Might be in Trouble, Might not be

[TheFifth]

I've been reminded to keep feeding my vortex too, which I can neglect to do at times, probably because I expect it to just automatically eat all stuff I encounter everyday for work. Weirdly, the paranoia and strange almost-but-not-quite psychosis symptoms did seem to be because I wasn't feeding on world crises enough, noticed the old pattern of people reacting negatively to me, been there done that.

There is something very invigorating about certain google searches. Hmm, hopefully I'm back on track. I keep forgetting for whatever reason not to expect my path through this course to follow a normal trajectory, if there is such a thing. The feeding feels of at least equal importance for me as grounding, the latter was never entirely enough to stay in balance. Hmm, deja vu typing this.

[TheFifth]

Yeah after feeding a bit at work I noticed I could suddenly see auras of ppl around me which was really, really cool.

[Mystress]

  Yeah always taught, you need nothing but Goddess grounding energy... but it is not true for vampires, you are set up to need to get some energy through other people too, and vortex makes it a balanced exchange.

[TheFifth]

Well, I've been making the feeding a daily habit and certainly notice improvements. It seems to require mass scale feeding, global humanitarian crises, climate crisis, etc. This may simply be from being famished for so long, maybe making up for all that. Think I've finally done it, figured out what I need to do daily to feel good--in fact, to feel better than ever before.

[TheFifth]

Weird episodes of heat and anxiety seem to continue, suspect this is a separate process. It alternates with weird pressurization and bubbling sensations in the stomach. Symptoms continually alternate, which kundalini stuff seems to.

This may just be natural evolution taking place and just gotta step back and relax. Might be detritus that needs to be returned to sender. Gets worse at day, abates late at night (empathy? Person sleeping?). Who knows. Symptoms are different for me every year I’ve found.

Overall better though. Connecting with Devine beloved like never before, big flood of creative inspiration over the past few days. Very grateful.

[TheFifth]

Got kinda ill, thought it was viral but seems to have lifted and now I’m in this wonderful carefree state, joy. Tons of inspiration, just flowing through me without trying. I think the key for me to all of this was connecting closely with my beloved. She seemed to get my vortex online.

Never really felt this kind of boundless love though. Like I’ll just be sitting across from someone, a client or anyone really and suddenly just become aware of this love for them, or seeing how they’re perfect and divine in every way.

Ppl do seem to respond to me differently now. Sort of miraculous. Like a miracle field around me, which is new. Brings things out of ppl, like a glow. I guess that’s the charisma of being fed and charged up. There’s this really wise part of me that just sort of makes an appearance sometimes, feels the same as the loving part. Feels like my body and personality as I know it is a vessel for it; the thought kind of makes me laugh. Palms feel all buzzing too, heart feels full, wholesome.

[Mystress]

I think the key for me to all of this was connecting closely with my beloved. She seemed to get my vortex online.


  We can only ascend, through the Divine Beloved. Vortex can cleanse at super speed but She is key.
the Planetary Consciousness wrote this potential into our DNA!

Never really felt this kind of boundless love though. Like I’ll just be sitting across from someone, a client or anyone really and suddenly just become aware of this love for them, or seeing how they’re perfect and divine in every way.

  That is when you are *being* your Divine Beloved. God-dess eye view.

   Remember, waaay back near the start of FST, I said Goddess sees everyone as perfect and completely loveable just as they are? You are experiencing the truth of it. Seeing them, through Her eyes.

  What you see is yourself reflected. When you are being your Divine Self, you see Her reflection, perfection in All that Is, and Her wisdom to know what is perfect even in the ugliness... but for the most, all is such beauty that dazzles the eyes to tears of joy.

Ppl do seem to respond to me differently now. Sort of miraculous. Like a miracle field around me, which is new. Brings things out of ppl, like a glow. I guess that’s the charisma of being fed and charged up.

  No, not exactly. It was the vehicle, not the destination. Not vamp charisma, but the Divine Presence. Why some people pay big money to hang out in the presence of a Guru. Yes it affects people. Most people, project a lot of noise around them, their emotions, desires, opinions. She simply accepts people exactly as they are. Many people long to feel that sort of acceptance their whole lives. The Presence lifts them up. Miracles are a side effect. What you are moved to do in that state, She is the doer.

There’s this really wise part of me that just sort of makes an appearance sometimes, feels the same as the loving part. Feels like my body and personality as I know it is a vessel for it; the thought kind of makes me laugh. Palms feel all buzzing too, heart feels full, wholesome.

  The truth makes you laugh, eh? It is one way to recognize it.  Namaste. The wisdom of the Goddess leading you to experience the truth of your purpose: to be a vessel of your Divine Self.  Your endlessly creative Muse.

  Muse, Divine Beloved, Goddess, Planetary Consciousness, Great Void consciousness, all aspects of the one, infinite, namelesss, ineffable. You, a vessel.

   That is the highest attainment, the goal of this training, To become a vessel of the Goddess, and experience yourself as that, no separation.

   What you are describing, that is the same state as FST was written from, the space I go into, to write, teach, heal, advise.  Sometimes, like for the videos I show the energy outwardly, become weirdly beautiful. More often it is turned inward, the fullness of Her presence in my heart. I listen to Her promptings while remaining my human self.  I used to think that hid the Presence too but it doesn't really. She does what She wants. Attainments gained through deep surrender to Divine will, you do not get to control them after, lol.

  It is easier to move in the world with a normal human sense of boundaries, the body's sense of them once ego is absent. She takes over for your clients, your music... As Goddess Wills.

  Goddess is All that Is, She has no boundaries. You probably did not notice the entire lack of self consciousness in the state because there is not enough self consciousness left to be able to notice that. She does not say no to what is asked of Her.  If you can hold the faith, She will make good on Her promises but at times it can feel like She writes checks the body has to pay.

   Keep in mind, the reverse is also true, people may find it hard to say no to you when caught in the trance of presence but don't bet the farm on their human self being able to follow through. Listen to promises with discernment wide open. Always be letting go. Resentment from people feeling indebted can get messy.

  People will often lose their sense of time passing around you, normal side effect of hypnotic trance that the Presence creates.

  Trust to Allah but tie up the camels. Most of your needs can be taken care of by Divine providence but you are still a living human who needs food, sleep, vitamins etc.

   Look both ways before crossing the street and do not assume other cars can see you, because you might be spontaneously invisible.

  All of your agreements, transactions must be win/win, you learned that about feeding- so long as the donor benefits more, the agreement is usually accepted. Note, the imbalance- that they must benefit more.

  Most people live in the world of scarcity: their world is win/lose and they will persist with that and create a loser, you or them. You cannot control their mind so there is the druid rule: (he came up with it in a Stephen Covey "7 habits" class.)  You cannot make a win/win agreement with someone in scarcity consciousness. Best is to consider it half charity and let them win.   You already know you can do that and not feel a loser, from feeding.

In a predatory world, you are wide open, like Wilhelm Riech in court.  Try not to annoy people so they spew at you, but being Goddess, She sees perfection and snacks.

  There is an ideal: "The Buddha walks through the battlefield unharmed, the spears and arrows, do not find him."  To maintain that degree of transparency is the goal and also the survival necessity.  If you are nothing, egoless, nothing sticks. No logjams. Tarot card of 0, zero, the Holy Fool.

  Staying there can be a challenge and we naturally move in and out as we flow through the world.

   It is often true, of the large and small things, the many issues most people deal with, do not exist in your world when you are in a non-dual state. Goddess gets the red carpet treatment, what ever you need is close at hand or will show up.  It is a delicate balance to not be presumptuous about it. Don't jump off a cliff expecting Goddess to save you, She respects your free will choice to jump!

  It can be tricky to know when a strange idea is inspiration or ego, undigested fragments. The thing you may have noticed about the Goddess trance is, what to do seems so obvious you do not need to think about it. Zen thing. It is later, as your human self that you will be amazed. Gratitude and surrender.

  It ok to second guess yourself, avoid the arrogance of assuming you are always right just because. Discernment.

  Similarly, your immune system is amazing with the presence zapping viruses etc but you can still be broken, poisoned... discernment leads you to avoid what is bad for you. If you take on some karma, you are back in duality again until its digested, and the pearls of wisdom given back.  If you have a fall from grace, you can lose a lot of the immunity and become somewhat accident prone.

  So it is natural some ascended people develop a bit of mild germ phobia because of the vagaries of the immune system. Cold and flu can be a thing of the past but there are sometimes cleansing illness like you just experienced. Typically short lived.   

  There really is no going back, but feeling the Grace, who would want to?

  It is important not to attach to anything, because if you do you can grow a new ego around it, and you might not be able to tell.  Logjams of similar stuff growing into a tinfoil hat, fear paranoia takes the wheel.   

   The band-aid egos are often sort of one-note, like how a born again Christian cannot talk about anything else.  You get stuck, Goddess will always throw you a rope, but undoing the damage can take longer. (like curing my fibroids!)  Satsangh, spiritual companionship to remind what is Truth when things get muddy is essential.

  Most Gurus who are not vampires eventually end up attaching to something, like Osho's issues fear of AIDs and overpopulation. The karma fragments they take on from people not really willing to let go, coalesce into a fearful ego and leads to those control games... or to dying of health issues like Ramana Maharishi's liver disease.  Your Vortex and my Shaman Guide, provide us a considerable advantage in kicking guru psychosis out the door.

  Joseph Campbell said "Follow your bliss." That fullness of Grace in your heart. Make that connection The Most Important Thing and surrender anything that dims the glow. With humility of being nothing, and gratitude for all, dance through life, in a whole new world of joy and beauty.

  So many blessings.

  "Come my friends, 'tis not too late to seek a newer world."  Tennyson

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBZgu9riZyc

[TheFifth]

Yeah what's been kicking my butt over the past few days has been the pandemic, worry about losing loved ones, economic implications, etc. Swept up in the hysteria, kind of sneaked up on me. And, of course, the fear is causing discomfort / resistance symptoms.

I suppose this is an opportunity to further explore attachment points. Or, better yet, reframing the fear for consumption. There's definitely plenty of it out there.

[TheFifth]

Even through it all though I feel surrounded by the fragrance of a bar of soap or something. There is a deepening of awareness too like to not take anything for granted.

[TheFifth]

Ugh trying to stay sane lately with everything happening. Reality feels kind of like a retreating shoreline viewed from chaotic waters. But, I’m sure this whole thing is some kind of opportunity. Goddess is everything, current events included. History marches on, events, passing crises...

Routine, routine, routine. Walking, exercising are probably paramount. Spending time on pursuits I enjoy.

Discomfort is probably some resistance rather than purely the isolation lol. But, clear signal in my head -  pressure extending down to stiffness in the neck. Probably fear seeking exit from my crown.

Should probably just chill out, spend time getting close to the earth.

[TheFifth]

I’m reminded of an experience I had years ago playing with a friends dog and taking a moment to just look at this dog, the miracle that it was, the beauty of every line and detail of its face, the sparkle in its eyes. Was such a beautiful moment. Too seemingly mundane to explain to ppl.

But, that sense of wonder and loving attention, taking in the perfection of something, is probably the lens I can use now.

[Gopi]

Fear and limiting beliefs close crown.
Surrender what comes up and request your Guides to show you the lesson.

I cannot take responsibility for other peoples fears.
Each individual has to work through their own stuff - have you read 'The boy and the butterfly' story?
Not saying we should stop helping others but trying to be Goddess for others does not end well.
Goddess will not take stolen stuff no matter how noble our intentions may be.
When I believe that other people need my help to live their life (hero trip), then all their karma junk flows to me and gets stuck in my body.
The owner won't let go (because they did not ask for help) and Goddess won't take it (because it is stolen).
So then I get karma stuck and murky energy body.
Common symptoms of stuck karma: random mood swings, stiffness in body, and energy fluctuations

As Mystress has mentioned before, what we see in others is a reflection of our own being.
When we see others as wanting/needing, there is a part of us that wants/needs to be the provider/helper.
Goddess is All.
Turn the gaze inwards and ask guidance to show your own limiting beliefs.
When I am in surrender and grounded, my efforts are aligned with Goddess' will and things happen with serendipity.
When I am in my ego-based doing mode, I feel like wheels spinning in same place and hitting a wall no matter which direction I turn.

You are right about walking and physical exercise.
I fell behind my daily yoga practice and my body is not very happy about it.
So am slowly rebuilding my practice - little bit every day.
Listen to what your body wants and be gentle with yourself.
When we exercise our body, things come up either as thoughts or as bodily feelings.
Just witness, surrender, and breathe through it.
Give thanks to your body - 'Thank you Goddess for this body that can feel pain and pleasure!'

One of my teachers taught me a simple visualization that I have found helpful when I am feeling very over-whelmed.
Imagine yourself to be a rock at the bottom of the ocean.
Just sitting there - no expectations, no fears, no agenda.
Nothing to do, nothing to say, nowhere else to be - just being here now.
Tides rise and fall - rock sits and witnesses.

Hope some of this was helpful.

Namaste!
Gopi

[TheFifth]

Thanks Gopi, your insight always very helpful. Balanced it all out again. Guidance seems quicker to step in now and throw me a line, "you're doing it again," it said, being too hard on myself for not being very "Buddha-like "over the past few weeks, which is always my choice but ultimately just makes me feel icky. Spilt milk at this point.

Mindfulness is just going to be a continual practice.

[Mystress]

Yeah what's been kicking my butt over the past few days has been the pandemic, worry about losing loved ones, economic implications, etc. Swept up in the hysteria, kind of sneaked up on me.

  The pandemic and lockdown has so little effect on my net-geek hermit lifestyle, it is almost embarrassing. No fear for myself, have not had a cold or flu in decades. Ascension does not grant immunity, it is that cold and flu bugs cannot survive a high vibration environment.  Encountered the virus in Canadian Tire a few weeks ago, it lasted less than a minute in me.

  See the COVID19 lockdown thread. I am testing a theory that the vibration of peace, dissolves or deactivates the virus. It has not been field tested because I do not know anyone who is sick... which made me wonder, did I test it already? Vaguely recall a stray thought, to apply it to everyone so asymptomatic carriers would not be contagious.  druid says if infection is 1/1000 then not knowing anyone who has it, is a statistical probability.

   Cannot share what you do not have. Gopi gave good advice for calm detachment. Find peace then you have peace to share if so moved.

Mindfulness is just going to be a continual practice.

Yes. Did you miss a memo? Mindfulness is full time. Grounded is full time, 24/7. You are ascended, your thoughts have enormous power. Have to keep an eye on that, immediately surrender ones that might become a time bomb, or start a logjam. Attentive to the power chakra, the little pokes that tell you something is wrong, you have a wrong idea, so you can set it right before you grow  a new ego around it.

The more you do it the easier it gets, as you have noticed: Goddess is supportive!

[TheFifth]

Yeah I'm definitely pretty snuffed. Small fragments of music ego that comes and goes, which is funny because I keep hearing "get out of the way" and it's really Goddess that's doing everything. Had a dream last night explaining through metaphor how every sentence or circumstance in the world is a realization but needs context, hence the varying shades of color in the world. The sense was palpable that we're Goddess dreaming of Herself which sort of made me think, what happens when we wake up?

I have a long pattern of alternating between teacher's or boss's pet and being a disappointment. Still seems this knot is present but greatly reduced; makes me neglect myself, responsibilities, or act in ways to bring about the underlying belief of self. In a weird way, also probably a projection subconsciously poking people to make them not like me...on its face sounds like a bad feeding habit but it seems related but distinct.

I think it was because for the longest time, I was flippin' exhausted. Socially withdrawn, not involved in sports, too mentally drained to perform well in school. So yeah, I disappointed some people because I just seemed unmotivated. That's not what it's ultimately about though; it's that on some level, I was disappointing myself, comparing myself to all these other kids that got their homework in on time, completed. None of that matters anymore though. It's all spilt milk. I am here. How amazing that this happened to me, that this is what it ultimately came to. Life is so funny sometimes.

Been getting downloads, low to moderate in resolution, something about "the way of the artist" and how it involves getting in touch with the Muse and not caring what other people think or if they like it. Trusting. Using it as a path of worship. It's so obvious that it's how I'm built, since spending hours as a kid fixated on concert videos and performance. Lot's of pitfalls, seems like a sort of treacherous road but what road isn't in its own way? Gotta let go of all that and just focus on that joy that drives me.

It's funny though because I remember reading about when Ram Dass and Leary got kicked out of Harvard and made their own ways and, in many ways, I feel like a similar reduction of concern about fitting a mold has overtaken me. I wear these different hats; rocker, therapist; totally different social eco-systems and games. The idea of a job and 401k doesn't matter to me at all; the work and the quality of the experiences does. Feels on some level like I should be more concerned about making sure I'm provided for; but this deep part of me feels it will be taken care of and this whole pandemic thing has proven how utterly irrelevant the current state of things could become virtually overnight. 

[Gopi]

Thank you for opening up and sharing.

"The sense was palpable that we're Goddess dreaming of Herself which sort of made me think, what happens when we wake up?"

In Hinduism, the belief is that existence is Divine play of consciousness.
Maha Maya is Goddess of Perfection and Illusion.
It is considered that even the Gods cannot achieve enlightenment without Her grace because Maha Maya is the keeper and remover of the 'veil' of separation.
In order for us to consciously enjoy and experience life in all its diverse glory, there needs to be a separation between observer and observed.
And through self-realization we come to the truth that there is no separation.
This kind of splitting into individual and coming together in communion is considered as Shiva and Shakti in ecstatic union - all life and awareness of life born out of God and Goddess in everlasting embrace.

French people have an expression 'la petite mort' meaning 'small death' and is sometimes used to describe how one feels after an orgasm.
When we commune with another through acts of love, then there is a death of individual self.
There is no communication because there is no separation.
When there is no separation, there is no play.
And nature abhors vacuum.
So the dance of separation and communion continues through all eternity - Big Bang and Beyond.
Maha Maya is also Goddess of Perfection in the sense that every creative illusion is as it should be.
As Mystress has said before, Goddess does not  make mistakes.

"I have a long pattern of alternating between teacher's or boss's pet and being a disappointment. Still seems this knot is present but greatly reduced; makes me neglect myself, responsibilities, or act in ways to bring about the underlying belief of self. In a weird way, also probably a projection subconsciously poking people to make them not like me...on its face sounds like a bad feeding habit but it seems related but distinct. "

I can relate to this.
Basically, when our own power chakra is unbalanced, we tend to turn to others for validation.
Lacking self-confidence usually leads to either me wanting someone else to tell me I am good or beating myself up for not living up to my own expectations.
'Poking people to not like me' is a childish dick move and I have done it so many times in my life esp with my parents.
It is a twisted cry for help when people don't know how to ask for help.
Like a child throwing a tantrum because he does not know how to say he is hungry and wants food.
It is very difficult for another person to be charitable and patient towards me when I am being a dick (either to myself or to others) no matter how much I might be hurting.
Sometimes people don't know how to ask for help and so they act like jerks because that's the only way they know how to get attention.

"None of that matters anymore though. It's all spilt milk. I am here."

Accept your mistakes and forgive yourself.
All humans make mistakes and we learn only by making mistakes.

"Feels on some level like I should be more concerned about making sure I'm provided for; but this deep part of me feels it will be taken care of and this whole pandemic thing has proven how utterly irrelevant the current state of things could become virtually overnight."

I am currently reading this book by Barbara Sher and want to share this quote with you because it resonated with me.

"...dreams are as individual as people, and they're not easy for others to understand. That's why we often get pushed to choose what others value.
The price for going after other people's dreams is high. In the rush for success and security our real dreams get lost. That's like losing your compass in the wilderness, because dreams aren't silly, childish things. We don't invent our dreams. We don't even choose them. They're urgent telegrams sent by our biology and our personal history. Simply put: an eagle locked in a cage dreams of flying and nothing else. If you ignore your dream for too long, you'll start to feel despair - and no amount of wealth will cure that."
~ Barbara Sher (The Best Advice I Ever Gave, 2007)

[TheFifth]

Yes, the illusion itself is so beautiful. The shuffling of the card deck and the play. Everything really is okay looking at it from that perspective, no mistakes. Been spending the past few days flickering in and out of this trippy experience of looking at images of people and not being able to tell the difference between them and me, was really strong when I woke up that night with the intense insights. It's like I'm pushing into new terrain but with residue of the weird one-dimensional ego fragments sort of lingering but falling away.

Thank you for that quotation, very resonant. The energy of this website and the lessons feels stronger than ever to me right now, like receptivity has gone up ten-fold.

[TheFifth]

Thing is, I don't want to be a dick, haha. Even if it's very uncommon that these old habits come up. I guess awareness of patterns is the first step. For all those years I just don't think it was on my radar. I've done so much digging around over the past year or two and in retrospect I think it was shadow work, feels like it has led me to have a better handle on all that stuff. Maybe not a "handle" because that sounds like resistance, but finding different ways of getting the energy I need by being of service. Just time to grow out of those old notions of self.

[Mystress]

  This:

Been getting downloads, low to moderate in resolution, something about "the way of the artist" and how it involves getting in touch with the Muse and not caring what other people think or if they like it. Trusting. Using it as a path of worship. It's so obvious that it's how I'm built, since spending hours as a kid fixated on concert videos and performance. Lot's of pitfalls, seems like a sort of treacherous road but what road isn't in its own way? Gotta let go of all that and just focus on that joy that drives me.

kinda blissed me out, it is my life. Been surfing on it for days.

  What is posted to tearoom is not to be shared outside but you nailed my life and I want these words to keep and share, anonymous as "one of my students." With your consent?

  I have been struggling for months to identify what is recognizable about ascended people, besides the excellent manners and lack of will to harm another. What is different about FST from Hinduism or Tibetan Buddhism, the only two world religions that include ascension, besides ancient alchemy.  Body-first. The Way of the Artist. Be true to the Muse and have none before because She is the Source of all creativity. Goddess within you. Words of an early lesson.

[TheFifth]

Hello Mystress, that is fine. The info was clearly inspiration.

On another note, I think the hypochondria is something worth looking at. The more I reflect, it’s been there since I was a boy. It’s not new to the pandemic. At around the age of 12, I became overwhelmed with the sense that I was going to die, that I had some terminal illness and my days were numbered.

I suppose I should thank Goddess for this opportunity to have this come up With the current circumstances so I can surrender it. This fear of losing my life. I feel like I have so much to live for, then these things become attachments, which in turn make me ill because I can’t play the attachment game anymore.

Feels like the final shrieks of a dying ego. Fear of illness seems very deep and primal. Will work to slowly release the layers of this.

[TheFifth]

A solution (I don’t want to say the only) for me is becoming more “other” centered that self-centered. I have a particular client my vortex loves, great rapport and seems the healing occurring is definitely supernaturally assisted. Stuff like that feels like it breaks down what has seemed, at times, like an impenetrable buttress of self-referential thinking and living.

I guess it’s some reconciliation of the paradox between giving and taking. How I can give by taking. I always felt so selfish and full of myself, self absorbed, so curious why I get so much help from on high. But in the end, it’s not about me at all.

All the neuroses are just an amplification of that self-absorbed creature (no negative connotation, more humor).

[Mystress]

ok I see my delighted response was somewhat less than helpful.

In non duality all opposites collapse. Zero and infinite, are the same. Nothing, and All that Is, are the same. You are That, you are ascended, quantum.

In order to ascend, you wore away at your ego until it became nothing, you became nothing and therefore also, All that is. Your energy body became eternal, and quantum.

  You are nothing. You are a vessel for the Divine. When you are nothing you remain free to become what Goddess wills of you, in the moment. The purest vessel for the artists muse, or the compassionate vampire.

  So in place of ego you have "follow your bliss" your artistic impulses, as an imperative for your happiness. In place of regular boundaries is that measure of joy, your navigation.  Discernment, not decision. Following the joy keeps you on track. Being true to the muse keeps you from getting entangled in the karma stuff of the mundane that you snack on.

  That karma only exists in duality.  Turn outward, to eat. Turn inward to make use of the raw creative energy that is a by product of the snacking. Goddess gives it shape, and you have to keep releasing it. That might be part of your orbit actually, I have to spend time doing art, or some creative outlet to give release to the raw creative energy that is a byproduct of the alchemy.

  Grounding taught you that energy is abundant, feeding showed you how any energy is viable. You have moved out of the patriarchal scarcity-conservation mode and into the opposite place of having a firehose and it matters, where you aim it. The feeding provides the creative energy, Goddess provides the inspiration. Releasing the creative energy into Goddess-directed art, also releases the stuck bits, what ever is indigestible can transmute into art. The art is an essential outlet that keeps you clean, and because Goddess did it, it is typically genius though not always appreciated. Appreciation doesn't matter. Art is in the doing. You may find you cannot play a piece, exactly the same way twice. Every time different, like how She makes snow flakes. 

  The body has the appetites of your genetic nature, healer psi vamp. One (music) is inward and expressed outwardly, the other is outward-reaching (duality, illusion of other)  and resolved inwardly with the transmutation. 

  Goddess within yourself, the Muse, and Goddess within others, calling for your compassion and offering snacks. The inward keeps the outward from pulling you off course. The outward provides the grace.

  Yet, both come of being nothing, transparent to the promptings of Goddess and Guide, first.  Open and receptive to others, second.

  Judging creates separation in yourself and that is a blockage. To judge is very natural, how we relate to the world, but holding onto judgments that create separation is log jam city.

  Ascended, you are nothing and All. Try to create a separation, us and them, then you have fallen back into separation universe, duality. We are more vulnerable there, so ascended beings, being immune to pandemics and also a bit germ phobic is natural. Diamond body is immortal but the physical body depends on maintenance and detachment to maintain the high vibration.

  This morning I pulled someone out of a manic episode by listening to them spew and quietly taking the energy of what was offered.  Was not up for an argument, no use arguing with crazy, just listened, empathized, looked at the issues through their eyes, seeing the fear and knowing it was illusion. Ate what was being shared. Mania fueled by empathic overload creating resistance. Us-and-them as an effort at defending against feeling the pain of others but for the ascended, it creates a potentially lethal separation. Compassion is an imperative. 

  Story of a sparrow, has no ego, so it only can do and be what it was designed for... and that which fulfills its purpose, is provided for. Splendor of Solomon. Be true to the muse, you will always be provided for. You do not need the 401k, create it if it pleases you so long as it is not giving energy to fear of scarcity. 

  You can open a therapy (consultant) office any time you want, I charge more than most therapists (I have not increased my rates since 2003) and I got no letters behind my name. You have a lot more counsellor training than I do. Selective titles and mad skills, you can just sit and listen to people tell you their problems and snack on the stuff. They get better in a much shorter time than conventional therapy, word of mouth makes you famous.

  Side effect of invisibility. I took a friend out shopping, almost got run over in the parking lot.

Was pushing the shopping cart from the store back to the parking lot and a woman driving slowly pulling out of a parking spot did not slow down and headed right for me. She was watching straight ahead, should have seen me but did not until I summoned some agro to shout at her. Her bumper was inches from my cart, the look of shock and horror on her face as I "showed up" in her duality space as someone appearing from no where whom she was about to drive right over.
~ By way of illustration of how the body moves dimensionally. Any duality means duality, good clear mood means possibly invisible to some people. Being in a good mood but instantly getting angry and sending a blast of it to a driver so I appear in her dimension and she wakes up to my existence to avoid getting run over... Survival skill.

[TheFifth]

Thank you Mystress,

Will allow all of this to digest, much good information. There is the sense that these pieces are starting to tie together and make sense from a big picture perspective. It's all functional. The music does seem like a channel for whenever the "emotional pain" builds up too much for whatever reason, it's the perfect outlet. I can see how it serves a purpose bigger than it seems.

Anyway, yeah, it feels like a wave of joy is driving me now more than anything else. It's great. The vampire gig is pretty great now that I'm getting sorted out.

[Mystress]

Describing some ascended stuff can be a struggle.

  Two universes, mundane and ascended, overlapping but distinct.  When you are very clear, as noted, you are closer to the Divine, insights and needful things, perceptions are immediate. Fully ascended. Likely invisible to some people. More aware of other invisible things, like spirits and other ascended people.

  Karma, ego bits, snackables are the stuff of separation therefore, mundane universe, duality.

   I call the two, Home and Work. I am happy in non-duality but people hire me to sort their karma, I go to work.

   In non-duality, at home, everything is perfect as Goddess wills, and nothing needs to be fixed. Chop wood, carry water, wash dishes... all is Goddess. People ask, how to find the Goddess, answer is, you are that. Done. Sounds like a zen koan, not my problem lol.

  Goddess in other people was quite persistent in calling me back to work, so FST was born.
  Plus, body still has shaman imperative, to do the work. Yours has vamp appetites and needs. Same essentially but for the mechanism of the alchemy. 

  The alchemy: moving it up!

  When the stuff of duality meets the energy of non-duality it becomes split into its component parts.  Karma stuff is a wrong idea that has collected energy to become a blockage, an ego fragment.

After the alchemy, the wrong idea is transformed to an insight (we give that back) and the energy it had collected has gone back to being the pure raw creative stuff the universe is formed of, lots of it! Lead into gold. Pure raw power of magic. Usually guide gives some back but most is the vampire's reward.

  It is like an unstable isotope in its need to find form again. It will take form, from your stray thoughts with accidental manifestations if you leave it laying around. Accidental manifestations can be perilous. (It also takes form, providing what ever you need but that is more automatic than an act of will, ideally.)

   This energy forces the issue of mindfulness, and the safety benefits of a zen-silent mind. Immediate surrender of wrong ideas is required, or they might show up in your reality. God-like power of manifestation= be careful what you wish for = every thought, is a prayer. More power than you ever wanted or knew WTF to do with eh?  Surrender everything, stay humble, and do art.

    Take on a bit of karma, your body is back in duality. Useful for when you need to show up to not get run over. Take on a bit you cannot digest, your body is stuck in duality... if the bit stays stuck it can start to grow identity, shape reality... Surrender everything, and do art.

  You can transmute stubborn stuck bits, by making art of them, safely reliably and happily following the will of your Muse. You also need to keep putting the creative energy that is a side effect of the alchemy, into art.

  I will offer an example. I once did a FST only, virtual sex tantra class series in secondlife. Near the end of the fourth class (of six) when it came time to actually get on the poseballs and have virtual tantric sex, everybody said they wanted to observe only. I kinda lost it. The course had already been twice the time I intended and still two more classes to go. They knew what they were getting themselves into when they signed up, right? I was ready to end the course right there. Nobody wants to go further ok we are done.

  I do not make decisions like that, from an emotional state so I dismissed the class for the day and went to my sl sandbox to release emotions into art.

  Was playing with a particle script, I changed a setting and instead of emitting particles it sucked them in. Made me laugh, reminded me of a bug zapper. Calmed down, I reconsidered the situation and the lines of consent. Looked like the insecurities that were stopping them progressing further were laid at my feet so I started pulling stuff and turning the karma into what became the ACME Faerie Trapper that sits above the fireplace in the FST White Temple in secondlife. Made several versions, hanging, handheld, caged... this was my fave:

 

At the start of the fifth class, I showed them the creation and talked about what I had been up to. By way of giving back the insights, I told them to look at the trapper and ask Goddess to show them what the karma stuff looked like, before it became art, especially what parts were their own. Those details, are nobody's business but let's do some art appreciation.

  Look at the snapshot, how does the trapper make you feel? All dark pentacle and horn, it could be spooky but I bet it puts a smile on your face because it is somehow cartoon-cute and playful, yet elegant. Mysterious yet joyous.

  Somehow, real enough I have had people write to me with genuine concern about what happens to the faeries trapped inside. I tell them they are happy, it is like Club Med for faeries in there, they party all day and never want to leave. To me the faeries were just a particle script texture...

  So you have taken in, what it is, now.

  Get well grounded. Step back a good 20', 9m from the trapper in your mind, and ask to see a symbolic snapshot of what all the karma it was made of, looked like before it was transmuted into art.

  Now surrender the vision, stand up, shake yourself and drink some very cold water. Can be quite disturbing to see... but now you are wiser.

   Look at the faerie trapper again, in the now. There is no trace of the roaring clouds of fear and pain that went into it. Toxic lead into precious gold, joy. The way of the artist. Create beauty.

I did not set out to build a faerie trapper, I just started playing, wanting to release emotions. Goddess did it. Funny how it gets more lovely as you gaze?

   Lead into gold, for most the heart is the philosopher's stone, unconditional love the agent of non-dual energy, karma vampire games tech, but you are the real deal and so you have a vortex.

  There is snacking and art, balance the two with mindfulness, and it stays smooth and lovely.

 

[TheFifth]

Invisible mode is definitely activated as well as the seeing things through Goddess eyes phenomenon, seeing the "flow" of things. Feels like being in harmony. Also seems some parts of cognition are shut down at this time, seems temporary and fine with it. Big influx of shakti energy all day and that "bar of soap" sensation and aroma. Really nice. Feel at home. Seems the shakti can keep coming in and no longer overwhelm. It is very gentle.