Stuck?

[Shara]

Hi Everyone,

  Just felt like writing today, and I think it helps me to sort out things for myself.  Also, I always wonder if anyone here is going through or has gone through these same things, and would like to share their thoughts.

  I'm wondering if I'm stuck in a strange spot here lately.  In some respects, I feel like I'm coming along slow and steady.  I feel less attached to it all, as if I am participating in a play, and I am watching myself play my part at the same time??  Of course I get caught up in it, and then remind myself...oh yeah, this is just a performance...

 On the other hand, knowing that to be true-my creative energy is bursting out all over.  It's showing me pictures...of who I am, of other worlds, of the color of joy...always moving.  It's doing this while I am in my studio working and creating, and so it's not that I don't have a creative outlet. I have, over the years learned to keep it in balance, and luckily I am not the spacy type-(most of the times), so that I stay fairly grounded. Thankfully, I don't have a tendency to create drama in my mundane life...though it seems I am working overtime in my imagination.

  Now, I never worried about this, since this is how it's always been for me, since I was born probably.  And stifling it had consequences...not nice ones.  But all the shakti running through me has made it stronger.  And I consider my awakening a gentle one...can't imagine what I would do with more of this mojo!

  The other day, I vowed to just keep my mind a quiet still ocean ....but it was if I was an antennae and every conversation in the ethers was going on in my head. And none of the conversations were mine.  Very annoying. Same thing happens whenever I play mah-jong  on the computer.  Maybe it's a right brain left brain thing, but I start picking up on every conversation in the air. It's not a disturbing thing since I am used to it, just very annoying.

 I have recently surrendered this all to Goddess, worrying that perhaps I am the ultimate drama queen.  Every time I surrender it, she gives it back, or so it seems unless my ego is playing games with me.  And I know that is always a possibility.  I've meditated on this also, and what I get is that all this creative imagining is working towards merging the higher self with my ego...or something kinda sorta like that.

 I want to believe this is the case, because it feels good to create!  I love it!  It blisses me out.... I was told by some astral beings once that my purpose was to reveal the beauty hidden in everything...  But I take astral comments with the same grain I take earth comments.  Made me feel good to think of it, though.  

  Does anyone else wonder about things like this?  How is creativity tied to ego?  Can creativity become a slave to the ego?  Wondering,   Shara

[Mystress]

: Hi Everyone,

:
:    Just felt like writing today, and I think it helps me to sort out things for myself.  

Cool. I usually check the tea room every day, sometimes more than once a day... Always enjoy reading, tho I might not respond at first reading... or at all, if it seems the answer is self evident. Enjoy!

I'm not going to respond to your comments line-by-line, because it seems you are riffing on a theme rather than asking specific questions.

 I will say... Creative energy is a byproduct of karma transmuting. Where the light and the dark, the God and the Goddess come together the creativity happens. When I am wholly in nonduality, there is only perfection, nothing to do, nothing to fix, and no motive to be creative or do much of anything else, aside from the body taking care of itself.. eating etc.

 Did you know, I had to actually grow a custom built ego to write this course? Heh. Strange but true. Had a heck of a time shedding it again afterwards!

 I know thou art God and need nothing, but you do not know it and want to be a seeker... so, here ya go.

 I often suggest people find a creative outlet to assist karma processing, a way to release the emotions and energy, but the reverse is true too. Karma is fuel for art. Good art provokes an emotional reaction and if the energy of the art carries a charge, the viewer will pick it up unconsciously and respond.

 With regards to the conversation noise in your head... it could be your own stuff that you do not remember or recognise moving through you. It could be that you are being provided with some extra karma fuel to do the work.

 It could also be just noise, static coming through along with the inspiration. Hitch hikers. If it is the latter, simply ask your Guardian angels to filter the stuff, ask them not to let anything through unless it is of the light and serves your highest good. Simply surrendering it, becomes a full time job, like trying to bail out a river. You have to stop the flow on a higher level.

 Personally, if I am doing a lot of karma processing alchemy, I have to be always finding creative outlets, something to put the energy into, or else my thoughts become too powerful and I start getting accidental manifestations. Stray thoughts manifesting results can be surprising and not always pleasant.

  Blessings!

:Also, I always wonder if anyone here is going through or has gone through these same things, and would like to share their thoughts.

:    I'm wondering if I'm stuck in a strange spot here lately.  In some respects, I feel like I'm coming along slow and steady.  I feel less attached to it all, as if I am participating in a play, and I am watching myself play my part at the same time??  Of course I get caught up in it, and then remind myself...oh yeah, this is just a performance...

:   On the other hand, knowing that to be true-my creative energy is bursting out all over.  It's showing me pictures...of who I am, of other worlds, of the color of joy...always moving.  It's doing this while I am in my studio working and creating, and so it's not that I don't have a creative outlet. I have, over the years learned to keep it in balance, and luckily I am not the spacy type-(most of the times), so that I stay fairly grounded. Thankfully, I don't have a tendency to create drama in my mundane life...though it seems I am working overtime in my imagination.

:    Now, I never worried about this, since this is how it's always been for me, since I was born probably.  And stifling it had consequences...not nice ones.  But all the shakti running through me has made it stronger.  And I consider my awakening a gentle one...can't imagine what I would do with more of this mojo!

:    The other day, I vowed to just keep my mind a quiet still ocean ....but it was if I was an antennae and every conversation in the ethers was going on in my head. And none of the conversations were mine.  Very annoying. Same thing happens whenever I play mah-jong  on the computer.  Maybe it's a right brain left brain thing, but I start picking up on every conversation in the air. It's not a disturbing thing since I am used to it, just very annoying.

:   I have recently surrendered this all to Goddess, worrying that perhaps I am the ultimate drama queen.  Every time I surrender it, she gives it back, or so it seems unless my ego is playing games with me.  And I know that is always a possibility.  I've meditated on this also, and what I get is that all this creative imagining is working towards merging the higher self with my ego...or something kinda sorta like that.

:   I want to believe this is the case, because it feels good to create!  I love it!  It blisses me out.... I was told by some astral beings once that my purpose was to reveal the beauty hidden in everything...  But I take astral comments with the same grain I take earth comments.  Made me feel good to think of it, though.  

:    Does anyone else wonder about things like this?  How is creativity tied to ego?  Can creativity become a slave to the ego?  Wondering,   Shara

[Shara]

Mystress,

 Thanks for helping to clear some things. Though I read the Other Forms of Grounding lesson, I simply did not think about what fueled my creative energy. Not a bad way to burn off some karma.

:   Did you know, I had to actually grow a custom built ego to write this course? Heh. Strange but true. Had a heck of a time shedding it again afterwards!

  For some reason, it makes sense that you would have to build an ego, after coming out of a nondual state.  After the light exposes the illusion of your separateness, all those little ego walls come crumbling down.  All dust anyway. My ego seems to be undergoing a rennovation, itself.  It's dropping some stuff, becoming simpler...but it is fitting everything inside of it, too.  Ideas, Potentials, possibilities-like everything is cool-whew!  This kinda thing ya usually have to smoke some good weed to feel!

:   I know thou art God and need nothing, but you do not know it and want to be a seeker... so, here ya go.
:

  I am God/dess, feeling the power of creating and wondering if that power is wrong.  I think this is the crux of my problem.  That's why I get it confused with ego and feel ashamed.  Once I woke up in the middle of the night with the usual strange and wonderful energy sensations and I felt completely powerful-the truth of my world as my creation I felt 100%.  Know what I did?  I became afraid and felt my body start to tense especially around the solar plexus.  I knew what I was doing...but all that power felt...uncomfortable.

So, one could get stuck here....unless of course she's an ass-kicking Goddess like I am...
                      Hugs,  Shara