Jacob's blog

[jacobschapira]

I've been sectioned for 60 days due to suicidal tendencies. I need desperate help to clean up this hospital as according to the deities I've trauma dumped it with soul loss energies, harmful and baneful energies and worst of all energies which cause a subtle increase in chance of developing cancer.
Dorset Ward, Chase Farm, UK.

I'm very suicidal and been told by Goddess to kms as I don't deserve to live, I lost rights to use vortex due to developing heavy negative karma and the Buddha Ksititigharba, whom I called upon as a last crisis call, said I'm going to vajra hell for disobeying him. It all began when I arrived and had silver energies and needed a metal test which I still haven't got. Then I had a dream where a giant siren bird thing raped me. I had infertile bird energies in me and entities which shot them at random women.Including my pregnant sister and got a bad karma alarm.I decided to betray my shaman vowels and called for Lord Krishna to appear in a dream. He appeared with his Mace and gave me a mantra Om Krishnaya Namaha which worked instantly. He asked me to be celibate and a devotee. He made me paranoid about vortex saying it was a soul trap and the shadow lady so I didn't clear the entities as asked. I thought he must be a sock puppet but he was real and showed me his essence which is of the peacock.

I called for Lord Jesus and everyone began praying to him and a patient played a christian song. I had a dream of an entity abusing children and saying "Ive got you now". I had an energy which causes respiratory depression and harmed me and released into the room followed by entry by an elderly cleaner whom I am responsible for harming. I ignored Jesus and saw visions of bees swarming me. I wanted to continue with the FST course.

At some point I had a chapel perlious, Krishna told me to go to guatemala and be homeless, first he offered living in a flat alone with just a pen-pal. I thought it was an entity he said I'd be responsible for harming people. I had a very dark energy and the thought of a plane-crash, the day after a plane-crashed killing 3 people.

Amitbah the Buddha of Infinite Light also offered that I be a devotee and vegetarian. again due to my extreme naivity I ignored Him. Mother Earth herself offered me to be a devotee and celibate but I ignored Her, I had visions of my mother crying in grief over my dead body and a child was screaming Allahu Akbar on the news paper it says something about unwell children.

The Buddha told me my sister's pregnant baby will die aged 24 due to Leukemia. My dreams involve harming people by exposing myself to large crowds including women and children. An entity in my head sometimes reads out lists of women and shoots energy at them which they all say causes cancer. Mother Earth told me I don't deserve to live, made the ground rumble, and gave me smells of Deoderant. I tried huffing it to KMS and failed.

I insulted the Shadow Teacher right at the beginning before the plane-crash and he threatened me to go to Hell, I said "Il get enlightened before". He despises me and is not funny like with Mystress and swapped my hormones with a girl's I used to know and when I asked if he catches my energies he said no. In fact, Mother Earth said my energies are not being caught and I don't deserve Vortex anymore nor do I deserve to live due to risking peoples lives here e.g asking for sandwhiches.

Theres this energy in my throat chakra and nobody can see it but its there i swear it. and i dont know what to do since nobody is answering my prayers. I also was visited by the Jewish God since I'm Jewish who again showed me his beautiful essence. He asked me to fast for 9 days in fact Mother Earth is furious since I continue to eat and drink which spreads my saliva, I fasted for 4 days.

I've been asked to hurt my feet for respite to get vortex to take away the energy which harms, when I do the exercise which hurts and don't eat I get positive smells and when I don't I get negative ones. I had dreams of burn victims, birds trying to pluck my eyes out, and large dog on me. and worst of all sekhmet threatened me with basket of human-eating bugs. I hate bugs.

I haven't seen my mother in months. I risked my father's life by seeing him despite the fact that hes a doctor who works in hospital. I'm unable to do anything. I was treated brutally from the start for example when I ate sugary cereal I had bird energies in me which caused me to vomit. And hecate made it so that when I vaped I had baneful energies which cause allergic symptoms and I continued to vape and accidentally sent it to my niece and nephew.

I need help urgently. To save my life. Im sorry to say. Im willing to do hard labour and austerities for the rest of my life to make up for the fact that I accidentally dumped the hospital with harmful energies and didnt protect people but I receive no answers.
You probably wont believe this and think I made this story up because no deity will admit they told me to KMS and to protect you legally.

[jacobschapira]

Please take on my Karma as your own. I was wondering whether Mystress can make an Astral Realm,a "Pure Realm" like Kundalini Mystic Isle where we can all go after death. Or ask Goddess to abolish Hell realms where people get tortured and replace with a Liberal Rehabilitative Justice. Astral Prison. I deserve Astral Prison not Hell.
I want to serve Mystress for the rest of my lifetimes.

[jacobschapira]

update:
I'm distraught beyond measure. I can't leave my mum.
I'm utterly begging for forgiveness and receive no response but an occasional smell from Kisitigarbah and Chacmool who are basically done with me for continuing to eat, talk outloud and spread energies without much care. Planetary consciousness stopped talking to me ages ago because I'm not fasting.
Really its up to Mystress to save me perhaps by convincing Mother Earth that she and other vamps of their free-will could clearup my mess here,making this hospital and its staff super karmically clean. (and my family too plz)... and well hopefully my awful beyond respite karma too. I was told to bend my feet until maximum pain threshold for 72 hours of vortex cleaning up the harmful energies shooting out by an entity i cant clear in my head. I'm seriously unsure of how this escalated this far from really not that much disobedience.
Mystress said shamanic awakening is brutal but this destroyed my karma and soul. I'm going to Vajra Hell the worst Buddhist hell. My karma is awful because I've risked human life, and failed to hurt myself instead sleeping.

[Mystress]

Welcome to the Tearoom Jacob.

 It has been what, two months to get you to respect the basic boundary: Support is via the tearoom, not fb, not email, not fb calls. Good to see you got the memo, finally because if you will not learn basic respect for boundaries ... well, persistently predatory vamps get kicked to the curb.

There is a price to pay for mis-use of magic, karma of energy theft and it is: batshit crazy paranoia.

So much of what you are so afraid of, is not real. You do not listen to me telling you, it is not real. Perhaps you will listen to others.

Planetary consciousness stopped talking to me ages ago because I'm not fasting.

That is not real. It is not in the nature of the Planetary Consciousness to reject any of Her creations, nor does She force specific behaviours: Your free will is Her law. She sees you as perfect, no matter what you do.

You project your fears onto the Planet, and what you get is your reflection, not the truth of Her love and wisdom.

You prefer to believe the false reflection, over me telling you it is not real.

What am I supposed to do with that? Like Richard Bach said: "Argue for your limitations, you get to keep them."
Power of your free will.

It is the nature of Hell Road to bring up all the fears and the karma, to be surrendered. You seem to prefer to attach and obsess, and the only one who can choose to change that, is you.

No-one can walk Hell Road for you, the shaman must be purified of all fears before you get access to the powers.
Shamans cannot be predators, yet you persist with the same behaviours that got you stuck, with absolute refusal to face it, instead all the wild stories of your helplessness.

Mystress said shamanic awakening is brutal but this destroyed my karma and soul.

Your soul cannot be harmed, by anything you do in this life. All your predictions and beliefs of being doomed, are not real.

I have told you this, many times before. You are facing the karma of about a decade of using drama and constant emergencies to get attention and feed on the life force of others.

That is your primary karmic issue and the one you are least willing to face: you cannot be a shaman, and a predator. You won't be getting out of this Chapel Perilous until you have reformed.

No-one can do that for you. It is up to you, to face your fears and make a change.

You have had shamans and vamps tending you remote and real time for months but no-one can take what you are not willing to let go. You persistently choose to hold onto these wrong ideas, you get to keep them.

 I was told to bend my feet until maximum pain threshold for 72 hours of vortex cleaning up the harmful energies shooting out by an entity i cant clear in my head.

Anything that wants you to torture yourself, is not real. I have told you this whole thing of how you think you are harming people, shooting cancer at people etc, is not real. It is a deflection from facing up to how you have been harming people by stealing life force... yet you refuse to face or even consider that. 

 You want to hold onto it. Free will says, you can... but why are you?

I was working on you last night, Retro and identity splinters. Didn't find many, not surprised because the voices of psychosis are not that. They are a reflection of karma stuff.

Kisitigarbah and Chacmool who are basically done with me for continuing to eat, talk outloud and spread energies without much care.

That is not real either.

I want to serve Mystress for the rest of my lifetimes.

That is really not your call to make. I teach people to serve Goddess within themselves, and do not enslave my students. I don't believe in reincarnation either so, the statement is not respectful. Boundaries, when will you learn to respect them?

 The attitude might be beneficial if it meant you actually listen to me.
You prefer to listen to your fears, all the false gods and negative voices. Nobody but you has the power to change that. Basics of free will, choose love or fear and on hell road, you have to choose love or you get stuck like you are stuck. You persistently choose fear and obsess.

I know, OCD can be redirected to discipline, when will you start?

Making me be Goddess for you is a kind of karma dumping, passing me stuff you are not willing to let go, means it turns toxic to me. Gopi and dreamwalker are peeling it off me but the situation cannot continue because Shamans need to own their power.

You have all these crazy stories about how you think you are harming people, none of it is real, it is deflection.
 
The karma you need to face is how you used drama to get attention to feed on the life energies of others, at least since puberty and kept having to up the stakes with increased emergencies until the drama and the karma of misuse of magic: paranoia, became real for you.

I can think of no safer place for a psychotic shaman on hell road, than suicide watch in a mental hospital. Might not have taken you on, if you were not receiving 24/7 proper psychiatric care.

I know you are not genuinely suicidal. You love your mom too much to hurt her like that, and it is not your destiny.

If you really are stupid enough to do what the entities tell you, then maybe you are not worth my time.

I know you are smart enough and strong enough to pull yourself out, but the question is, will you? 


Mother Earth herself offered me to be a devotee and celibate

No, She didn't. That idea is almost comical, the Planet is very sex-positive. All acts of love and pleasure are Her rituals. She has zero interest in collecting devotees, let along negotiating for that.

I am not going to address all your litany of complaints, I have heard them all before and telling you it is not real is just wasting my time. You do not want to listen.

You have been taught how to dig yourself out, but you fall back to your eternal victim comfort zone, demanding attention and rescue instead of applying what you have learned.

Sure, people are picking the lint off you but so long as you persistently choose to invest in fear, you keep making more. 

Mother Earth is furious

She has zero capacity for that, in fact it is arrogant to suggest your silly dramas could ever perturb Her eternal peace.

I am sure you have experienced a lot of rejection in your life: people lose patience with the boy who always cries wolf, and soon notice always feeling tired after interacting with you.

Of course people get frustrated and angry with you, you are preying on their time and attention to get at their life energy... but to project those emotions onto the Planet Mother is sheer delusion.

She does not judge, or care what people project onto Her, it is your own relationship with Her that suffers from your projections.

You get through hell road, and psychotic paranoia, by persistently choosing love and surrender.

 When will you start?

[jacobschapira]

But I really don't get why I'm being predatory. I stay in my room most of the time. This drama is real 100% as or who is a real deity and an entity, I make room for your suggestions, but lord krishna definitely is real not a sock puppet and says about the cancer issue. The buddha used the word "dharmakaya" which i'd never heard before. The feminine presidential voice said it was about being celibate due to my sexual karma I told you about. What I really need is the entity in my head gone, it shoots energy out in violation of my intention. And this infinite supply vortex of energy which they say causes cancer out of my throat. Can such appearances really manifest on hell road?

My soul surely can be ruined; in buddhism there is reincarnation and bad people go to hells where they r tortured and not prison where they r reformed. Plz give me 1 more shot on FB. you don't know how badly I want to graduate to being a healer but I haven't been able to get past this, and this drama is not made-up. I really did experience my pheremones being swapped with another girls'. I can't use vortex to clear smells anymore. Nothing new has happened in nearly 2 months now. Just stuck with an energy that multiple deities claim causes cancer. If it truly does then what I'm explaining makes sense. She was making the floor rumble for me I don't have much other explanation than that and Ksititigarbah why is he an entity why is every deity I talk to an entity then, they often literally appear in my dreams.

Hell should be abolished, maybe a topic for another post btw, but it is against geneva convention. Yes even Hitler deserves a chance for redemption and reformation, not torture. If I ever do gain powers I'd use them to abolish Hell forever.

[jacobschapira]

I'm also not psychotic nor paranoid. I feel sane.I am basically being asked to gaslight myself based on all the sensations, smells, entities, voices, dreams, signs, ground-rumbling, and to say lord krishna, kali, ksitigigarbah, jesus, etc is lying. I had sensations of cuts on my dick for crying out loud. I want to continue but I cannot understand How to. When I don't react it makes no difference, most of the time I am calm. I haven't had any new energies, energetic symptoms for a while now its like i got abandoned and id be happy to go back to normal life except this energy in my throat chakra which no one can apparently see is still there firing at people all the time

[jacobschapira]

I'm not crying wolf i don't just make up stories for attention and have been victimised e.g put on suicide watch,huffed deoderant because the smells indicted to, forced to fast. I don't need huge attention just a full entity clearing. I NEED to see my mum again.

[jacobschapira]

can there be a fake sensation of a lump in my throat which shoots energy off?

[jacobschapira]

Update:
i ate lunch! but nothing changed energy still there took a nap and images of friends family staff it shoots it at all of them and asks me to hurt my feet

[jacobschapira]

Please can we resume 1-1 chat on fb. You bocked me after NYE and its life-saving support majority of the time. I believe some of the entities r real because of the signs. smells,dreams etc.Mostly Lord Krishna.

[Mystress]

but lord krishna definitely is real not a sock puppet and says about the cancer issue.

A genuine deity won't lie or make demands. It won't insist on celibacy, or fasting. It won't tell you to suicide or self harm. You are even insisting my patron, this planet is telling you to self harm. That stuff is not real.

Tired of arguing with you about it. Free will means you can believe what ever you want.

It is you, trying to give your power away to anyone. That is not how this works. You are God of your own life, but you want to pass that off and not take responsibility.

 So all the dieties you summon, become reflections of your fears because Hell road and psychosis.

You have had multiple entity clearings but we cannot clear what is not real. You have been taught to clear entities yourself.

You were a plague on my fb with your constant demands for attention, calling me in the middle of the night, over and over even after telling many times you I won't take a call.

Boundaries, No means No. Not respecting No, is the sign of a predator. You blow right past without a second thought because you believe your self created emergencies are more important than respecting my NO.
 
 How many times have I seen your all caps EMERGENCY when you are fine, just the same usual crazy. Giving energy to fear and ending up in the same old hole.

 Screaming like a baby with your demands for attention, and I was always feeling tired after because you use the demands to steal life energy from people. Predatory.

You ate up all the sympathy and compassion for you that was in me, and now I am not buying.

One of the vamps in my lineage spent two hours calming you down in chat, only to have you dive right back into the crazy. I told him, ask your guides how much of your life energy Jacob stole while you were trying to help him? 80%.
That is predatory.

dreamwalker could feel your little siphon hoses trying to hook into him as you told your tales of woe and helplessness.

"Poor me" control game turned into a paranoid psychosis because that is the natural karma of magically abusing people.

I know you have no friends, because people don't put up with being used like that. They notice the fatigue, get fed up with the constant clamour and ditch you. Everyone but family has cut you out of their lives.

I started avoid fb because of your constant demands.

I notice you deleted messages posted to my wall which means you also deleted my words without my consent. Did you ask?  I do not delete my messages, my words are my art... but you did, without asking me. Destruction of my property. If I wanted your messages deleted, I would have deleted them myself.

 Boundaries, you trample them without a second thought. That is predatory.

 You unfriended me or blocked me four times. I told you the previous time, if you did it again you won't be added back. I am a woman of my word, and support for students is here in tearoom, not on fb.

 You did it again anyway. You claim to want to serve me for life but then listen to the voices and unfriend me.

 No more of those stupid games. You stay unfriended now.

 I gave you good advice, so did others, many times. You deleted the messages, then asked again. Very disrespectful.

Messages to tearoom can only be deleted, by me. I don't need to repeat myself, you can read previous posts.

You never said a word about cancer until I mentioned in passing that dreamwalker can pull cancer from people. Presto! You fixated on it and came up with this new delusion about shooting cancer energies at people. It is not real.

I once knew an MPD woman from K-list, she stayed in my house for a time in the early 2000s. Every night I would give her a hug, blow off the karma of the day, and she could sleep.

One night the hug got missed somehow, I was out late. She did not sleep, and she started listening to the voices again. We had figured out that each alter was custom made to deal with some difficult person in her life. This time, they turned her against me. She would not talk to me. Being in my house, empathy had me blocked too and my ship was sinking. I sent her back home and her adult kids sent her to the mental ward.

A few months later she wrote back telling me how she cured herself. Being sent home broke her heart, she did love me. She found her happy place was sitting on my back deck watching the neighbors, like she used to do for hours (an American thing, my neighbors were mostly Chinese and adept at ignoring each other) So she imagined herself there, persistently, not listening to the voices until they all faded away.

That is the way out, for you too. You want to believe the nasty voices are gods because it validates your helplessness. It is only your belief, that gives them any power.

Send them all, into your heart.

Does not seem to matter how many times I tell you, they are not real, getting me to repeat myself is another of your vamp tricks and I am so bored of it.

You, shaman gene and vamp, big smart brain, despite the disabilities, amazing potential. You have gotten a ton of additional attention but I cannot see that it has made a bit of difference.

Ultimately, it is up to you to choose not to listen to the false gods that are reflections of your fears on hell road.

I have dealt with a lot of vampires, I am well aware of the things they become, to get fed, before they understand what they are, and how use the appetite to help people.

 The good ones get it, switch to snacking on misery and have good lives. The ones who continue to steal, to bite the hand that feeds, get kicked to the curb.

I think you have a good heart under all the bullshit, but you trample boundaries like a self centered infant. That has to stop.
 
You project fears onto your vortex guide, just as you do with everything else, make up stories of it turning against you, or losing it. Stuff that is not real. Your vortex is part of you, nothing can remove it.

You are deeply invested in helplessness and victimhood, because you have gotten a lot of mileage out of it, eternal emergencies.

 Believing they are gods enhances the helplessness, but none of it is real. It is paranoid psychosis just like the doctors told you.

 The only one who can really make a change, is you and instead you want to argue that your delusions are real. I know that arguing with a psychosis is useless, so believe what you want.

  People do not change, until they genuinely want to. Free Will is Goddess law, it is a power that puts us on a level with all the old gods. We are Gods of our own lives.

  You want to believe the delusions, you are free to do that and nobody but you can choose differently. We cannot rescue you from your own free will choices.

  Typically people do not change until they hit bottom. For my friend, being removed from my home to an institution was bottom for her, she got motivated, stubborn and found her way out.

  Where is bottom, for you? How bad does it have to get, for you to stop giving power away to what does not serve your highest good?

  I wonder if my care is just enabling you to stay stuck. Arguing with your psychosis is a complete waste of time. You want to cling to it, you can. How is that working out for you? Rhetorical question. We already know. 

[Gopi]

Mystress has given you more than enough here to chew upon.

I really did not want to post anything to this thread.
Tearoom is a community - people are mindful of the energy and attitude they bring to a sacred space.
Repeatedly disrespecting (and harassing) the teacher is NOT OK.
So I decided to post my response as FST lineage.
Struggling with mental health does not give you free pass to be an asshole.
Also, I am adding my response here to clarify some misconceptions (cultural misappropriations) that you seem to repeatedly amplify.

...called for Lord Krishna to appear in a dream. He appeared with his Mace and gave me a mantra Om Krishnaya Namaha which worked instantly. He asked me to be celibate and a devotee. He made me paranoid about vortex saying it was a soul trap and the shadow lady so I didn't clear the entities as asked. I thought he must be a sock puppet but he was real and showed me his essence which is of the peacock...

...Krishna told me to go to guatemala and be homeless...

... but lord krishna definitely is real not a sock puppet and says about the cancer issue

Do you remember our private chats Jacob?
Do you remember our long conversations about Krishna?
I don't think you do.

I am not here to police anyone about their beliefs.
That said, I do not want people reading your ramblings to get wrong ideas about Hindu religion and culture.
I do NOT care what you learned about Krishna at ISKCON.
Krishna is a poly-amorous cross-dresser and the best way to worship Krishna is all night love-making and dancing.

"The Raslila takes place one night when the gopis of Vrindavana, upon hearing the sound of Krishna's flute, sneak away from their households and families to the forest to dance with Krishna throughout the night, which Krishna supernaturally stretches to the length of one kalpa, a Hindu unit of time lasting approximately 4.32 billion years. In the Krishna Bhakti traditions, the rasa-lila is considered to be one most beautiful depiction of soulful love. In these traditions, romantic love between human beings in the material world is seen as a reflection of the soul's original, ecstatic spiritual love of Krishna, in his spiritual world, Goloka. In the Bhagavata Purana it is stated that whoever faithfully hears or describes the rasalila attains Krishna's pure loving devotion (Suddha-bhakti). The rasalila is considered to be the "ultimate message" of the Bhagavata Purana."

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raslila

I am not religious and don't care what you choose to believe.
It is really disrespectful (and honestly such a tired old colonizer's cliche) of white men to repeatedly malign sacred sexuality of Hindu and Indian cultures.
British colonizers destroyed so many sacred Tantra temples in India because they thought the erotic sculptures were obscene.
The colonizer's brought their own version of 'renounce sex to become spiritual' bullshit and destroyed so much invaluable cultural heritage of my people.

"For the colonial British, Indian art's obsession with the sensual body always provided a block to the appreciation of Indian art. Indian sculpture was deemed immoral and contact with it was believed to infect the moral sensibility. As early as the 17th Century, European travellers were railing about temples filled with "much immodest, heathen-style fornication and other abominations.... [and] so full of lascivious figures of Monsters, that one cannot enter them without horror". Even in the libertine 18th Century one gentleman complained that "the figures of Gods and Goddesses are shown in such obscene Postures, that it would puzzle the Covent Garden nymphs to imitate them".

But to pre-colonial Indians there was no association of women with sin, and in all the voluminous Indian scriptures there is no Eve, taking the fall for the Fall. Women were associated not with temptation but instead with fertility, abundance and prosperity, and there is an open embrace of sexuality as one route to the divine. "In the embrace of his beloved, a man forgets the whole world, everything both within and without," states the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad. "In the very same way, he who embraces the Self knows neither within nor without.""

Source: William Dalrymple. 2014. A Point of View: The sacred and sensuous in Indian art. URL: https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-26873149

There is so much of virtue signalling in your posts about wanting to love everyone (including Hitler).
But you cannot see the absurdity of you (a white man from UK) repeatedly maligning a dark-skinned Indian God of love-making?
Even after I have repeatedly chatted with you about Krishna in our personal chats?
No one is buying your story about 'REAL KRISHNA' demanding you to be celibate and homeless.

"Krishna symbolizes acceptance of the opposites together. And he alone can be whole who accepts the contradictions together. One who chooses will always be incomplete, less than the whole, because the part he chooses will continue to delude him and the part he denies will continue to pursue and haunt him. He can never be rid of what he rejects and represses. The mind of the man who rejects and represses sex becomes increasingly sexual. So a culture, a religion that teaches suppression of sex ends up creating nothing but sexuality; it becomes obsessed with sex...

We are beginning to learn that nothing in life has to be denied its place and given up, that we have to accept and live life in its totality. And he who lives wholly attains to life's wholeness. And he alone is holy who is whole."

~ Osho, Krishna: The Man and his Philosophy

I tell my friends a joke.
If you speak to God, you are spiritual.
If God speaks to you, it is time to take your medication.
If Krishna is speaking to you, it is time to take your medication, Jacob.
If you really do consider yourself a Krishna devotee, you would not be imposing your twisted torture fantasies onto a God that is all about loving.
If you really are socially conscious, you would not be maligning another culture with your colonizer's attitude towards sexual pleasure of a dark-skinned cross-dressing poly-amorous God.
If you really are serious about your spiritual growth, you would be paying attention to what Mystress is saying and doing FST lessons.
You are cherry picking lies that fit your ego's drama - that is NOT devotion to Krishna or spirituality.

"I need help urgently. To save my life. Im sorry to say. Im willing to do hard labour and austerities for the rest of my life to make up for the fact that I accidentally dumped the hospital with harmful energies and didnt protect people but I receive no answers."

'Im willing to do hard labour and austerities for the rest of my life'
LOL... Don't make me laugh!!
Rhetorical question: when was the last time you grounded Jacob?
I know you have a lengthy excuse about why you cannot ground.
You do not have the discipline to do the basic foundation for FST.
You keep repeating '...but I receive no answers' even though Mystress and other lineage members have repeatedly given you several hours of their time for healing beyond what you know (for FREE because it is service to Goddess).
When you asked for help here and Mystress responded, you said: 'I feel sane. I am basically being asked to gaslight myself'.

So... you trust the voices in your head.
You will not do basic foundation exercises for FST because <insert_lengthy_excuse_here>.
You do not trust the teacher of a course that you voluntarily signed up for.
No matter how much help you get from Mystress and FST lineage, you keep telling that you 'receive no answers'.
You just want someone to do your bidding - the way you want, when you want, and how you want.
And if you don't get what you want, you will continue to harm yourself and throw tantrums that no one is helping you.

It feels like you really don't believe in FST because you won't do the basic exercises and will repeatedly ignore everything the teacher says.
No one is here to do your bidding.
You're a grown man - if you shit, YOU clean your ass.
If you want to remove entities for your own mental health, then learn to do it yourself.

FST is DIY path.
FST is NOT a drive-through where you can bark custom orders that make your fat ego happy.

If you want help, then practice grounding.
If you want someone to do your bidding, then hire a secretary.
If you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.

Namaste!
Gopi

[jacobschapira]

then i my have spoken to ISKON version "Surrender to ME" "bow at my lotus feet"  Bghavad gita". I committed Statuary Rape that is why. I tried to take the same drugs as the girl but failed so she was far more intoxiciated than me and we kissed and did oral sex for 40 seconds. I have 50 friends and cannot talk to them beause I'm afraid. they message me i ignore them. This energy in my throat wont disappear no matter the entity or visualising light and it shoots at people al day.

[jacobschapira]

THe voices always came with synchroncities and spiritual smells. For example, Krishna showed me an image of a cow, also Ram appeared with his bow.
Entities r all gone now I think but I still got this energy in my neck and vortex doesn't answer me anymore. I listen to you guys and behave normally but no new content appears on my hell road. When I fast I am tempted with smells of food and when I do the painful exercise I get positive smells again...
<i listen to you guys now.

[jacobschapira]

I was wondering if I can get back onto Hell Road. I want to face my fears and begin getting the powers. The whole process has stopped for weeks now. I am no longer listening to such voices. Can somebody speak to my shadow teacher and ask why it has come to such a halt?
I do not wish to KMS nor block anyone, but voices told me too and threatened my family. I feel spiritually unplugged and can barely visualise, the grounding doesn't work well for me because of this throat chakra blockage that produces an energty i hope is just empty shots.
i really need a mantra but thank you goddess doesn't work anymore and vortex doesn't respond. I need some intervention as to why my process has stopped, I've faced no fears. I also got a threatening dream from Hecate due to again entities with those bird energies on me harmed her witches and possibly the 'metaphoric' cancer energy. In it I walk into a black room and black dogs bark at me. I do have a lively social life, before coming to this hospital. Things really got worse for me here.

[jacobschapira]

Mystress you did say I have bad karma with Lord Krishna this is conradictory, and you thought he was arrogant. you asked me to ask Armand to protect me but when I asked if he was catching my energies he said no. This was when I sent the bird energy to my sister and got a bad karma alarm. My sister's baby will get cancer, plus my uncle has it and my brother-in-law. We really need help from shaman who cures cancer. Or your help to do retro on my family. my brother is having a spiritual awakening too and is almost definitely a vamp.

[Mystress]

Wow Gopi.

 Thank you for your efforts to tend to Jacob.

 Not sure I have seen you quite so... passionate, defending me and your culture. Someone wanting to defend me is rare and nice.

I agree, he can be quite frustrating.

(Jacob, not referring to you in third person for any reason but, you have to guess this is not the first time we have discussed your condition, only the first time you get to see the discussion.)

There is a funny dynamic. The guru rules are, what ever your energy triggers in someone, flows to you as the one responsible for triggering it.

Unfortunately, it works the same, when the energy is stolen, not given.

 Lose some life energy, get slimed by the thieves' karma stuff coming back at you, and caught by surprise not expecting it because sneaky siphon hoses. 

 Sometimes, you do not notice when you have become possessed by emotions not your own. It is not automatic, for empaths to be able to discern whose feelings.

Part of that, can be a strong desire to want to sling it back at them with a clue-by-four, to be free of it.

 The early days of K list are full of me getting possessed by someone's karma crap via empathy, and spewing it back at the owner with shaman laser clarity, and sometimes it worked, to snap someone out of it.

 Mystress' Zen Whackings, the group called them, and got out the popcorn to watch me smack someone out of their crazy.

 Worked, most of the time when it was only, kundalini psychosis... full blown medicated psychosis is much more durable.

It was always, exhausting.

(Gathers the agro from you, crunches it into a ball and tosses it into Jacob's vortex. Gathers some of your grief for India, tosses that in, too.)

Breathe, feel your wings. Restore your peace.

Have you ever won an argument with an incel, a climate change denier, a covid denier, an anti-vaxxer?

 I wrote, it is useless to argue with a psychosis... reminding myself, because it is. Expecting a psychosis to be logical, to respond to reasonable argument,  is expecting too much.

 Cannot help but try to reach out, compassion and he is good at pulling the sympathy strings, but sometimes getting resistance, they just cling tighter.

 It is the nature of ego to fight for its reality even when that reality is totally whacked, fubar, massively dysfunctional.

Sane people, often question their sanity. Crazy people, are often absolutely sure that they are completely sane.
Case in point, eh? 

When Jacob denies being predatory, he believes he is telling the truth. One very big elephant that is invisible to him.

Now consider, what is denied by the ego gets pushed into shadow... So how big has the shadow grown, to protect him from that information, that is so obvious to others?

 How thick are the walls locking it out? How fully is it pulling his strings, so manipulative behavior, and yet, he is unaware?

 What happens when the dam cracks and the info starts to leak through? Breakdown to breakthrough is not my preferred method... but is it up to me? He is provided a very safe space for it.

Second, what is the emotional age of someone who thinks they are the center of the universe and entitled to all the attention?

So here we are in kindergarten, introducing the concept of boundaries.

It looks like narcissism but it isn't, it is a scarcity thing some vamps get, they become damaged in their ability to trust ... anyone, anything. Karma of manipulative magic, paranoia, inability to trust.

Not much use getting annoyed that he does not trust me, like asking a fish to ride a bicycle. Along with the lack of capacity, comes the endless testing. I am not up for those games. Grey rock eh? Wings up, reflecting back truths that cannot be denied.

 He has done the right thing, making a thread in Tenement to blog and spew, and I am inclined to allow it because I suggested it.

 You know, it is healing, to post your troubles here. It is sacred space where the Fire Serpent has His own use for what is released. Let him lay out all the crazy, a buffet for the school patron, the spirit and wisdom of evolution.
 
Jacob does not experience the Fire Serpent, but the Fire Serpent experiences Jacob.

Like psychosis, there is no getting through the wall, for us, unless the vamp themselves decides to tear it down, and in my experience they never do... but the Patron is wise, His love is vast and gentle. 

This one may choose differently, because the loneliness, and the pressures of shaman guide and hell road... but when the shadow is large, and the guide must reflect the karma, guide shows up pretty feral.

Vamp on Shaman hell road... an unusual situation, for sure. I would like to think Goddess would not present him with such a challenge, or call for me to watch over, if there was no potential for success.

Thank you for responding, your post is passionate and beautiful, I loved reading it.

The effect on Jacob, let me know there was another post, got hit with all his "I am so misunderstood" sad pity helplessness stuff, and a spicy layer of sheer paranoia. Grounded him, opened his crown enough to send some of the crazy out of it, poked his arm because that is the signal, then sent him off to eat and take a nap.

Of course he will complain, and keep on making more of the same. As you say, we are in service to Goddess.

  It will be, as Goddess wills. 

PS: I don't know if you encountered it when you lived in the uk, but I have met way too many Englishmen who were spoiled little mama's boys whose idea of a hot pickup line was some variation of "I am planning to suicide in some heroic manly fashion" expecting the woman to open her legs to save them. Do English women actually fall for that?

 Canadian women be so disgusted at the transparent poor me bs, we be like, here is some honey covered salmon for your pockets and a map of where to find a grizzly bear. Go do the Darwin thing.

Not suggesting Jacob is trying to seduce, or that he feed himself to a bear, only a pet peeve that emotional manipulation via suicide threats is such a persistent meme in English men. It is like their go-to strategy. wtf. 

I suppose the benefit of past experience is a certain immunity, trying to play that card with me, gets a yawn and an eye roll. Not validation.

[Mystress]

I need some intervention as to why my process has stopped

You need no intervention, it is the antipsychotics calming some of the crazy. Quieting the noise, so you can focus on study. That is their purpose, dial down the crazy so you can rest, eat, try to remember what sane feels like.

As you said, you are calmer, have a slightly better sense of perspective, better able to watch the weirdness float down the river while you meditate on the bank, instead of going into emergency freaking out paranoid.

Is all good, you are getting exactly the intervention you need, from modern medicine. Celebrate the peace of it.

I want you to get a small notepad, or maybe a piece of paper and make a tally mark every time you complain, or think about complaining about something.

 What you focus on, will grow, is cosmic law. Time to start paying attention to how much of your focus is negative, complaints and dissatisfaction.

To always be complaining is a bad power game, an unhealthy focus. I am sure you are not conscious of how often you do it, it is time you noticed.

A tally mark, is like keeping score for darts. Start with this thread, re-read it all and count the complaints you expressed, the dis-satisfaction, the criticisms.

I don't need to know the score, it is for you to start paying attention to what you are feeding.

[jacobschapira]

got the notepad ready and btw I'm happy to admit I'm a bit narcisstic but most of what you call predatory is just me being normal. in other words its not intentionally me trying to steal life force ith some manipulative, kniving plan. I do not wish to kill myself but this energy wont go and its real... I'm ready to face something.

[jacobschapira]

Can you open up my throat fully? I did not feel any poke this time btw

[jacobschapira]

I am being categorically clear here; when i ask vortex to clear something it ooes not work anymore. I reaally need to clear the hospital up and its staff.

[jacobschapira]

Being suicidal is not a seduction.I have tried to huff deoderant and ran into bushes to fast to death. I cannot live like this, and am threatened in my dreams, including Krishna who appeared with bird who tried to pluck my eyes out. Everything I'm saying is true not a madeup story. I don't wish to die. I love my mum, adore her.Jewish God is here with me. I will love Him. He asked for a 9 day fast and I disobeyed but now I"m obeying.

[jacobschapira]

I tried entity clearing but was unsuccessful, also called upon Amigos and Ascended Master Saint-Francis. The voices speaking to me were always calm and cool and never seduced me. An entity got so powerful that it changed my pheremones to  girls' I used to know called Sophie for an hour or so.

[jacobschapira]

I saw my mum again yay! I love her. However, energy shooting off against my permission still a problem.

[jacobschapira]

I need some help to open my third eye. I did that section as I want to see some cool stuff - is a shaktipat in my dreams possible? I didn't feel the touch. I feel grounded and calm again although the energy in my throat is still there.