Seeing myself through the Divine Beloved's eyes

[Gustaf]

After going through the Loving Your Self lesson a few times, it has gradually become easier to tune into the Divine Beloved. The fear of doing it "wrong" and become "lost" is how I resist it.

Today, I read a passage about seeing myself through the eyes of the Divine Beloved, after focusing my attention on her. The experience was very intense and at the same time incredibly gentle. And shocking. I saw this little sad, lost, scared man, and how he is loved with such depth and intensity that just remembering the experience brings tears to my eyes. In her eyes, there's nothing I've ever done wrong, or could ever do wrong, not even when I am angry, jealous or greedy.

What baffles me even more is the thing that amplified the experience. I was at the same time listening to a piece of music I made just the other week, and it makes me wonder.. I never made music in the way that was expected of me, or to please others expectations of it, because it always makes it lifeless and flat. The only music I work with that I really feel in tune with, is when I make it for my own enjoyment. And since this music carries  much deeper spirit, it pleases others much more, as well.

The experience of seeing myself through her eyes came with k-rushes all through my spine and back, hot and cold, electrifying, ravaging, my eyes closing, filling with tears, for a moment, completely lost in it.

Every time it happens, it's unique. I can't make it happen.. Only a different surrender in the moment. The longing to be there again is so very deep. To see oneself through the eyes of the lover and the loved. To throw myself at her feet.

Namaste
Gustaf

[Gustaf]

And this is what you call the "Muse" ?  Here I've been doing it all my life without being aware of it..

[Mystress]

  The experience of seeing oneself through the eyes of the Beloved is shocking, humbling, exhilarating, ecstatic, and will shatter your self image into pieces, with a velvet fist. Amazing Grace.

 Goddess is creativity, and of course when She is using you as the vessel of manifestation, the result will be powerful.
 Yea, the Muse. The best artists are slave to That, and have none before... and that artistic stubbornness is called "Star Quality".

 Blessings...

: After going through the Loving Your Self lesson a few times, it has gradually become easier to tune into the Divine Beloved. The fear of doing it "wrong" and become "lost" is how I resist it.

: Today, I read a passage about seeing myself through the eyes of the Divine Beloved, after focusing my attention on her. The experience was very intense and at the same time incredibly gentle. And shocking. I saw this little sad, lost, scared man, and how he is loved with such depth and intensity that just remembering the experience brings tears to my eyes. In her eyes, there's nothing I've ever done wrong, or could ever do wrong, not even when I am angry, jealous or greedy.

: What baffles me even more is the thing that amplified the experience. I was at the same time listening to a piece of music I made just the other week, and it makes me wonder.. I never made music in the way that was expected of me, or to please others expectations of it, because it always makes it lifeless and flat. The only music I work with that I really feel in tune with, is when I make it for my own enjoyment. And since this music carries  much deeper spirit, it pleases others much more, as well.

: The experience of seeing myself through her eyes came with k-rushes all through my spine and back, hot and cold, electrifying, ravaging, my eyes closing, filling with tears, for a moment, completely lost in it.

: Every time it happens, it's unique. I can't make it happen.. Only a different surrender in the moment. The longing to be there again is so very deep. To see oneself through the eyes of the lover and the loved. To throw myself at her feet.

: Namaste
: Gustaf

[noco]

Very moving, very humbling. Thank you for sharing that with us, it was my privilege to read.

I bow to your Divinity...

Namaste

noco

: After going through the Loving Your Self lesson a few times, it has gradually become easier to tune into the Divine Beloved. The fear of doing it "wrong" and become "lost" is how I resist it.

: Today, I read a passage about seeing myself through the eyes of the Divine Beloved, after focusing my attention on her. The experience was very intense and at the same time incredibly gentle. And shocking. I saw this little sad, lost, scared man, and how he is loved with such depth and intensity that just remembering the experience brings tears to my eyes. In her eyes, there's nothing I've ever done wrong, or could ever do wrong, not even when I am angry, jealous or greedy.

: What baffles me even more is the thing that amplified the experience. I was at the same time listening to a piece of music I made just the other week, and it makes me wonder.. I never made music in the way that was expected of me, or to please others expectations of it, because it always makes it lifeless and flat. The only music I work with that I really feel in tune with, is when I make it for my own enjoyment. And since this music carries  much deeper spirit, it pleases others much more, as well.

: The experience of seeing myself through her eyes came with k-rushes all through my spine and back, hot and cold, electrifying, ravaging, my eyes closing, filling with tears, for a moment, completely lost in it.

: Every time it happens, it's unique. I can't make it happen.. Only a different surrender in the moment. The longing to be there again is so very deep. To see oneself through the eyes of the lover and the loved. To throw myself at her feet.

: Namaste
: Gustaf

[Mystress]

Aye, Gustaf, thank you. You have described it better than I have been able to.

I can describe how to attain it, and even that to me is awesome, I am deeply honoured to be able to share it... but I have not been able to describe the experience of it. I am struck dumb with awe, humility, and wonder.

: Very moving, very humbling. Thank you for sharing that with us, it was my privilege to read.

: I bow to your Divinity...

: Namaste

: noco

:
: : After going through the Loving Your Self lesson a few times, it has gradually become easier to tune into the Divine Beloved. The fear of doing it "wrong" and become "lost" is how I resist it.

: : Today, I read a passage about seeing myself through the eyes of the Divine Beloved, after focusing my attention on her. The experience was very intense and at the same time incredibly gentle. And shocking. I saw this little sad, lost, scared man, and how he is loved with such depth and intensity that just remembering the experience brings tears to my eyes. In her eyes, there's nothing I've ever done wrong, or could ever do wrong, not even when I am angry, jealous or greedy.

: : What baffles me even more is the thing that amplified the experience. I was at the same time listening to a piece of music I made just the other week, and it makes me wonder.. I never made music in the way that was expected of me, or to please others expectations of it, because it always makes it lifeless and flat. The only music I work with that I really feel in tune with, is when I make it for my own enjoyment. And since this music carries  much deeper spirit, it pleases others much more, as well.

: : The experience of seeing myself through her eyes came with k-rushes all through my spine and back, hot and cold, electrifying, ravaging, my eyes closing, filling with tears, for a moment, completely lost in it.

: : Every time it happens, it's unique. I can't make it happen.. Only a different surrender in the moment. The longing to be there again is so very deep. To see oneself through the eyes of the lover and the loved. To throw myself at her feet.

: : Namaste
: : Gustaf

[Gustaf]

: Aye, Gustaf, thank you. You have described it better than I have been able to.

:  I can describe how to attain it, and even that to me is awesome, I am deeply honoured to be able to share it... but I have not been able to describe the experience of it. I am struck dumb with awe, humility, and wonder.

I've been reeling with shock and confusion the days following the experience. The velvet fist was very descriptive! I did what I could to describe it, but words always seem to fall short.

The feeling always brings a deep yearning for surrender. Another layer of pain, sadness and separation asking for love.

I've received an intensively tender vision of throwing myself before her bare feet, joyfully kissing them. The bells around her ankles are adorable.

This morning I've felt the continuation of old suffering asking for release. I turn to her within and ask: How can I surrender today? I kiss her feet again, and she says "Take my hands"  I stand up and take her hands. The center of her body forms a yoni-shaped opening in the middle, which grows until it surrounds her completely. Within it is cosmos. Stars twinkling. Time before time. Without words, she asks me to step into her, hands still held. For a short moment I feel myself disappear. We are one and the same. Tears are gently welling from my eyes as I write this. These things can happen anywhere, at any time.

The yearning to surrender into total submission of the cosmic feminine is enrapturing. Wife said that this dominant feminine represents qualities that I wish to integrate into myself. I absolutely adore the fierce images of Kali, just as much as the gentle, wise images of Quan-Yin or Saraswati. Kali does not frighten me. Even when I was younger, I found an odd sense of very strong attraction to images of Kali and other powerful, dominant feminine figures. Then it was quickly covered up with shame programming. There is more, so much more. I do not wish to try to analyze and categorize and compare any of it. Just fall into it. Deeply into it.

Namaste
Gustaf

[Mystress]

: I've been reeling with shock and confusion the days following the experience. The velvet fist was very descriptive! I did what I could to describe it, but words always seem to fall short.

Indeed, the intensity of the experience is such that I hesitated including it in the course, at this level... but it is so beautiful I had to share...

: The feeling always brings a deep yearning for surrender. Another layer of pain, sadness and separation asking for love.

For me, too.. you can only do the switch if you are two, ego and DB... if there is separation.
Buddha said, life is suffering... and from mascochists and from Goddess, I learned that suffering, embraced fully can be so devastatingly beautiful it crushes you, rips you open and makes you beg for more.

: I've received an intensively tender vision of throwing myself before her bare feet, joyfully kissing them. The bells around her ankles are adorable.

: This morning I've felt the continuation of old suffering asking for release. I turn to her within and ask: How can I surrender today? I kiss her feet again, and she says "Take my hands"  I stand up and take her hands. The center of her body forms a yoni-shaped opening in the middle, which grows until it surrounds her completely. Within it is cosmos. Stars twinkling. Time before time. Without words, she asks me to step into her, hands still held. For a short moment I feel myself disappear. We are one and the same. Tears are gently welling from my eyes as I write this. These things can happen anywhere, at any time.

You are a true artist. I'm bowled over by what you describe, it is so perfectly archtypal, an icon in the simple perfect symbolism. Goddess opened and pulled you back into Her womb, the Void... nonduality.

: The yearning to surrender into total submission of the cosmic feminine is enrapturing. Wife said that this dominant feminine represents qualities that I wish to integrate into myself.

Yes, what you see is yourself reflected, inevitably. In the general sense, the people we admire or fall in love with, or even the people we hate, ... perception is subjective. Our projection of our shadow, that which we think we are not. The separation.
 On the other hand, ... the Divine Beloved is not a person, it is All. The path of enlightenment is to integrate the entire universe into yourself.
 The form the DB takes is a reflection of you, whatever form will best seduce you into surrender.
 Goddess IS that which you think you are not... if you believe and truly know yourself to be Her, then you "graduate" and "drop out" at the same time... or at least, recognise the game for what it is, even if you don't want to stop because it is fun.

 You recognise that all this spiritual seeking stuff is illusion. You are Goddess and you always have been. What else could you be? There is nothing else. The separation is the illusion that you are not Goddess.  

: I absolutely adore the fierce images of Kali, just as much as the gentle, wise images of Quan-Yin or Saraswati. Kali does not frighten me. Even when I was younger, I found an odd sense of very strong attraction to images of Kali and other powerful, dominant feminine figures. Then it was quickly covered up with shame programming. There is more, so much more. I do not wish to try to analyze and categorize and compare any of it. Just fall into it. Deeply into it.

Yes, fall into the bliss that has no words... Blessings!

: Namaste
: Gustaf