is really true, or necessary. Look deeper in your heart and ask yourself why you gave away your soverignty over yourself.

: The intention was to surrender my will because of the desire for liberation.

So you thought he had something that Goddess would not give you directly. You did not really trust him but you took what he offered anyhow. It comes down to your lack of faith in yourself, in your own power and Divinity.
That is always why people buy the promises of demanding Gurus. Inevitably, the attachment/projection must be exploded for you to see Goddess within yourself... and how painful the break is proportionate to your lack of faith in yourself, your own power that moved you to engage the relationship in the first place. It is a karma pattern, quite specific to a particular personality type, but also quite universal and human.

  I'm not just speaking of you, personally. It is the general pattern, of why people seek out a Guru to give their lives to... and it being broken is inevitable and necessary,  as cutting the apron strings. You cannot serve two masters, you have to choose the external or the internal.

: He is a jivanmukta who has divine patternings that correspond to my own. I didn't surrender fully, though, because I didn't trust in him enough. I sense him smiling for some reason. He has that Christ patterning in the center. Always killed me with that one.
I know I'm sick right now. Just bear with me.

We will. There is always time. I understand that you are releasing stuff in this space, and some of it is tender and does not need a response, just an expression. This temple belongs to Goddess and what is written here is given to Her, and often She gives back insights. Sometimes they come through other members, but more often from the simple act of writing out your thoughts, and releasing them.

 There are many ways to teach. I went through the Guru game and discarded it because of the deep and lasting attachment it makes, is difficult and often painful for both sides to break... and the difficulty of finding students who geninely surrender fully. It is inevitable that somewhere within them is a rebellion... and perfect... but.. If they go into resistance when we have made an agreement that they would surrender and I would process their karma, be Goddess for them, and they bail on the agreement when the going gets tough, then the karma I took on from them gets stuck in me and comes out as Zen whackings that are like a trip to hell in a pressure cooker.

 When I was doing it, some students went from 0 to self realization in 6 months... but they were not able to sustain it. They had not grown the spiritual muscles and experience that is gained by processing their karma themselves. Getting to know themselves in that way, their strengths and weaknesses make a solid and soverign foundation for spiritual growth.

Everyone has personal inborn qualities that don't change with enlightenment. If they did then all teachers would be the same. We remain unique, and human. Every enlightened being will show more of their shadow side when their energy is low, just as the rocks on the beach are revealed at low tide.  

 Fact is, people think someone else has something that Goddess won't or has not already given them. This cannot be, as they are All that Is, but there is not faith.

It is a basic human lack of faith, and karmic that nobody can ever really be Goddess for you. The burnt fingers that moved you to seek within yourself, are inevitable, and perfection, although painful. You have to learn to honour Goddess within yourself first, and have none before, and you get whacked to find it out the hard way if it is a karmic tendency for you to look for another to be God for you.

 So it is that despite people often asking, I will rarely try to denounce people I may think are bad Gurus. I know they have their place in perfection, and fulfill a devils advocate role, despite whatever holy misson they may think themselves on.
It is their job to fail you, let you down somewhere or chase you away with whacking and feet of clay. It is like how a mother cat teaches her kittens to be independent. She chases them away with teeth and claws. You were forced out on your own just as baby chicks are kicked out of the nest when it is time to fly. Goddess did it, it is nature.  

  I do the opposite: Teach people that the power is within them, right from the beginning, and avoid the Bhakti thing of being Goddess for other people. I prefer to be seen as human, and for the students to serve Goddess within themselves, first and always.

: By "face", I thought you meant divine signature. I don't see an actual face. I feel and see him everywhere as everything. I merged with my angel a long time ago, and experience that vastness when not traumatized into fearful thoughts leading to physical or astral body attention.

That part of him, is not personal. It is the Self and it is not part of individual identity. What you see is Your Self reflected. There is only one Self. Remind yourself of that, every time the association comes up.

 If the first time you smell a hibiscus flower is in Hawaii, then ever after the smell might remind you of Hawaii... but the flower, just Is.
 Change your focus of attention. When you see the beauty, remember it is You.

: The situation is karmic; it happened before. The last one was just as colorful and intense for that time. I know I attracted this. Even when I'm terrified and shaking like a leaf, there is a part of me that is yawning, it is so old.

If time and space do not exist, then it is best to stay in the here and now.

: I was a very difficult nut to crack, and he took me on anyway. No one else would have dared. You have no idea. He was 27. I didn't deserve his attention.    

Sigh. It is really not up to you to decide what you deserve, it is up to Goddess. Humility is more positive than victimhood, a step toward healing. Victimhood is a scab that festers with being picked at, and it was important to get you to move past it before it got worse.
 Aim your humility, inward.

: : You left a door open.

: Yes, a big one. It is on my left side, and it is hard to close. I love this being very deeply. I just didn't want him to kill me in a violent way or push me into psychosis.

He is very loveable.. and really hard on people. Yeah, I can feel the hole. Left side power chakra, the chakra of martyrdom. Heh, as you express one paragraph up. How he suffered for your undeserving self, and you believing it. No wonder it is a tug of war.

 This stuff is just coming up on its way out. Let it flow and release.

 He does not need or want your sympathy.  He is an adult, he made his choices and must deal just as we all do.

 If you are now blaming yourself instead, at least you have taken your power back, and are taking some responsibility... but you are also being Goddess for him, and that is taking his power.
 Blaming yourself is a good step. Blame is responsibility:  you take responsibility, in order to surrender it to Goddess within yourself.

 Power chakra untangling itself... keep breathing.

You put Danijel on a pedestal, but his job is to reflect Goddess within you. If you would validate his efforts, then turn inward and find your Self.

: I'm not blaming him. I didn't stop sending love to him when we had a falling out last year. So, I didn't really end it. Like when I  do the gardening or take a photo, I am sharing everything with him. I feel like I'm being ripped apart! There is the SHiva part of him that is etheric and still, beyond the mind. It is emotionless. Beyond the elements. permanent samadhi. I know and love that power, but in a distorted way.

Heh, you like to deny and contradict and be defensive, and it is all just stuff spewing out and you will see the foolishness later.

 That power It is you! That part is not personal, it is not the property of the individual human. That is what you get when the individual human steps aside.

 I have a new housekeeper who is longing for spirituality. Tonight I mentioned that I can always tell genuinely spiritual people because there is a light behind their eyes. She did not understand so I invited her to look in mine, then after a moment I "stepped out" and there was Goddess.. and I could see the stunned recognition. She said I had hypnotised her, and got goosebumps all over and started to cry. She kept apologizing for crying but I did not mind. It was an emotional release and she felt lighter and much better afterwards.

 She was amazed, but I explained it was not me, that I as an individual had stepped aside so the Goddess could appear. I told her she could not have seen it and felt it unless the Goddess power was already within her, responding. She was empowered and touched with wonder, but I did not take her power by claiming responsibility for what Goddess does. That is not my way. It does not serve.  

 I don't own Goddess, I am just able to step aside and be a vessel. How people experience it is not up to me, not about me as an individudal human. It will be a reflection of them.

 When Danijel steps aside and you see Shiva, you are seeing Shiva within yourself. There is no Danijel. He does not own Shiva. That he persuaded you that he did, is his weakness, and hopefully he will outgrow it!
 He could not have done so, unless you agreed to it, wanted to believe.

 Regarding the topic of the thread in relation to lesson 2... God is conceptualized as external, and the Goddess is within, immanent. So a patriatchal teacher, teaches you to see God through them, as the middleman. A Matriarch teaches you to see the Goddess within yourself.  

:I've not ever been myself. Always hiding. Please help me to come home quickly then. I'm in hell all crumpled up in this guilt basket.

You have always been yourself. Danijel was a mirror of that. I have no doubt he told you so, repeatedly. It is you. Let go of giving Danijel responsibility or ownership of Shiva! It is and always was, You. Your Self. Accept that, the basket opens and you get that liberation you have been after.

Choose it, persistently. Remind you that the magic you feel in the world is a reflection of Goddess in You. Every time. That is how you take your power back, and dissolve the projection.

 
:
: :   Give to Goddess what belongs to Goddess... your power, and have none before.  

: :   So long as you are blaming him for how you feel, and what you experienced, you are sending him your karma and that means on some level you are still thinking of him as your Guru. Making him be God for you.

: I'm not blaming him. I was reacting before because I was terrified. It seems Goddess did all these things through him because she wanted me to leave the situation and understand things.

Yaay!! That is wisdom.

: I wrote in my previous email that he left. He gave me something, and now he is gone. Probably thanking and praising Goddess for finally being relieved of me. He probably gave me something really beautiful. My mind is falling apart.

Neh, you are just releasing stuff. It is all good. It will pass, once you get it out of your system.

: : : :   I think you need to ask yourself what you get out of projecting your Divine Beloved onto him, and giving him credit for what Goddess within you does.

: I got love and power from it, and I see that it wasn't my power, but his, and what I mean by that is his divine signature is on it.

It is just an association born of first experience. Shakti, is Shakti. It may have a slightly different flavour depending on the transparency of the vessel, but the essence is the same universal consciousness.
 Like, pepper is pepper. You may layer it with other different kinds of spice, but the pepper will always come through the same.
 Shiva and Shakti go together. If he was one then you were being the other, but because it is a self-less state you didn't notice. Your attention was on him. Replay the memories, but erase him from the picture by focusing on remembering your own feelings and reactions. You have been there, so you can find your way back on your own.

: I think I must have misused power in a major lifetime, and that is why I have denied myself power in this one.

Let go of giving power away to a belief in the karma of past lives. Time and space do not exist, and You are all that Is. All "past" lives are yours and what you get is a reflection of the Now, as a movie of another aspect of your infinite Self.
 Typically, people use an attachment to the idea of past lives to either build themselves up, or beat themselves up. They are useful as a metaphor, but more than it it turns into an ego game.

:I have gone to extreme lengths to give it away thinking I had to do that in order to experience power safely. But it obviously doesn't work very well. I love power, but am terrified of it, and in not unifying with it,I've been attracting it in the raw and misused forms.

Well, that is just what ego does. It's job is to run you in circles trying to avoid its eventual annihilation, and Kundalini pushing on the stuff makes it inevitable that it will lose. Of course the ego is terrified of the self... that is normal, and it is best not to push it too hard. The fear has purpose, to keep you away from the precipice before you have grown wings.

 As the true sacred marriage progresses, the separation changes from terror to romance, it becomes like a chain link fence between Romeo and Juliet, and jumping that fence is inevitable, and an act of love.

For now, accept that there is a natural and healthy fear and respect of your own power. That is a very positive step to owning it. Bravo!

 After all, we are speaking of the infinite power of the universe... Angels say "Fear not" because people pee their pants thinking they are going to die, when that Divine energy shows up. Assuming they recognise it!

 Eventually fear fades to awe, and awe to wonder.. the happy buddha amazement at all the beauty in creation. Give yourself time.

: It is completely pure. I think Vishuddha actually means purity if I'm not mistaken. I couldn't eat or drink for 2 days bacause it is sort of like having dry ice on your throat until the system becomes acclimated, and I had to take cold showers and baths because the sexual energy when this happens is intense. The polarities merge. I kept getting flung into the witness state because the male and female were so heavily involved. I thought my body was going to turn itself inside out!

Cool. I never got into his Vajra thing, but I'll skip the history. Throat chakra energy is the magic of communication, information and that is how the universe is designed.

: : :and when it is intuited and experienced, the ether emerges. He awakened me to that, and I identified him with that power, so that has his face on it too. He has been manipulating things from his end. I'm not imagining that, but I see the projection game that exists.

Good. It seems your week inward has borne a lot of good friuts, and I am glad of it. You seem to be in a much healthier place now. Stuff is releasing, and insights are given back, then released in turn to make way for new insights. Don't attach to any conclusions you come to, at this time. Let it all flow, it is layers being revealed.

 The power just is. Danijel encouraged you to identify it with him because the projection game would increase your faith, and give him more power to process your stuff,  so you would surrender... but it doesn't work for this stuff. The release is in the breaking away to discover your soverignty.

:  When the system is overwrought with trauma, how can one surrender?

Because you must, you have no other option. Sometimes ego has to fight until it is forced to say "Uncle" and breakdown leads to breakthrough. How soon and how painful that will be is Free Will. Some folks won't change till they hit "bottom", whatever that means to them, their comfort zones. The more you resist, the more the K-fire turns into a pressure cooker and you feel roasted alive.

 Kundalini is going to win, it is just a matter of how soon you surrender.
 I gave you a look in the ugly mirror. unpleasant but effective. Now you get "aftercare."

:  
: I'm not trying to suck up to you. I don't feel I have to do that because I really don't want to be anywhere where I'm not supposed to be. I've wasted far too much time already. I just saw so many parallels in the work, the books you name, and flashes of sameness, and I was trying to move on.

I know you did not think so. I poked you because you were leaning towards an attachment to me, like a rebound relationship after a divorce. Understandable and human, but that was my safeword. I don't want that power of you. It does not serve the goal of your surrender to Goddess within yourself.

:It has been devastating that I have lost the opportunity to advance in the yoga that takes one to the limits of being a refined worldly being anyway. It was made clear to me that I would have to pass through it in order to get home.

This is more stuff releasing. I am sure you know that unconditional love doesn't play tease games like that. ALL roads lead to Rome. You are It. Excperiencing yourself as that, is only a matter of time. Goddess is persistent.

: It occured to me, after doing the house spell, that Patanjali's work is essentially magic. I am also very interested in the energy of the crown and above that, regardless of it being labeled Patriarchal.

It is interesting energy. The God is in service to the Goddess, and we are It. God of your own life, in service to the will of Goddess within yourself. Chi responds to Free Will.

: It is intersting that you say my old guru used grounding for shaktipat. When I was in difficulty from the crown chakra, I pled for him to give me stronger shaktipat so I could keep the energy down in my body. Now that makes sense.

Yes, the source of Shakti for humans on the planet in space-time, is the Earth Heart, the fiery crystal in the center. Goddess womb of birthing consciousness. When you are beyond duality you are that and the linear imagery is not so important... but Shakti rising up your spine is the fire from below. Chi is the sky energy. It is a generalization, because Goddess is all, but effective as an aid to understanding.

 What is given to Goddess comes back better, multiplied, if it is meant to be.

With the grounding, you just give love (chi) from the sky,  to the crystal and it comes back multiplied and transformed to Shakti, and in sending chi down you grow roots and a strong connection to the earth so the Shakti doesn't blast you out of body when it comes rushing back up the cord.

 You give yourself Shaktipat every time you get grounded. The more you get grounded the more you remain in a state of connection to Source. You don't need to get Shakti from another, nobody does... they just believe they do.

 The Tibetans visualize the upper cord as blue and the lower cord as red, and see them merging in the alchemy of the heart.  This grounding has the same effect, and merges and circulates the energies in all the major, lower chakras.

Most people when they are feeling overwhelmed with Shakti, unconsciously yank the cord from the Earth, like unplugging a toaster that is shorting out... but it doesn't work, because the Shakti still flows up, but the sky energy doesn't get grounded out so you are like an OBE rocketship.
 Depending on another for Shakti is like being a kite, and they hold the string. Goddess doesn't need a middleman.

: The joke I made above, is not humiliation. My former teacher prides himself on taking the position of Hitler, Stalin, Lucifer and Darth Vader, etc. It is part of the throat chakra level. He is the bearer of dark jokes that enlighten.

I know it, but it is one thing to say it of yourself, and something different to say it of another.

: As far as this thread, it is obvious that I wanted his name to be kept anonymous. I gave you his name in confidence, not knowing that you have had past issues with him. You then intervened, and brought out his name with no regard for anyone else involved, not that he cares in the least.Except that he will love it! He loves being a bad ass, and I ve just been establishing him as that even moreso.I thought that this forum was a safe place. Only for him!
: I will probably have to make restitution indefinitely.

It was a little predictable that some of your victimhood would be aimed at me. I don't mind. It is just releasing.

 I know perfectly well, that Danijel would be very amused if he knew he is a topic of discussion here, and completely not give a shit... and I don't either, especially as he is the author of a guest essay in this course and so knowing who we are speaking of is useful to the other members.

 I think it is really not fair to be bitching about someone without saying who is the topic of discussion. The worst is when people guess who we are talking about and get it wrong, then they mentally slander the innocent.

 So the only one who had an issue with it was you, and I was not sure if you were perhaps being silent assuming it was what I or Danijel wanted.

 With regards to confidentiality, the tea room is for members only, and Danijel isn't a member.

 So, you don't trust me, or you don't feel safe with the other members who have been very sage and well grounded in advising you?

 Breathe. Let it all go. There is peace at the end of the releasing.  

: My intention was not to do anything
: harmful to my guru, because that only ties me to him in a really bad way, but only to learn in a safe place where discretion is used. I'm the one who is cursed. He is laughing his ass off!

So what if he laughs? Why do you care? There is a part of you that still wants to control how he responds to you. That part is ego. You never will control him, any more than he could really control you, or own you.
 He is a contrary beast. Give it up.

 You did good. Keep releasing. Blessings!

[DanielT]

I also left a "patriarchal" Guru.  So I find this dialogue very interesting.  My Guru is also a brilliant brilliant orator and writer.  And he also talks alot about himself as being the Divine Husband of his devotee and penetrating the head of his devotee as a "Shiva Liguam" once they allow themselves to open up to him.  I've experienced the early stages of this.  

Because of his unconventional means of teaching and his insistance on Guru devotion, he has many detractors and even websites devoted to criticizing him.  But I recognize my time with him and my "eternal vow" to him was done out of my own volition.

And so I voluntarily relinquish that, but with full love and respect.  If you look at his face these days, in contrast with when he first began teaching you can see dramatically how much he is suffering in the physical body from the effects of this Guru function.  He has even taken it upon himself to try and purify the entire world and try and resolve or pacify wars.  So he is a martyr in that sense.  I certainly would not want to be in his position. . . (well actually my ego probably would)

Basically I agree with the advice MAS gave you.  I'm not saying Adi Da is the same as your previous Guru or my situation is exactly the same as yours.  These are just my thoughts.

Tynan

 It is really heartbreaking.  And I
: I really want to focus my complete attention on this brilliant course/ portal. Unfortunately, the guru that I left 14 months ago after almost getting killed when my crown was opened too forcefully, returned (his focus) and will not stop torturing my system with too many amps of constant destructive Shakti. I've written to him, but he is evidently angry that I've found my real teacher after he invested 5 years of his time, so he increased the amps again. My system is fried, in the process of being more fried, and I'm at a loss...

: He is applying extreme amount of pressure, also. It feels/sounds like a huge generator in my body.

: I couldn't bring myself to tell him my teacher is Mystress for fear that he will snap his cap even more. He is about Patriarchal rulership all the way, and that is brutal!

: I would love to be able to overcome this situation!