pain

[Rebeckah]

Mystress said:
The less ego you have to complain about broken boundaries, the less it will hurt to not have any. It is painful as the ego walls crumble, their illusions of separation smashed with every empathic episode, but as they fall, you start getting more of the sweet side of the deal. More light coming in. You start to see, through Goddess' eyes... and She sees beauty and perfection.

Why is/must there be pain?
Because Goddess is a Dominatrix? Cuz you are? Cuz I am?

Honestly, I am so tired of hurting. I surrender myself, my ego over and over, yet there is still pain. Goddess asks me to do something and I don't have the physical strength for it, or else the fear of the pain from the last time I did do it, stops me from acting. I feel like I'm in a catch 22. Either way I suffer. What can I do? Plus I'm getting conflicting signals and don't know which to follow. If I could kill my ego, I surely would.

A part of me really wants to go back on the medication for my medical condition. My parents are pressuring me to, it seems logical, but guidance says no. I guess pills don't help egos huh? But they would help my physical body which would make it easier to ACT on my guidance without so much angst and suffering, you know what I mean? It would be physically easier to say yes.

{Sean said:I feel that if I could just get my body to feel good again, everything would fall into place.}

And I can totally relate! I try to just accept this as something my Soul wants to experience, but when I can't breathe I feel like my Soul is nowhere in my experiencing of that suffering. hmm, Even as I write that I know it's not true. It just feels like pain=punishment. ok, I surrender that belief.

Mystress said:
I beleive that K. can heal anything.. it is a position of faith. I have seen miracles, and I have also seen illnesses that have some karmic purpose and cannot be lifted. It seems that the healing, if it is to be, comes when the person with the dis-ease has found a way to be at-ease with it. When it is no longer an issue to whether you have a happy life.
The duality of hope, is fear of the future...

Thank you for this, it's given me much to think on & surrender.
How can I know if my disease is karmic or not?

and about energy hygene: I try and do my energy meditations to get my energy clear and flowing and, again, there's more pain. I can do some of the meditation tapes if I just sit there and surrender instead of trying to move the energy. But again, I'm scared to walk into more pain by trying to do the tapes again. All I can really seem to do is the kegels and grounding exercises. & the grounding is strange cuz I live on the second floor and when my downstairs neighbor is home it feels all bad to go thru her and her space, so I run it to the pillars of my apt. spell, but it's not the same kind of strength of a connection as when I go straight down.
I try and sit under a tree and circulate the energy, but going up the stairs is so difficult so I'm only getting out once every few weeks to do it.
Thanks
Love Rebeckah

[Mystress]

:
: Mystress said:
: The less ego you have to complain about broken boundaries, the less it will hurt to not have any. It is painful as the ego walls crumble, their illusions of separation smashed with every empathic episode, but as they fall, you start getting more of the sweet side of the deal. More light coming in. You start to see, through Goddess' eyes... and She sees beauty and perfection.

:
: Why is/must there be pain?
: Because Goddess is a Dominatrix? Cuz you are? Cuz I am?

Because it is the nature of ego, to resist. Pain is *usually* information telling you that something is resisting and out of balance. There are growing pains too, though... and labour pains from giving birth to a new Self. Lamaze: keep breathing and focus on gratitude.

: Honestly, I am so tired of hurting. I surrender myself, my ego over and over, yet there is still pain. Goddess asks me to do something and I don't have the physical strength for it, or else the fear of the pain from the last time I did do it, stops me from acting. I feel like I'm in a catch 22. Either way I suffer. What can I do? Plus I'm getting conflicting signals and don't know which to follow. If I could kill my ego, I surely would.

Conflicting signals come from not being properly grounded, or from entities. You spent a lot of years as a "new ager", giving your power away to beings that are not worthy. Clear out all the voices, till only the heart voice remains. The heart voice of Goddess is a still, small voice, it is genderless, soft, and not emotional. It speaks of love, it speaks truth, and will not ask you to do what you cannot do. It is merciful.

One of my students recently wrote to me in private mail (follow up from a private session) that she had spent the day clearing 74 entities from herself! Holy cow! She feels a lot better, now...

You can pray for mercy, you know... Goddess knows that this is hard stuff.

: A part of me really wants to go back on the medication for my medical condition. My parents are pressuring me to, it seems logical, but guidance says no. I guess pills don't help egos huh? But they would help my physical body which would make it easier to ACT on my guidance without so much angst and suffering, you know what I mean? It would be physically easier to say yes.

: {Sean said:I feel that if I could just get my body to feel good again, everything would fall into place.}

If I have a headache that hurts too much for me to be able to focus and clear it, then I take a pill. When the pain is gone I can think clearly, get grounded and sort out what it was about. Goddess is All, so She can be in a pill, too. She has provided you with a form of mercy...

I suspect your resistance to taking medication comes from your own issues, not Her. She does not judge you for that. I do not judge you for that.
 I can wish I was always so clear as to never need an aspirin, but I forgive myself, when I am not. I thank Goddess for providing a handy crutch of Divine mercy that comes in the form of a pill. Blessed be!  

I am not telling to take medication or not take it... I am telling you that Goddess does not judge you for whether you do, or not.

: And I can totally relate! I try to just accept this as something my Soul wants to experience, but when I can't breathe I feel like my Soul is nowhere in my experiencing of that suffering. hmm, Even as I write that I know it's not true. It just feels like pain=punishment. ok, I surrender that belief.

: Mystress said:
: I beleive that K. can heal anything.. it is a position of faith. I have seen miracles, and I have also seen illnesses that have some karmic purpose and cannot be lifted. It seems that the healing, if it is to be, comes when the person with the dis-ease has found a way to be at-ease with it. When it is no longer an issue to whether you have a happy life.
: The duality of hope, is fear of the future...

: Thank you for this, it's given me much to think on & surrender.
: How can I know if my disease is karmic or not?

If it can be healed, then it is transient karma, the result of some ego resistance. If it cannot, then it is life-shaping karma. The choice of your soul to experience this lifetime. I feel that the change in your palm lines you mentioned on K-list is a good indication that you will find healing.

: and about energy hygene: I try and do my energy meditations to get my energy clear and flowing and, again, there's more pain. I can do some of the meditation tapes if I just sit there and surrender instead of trying to move the energy.

Good. Trying to move the energy is trying to control.. some people can get away with that, t works for them, and some cannot. Just surrender, ground, let Goddess take care of the rest.

:But again, I'm scared to walk into more pain by trying to do the tapes again. All I can really seem to do is the kegels and grounding exercises.

They are all you need, plus some entity clearing practice. Do the clearing on the arguing voices in your head, as many times as you need to. If you need to watch the vid dozens of times as you do the ritual, to stay focused on the questions, or you need to print up the instructions and repeat the clearing excercise a few dozen times, then go ahead! Quit trying to be so strong.. let Goddess be strong for you. Do the clearing on anything that hurts, wiggles, argues, resists, etc.

:& the grounding is strange cuz I live on the second floor and when my downstairs neighbor is home it feels all bad to go thru her and her space, so I run it to the pillars of my apt. spell, but it's not the same kind of strength of a connection as when I go straight down.

LOL!!! OK, I see where you get this, from the house spell instructions. Not applicable. The house spell is a deliberate construct, and so it must be careful to be consensual and respect boundaries. Your grounding cord is your birthright, and Goddess made it to go straight down. She will handle your neighbor.
 I wonder.. is there some part of you that feels unworthy of Goddess, unworthy to be on this planet taking up space? She put you here so trust in that, OK? You may not feel worthy but obviously Goddess thinks you are or you would not be here.
  Blessings...

[Rebeckah]

: Pain is *usually* information telling you that something is resisting and out of balance. There are growing pains too, though... and labour pains from giving birth to a new Self. Lamaze: keep breathing and focus on gratitude.

How can I tell which is which?
Sometimes it does feel like lamaze tho.
Like she's taking over my breath.
__________
: : I am not telling to take medication or not take it... I am telling you that Goddess does not judge you for whether you do, or not.

my resistance to the meds comes from having too many complications the last time I was on the pills. That was as scary as this. Plus, things are clearing, albeit sowly. And I also don't want to damage my body more by taking the pills, which could, well, it did happen.
______________
:   They are all you need, plus some entity clearing practice. Do the clearing on the arguing voices in your head. Quit trying to be so strong.. let Goddess be strong for you. Do the clearing on anything that hurts, wiggles, argues, resists, etc.

I kind of have a hard time with the concept of there being ill-intending other beings in me. The whole concept of ego itself is new for me in a way cuz I always considered myself as just me, not *divided* into parts. It feels schizo to break myself up into parts.

I'll do the exercise a bunch and see what happens.

So how do I let Goddess be strong for me? What does that mean? How do I do that?

And I can't watch the videos cuz my sound card is broke. Do you think that makes a difference? OK, a big difference?

Thank you so much for your help, it means the world to me.
Lovejoy
Rebeckah

[Mystress]

:
: : Pain is *usually* information telling you that something is resisting and out of balance. There are growing pains too, though... and labour pains from giving birth to a new Self. Lamaze: keep breathing and focus on gratitude.

: How can I tell which is which?

Does it hurt any differently, if you know? Would it make any difference, if the pain had no meaning? Surrender all of it, just watch it go by like traffic.

: :   They are all you need, plus some entity clearing practice. Do the clearing on the arguing voices in your head. Quit trying to be so strong.. let Goddess be strong for you. Do the clearing on anything that hurts, wiggles, argues, resists, etc.

: I kind of have a hard time with the concept of there being ill-intending other beings in me. The whole concept of ego itself is new for me in a way cuz I always considered myself as just me, not *divided* into parts. It feels schizo to break myself up into parts.

It is excellent that you have the attitude of non duality about all parts of yourself... but sometimes it is effective to separate yourself into bits, so you can communicate! Ever try having a chat with your lungs? What would they tell you, if they could speak?

It does not mean that these beings are ill-intending, is a mosquito ill intending? No.. it is just being a mosquito... but it can still draw blood and make you itch or give you malaria. Talking to a mosquito might not help, but there are parts of you that you asked to do some certain tasks... usually because you were afraid of something, or you felt they could do something for you that you felt unable to do for yourself... and they are no longer effective so you need a retirement party.

: I'll do the exercise a bunch and see what happens.

: So how do I let Goddess be strong for me? What does that mean? How do I do that?

You are not your feelings, your body or your fears. All those things will pass away, and You that is Goddess in you, will remain. You are not your thoughts... you are the silent space, the empty stage where the play of consciousness takes place. What part of you is it, that watches yourself thinking? Be that, and simply observe the pain, the fears, etc... arising and passing as do all things, except that observer that is Goddess. Identify with that, and let the rest flow through.

: And I can't watch the videos cuz my sound card is broke. Do you think that makes a difference? OK, a big difference?

Nah, I was teaching this stuff by email long before the vids were made. They are nice but not essential.

  blessings!!