Intense Energy

[Sava]

Hello, I found the Kundalini site a couple of years ago and had a Kundalini awakening which I did not understand fully, my girlfriend and I broke up and left me at an odd place feeling lost and confused and stumbling on the internet looking for answers. I found the kundalini-teacher website and did the grounding meditation and it changed my life completely, I thought I was fully enlightened I entered huge states of ecstasy through the visualization and had a deep loving feeling. However, over the next few days I became mentally ill and very concerned about myself and checked myself into a mental hospital. I was there for three days which was terrifying but I made it out alive and am much stronger because of it and am now grateful for that experience.

After getting out I went to the Dr. and turned out I had mono and sinus cavities that collapsed inside of my face and had to get balloon sinuplasty surgery to drain my sinuses. Not sure if these physical symptoms all came from the shakti but it seems like they may have. Over the next few years I went through intense desire to be alone without being able to love others. Now I can have solitude and love for others and these states exist separately and I am very grateful for that. However, I am enrolled in college and being in large groups of people I tend to pick up "vibes" very strongly, my energy is also very strong and often find myself not wanting to be in the classroom that long I tend to keep to myself and read or work on the computer but the other day the my teacher asked "What are you doing?" and I kind of had a huge burst of energy and just started scolding him a bit until he scolded me back and it felt really good to express my anger sometimes because it is okay to have negative emotions sometimes, far better than being impotent all the times, sometimes you have to stick up for yourself because I can be very submissive and also very dominant and I am very aware of these two different sides of me. Looking back upon that experience I am glad that he reacted the way that he did to my outburst sometimes when I have outbursts I like when people put me in my place it shows me they are strong enough to do so and I like that.

Reading your about me page and hearing you talk about the fluffy bunny girl and the BDSM and them being two different sides of you resonated with me very deeply, sometimes I want people to submit to me and sometimes I want to submit to other people, Also, the daydreaming resonated with me very deeply I am very good at visualization and often find myself doing that in class. When I was younger I was "gifted" and in my first few years at school I can remember quite vividly me and another student being separated from the rest of the classroom due to our "gifted" abilities. I was very outspoken as a kid and very lovey dovey and very popular. I have found myself feeling those same states as a kid today in my adult life, I am a 21 year old male but I'm very in touch with my feminine side and am very compassionate with my co-worker, a wonderful 60 year old lady. I go through different states of consciousness and find myself in trance states and deep love for everyone around me while I am driving in my car I look around and I think wow all of these people are so wonderful! Or when I'm interacting with customers, I tend to respond to people based upon their energy and I shapeshift to suit their needs and make the experience being with me the most positive that I can, working on my karma. I pick up "vibes" like when I talk to a certain lady on the phone right when she opens her mouth I turn to putty and can barely concentrate because she is so good at seducing me, Carl Jung calls them a "seductresses" and men tend to love them.

"here is [in man] an imago not only of the mother but of the daughter, the sister, the beloved, the heavenly goddess, and the chthonic Baubo. Every mother and every beloved is forced to become the carrier and embodiment of this omnipresent and ageless image, which corresponds to the deepest reality in a man. It belongs to him, this perilous image of Woman; she stands for the loyalty which in the interests of life he must sometimes forego; she is the much needed compensation for the risks, struggles, sacrifices that all end in disappointment; she is the solace for all the bitterness of life. And, at the same time, she is the great illusionist, the seductress, who draws him into life with her Maya â€" and not only into life’s reasonable and useful aspects, but into its frightful paradoxes and ambivalences where good and evil, success and ruin, hope and despair, counterbalance one another. Because she is his greatest danger she demands from a man his greatest, and if he has it in him she will receive it."

I even felt your energy while I was dreaming a few hours ago it felt like you were talking to me telling me that you have fire too and it you transferred some of it to me which was very intense as I was dreaming, I was not fully asleep I could still feel my body it was more of like a daydream altered state of consciousness, seeing the light before I fall asleep happens to me quite frequently as well, it is so nice to hear someone put the experiences I have into words so eloquently. I've even been able to transfer energy to other people with my eyes and am very aware of their body language. However, my energy gets a little too excited sometimes by wanting to be in the higher chakras and drifting off into the light and even and I am trying to learn to ground myself better so that I can focus better in college and at work, like feet on the ground but head in the sky do you have any advice on staying more grounded in reality? I love the ecstasy I feel when I'm high but sometimes it really just is not so productive. Also are you still doing private sessions with fire-serpent tantra members? Peace and love and here is a quote by Charles Bukowski I would like to share “Some lose all mind and become soul,insane.
some lose all soul and become mind, intellectual.
some lose both and become accepted”