spiritual retaining wall?

[Kimberly]

I have another kind of strange thing that has been happening to me, and I thought I would write about it here and see if anybody has had similar experiences or might be able to give me an idea of how to approach it so that I can get past it.

I seem to have some sort of spiritual or mental retaining wall in me that keeps me from doing things that I know would be good for me to do. I can't tell you what it is, because I think if I could truly identify it, I might be able to dissolve it, but I can't seem to do that.

What happens is, for instance, when I know it would be good for me to go to my Swedish classes, something keeps me from going. It is not like I'm not feeling well, or that I have other things to do, or even that I don't want to go... but for some reason, I simply cannot make myself open the door, get on my bike and go. It is the same with exercise and calling people who expect to hear from me every so often. Its not like I don't enjoy talking to them or anything... but I just cannot make myself do these things that are sort of expected of me, or that I expect of myself.

I can't find an explanation for this phenomena with me. At first, I attributed it to laziness, but in the last year or so, I've realized its not about laziness, because I will easily go out and do something else that takes the same amount of effort or exertion as the other thing would have. ... Its like this scornful, accusing side of me is telling me that these are the things that I -should- do, and that I won't be a good person if I neglect them... but I still can't make myself do them, even if I know that I enjoy it while I'm doing it.

Soo.... Am I insane? Or am I really lazy? Anybody have any insights that might help me get past this thing?

Thanks,

Kimberly

[SandraC]

I'm experiencing something similar to what's happening to you and I myself need to work on that.  I don't know what the underlying cause on your case is, but I've read some books by Louise L. Hay.  In the book you can heal yourself, she says that sometimes we feel that we don't deserve something and create circumstances for us not to get them.  She gave an example of that, she said that when she was little she was poor and one time she was at a gathering with lots of kids and there was a huge cake.  Before that, she never got to eat any because  of her living conditions.  At the gathering, some kids even got two slices of cake...By the time she got to the front of the line, there was no cake...She then explained that it was due to a subconcious pattern she had that she didn't deserve to have cake.  
Louise also advises to make a list of all the things that we "should" do.  After it's written, she then advises to change the word should for could.  It's interesting because maybe you'll find that the things you "should" do, you never really wanted to do and were just things that other people wanted you to do.  By this, I don't think it suggests us to be going around and being mean or not doing any favors.  Doing favors even feels good.  I was also listening to Wayne Dyer and he said that there's a study about the seratonin levels.  Anti-depresants have seratonin, which is a chemical that our body produces to make us feel good.  Well, he said that an act of kindness brings up the seratonin levels to the person receiving the act of kindness and the person giving the act of kindness and not only that, he goes on to say that the people watching the act of kindness also produce seratonin, which makes them feel good.  And the best of all, this way of getting seratonin is FREE!!

Well, I went off topic, but I hope this helps.

Namaste,

Sandra C.

[Scott E]

Hi Kimberly,

A few years ago when I first decided that I needed a change in my life, I came across kundalini and hapazardly ignited it without any idea of what it was about. I was like "what the heck is going on, this can't be happening all of the time". I tried SOOOOO hard. SOOO hard. Ending up with even more frustration. I was like "normal people don't go through this." LOL.

I havn't found one good way to approach it but I have through experimentation discovered that what Sandy wrote about releasing "subconscious blocks" is sort of accurate but I don't like the term. Just a change in attitude.

All the best,
Scott

: I seem to have some sort of spiritual or mental retaining wall in me that keeps me from doing things that I know would be good for me to do. I can't tell you what it is, because I think if I could truly identify it, I might be able to dissolve it, but I can't seem to do that.

[Mystress]

: What happens is, for instance, when I know it would be good for me to go to my Swedish classes, something keeps me from going. It is not like I'm not feeling well, or that I have other things to do, or even that I don't want to go... but for some reason, I simply cannot make myself open the door, get on my bike and go. It is the same with exercise and calling people who expect to hear from me every so often. Its not like I don't enjoy talking to them or anything... but I just cannot make myself do these things that are sort of expected of me, or that I expect of myself.

  Blessings!  

: I can't find an explanation for this phenomena with me. At first, I attributed it to laziness, but in the last year or so, I've realized its not about laziness, because I will easily go out and do something else that takes the same amount of effort or exertion as the other thing would have. ... Its like this scornful, accusing side of me is telling me that these are the things that I -should- do, and that I won't be a good person if I neglect them... but I still can't make myself do them, even if I know that I enjoy it while I'm doing it.

: Soo.... Am I insane? Or am I really lazy? Anybody have any insights that might help me get past this thing?

: Thanks,

: Kimberly

[Mystress]

  Just noticed an HTML typo made this post come up blank except for "blessings"... So here is how it was supposed to look!

----------------------------------

: : What happens is, for instance, when I know it would be good for me to go to my Swedish classes, something keeps me from going. It is not like I'm not feeling well, or that I have other things to do, or even that I don't want to go... but for some reason, I simply cannot make myself open the door, get on my bike and go. It is the same with exercise and calling people who expect to hear from me every so often. Its not like I don't enjoy talking to them or anything... but I just cannot make myself do these things that are sort of expected of me, or that I expect of myself.

: Surrender takes many forms. Don't push yourself. If Goddess wanted you to do it She would give you energy and motivation. "Should" is ego. Let go of the activites that don't inspire you anymore, find new activities that do.

:    Blessings!  

: : I can't find an explanation for this phenomena with me. At first, I attributed it to laziness, but in the last year or so, I've realized its not about laziness, because I will easily go out and do something else that takes the same amount of effort or exertion as the other thing would have. ... Its like this scornful, accusing side of me is telling me that these are the things that I -should- do, and that I won't be a good person if I neglect them... but I still can't make myself do them, even if I know that I enjoy it while I'm doing it.

: : Soo.... Am I insane? Or am I really lazy? Anybody have any insights that might help me get past this thing?

: : Thanks,

: : Kimberly