Might be in Trouble, Might not be

[TheFifth]

Now feels like another wave of illness starting, which I now always assume is metaphysical in origin. Like a vague hyperventilating feeling bit it’s been hanging around for a month or so. Before that, it was something else (kriyas). Not perturbed by it. Seems there’s bliss to be found in it.

[TheFifth]

The thought didn't even occur to me, spontaneous pranayama of some sort?

[TheFifth]

Final post for today's onslaught of incremental insights (lol) but on the image of the fairy catcher, gives me an immense sense of peace and joy. When I asked to see the karma stuff I got an image sort of reminiscent of a Tim Burton, Nightmare Before Christmas-type vibe with the horror dial turned up a lot more. My relationship with horror-type movies is sort of complicated though because of that vampire intrigue with stuff like that which I never understood before. What I've found is I'm almost more drawn to the aesthetic than the horror itself, if that makes sense. It's like it's the energy generated by it that I'm drawn to. Clean up crew. I think it's an important distinction I haven't before thought of.

[TheFifth]

Seems a continual post-nasal drip has been going on for longer than I realized, amrita drip? Interestingly, I've been getting the impression that the hypochondria was, in a way, a prayer for ascension (immunity). Feels like the dance between "work" and "home" fluctuates continually but even "work" does not involve the same ego I had before. It's like a one-track-minded caricature of some sort that has flashed in and out over the past few months. Have not been in that for a little while though; noticed some irritability yesterday but paradoxically that same calm and equanimity, strolling with my mother before her departure back east, holding a flower, gazing up at the stars with bliss.

[TheFifth]

Glad this was moved I think this is a better spot for it 

Now that I’m ascended I hear my guide great, it’s more impressions than hearing. Getting a bit of an education about why some clients are receptive and some less so; seems to have to do with readiness to let go of the issue and consent.

The idea / impression of doing empathic/healing work has kept coming up lately, feels like a little push. I’ve always wanted to stay away from it because it sounded sort of perilous but it does seem like it would clean up the consent piece a bit better and potentially help me feel even better.

Then again, there’s the “guide providing the snacks” phenomenon/algorithm  which seems to be working better with my newfound clarity. This allows for anonymity and ppl just feeling better after talking to me or a chance encounter.

I guess all of my priorities have sort of switched up and I just find myself focusing on new things now. Just finding it happening, no planning or asking volition.

[TheFifth]

Had a beautiful laughing session today with a vet after a pretty big clearing seemed to occur. Both of us just could not stop laughing. It was pretty incredible how fast it happened. Seems right before something like this happens I go into a deeply detached nondual state where the person talking and the narrative of their life feels like a big illusory joke and then bam the stuff just gets eaten.

It's simply amazing to be a passive facilitator for these profound events.

[Mystress]

noticed some irritability yesterday but paradoxically that same calm and equanimity, strolling with my mother before her departure back east, holding a flower, gazing up at the stars with bliss.
 
The presence of Goddess in your heart. Contemplating the Presence is a good alternate way to ground that is available to the Quantum. If the glow fades, beware a fall from grace. Remember how it feels, bookmark it like your home address.

Seems a continual post-nasal drip has been going on for longer than I realized, amrita drip?

  The immediacy of information when ascended is cool eh? As soon as you think to ask, you know. Not always, Goddess likes surprise parties, but with most things.

Glad this was moved I think this is a better spot for it

This thread is precious to me. Documentation of vampire evolution from first discovery to post-ascension! Not just for vampires accelerated path either... most students, ascension comes of continuing the practices after attaining the grail, and FST ends there. So their later process is mostly undocumented and I have had little reason to write about what it is like, the rules and changes you experience after migrating to the ascended universe.

  I have been ascended since 1996, long enough that some of the weirdness is so normal for me I would not think to write about it until someone asks. I have not been too concerned with supporting them either because as you have discovered, answers come quick and so they are in good hands.

  However, the Ascended Amigos came about because I realized that people who die, not knowing they are ascended, have a really shitty time of it, lost confused and lonely. Living people who are ascended and do not know it, can have a pretty confusing time too... even a little dangerous to not understand the change. Kind of, shaping a post-ascension manual in my head. 

It was pretty incredible how fast it happened. Seems right before something like this happens I go into a deeply detached nondual state where the person talking and the narrative of their life feels like a big illusory joke and then bam the stuff just gets eaten.

I feel, in those moments, I am Being Goddess. Seeing through Her eyes.

  Laughing kriyas are so fun eh?

It's simply amazing to be a passive facilitator for these profound events.

  Years of trying to explain to people, the joy of being ascended and why it is worth the effort. You nailed it. To be a vessel of Divine Will, the peace, wisdom, joy, miracles... totally rocks in so many ways. LOL! Never gets dull! 

[TheFifth]

The post death confusion, is this because of a different “afterlife” experience due to the diamond body?

[Mystress]

Yes. They don't go into the Light because, already there, already everywhere, being quantum. Don't walk the bardo, already did it while alive. Not sure if they get the life review. They can go anywhere in time and space but not knowing that, they tend to hang around their loved ones, causing some confusion when their presence is felt.

  cymbal, from the Power of Love lesson, is ascended although I only realized it a few months ago. You can call on him and ask about it, be curious to hear what you get.

[TheFifth]

Fallen “ill” once more, feels like moving deeper into it. Each of these intervals feels like a deepening. In a way, feels like other people and their concerns are existing on the other side of some kind of metaphorical plexiglass.

There’s always been this tendency for people to navigate away from or around me, not in a negative sense but just that there’s always been something “in the world and not of it” about me. Feels  stronger now. Feels sort of like “nothing to see here.” At the same time though, there’s something disarming about me now, calms people. I’m pretty cool though, blissing out. Interesting changes.

Not sure if these episodes are the new way my body preemptively burns off logjams before they even start, sort of feels that way. Seems like there’s a lot of stuff in placeâ€"automatic processesâ€" to take care of the more “chewy” stuff that used to send me down a tunnel of some sort.

Maybe. Feels more like periodic adjustments to ever higher rates of vibration, which, in turn, help burn off the chewy stuff better. If I’m already ascended, don’t know how much higher I can go, but seems I’m still climbingâ€"parts of me, at least. If I’m already “there” then maybe it’s a matter of other aspects of self settling into alignment.

[Mystress]

  It takes a few years to really stabilize, for me at least and most. Vamp on the fast path might be shorter. I was getting cleansing sicknesses periodically for about 3 years after, I think? Rarely now.

  I was thinking about my personal time line and realizing, I actually did things backwards to how FST is set up.  I think I need to reconsider the requirements of ascension.

  I first vanished in front of two witnesses in the fall of 1996. cymbal was one, and was also vanishing later that night but I assumed it was a piggyback effect until recently. It was a difficult time in my life.

  Jan 97 I had a quite terrifying ego death experience that seemed to cast a shadow. A splinter ego had been left behind, remnant of an early spell.

Resolved by the ritual of my shaman graduation, labour day weekend 1998. (or 97?) That was also when I attained the Grail and really started feeling the effects of being ascended. So, usually I give that as ascension date.

  There is still growing to be done. We are like trees, we never stop growing.

 

[TheFifth]

Yeah the cleansing sicknesses feel like just a part of the path. Feels right to just let them run their course. It continually changes as kundalini always does.

I trust that Goddess has it all handled. It seems when I look back She had it handled all along.

[Mystress]

 It seems when I look back She had it handled all along.

  Strange isn't it, to see the identity you were so invested in, as a straw man without substance, and the Free Will that is Her law, more like a carrot and stick leading you by temptation. In non-duality, free will exists and does not exist, at the same time.

  Comes down to, flow or resist. Resistance is suffering. Flow is bliss. The choice is a no-brainer, but still there is purpose to mindfulness.

[TheFifth]

Hmm. Seems the feeding charges me with energy that feels more like "magical power" than shakti. Seems to charge the intellect and creativity. I've felt this before, when I was a teenager and a bunch of synchronicities led me to a bunch of energy work/chakra exercises that caused a general psychic opening and what looks to me now as a top down kundalini awakening. Chi? The sense of magic is palpable and seems to enhance creative output and general charisma.

This "power" is pretty cool and feels like its expression will help me "earn my keep" as I move through duality. Letting it play seems to be handled by Goddess in me and surrendering outcomes. The stuff I "find myself doing" is a joy, anyway.

[Mystress]

Yes, that is what I was talking about, 16 posts ago, April 26. Go back and take another look, it will make more sense to you now.

  The output of the alchemy is insights + a big dose of the pure raw creative energy the universe is made from. Yes it is pure raw magical power, volatile as nitroglycerine and seeking form. We give back the insights, but only a little bit of the raw creative energy because it is just too much for the unaware and undisciplined.

  It is an ascended vampire superpower.  You were getting it from the alchemy before you ascended but it was mostly going into your growing, and you didn't have the perceptions to see how it is different. It is like some kind of supercharged primordial chi, in how it is responsive to thoughts, but so much more powerful and raw than the usual stuff that it rules the other. This energy has the power to manipulate reality. Pure magic... but we continue with the path of surrender and use it as She wills and keeping ego out of it.

  A lot of it is handled automatically, manifesting as what ever you need. 401k, etc. I think I was changing it into oxygen when I was most anaemic, to prevent cell death by suffocation. Ask your guide if it is true.

  As a shaman, I am usually only taking karma from one person at a time, more if teaching a class, plus what is not measurable: people who decided I am their guru and put my pic on their altar to dump their karma on me,  and some of what the shakti of my websites triggers in people, ... that stuff is handled autopilot.

  For all that, the amount of raw creative energy you are getting as a side effect of snacking on a stadium full of people, kind of boggles my mind. "Yer a wizard, Harry!"

You are riding a hurricane and if ego gets a hold of the wheel, it will toss you like a leaf. "It will be as Goddess wills" is your prayer and safety net. Stay humble and let Her have Her way.

  At different times in the past, students have joked that FST is like X-men comics. I am Mystress Xavier running the school for the gifted, training up the potential superheroes.  They are not wrong, in many ways.

  I do not recall, when I realized to survive climate change, we need a miracle. A lot of miracles. Might have been the 80s? It is like something I have always known. Training people to connect to Her, to become a vessel of miracles in service to Her will. Awakened people, shamans, and now vampires.

With the vampires especially, Goddess directive was clear: soldiers, superheroes in the fight against climate change. Cleaning the graveyards and battlegrounds for snacks, everything but the museum stuff is on the buffet to purify the blockages humans have made, as well as lifting people up.  I had not thought about the other side, the massive magical energy output by the alchemy. What you are getting, is more than any single person could want or need, a dangerous amount. She has purpose for it.

Get very clear and have a meeting with Goddess and Guide to discover the plan for you. Where this magic is to be aimed, Her will be done. How much will be handled autopilot and how to recognize when an impulse is a Divine directive.

  Often we are specialists but the specialty can change.  Shes got me eating storms and coronavirus cabin fever, these days. Spent the week before Easter Sunday snacking on american tornadoes and dissipating potential floods. So many predicted all that week, never touched down but I could not get a grip on the last remnants, early Easter Sunday morning after the storm split east and west.

  I have been asking Her to make it more obvious, which storms are climate change and snackable, and which storms are natural and to be left alone. Seems to be related to how easy it is. Snacking on storms is delicious but those last two it was like, She put the cookie jar on the high shelf, out of reach.

  One thing I know, you get charged up with that and take it into the recording studio, the result will be magic and go viral because people really crave to be touched by magic. What ever you are thinking about when you play, will go into it too, similar to how I charge the lesson pages with the shakti of information. 

  The wild amounts of creative energy you are getting, is a magic superpower, no joke, and hazardous if you are not mindful. Go have a long sit down with Planet Muse and vortex, get the mission plan. Do it regularly, because plans change and so will you. Art evolves, eh?

  So excited for you!

PS to Gopi and lineage scholars to check: I think Vajra energy, is the proper term for this wild creative magic stuff?
 

[TheFifth]

Seem to be tangled up again but also seem to recognize it quicker for what it is. I cannot afford to let ego try to grasp any of this. The amount of power is sort of like an "I didn't ask for this" type of thing but here I am. It's ironic in a sense because for most of my life I felt powerless (hungry?) and, in a sense, having this super chi surplus is like the other polarity. I tend to be a passive person most of the time--probably just the result of my dim and hungry prior existence and experience--but I find myself in a position now where there's impetus to put this dynamic energy somewhere.

The idea of plans changing resonates, the way things seem one week changes the next.

Trying to find what got me knotted up again; probably walking that razers edge with the music and not getting attached to it or the outcome. I become somewhat of a detached ascetic with it at times, obsessed with it in a way that likely does flirt with excess and imbalance. Always been that way, with anything I really get into.

Sometimes, as with anything, probably good to step away for a bit to gain fresh and renewed perspective.

All mindfulness. "It will be as Goddess wills" will indeed have to be an ongoing mantra for me and all pervading way of life. Humility riding the hurricane.

[TheFifth]

I'm being told that on some level my passivity is resistance and a protective shell of sorts that I need to grow out of because I am conflating it with avoidance.

[TheFifth]

More information about the magic thing being an explanatory archetype or lens for me to understand what is going on. Kind of a pre-verbal type thing that's hard to put into words. Something else about death being a revitalizing force; I'm assuming it's trying to tell me I need to allow more of that particular wavelength to feed on the ego structures that seem to flash in and out around the creative work.

[Gopi]

Wow... what a thread this is turning into.
Learning so much. Adding some of my thoughts and experiences.

I remember moments in the past where I felt shocked about the kind of manifestation that happens without me having to even say it out loud.
In Islam, the word 'dua' is used to denote prayer and it can take two meanings.
First type of dua is about asking God for things you want and about unburdening your worries.
This is more about ritualistic practice which has its own value for personal growth and surrender.
The second type of dua is when you have nothing to ask because everything is provided for.
So your prayer comes out of uncontainable joy and not out of needs and worries - you cannot help but sing God's praise just like a rose cannot help but spread its fragrance.
Mystics and saints through ages from different traditions are said to have burst into spontaneous and ecstatic creations of art - singing songs, building amazing architecture, soul stirring paintings, and poetry that would inspire so many for ages to come.
Through sacred marriage to your Divine Beloved, there is no wanting.

Mystress wrote on 26 April 2020:
"  It is like an unstable isotope in its need to find form again. It will take form, from your stray thoughts with accidental manifestations if you leave it laying around. Accidental manifestations can be perilous. (It also takes form, providing what ever you need but that is more automatic than an act of will, ideally.)

   This energy forces the issue of mindfulness, and the safety benefits of a zen-silent mind. Immediate surrender of wrong ideas is required, or they might show up in your reality. God-like power of manifestation= be careful what you wish for = every thought, is a prayer. More power than you ever wanted or knew WTF to do with eh?  Surrender everything, stay humble, and do art."

I find this resonant with my experiences.
I see the energy like neo 'sees' after he is blinded (nice metaphor for surrender of individual ego vision by Wachowskis) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpXkpkUK6gs
There is no good or bad - just energy.
Doing Hatha yoga stretches are helpful to deal with physical restlessness.
As a psi vamp, emotional healing is where I am drawn towards the most.
Apart from doing art and yoga, I have a need to do some sort of emotional healing work every day.
Goddess sends me 'work' with clear memos and it keeps me occupied most of the time.
My initial shock and reluctance to accept the power of manifesting my thoughts is now replaced with wonder for creation and joy for participating in life.
I do not have much of a sense of personal achievement but I do have belief in myself.

One of the things I struggled a lot with was understanding that it was not my fault that I was 'intense' like many have put it in the past.
Some of my past lovers and close friends would disappear from my life for a few weeks or months leaving me wondering 'Did I do something wrong?'
I would either be heart broken or pissed at them.
Guide had to repeatedly teach me that ascended vibration is not easy to be around all the time if the other person is still carrying a lot of karmic load.
This is actually the real crux of Guru tradition - when you are in the presence of an Enlightened Guru, you feel moved towards your own Inner Light irrespective of who you are.
Therefore the Guru should not be thought of as someone 'better' than others but as someone who inspires others to better themselves.
I am nobody's guru but being ascended comes with its own set of rules.
It took me some time to first understand and then accept that sometimes my loved ones need to walk away from me to sort things out for themselves.
Being cleaned by the vortex of an ascended vampire changes things at an energy level and people need time to digest, integrate, and heal.
I cannot take the accomplishments or the insults personally - Thy will be done.

TheFifth wrote:
"I'm being told that on some level my passivity is resistance and a protective shell of sorts that I need to grow out of because I am conflating it with avoidance. "

From the Christian perspective, I find the term 'acedia' relevant to some of my experiences.

"Love has a ‘now and not yet’ character; it is both gift and life-transforming work... Essentially, then, acedia is resistance to the demands of God’s love. Why? Because a love relationship marks an identity change and a corresponding call to transformation. At its core, acedia is aversion to our relationship to God because of the transforming demands of his love. God wants to kick down the whole door to our hearts and flood us with his life; we want to keep the door partway shut so that a few lingering treasures remain untouched, hidden in the shadows. In one of her autobiographical novels, Anne Lamott recounts the words of a wise old woman at her church who told her, “the secret is that God loves us exactly the way we are and that he loves us too much to let us stay like this.” When we suffer from acedia, we object to not being able to stay the way we are. Something must die in order for the new self to be born, and it might be an old self to which we are very attached."
~ Rebecca De Young (Resistance to the Demands of Love)

[TheFifth]

Yeah people definitely feel it. I notice when I'm really clear sometimes people have a hard time holding eye contact with me for too long and yeah, sometimes they disappear for a while. It's different from the vampire agro thing which seems to have reduced substantially; it does seem that some part of them knows they're being drawn towards some sort of light or transcendence and they're like "nope, not a part of my reality, not going there" and they back away. Which is fine, but also semi-lonely because I have found, by and large, stuff like this is not anywhere near most people's radar or interest. I forget how foreign this stuff is to most people sometimes, lol.

[TheFifth]

It may be subjective to my own perception but I do seem to have light emanating from my eyes now. I feel shiny in general, but the eyes are definitely very bright now. It actually feels and looks quite intense.

[Gopi]

"It's different from the vampire agro thing which seems to have reduced substantially; it does seem that some part of them knows they're being drawn towards some sort of light or transcendence and they're like "nope, not a part of my reality, not going there" and they back away. "

When you are well fed, you have no reason to be aggressive.
The other person does not always need to know the details of the transaction even though they will get insights for their own growth.
While doing Goddess' work, we get consent from their Higher Self.
So even if someone does not share your beliefs, whatever healing is required will happen as Goddess wills.
There is always a respect for free will.

"I feel shiny in general, but the eyes are definitely very bright now."

*grins*
Well-fed vampire... So alive...
You can see the beauty in creation with so much more appreciation and feelings than many people can handle or comprehend in their everyday lives (without the use of psychedelics).
Your Light shines through when Goddess lives in your heart.
There is a lovely Sufi song where the spinning dervish is lost in his Beloved and sings:

आँख की रोशनी तो
दिल की आवाज तो
You are the Light in my sight!
You are the voice of my heart!

Namaste!
Gopi

[TheFifth]

Goddess definitely has been providing lately. Mindfulness has really been on my mind, just sort of deepening that witness capacity in myself. Just sort of happening. Received a very mean spirited text message from someone elliptical to my family, felt the rush of emotion and stepped back, let it go, then realized it seems like a double entendre consisting of a mindfulness test and also a snack.

It seems small, but I am very pleased with how far I've come and how those types of words do not stick anymore, and, in fact, can be transmuted. Felt somewhat compelled to text something genuinely kind and loving back but figured he'd only interpret it as sarcastic aggression. Genuinely thankful for him, though.

[Gopi]

"It seems small, but I am very pleased with how far I've come and how those types of words do not stick anymore, and, in fact, can be transmuted."

There is a lovely Tamil metaphor used to describe being 'in the world but not of it' as spiritual practice - தாமரை இலை மேல் தண்ணீர் போல் meaning 'like water droplets on lotus leaf' -
https://bit.ly/2AfhSCN

Lotus is the national flower of India and has lots of significance in our art/philosophy/religions.
Lotus grows in water but water does not stick to its leaves reminding us let things roll off.
Lotus grows rooted in smelly muddy ponds and yet the flower is fragrant reminding us to blossom where we are.
Lotus has long flexible stalks and will rise to float when the water level rises reminding us to go with the flow of life.

Even though 'guru' is usually understood as one person, it is actually a living principle.
Anything that leads you from your own ignorance into liberation is your guru.
So when we take the attitude of learning from everything, the entire universe becomes your guru.
Every single interaction with another person is an opportunity to learn and love better.
We do not have to change or judge others but we can ask ourselves 'what is the lesson?' and 'how can I be more loving to myself and others?'
If you feel gratitude in your heart, then you are on the right track!

[TheFifth]

Thank you, Gopi, for that beautiful visual.

Blissing out today. Lovely. Also some insight into how that "ugly" energy contains so, so much vital energy to channel into art.

The software some people run can be quite magnetic, though. It's like there's gravity pulling you into their unhappy universe but it is interesting to observe it happening. Feels like an energy game involving themes of hurt and scarcity.

Maybe some lingering residue and rumination - best to release. Goddess, please take this from me. It is a good for you, all yours. Thank you.

I choose to keep shining and to expand to love and see You in more and more.