Should have posted this first.....

Sean · Nov 06, 2001, 02:39:56 PM

Hello again,

I went through your big post on E again Mystress and it hit me....

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Sean, you have often spewed your judgments of how awful people are... do you know that your private thoughts ate heard by their unconscious, which is as telephathic as you are... even if their ego is not aware of the incoming energy. Your judgments are an aggressive act, throwing darts... and you get back the emotional junk you stir up.
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This is very true... It took me reading it again and again and actually experiencing this to know how true.. I was at a drum circle. We were holding hands. This older guy next to me who was a wiccan, had such a nice stable solid feel to him. Usualy I dont feel this from guys. I felt very safe and calm. It was realy good guy energy. It felt very nice. I was so happy with this I wanted to thank him, but It would seem silly... So I thanked his higher self and that I really needed this and how much I liked it... So after the circle.... I'm sitting by myself again... And he comes over and starts up some smalltalk with me and is pretty friendly to me. The only thing I can think of as to why this happened is he must have heard me on some level. Otherwise nobody would have come over or said anything per norm. I was in shock... More for me to learn about myself.... I didnt realise that was happening! But its not really me that hates.. More below...

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When you mentioned your accident and loss of mobility, it made me wonder. Have you had any kind of grief counselling to come to terms with your loss? Grief is a process, and feeling angry at yourself and the world is one stage of it. Reading some info about the stages of grief and dealing with loss might be very insightful for you getting a perspective of where you are at. If you are going around bristling with unreleased grief and anger, like a 6 foot porcupine, then poking people is inevitable.
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No, I've not dealt with any of this. I dont know how. I have a hard time expressing myself to anyone. Now that you pointed this out, I'll go find someone to talk to about this, or at least work on it. I have so much anger and hate and pain and broken dreams inside of me for years and years and years. For what happened to me. For what was done. For what was not done. You know that when you said to forgive myself for what happened a change happened instantly. For a long time I had felt my bones as black. Right to the core. Black. I could never really heal them. Right after that, I felt that all go away, and they became white again. I felt like now they could start to be healed finally.

I just have so many things to deal with, that I dont really know how to... I get lost as to where to start. I end up just sitting around depressed out of my mind. But thanks for pointing this out to me. I feel that this is probably the case as to why things are the way they are... And a place to start. I just need to break the circle and get out of this twisting downward spiral...

I feel that if I could just get my body to feel good again, everything would fall into place. I dont want to hate anyone really. Thats not me... But that's all I know now....

Thanks for pointing this out to me...

Sean

Mystress · Nov 06, 2001, 07:15:58 PM

Well, I was going to go lie down because my body is starting to give me a headache and seize up in protest at too much empathy, but I want to share that your first post made me laugh till I cried, the truth makes me laugh like that. What you describe is a very familiar pattern.
Then I started thinking, would it be better if you had a 1-900 number, and people paid by the minute to barf their karma at you? Then I thought of the name, 1-900-YOU-SPEW and fell apart laughing all over again. Laughter is a great way to process stuff, and my sense of humor gets very warped when I am tired.
It is great, to watch you growing.
Do a websearch on "the stages of grief" and consider what you find... then find a counsellor who specializes in helping people come to terms with illness and disability to support you in locating it and spewing it out. I do some grief counselling but it is not my specialty, and I think what you require will be handled best by a non-empathic listener.
I often find it easier to deal with people on a higher self level than at the ego level, and I do so all the time. Try this: have a normal chat with someone at the same time as you are chatting about something slightly different, with their higher self and watch how their higher self uses their mouth to answer you, with them being totally unaware of it... having a conversation on two levels at once... and then you will know more about how Goddess looks out through the eyes of everyone.
It feels kind of sneaky but it really is not because the higher self has free will too, and can refuse to be cooperative. Anything you suggest has to be win/win, but you can always simply ask your own higher self to intercede for you, with the other person's.
I beleive that K. can heal anything.. it is a position of faith. I have seen miracles, and I have also seen illnesses that have some karmic purpose and cannot be lifted. It seems that the healing, if it is to be, comes when the person with the dis-ease has found a way to be at-ease with it. When it is no longer an issue to whether you have a happy life.
The duality of hope, is fear of the future...
Blessings..

:
: Hello again,
:
: I went through your big post on E again Mystress and it hit me....
: -------
: Sean, you have often spewed your judgments of how awful people are... do you know that your private thoughts ate heard by their unconscious, which is as telephathic as you are... even if their ego is not aware of the incoming energy. Your judgments are an aggressive act, throwing darts... and you get back the emotional junk you stir up.
: --------
: This is very true... It took me reading it again and again and actually experiencing this to know how true.. I was at a drum circle. We were holding hands. This older guy next to me who was a wiccan, had such a nice stable solid feel to him. Usualy I dont feel this from guys. I felt very safe and calm. It was realy good guy energy. It felt very nice. I was so happy with this I wanted to thank him, but It would seem silly... So I thanked his higher self and that I really needed this and how much I liked it... So after the circle.... I'm sitting by myself again... And he comes over and starts up some smalltalk with me and is pretty friendly to me. The only thing I can think of as to why this happened is he must have heard me on some level. Otherwise nobody would have come over or said anything per norm. I was in shock... More for me to learn about myself.... I didnt realise that was happening! But its not really me that hates.. More below...

:
: -----
: When you mentioned your accident and loss of mobility, it made me wonder. Have you had any kind of grief counselling to come to terms with your loss? Grief is a process, and feeling angry at yourself and the world is one stage of it. Reading some info about the stages of grief and dealing with loss might be very insightful for you getting a perspective of where you are at. If you are going around bristling with unreleased grief and anger, like a 6 foot porcupine, then poking people is inevitable.
: ----
:
: No, I've not dealt with any of this. I dont know how. I have a hard time expressing myself to anyone. Now that you pointed this out, I'll go find someone to talk to about this, or at least work on it. I have so much anger and hate and pain and broken dreams inside of me for years and years and years. For what happened to me. For what was done. For what was not done. You know that when you said to forgive myself for what happened a change happened instantly. For a long time I had felt my bones as black. Right to the core. Black. I could never really heal them. Right after that, I felt that all go away, and they became white again. I felt like now they could start to be healed finally.
:
: I just have so many things to deal with, that I dont really know how to... I get lost as to where to start. I end up just sitting around depressed out of my mind. But thanks for pointing this out to me. I feel that this is probably the case as to why things are the way they are... And a place to start. I just need to break the circle and get out of this twisting downward spiral...
:
: I feel that if I could just get my body to feel good again, everything would fall into place. I dont want to hate anyone really. Thats not me... But that's all I know now....
: Thanks for pointing this out to me...
:
: Sean