Thank you and its all ok.

[Duu]

Hi,

I would like to share a story.
I was not feeling well, with gloomy state of mind, so I went outside.
There I walked still gloomy. But somehow I started to thank all the people
that ever helped me. Then to spirits and nature. And I realized that everything
what I saw around me was actually helping me. Everything around me. Even when I knew that Im only barely able to see the intricacies of connections of how that is.
Yet I knew there are there.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.. so I went on a few minutes. Feeling more
joyfull and filled with light. Then I realized hey, the thank you is so grounding
and then I saw how before I was not. So I continued on.
Not even a couple of seconds passed. And I started to feel different tensions in my
body and especially on the heart. And normally I would freak out and start applying some
method like surrender line or anything else. But I was too beat up even for that.
And I clearly felt the message of the pain. It said stop doing the „thank you“ it realy brings
you pain and no good. And I felt then in that moment a lowering of energy, so it
as if said to me well you see you are loosing energy by this, you see its no good. And I realy felt so. Then I just felt a little fear and freak out in that pain.
And then I just said to me and to that pain. Its all ok, all is ok. Just relax. And continued with this soothing look on that.

So realy grounding with „thank you“ and surrender with „Its all ok“ worked good.
And I was pleased with this as it did brought me much closer to the core of these „methods“
until the point that there was no method left.
That was pleasing to me.
And yes I know many methods how to ground or get out of gloomy states. But somehow
as if there were not available to me in that mindstate. Or perhaps it was all so arranged that I learned
this simple and core lesson anew.
I mean in past I experienced the similar heart block even when doing grounded breathing. And many times I either stop (by forgetting it or distracting out) or used “methods” which at that moment were distracting and more mind oriented and taking charge and thus counterproductive, especially when overall direction one hoped for was the opposite.

Have a beautiful journey fellow travelers.
Duu

[Mystress]

The power of gratitude is so frequently forgotten or underestimated. Gratitude is the opposite of resistance, it transforms everything touched by it.

  One of my favourite movies is "Joe vs the Volcano" it is plugged full of symbolic spiritual references, an awesome and hilarious awakening story. There is a moment when Joe is lost at sea on a raft made of his luggage, he has been giving all the water and shade to his unconscious passenger and is aware that he is dying. The moon rises huge over the empty ocean and overcome by the beauty he falls to his knees with a heartfelt prayer to the Divine "Thank you, for my life!"  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIDW_642YIQ

  Earlier in the film, his passenger said "My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. ... He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement."  That moment of profound gratitude and total awe and amazement at the beauty of life marks Joe's awakening.

  Acceptance, is key to resolving shadow stuff.

  I remember in 2010 when I was staying with you and Sylvia for the Prague workshop. Something put me in a bit of a mood and you were very invested in fixing it immediately... and I shook my head at you.

I didn't have judgments about my mood, just, this is where I am at, here and now... and its ok. Knowing it would pass much more quickly through simply accepting it than by judging it negatively as something needing to be fixed.

  I have recalled this event to you, many times over the years since. Obsessing over emotions and always trying to change them is a rat maze you get lost in. True learning is experiential, you had to experience it to really get what I was saying.

  When I was in university one class was film history and we watched an old Black&white silent film. The professor said afterwards, that we had seen the north american release, with a happy ending where everyone gets saved. For the Russian market they had filmed a tragic ending where the ship sinks and everybody dies. It made an impression: Russians have a preference for tragedy.  On to theatre lit class, the Russian playwrights like Checkov... same theme, life is a bitch and then you die.

  There can be great beauty in sadness and tragedy, so much art based on those themes. 
   Here is a little dj list on the theme.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdykXAT19Go

  I use this one for the meditation after introducing the Divine Beloved in weekend workshops.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngo2B5tibLQ

  A recent favourite, vampires moved to suicide by the music of an angel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbYG30ucL7Q
Lyrics http://www.lyricsfreak.com/q/queen/who+wants+to+live+forever_20112495.html

  Collective soul and the pigeon of the Holy Spirit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7TLTjqUyog Lyrics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EndBRy-_3do
 
Another suicide song, in 1997 my Shaman guide played it in my mind for a solid month, and everywhere I went to calm my fears of my shamanic graduation ritual, sacred marriage to Death.. the Groom serenading me.  I always hear "baby" as "Mary" which is Hebrew for Priestess.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yen7UVKTWC0 (More cowbell!!)

  Vampires again... I went looking for what flavour of energy is like candy to them and traced it through the goth thing to the sweet poignancy of grief as a measure of love. Looked to refine the emotional vibration more closely and was led to this song which ironically is called "love song for a vampire" and was the song for the closing credits of Coppola's Dracula. Voice so otherworldly... yet it references the Grail. My Shaman guide is an awesome DJ.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc2EniIiQEI

  News of David Bowie's death hit me so hard. He was such a huge inspiration to me for so much of my life and the news came so sudden. My DB would appear as him in my dreams sometimes. That Bowie knew he was dying and wrote a requiem, farewell album for his fans is so gracious and moving... I have not been able to bring myself to watch it yet. Honouring the pacing of my grief.

  Last time I went to a Bowie concert, druid said he had never seen me so happy, and my joy was so radiant it blasted a K list friend in LA. He felt it and knew I was at a Bowie concert! That night Bowie posted to his Bowienet blog for the first time in nearly 2 years. Was it me? I'll never know.

  That same friend is an ex-heroin addict and he knew Wendy. IV drug users are high risk for AIDs and she got it and chose to commit suicide. Grief expressed in anguished yet detached beauty.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc2EniIiQEI
Lyrics http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/concreteblonde/tomorrowwendy.html

  Hope this playlist does not make anyone suicidal!
Antidote: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqxaAfaCln8

Suicidal feelings are not unusual with Kundalini but it is about ego death, not physical death. The longing for unity with the Divine.

  Please share your favourite beautiful sad things?

[Duu]

Hello,

Yes indeed Mystress, the benefits of thankfulness I already learned longer time ago, they were part as well of Second life chat teachings. But I forgot. And in that moment I miraculously remembered.
I think there was a great amount of desperation. That could be good in one thing and also bad as it is mostly very hard to do something truly intelligent when one is desperate. Yet it seems that often that desperation is a door. And we are brought to that that door again and again until we eventually do something intelligent after all.
It seems that in me, time after time I do something smarter only after I smacked myself hard into the wall many times by trying all the other ways. Maybe out of desperation and that desperation could be a good point of investigation. Desperation I now think indicates a fogged, deluded thinking and intelligence and this implies also ungroundedness

I discovered a curios blockage in me. That „I must do it alone“ And in subsequent insight It just dawned on me that Im never alone. And that I could not be alone even if I wanted to. That idea was really just based on seeing the world as a hostile place and the other as an enemy. Yet without the support of others, especially in the shamanic meaning, as the other intelligent and supportive forces around us the progress and healing becomes impossible.
I really could see even with a scientific mind, that yes Im supported and yes there is intelligence around me, that can help me. World is not arranged chaotically but there is intelligence there. And is very open to helping me, if Im but able to understand the communication correctly. One could see that supportive intelligence as sort of love if one wants to.

Soon I saw how such a stance, that I have to do it alone, was disturbing very greatly my depth and stability of grounding. It came as part of working with power chakra stuff recently.
Every couple of months since I begun fst I had such curios insight and revelations about grounding. And I always said to myself oh how shallow my previous understanding was and this new one is so deep and perfectly unexceled. But then again surprisingly in 3 to 6 months the same thing happened again. And I again said to myself oh how a shallow understanding and connection I had before and this new one is a deep insight, this is it! It happened I think around ten times already. When one  thinks that there is nothing beyond, one discovers a vastness beyond one current grasp of that „way to be“. My mind maybe liked the idea of closure a lot, that I got it and then can go on to the next thing. Now I think that idea of closure is childish idea, likely never will really know how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Recently again, I had an experience of grounding beyond anything I had experienced before. And I realized that all my spiritual theories and techniques amount to very little or nothing and when deeply grounded I could see it with ease. And saw the grounding as the central place of life as a place of reconection, safety and being a part of the whole. And I was really able to distinguish bulshit from important things with speed and strange calmness. Nolonger did the delusions of myself or others aggravated me. And I saw clearly in that moment that this state of grounding is enlightenment. And that there is realy no other enlightenment but this. And that it has nothing to do with any ideas we commonly hold about it. To me it seems connected to regaining this crucial feeling of unity of us and the world and which is not a mystical idea, or ideal to aspire to, but a fact of life. This sounds actually as a new age description still, but as I feel it is something substantially different from the feelings or ideas I had before. Its hard to describe in common language and point to the shift in feelings. Maybe a development of a new nonliguistical language should be on a forefront of interest of spiritual people. As the structure of our language is often the structure of our delusions.
Well the three pillars of fst are indeed the best there is.  Perceptiveness, natural intelligence â€" relaxing, letting go â€" grounding, reconnecting. So simple or so tough.

love,
Duu

[Mystress]

Duu wrote: I think there was a great amount of desperation. That could be good in one thing and also bad as it is mostly very hard to do something truly intelligent when one is desperate. Yet it seems that often that desperation is a door. And we are brought to that that door again and again until we eventually do something intelligent after all.
It seems that in me, time after time I do something smarter only after I smacked myself hard into the wall many times by trying all the other ways. Maybe out of desperation and that desperation could be a good point of investigation. Desperation I now think indicates a fogged, deluded thinking and intelligence and this implies also ungroundedness

  No, life is set up like that, we are pushed to evolve by necessity the motherfu***r of invention. Even on a global, evolutionary scale. Nature tosses challenges and we are inspired to evolve. "Survive this:" throws an ice age. Interesting we are evolving as a global community at the same time as we are faced with global challenges. "Survive this:" throws global warming. Surviving is what we are good at and we evolve ways to do it, but we are lazy and need poking. So often people won't make a change until they hit bottom and run out of options, then their minds are open to new ideas. Inspiration, clarity. The location of "bottom" is very individual. We define our own limits. I have known some brave souls that aimed for the bottom as soon as they could identify it, to get to the inspiration part quicker. Soul of tantra eh? Dancing in the cremation grounds.

  The grounding continues to evolve as long as you keep practicing it... it does not change but your understanding of it, does and you become more deeply rooted into source as it works to cleanse you. Yes, to be deeply grounded is to have a genuine experience of self realization- the big brass ring of all spiritual paths. FST starts with that, and then we learn to sustain it by letting go of what ungrounds us. Deepening.

  Description of the experience of the masters, the immediacy of knowing, the silence of mind, the path of right action appearing as the obvious course. Free from fear knowing you are supported by this infinite, awesome intelligence and love. Unity with your Divine Self.

   If you look back in time, you will see it has always been there, when you are well grounded. 

 

[Duu]

So the problem was not that the desperation is a gate. As its indeed obvious as you say Mystress that one develops mostly or perhaps only under pressure. But problem was in me, at that point of the maximum pressure as if not whole of my mind, personality or skill set was present. As if a part of my mind was almost literally disabled. Maybe part of what was disabled was so deeply ego enmeshed that perhaps only disabling it could give a chance for a opening for a fresh and radically new view and insight to come. To see an obvious fact that was there but overlooked time after time. Or perhaps it was in part just my minds specific reaction to stress and nothing more mysterious to it.
But when Im at my peak of balance or skill such a situation would not pose a problem it would be perhaps something barely worth to mention in passing remark.  But it the last situations it was not so. And so at that crucial time when my balance and sharp perceptiveness would be extra useful many of the components were not accessible to me.
And as I was going trough the different moaning and groaning in that desperation I didn't even had enough sharpness to really notice that the whole situation and desperation is a product of delusion. A deep and and near total delusion. And to notice that is easy when balanced and after I went went trough it I discovered that and that purely discerning a seeing the roots out of which such desperation comes is indeed beneficial. It is infarct the only beneficial thing we can do in such situation.
As trying to resolve that pain and desperation by any other way is simply contra productive and actually reinforcing that delusion as if it were real. And then even when its seemingly resolved or goes away it does not so and it even strengthens with time.
So with those brave people jumping at the bottom when they see it. I was always like it and from my experience it rarely ever works. As when one is just 5% not ready then it creates mostly a mess. Either failure and more confusion and pain or a certain delusion, provided and fed by mind, that one actually made it can develop.
I think its such a complex process that bravery, as we commonly know it when balanced, is but a tiny drop in the mixture of all elements that need to be present and align well.
Im perhaps getting much less braver in the recent years. Maybe the new view that occurred in that desperation, was a new discovery based on bravery, but perhaps the bravery that was forced on. Then such a thing its not really a thing one can brag about. There was also a certain tenacity present ie. staying with the problem longer, long enough, even if it is excruciatingly painful and messy so something new a new insight can come into being. And this occurred in me only after I knew well and well again that all any attempts lead nowhere. So yes a certain tenacity and “staying power” can be also used as euphemistically along with the word bravery. But here the tenacity and staying power was also enforced. So not something to be too proud of. Can it be taught to others, so other can apply it without the stress I came trough? Well Im not very shure and I thought of it some times already. Im so absolutely willing to learn from bliss now. Yet there are many paths that recommend these principles, that is when one decodes their language that was contorted with time and confused followers correctly.
So what can you say to such a guy.. just relax.. let it go. But also above all be perceptive. Be sharply discerning what exactly is going on and out of what roots. And there are usually large amounts of cover up stories and layers. But one can go on to a place where it becomes more clear, not stopping with cover up stories that are so clearly from the mind. The last part was in me the missing element or perhaps just that my clear perception got easily scrambled by pressure and tensions so I needed to remedy that. To see that no matter what tension and what is disabled there is a watchful and discerning intelligent mind always there, always watching. And maybe its nonliguistic and deeper but all the sharper in its discerning intelligence. Especially it easily can discreen the foolishness of mind and pick the ill patterns of it in split second in a way that no other component in us can come even close to.
Interesting is that is often enough just to see the root and the whole situation with that intelligent mind and it shifts or vanishes so no longer there is any need to apply any method whatsoever.
An in some cases just a gentle shift of inner feelings occurs. Feelings as clearly distinct thing from emotions or reactions or framing etc.

love,
Duu