Public sex

[Sinisa]

Dear Mistress,

there was some performance at one alternative nightclub in Zagreb-croatian capitol. Two artists, male and female, were performing their role. During the scene, they start to make love, in live, not acting. I was very discomfort, confused, and something in me signalized for warning like in Nazi camps during WWII "Achutng, achtung!!"
Analyzing that, I remembered similar events. When I went out, I use to see in dark corners of clubs pairs getting laid with no shame. My reactions was the same, almost fall on the floor.
I can only imagine how I should react if my girlfriend or someone I know was there on the stage as artist, I would surely die.

My firsts K experience ( full awakening ) happened when my parent were making love in same room where I sleep. I was seven or eight. Maybe is my blockage or something connect with that, dunno, so can you help me?

During this course, I am awakening and remembering my old days with K games but there is something, just a little bit of resistance for full awakening. I feel that is connect with some kind of public sex I watched. Am I voyeur maybe or what?
In those moments of my presence at performing, I was really loosing myself, becoming insane...
I notice the mechanism: imagine someone I love with someone else having sex, humiliating with that act my being-that is the key to surrender me to full awakening but there is blockage. Please, help me! Thanks,

From Love,
Sinisa