Apology

[Lady C]

Hi folks...

Hmmmm.  What&8217;s wrong with this picture?  Here I sit, and having been involved in this
course for about two years, as I reread the recent threads, I see mySelf arguing
almost....defending and being defensive...contradictory....*blind*.  What&8217;s happened to
my awareness?  My awakeness?  My ability to surrender!?!  And to understand what
you&8217;re saying, Mystress?  This is so not me!  (Or is it?)  I&8217;m fighting the idea that I see me as a
savior, then I post this post in defense of Nadine....not to mention the others that do
nothing more than reveal my short-sightedness..Jeez!  Aarrrgghh.

Well, these threads have also shown me a bit of a resistance to the idea that *I* could be a
vampire...but then guess what I dreamed about.....

If you saw the movie &8220;Wolf&8221; with Michelle Pfeiffer and Jack Nicholson, recall the other
guy who got bitten and became a werewolf:  he was a blond haired, blue eyed character
who was very threatening to Michelle Pfeiffer, if you didn&8217;t see it.  I dreamed about him,
as the werewolf, and I stabbed him.  First just a little stab, tentative and not lethal, but
then I let go - stabbed four more times, each wound being deadly.  I looked at the blood
on the knife, and saw him being taken away.  Then I knew that authorities were going to
come looking for me in regards to this murder, and I asked mySelf what I was going to
do, and realized I could do nothing else but tell the truth.

I think I&8217;m about to uncover another layer of the onion.  Whatever is under this
savior/vampire creep that I am.  Please forgive...

Peace,
Carla

[Nadine]

Hi everyone,

I am joining my apologies to Carla's, as I sense I have somewhat misused the Tea Room.  I will endeavour to keep my posts pertaining to the course and the lessons, less about personal issues.  

Hello Carla,

I want to thank you for your encouragement.  This vampire issue is hard hitting.  A part of me is feeling very quiet, confused and subdued.  Another part is thankful for what I am learning.  

With this course, it appears to me that what is important is not so much the words, but how the words resonate in me.  I feel that Goddess, through the words written by Mystress, has adressed me an accurate message, because mentally I do not understand it, but there are things that are happening, shifting, inwardly.  What is deserved or undeserved is unimportant, when the results promote harmony and peace.  Things happen for a reason.

The last posts have enabled me to learn a great deal, not just answers to the questions I write, but about the way people react to me.  I know that tough love sometimes bring more results than flowery praise, and that it takes a great deal of courage to be honest.

I think the bottom line is I must take steps to keep to my own space, especially where my emotions are concerned.  I am also highly confused, and Mystress has mentioned that this is a good thing (in the Void lesson). A time for introspection is in order.  

I don't think this is a time to think less of myself.  I repent, that is all I can do.  Follow the guidance that is given me.  Let go of expectations.  As you say Carla, surrender appears to be the vampire antidote.

Namaste,

Nadine

Hello : Hi folks...

: Hmmmm.  What%rsquos wrong with this picture?  Here I sit, and having been involved in this
: course for about two years, as I reread the recent threads, I see mySelf arguing
: almost....defending and being defensive...contradictory....*blind*.  What%rsquos happened to
: my awareness?  My awakeness?  My ability to surrender!?!  And to understand what
: you%rsquore saying, Mystress?  This is so not me!  (Or is it?)  I%rsquom fighting the idea that I see me as a
: savior, then I post this post in defense of Nadine....not to mention the others that do
: nothing more than reveal my short-sightedness..Jeez!  Aarrrgghh.

: Well, these threads have also shown me a bit of a resistance to the idea that *I* could be a
: vampire...but then guess what I dreamed about.....

: If you saw the movie %ldquoWolf%rdquo with Michelle Pfeiffer and Jack Nicholson, recall the other
: guy who got bitten and became a werewolf:  he was a blond haired, blue eyed character
: who was very threatening to Michelle Pfeiffer, if you didn%rsquot see it.  I dreamed about him,
: as the werewolf, and I stabbed him.  First just a little stab, tentative and not lethal, but
: then I let go - stabbed four more times, each wound being deadly.  I looked at the blood
: on the knife, and saw him being taken away.  Then I knew that authorities were going to
: come looking for me in regards to this murder, and I asked mySelf what I was going to
: do, and realized I could do nothing else but tell the truth.

: I think I%rsquom about to uncover another layer of the onion.  Whatever is under this
: savior/vampire creep that I am.  Please forgive...

: Peace,
: Carla

[Shara]

Hi,

  Sounds like the familiar shadow dance to me.  It is damned painful...facing these difficult truths about our own ugly parts.

 I have gotten over thinking that I'm done facing , and accepting, and moving beyond these parts-in fact, I must admit...this is where we really get somewhere, isn't it?

  Not fun, but effective.

 So take heart! Shara

ps.  There is a book out there somewhere called "Owning Your Own Shadow"-I read it a while back, and found it helpful.

[Nadine]

Hello Shara,

Yes indeed!  I feel confused and kinda small right now, and I don't know how to act, but am very thankful, because it does feel like I am getting a the root, or at least, a root, of the matter.  

I had heard of the book you mentioned, but felt it did not apply to me at the time!  I'll be sure to read it soon.

Thank you very much for your post,

Nadine

: Hi,

:
:    Sounds like the familiar shadow dance to me.  It is damned painful...facing these difficult truths about our own ugly parts.

:   I have gotten over thinking that I'm done facing , and accepting, and moving beyond these parts-in fact, I must admit...this is where we really get somewhere, isn't it?

:    Not fun, but effective.

:   So take heart! Shara

:
: ps.  There is a book out there somewhere called "Owning Your Own Shadow"-I read it a while back, and found it helpful.

[Mystress]

 Hi Carla:

Digging through the shadow is hard work. Be gentle with yourself. You are loved.

 Blessings!

: Hi folks...

: Hmmmm.  What%rsquos wrong with this picture?  Here I sit, and having been involved in this
: course for about two years, as I reread the recent threads, I see mySelf arguing
: almost....defending and being defensive...contradictory....*blind*.  What%rsquos happened to
: my awareness?  My awakeness?  My ability to surrender!?!  And to understand what
: you%rsquore saying, Mystress?  This is so not me!  (Or is it?)  I%rsquom fighting the idea that I see me as a
: savior, then I post this post in defense of Nadine....not to mention the others that do
: nothing more than reveal my short-sightedness..Jeez!  Aarrrgghh.

: Well, these threads have also shown me a bit of a resistance to the idea that *I* could be a
: vampire...but then guess what I dreamed about.....

: If you saw the movie %ldquoWolf%rdquo with Michelle Pfeiffer and Jack Nicholson, recall the other
: guy who got bitten and became a werewolf:  he was a blond haired, blue eyed character
: who was very threatening to Michelle Pfeiffer, if you didn%rsquot see it.  I dreamed about him,
: as the werewolf, and I stabbed him.  First just a little stab, tentative and not lethal, but
: then I let go - stabbed four more times, each wound being deadly.  I looked at the blood
: on the knife, and saw him being taken away.  Then I knew that authorities were going to
: come looking for me in regards to this murder, and I asked mySelf what I was going to
: do, and realized I could do nothing else but tell the truth.

: I think I%rsquom about to uncover another layer of the onion.  Whatever is under this
: savior/vampire creep that I am.  Please forgive...

: Peace,
: Carla