question regarding grounding

[oolongmonkey]

This were getting a bit crazy with the ringing in my ears, dissociation, TMJ and other lovely physical/mental/emotional symptoms and my subconscious mind going haywire, so I started to intensely ground, practicing many hours a day. I really felt at my wits end...

It was working, I was beginning to feel more relaxed, more connected, etc...

I recently attended a QiGong retreat that I had signed up for 10 months in advance, I went just for the environment, I had no intention of practicing but to turn it into a little grounding retreat of my own.

Even though I wasn't practicing the energy was intense and It was definitely all going in my head. A few nights before I feel asleep I was concerned that I was going to have an aneurysm Towards the end of the retreat, I felt blocks everywhere on my head, back of my head, etc... These blocks felt so gross that they were jarring and my attention would lock onto them, the whole ordeal was very distressing and dissociating.

My question is, since I've come back home any attempt at grounding meditation or keeping my attention at my feet actually makes me less grounded. When I come out of meditation, I'm totally gone and can barely function.

Im thinking that the retreat caused some energy to start moving up and that has been active since so any attempt to ground is just futile and increasing the energy...?

Anywasy, I would love some feedback. Thank you all for your support.   

[Mystress]

  I don't like to be so controlling, as to forbid students from doing other spiritual studies while working on FST, but it is usually better if they don't. Some times their own DB will draw someone to something compatible, like Hatha yoga and I would not interfere with that.  Other times, members go for something not compatible and it throws a wrench into things.

  In the Earth and Sky energy lesson I talk about how Shakti is the energy of the Goddess that we surrender to. Everything else is usually prana, chi, qi, ... all the names for the energy of free will based magic.  That magic is not compatible for kundalini, especially for men. Men are centered in the power chakra and male ego is very invested in being the doer. The more that tendency is reinforced the harder it is to get the knack of surrender.

  So you have already figured out that awakened people do not belong in a QiGong class, even if only intending to observe. Your presence there, gave the teachers consent to pretty much bulldoze the delicate and natural grounding template you have been working on building, and over write it with a QiGong template that is not meant to be flexible. Stamped it hard into you like minting a coin. It rises when you try to ground because it is trying to bulldoze the grounding some more, assert its own pattern.

  If you were not awakened, then the new template would give you abundant chi, for good health, longevity and peace. You are awakened so the template is just a big blockage of someone's "good intentions" that is in the way of "it will be as Goddess wills."

  So now you have a blast of chi pushing against some blockages, giving you distress but that is all it can do. Chi is not intelligent like Kundalini Shakti, to break the blockages down into components to present for surrender. 

   I can break it down a bit remotely but its really up to you to invalidate the effects of the QiGong  weekend.

  Remember how your grounding felt, before the weekend. Recapture as much as the feeling as you can. Pray to Goddess asking Her to take all the results and effects of the QiGong weekend. Ask forgiveness for your meddling efforts at control, share your regrets for having gone to it, and ask for mercy.

  Its like when your operating system installs some unwanted software and you roll back the update and reset it to how it was before. System restore, I think it is called. Any blockages that were shed during the weekend will still be gone but the ineffective QiGong template disappears and the delicate grounding template you were establishing be restored.

 

 

[oolongmonkey]

Thank you Mystress for your time and feedback. It means the world too me.

I'm going to just focus on day to day activities, stay away from any energetic grounding, perhaps going to the gym and practice self-massage until I get back to baseline. At that point I'll try the grounding again.