More things..

[Sean]

Hello Mystress,

Well I figured out about the things going on with me, at least a part. It involved a surendering safari that lasted quite a while, hours and hours, and I sent everything I could fit in in one time. If it came up, it went. Constantly surrendered Her time and time again in every form till I went into a crazy depression where I could not figure out who I was anymore. Went and had to hang on to some trees every once in a while all through the night. I was in full panic. Next day I was snowed in so I just slept. And there She was, teaching me who I can now be, letting me know she's there and better than before. Learned quite a bit about myself and felt really good by the evening. I feel like a new me has just come up. A me that I can grow into. But it was a pretty hard time till then. I don't want to be a jedi anymore, being more of me is going to be pretty cool in itself.

Also I now rub me down and when anything comes up, I surrender it right there and then. It feels so good. I rubbed my ankle till I found something come up, surrendered it, and fell over rolling around on the floor it felt so good. My body was feeling really pink and loved all around. Then I started to love my 1st chakra... Thing's happened that were too much for me.. Work on it tomorrow when I can heh.

And I guess I did already know what to do about my heart. Sometimes I think you have a magic wand to wave and Poof! Here everything done for me! Heh. I'll work on getting my own answers more now. Or at least try.

Thank's for sharing in that reply. Sounds like a pretty strange time, becoming nothing is always tough, at least for me it is. I imagine me running of with me would be pretty strange too. You know, I thought your posts tasted different from before... That's an incredible story you posted to C-Light too. Really made things open and clear. You remind us that we already know all of this stuff. Its absolutly incredible to realise this and know its true. I'm going to... ugh.. to much to think.... nevermind...  ugh...

Rubdowns are good. Use your feelers on the inside and hands on outside. Rub rub rub in unconditional love, yum.

Anyways that helped me out what you said. I'm going to start focusing on mundane things for a bit and stop analizing so much. That just gets me all worked up when I'm already buzzed out. And maybe the jello doesnt want to set... Whatever. Have to see. I did run across so many things that have helped me in the past few days that really changed how I see the world. I feel so much better these past days about things. I'm forever thankfull for the things you've shown me, that I can now work on every day and improve my life.

Cool, Ok, stay frosty, I am staying frosty too, I'm going to do something like shopping or plant a flower or something not involved in the realms of (waves arms) all of this stuff for now heh. (right.. I'll be back doing this again in a few hours just like I always do...)

Later

Sean

[Sean]

Heh,

I figured out about myself even more. And about how I was feeling. I now rest a lot, especialy when things are SNAFU, dont even sleep. Just lay down and let stuff come or go. Thats when I learn things. I had a memory come back about whenever the sun was shining or the sky was razor blue(custom Sean color) I would get really really energised in all of me. And would get really turned on about it. Just about being alive and feeling things. This is what it is comming back. Kick ass! Its just that I wasn't used to it. I remembered in Colorado being the same way.. And me spinning this girl around because I felt like it and her getting really mad, and people always asking me if I was high while mountain climbing... LOL I just have to send this energy all over me or something. Just getting used to returning things takes time. I remember when my music came back the first time. It was overwhelming. Its like there is a full orchistra in your head constantly playing the most intricate and beatifull music all the time. And comes up to full volume when you see something you like or feel. Its crazy. But it all goes back to normal after a bit.

Just when I stepped out of my car I saw the sun and made a pipe organ piece while walking over here. Can't wait till I can actually start doing the things I feel inside. Make fantasy reality right? Right on!

Cool

Sean