Diario de Begeegs

[Mystress]

All good rewards of diligent practice of surrender. Life energy flowing where it was blocked before, and the reduction of the karma tension gives improved blood flow. The result is the increase of vibration. Lighter. En-lighten-ment. Getting lighter.

  Interesting to feel the body responding sexually in the absence of any usual sexual stimulation?  You are opening to a quite delicious phase where previous sexual programming is let go in favour of energy orgasms in response to beauty. Goddess is All so the Beloved is in everything and beauty can strike a powerful sexual pleasure response.
  Like the old books promise, if you enjoy it without looking for release, it flows upward instead, purifying. The ancients thought they were somehow shooting their own semen up their spinal cord, physically impossible, obviously. It is all about the energy. Sexual pleasure without the usual sexual context or triggers, has a lovely sort of innocence and purity to it, as if your sexuality is new. Open to it, explore it.
  FST us not a celibate path, at least one ejaculation per week is needed to keep your prostate healthy.

  Men have a bit of erectile tissue at the tip of the nose, and it is also part of the third eye. You are opening up!

[begeegs]

Thanks Mystress! I hope that it is opening up as it seems so.

Not much has change over the last week and a half outside of some incremental improvements on discernment which is always welcome. I am getting more consistency with the heart swelling, but the power chakra is still not great. I suspect that this will come about with more surrender. I have been trying to let emotions go through me and surrender these which is easier said than done, but I will have to continue down that path.

I am finding the inner transformation unusual in the fact that it also seems to be taking place during outer Earth transformation. I am not suggesting anything with that as I haven't a clue what the Divine Plan is.

I have been asking the Divine Beloved daily for blockages to be removed in the Sushumna and also to take my perceptions over, so that I may experience her better. I will say that only a modest amount of dreams with her involved has happened, but that is it, so far. The last one was a woman masked with a white veil, so that I couldn't see what she looked like. The woman wanted to seduce me and I felt a longing and love - with these feeling, I probably woke myself up a bit, but just before, the woman had a face which was gorgeous as you'd expect.  :-)

[begeegs]

I have had some interesting things happening in the past couple of weeks. I have been noticing that if I am searching for something on my pc and I can't find it, I often find that somehow when I come back to normal consciousness after a period of thinking of where I put it, I am hovering over what I was looking for. It is uncanny.

Also, my heart voice has improved. I am tuning into it more, but it seems to vary in its response. Sometimes pictures and sometimes a word. I probably need to learn to stay in trance when I hear something. For example - I asked whether the planetary changes are because of mans resistance to Goddess or because it is Her will - the answer 'both'. That made me laugh.

I also had a thought during todays meditation about not ejaculating during the week to see what happens - there was a phrase then, but I only picked up on 'reward' and I felt the sexual energy going upwards, albeit not as strong.

It looks like I will need to leave it for a spell and see where we go :-)

[begeegs]

I have gone without in the past week and feel the energy going upwards again and staying there. There is a bit of a burning feeling around the top of my forehead as well as around the heart, but it varies. I will keep at this and see where we go.

I do feel like I have things in my own environment which are there to be cleansed out of the system and it is difficult to let old behaviours/habits go without acting on the feeling whatever that may be. I need to be alert in order to head it off and fail often, but today is a new day.

On another note, I have been taking Chlorella/Bamboo Charcoal for the past few weeks and it has made a massive difference on my skin issues. I have psoriasis on the bottoms of my feet, one hand and on my scalp. The foot condition has been present for about 20 years and the scalp/palm for about 6 years, so it looks like this detox is working well whether it be mold/etc. Fingers crossed that it helps my son. Upon first glance, it seems to be improving him as well, but it may act slower as with neurodevelopment that never existed, I would expect that. I think that my wife and I both have a form of auto-immune issues that we passed on to our unlucky son.

What is interesting about the whole detox thing is that it seems to be in conjunction with the 'breakthroughs' that I seem to be having with the FST work. Hopefully that continues :-)

[begeegs]

Still on the celibate path and I am finding more energetic things occurring. At one point during a meditation earlier, it felt like my heart would burst. I just noticed it and went back to the meditation. I am getting a lot of warmth in the stomach, heart and from the nose and up through my forehead. I had a portion of it around the crown, so the purifying aspect (which Mystress mentioned) seems to be occurring. My meditations seems to be going slightly deeper in which I am in a light trace which seems like a 'sweet' spot to me and feels nice. I have continued the surrender, but in the past month or so, things seem to have gone faster.

[begeegs]

I have carried on with the re-reading of the lessons and my meditations have gotten better than before. I get to a stage now where the noticing becomes uncluttered and very relaxing where I could stay there all day. In addition, I also am better in identifying the many many triggers that I have. It is difficult to watch them go by once they start, but I do try and am getting better with this. I found that this celibacy was probably another form of resistance that needed to be let go as I am not really in a position of dictating when I will progress. It's probably better to let it go.

My general health has improved with the binding of mold out of my system. As I went down this rabbit hole of trying to find out what was the matter with my autistic son, we discovered that he has mold and thus we all likely had it. Once I did this, I also learned about the impact of GMOs on the body as well as I lived in the USA for about 10 years as GMOs were brought to the market. It probably weakened my gut flora and allowed this autoimmune issue that was compounded with mold.  However, I am grateful to be able to experience any of this at all and not really getting caught up in the labelling of the experience. It has taken a long while for that to happen and I still have my many times where I am feeling negative about a particular experience (like having to work at my job - lol), but at least there is another reaction which is to be happy about the experience good or bad.

I still dream about my magic days and miss the people from those organizations, but as Mystress said a few posts ago - I don't miss the preparation to getting down to meditate - and they really were lengthy - pentagrams and waving hands/visualizations. Once you did all of those, it became nearly impossible to actually relax and meditate. I much prefer the simplicity of something quick, easy and natural.

[begeegs]

I think that I have had either a breakthough or myocarditis (lol). Over the past month (maybe two), I have noticed a heart swelling which isn't painful, but potentially more than subtle. It feels as if I took a swift intake of breath. It is inconsistent, so far, but does also happen if I am sitting around and paying attention to it. I won't be calling the doctors just yet until I do more testing which could take some time.

Heart voice is slightly better as well which has answered questions in context with a phrase or something similar. What is interesting about this is that it has been around for a long long while, but I think that the language usually didn't make sense. It seems that surrendering while acting on that surrender (meaning not acting on old emotional content, but watching it) it seems that this helps immensely and improves things.

[begeegs]

So I did end up going to the doctor to rule anything out physically and it seems ok. They told me that I was stressed (I didn't feel stressed) and it very well could be. It is something which started where it feels like a bubble which comes up from the solar plexus and continues to the heart where it feels like an expansion there. This occurs really only when I am paying attention which is generally during meditation (although before I went to get it checked out, it was happening more frequently). Unfortunately, it is a little inconsistent, but does happen in context more often than not. As this does originate from the solar plexus, I do have my doubts about it being a variation of 'body talk'. If I concentrate on the solar plexus during a meditation, it feels full of energy. At any rate, I will continue carrying on with everything.

[begeegs]

We can certainly say that we live in interesting times. I am visiting my folks and immediate family in Florida and have been diagnosed with Covid when we are due to leave in under 48 hours. My symptoms are light at the moment: just an occasional cough and a mild headache. Unfortunately, it has thrown a large wrench into my return trip home to the UK. :-(

Thankfully, I was already pre-treating supplements beforehand and happened to have bought a lot of other things here: Vit C, D and Zinc and we have used melatonin alot, which also helps fight the virus. As it is pretty early on in the infection, I will try one more test and hope that it was a false positive.

[Mystress]

I'd bet money it is a false positive and symptoms via empathy not infection. Let us know how it goes?

[begeegs]

Thanks Mystress. Unfortunately, it was real. I had another test and it was the same. Nearly my whole family have also tested positive, including my triple vaxxed mother. We have had to make different arrangements which was a lot of fun - lol.

My symptoms are still similar. Hopefully I get over it by Tuesday or I will have to go through all of this again. - lol :-)

[Mystress]

Well I am surprised, thought your grounding is tight! Holidays can be so stressful. Blessings sent, please keep us updated.

[begeegs]

It wasn't so stressful until I tested positive just before I was to come back to the UK. That was when my nightmare began because I was out of pocket. My experience of the virus was like a head cold for a few days, so it wasn't this nasty thing which others have had. My sister, for instance, got the first strain and struggled to breathe., so I got off lightly.

Anyway - back to going over lessons again. :-)

[begeegs]

So the breakthrough which I thought that I had happens to really be heart palpitations. I have a left branch bundle block when I have no heart problems in the family. I don't think that palpitations is the subtlety that heart swelling pertains to. :-)  It does seem that the palpitations are about .1% of all beats. I went to the emergency room when I started having palpitations and was left with the doctor saying that I had anxiety. I knew that it was more than this as I am pretty relaxed and never had an anxiety attack in my life, so got a second opinion and a heart monitor. Outside of that, my life is really going ballistic at the moment - selling house, trying to treat my autistic son, increased work responsibility and in addition to the world affairs that we find ourselves in, it is certainly a very interesting time in my life. It feels very intense, but I feel pretty relaxed about it.

I do feel that kegels now no longer give me headaches. I don't go to town with them, but I started again in small sets. So far so good. At times I feel like the energy is really flowing, particularly at night. I have been having anima dreams, but none of the magical things just yet. I will carry on :-)

[begeegs]

It's been a while since I posted here, but I really didn't have much to report since my last entry. I am still practicing and have some feelings in my nose area where it does feel like you do when you jump into a pool and get water up your nose along with other energy fluctuations along the spine, so I suspect that both are physical sensations to a gradual opening.

Outside of the actual meditation practices, it seems like my experience of life seems to be in melt down. I know that others would have similar experiences as it seems that we are in an era where old structures are breaking down globally. From the Dutch farmers being told that their carbon footprint is too much while forecasting a food shortage in 2023, to digital IDs being renewed in Europe along with Covid Emergency powers being implemented permanently, it really seems like an old way of life is being forcibly taken away with the reasons for those ways being taken away being caused by decisions which took place months prior. You can't say that we don't live in interesting times and at times what I perceive to be an awakening on my part seems to run in concert with those old structures/beliefs melting away. I can't help but think that a lot of things that I previously believed about the world now seems to be at best a delusion and at worst - a lie.

During all of this, I do feel that I am slowly awakening and have a longing to get away from cities and to nature. Perhaps a simpler way of life is much more appealing than it would have previously.