Welcome, ponysong.

[Sigmund]

Good to have you aboard.  There's lots to chew on here.  All the best to you, in a manner that you can manage.   

[ponysong]

Thank you, Sigmund!

It's good to be on board, after having thought about joining you all here for about a year

[ponysong]

Hi FST friends !  I'd like to share a little update.

It's been 2 weeks since I enrolled in the course, and it's now day six since I took Mystress' advice and set my timer to remind me to practice grounding 8X per day. 

Grounding felt like really hard work at first!  After 10-20 minutes practicing the visualization the first few times, I felt quite fatigued!  But now as I gain experience it is fast becoming my favorite activity.  I won't describe it as blissful, exactly, but it's intensely physically pleasurable for sure.  The pleasure I feel during grounding is proportional to the time and focus I'm able to give it each time I practice.  Last night just before bed, I spent I-don't-know-how-long grounding with my eyes closed, just enjoying the vibration, feeling the warmth and humming sensations particularly in my feet and legs and especially the almost electric sensation of the fountain flowing out the top of my head and cascading down the outside of my body. 

Wow!  This is really heady stuff!  I wasn't exactly skeptical before, but seeing now how the grounding visualization works for me exactly as Mystress describes it, I begin to get a sense of what's to come.  I can't clearly imagine any of it yet, but I feel a sense of anticipation and excitement.  In short, I'm really enjoying this.

And an interesting thing happened yesterday.  I was reading one of the links in the Matriarchy and Goddess lesson (most of the links are broken, btw).  It was on the yOni website, about dark Goddess and the shadow.  Afterwards I went to my horses to do the daily chores and to spend some time with them; when I arrived the barn was occupied (fenceposts, roof, trees) by a "murder" of crows at least 50-strong, and sitting in the paddock was a beautiful black cat I had never seen before.  I greeted all the dark visitors with a friendly hello, but unfortunately my dog (also black, now I think about it) chased them all away.

[ponysong]

And an interesting thing happened yesterday.  I was reading one of the links in the Matriarchy and Goddess lesson (most of the links are broken, btw).  It was on the yOni website, about dark Goddess and the shadow.  Afterwards I went to my horses to do the daily chores and to spend some time with them; when I arrived the barn was occupied (fenceposts, roof, trees) by a "murder" of crows at least 50-strong, and sitting in the paddock was a beautiful black cat I had never seen before.  I greeted all the dark visitors with a friendly hello, but unfortunately my dog (also black, now I think about it) chased them all away.

I forgot to write, that as I was reading yesterday about dark Goddess and Shadow, I wrote in my notebook that a manifestation of my dark side is the tendency I still have (despite more than 4 years trying to overcome it) to lose my temper with my horses.  So the dark visitors greeting me on my arrival at the barn yesterday felt very apropos. 

[Mystress]

What went into FST is what is essential, what really works, and what anyone can learn with practice. Nothing wasted, everything powerful.

   The key is to take it slowly, give your body time to process the energy of information of each lesson and the karma it triggers before touching the next lesson button. At least a week per.

I usually do not delete expired memberships unless requested, renewing is voluntary so member can take the time they need to make the most of it.

  The off site links were a sort of afterthought to the course, not essence and the update I am working on mostly eliminates them altogether. I gave up trying to keep them updated, the web changes too often. You can find a lot of them using the wayback machine if you are very curious. 

  http://archive.org/web/web.php

[melodicvibrations]

Yes welcome.  I had to pause on the lessons myself because I got overloaded, I wasn't even skipping  . 

[ponysong]

Mystress, thanks for checking in with me!

The off site links were a sort of afterthought to the course, not essence and the update I am working on mostly eliminates them altogether. I gave up trying to keep them updated, the web changes too often. You can find a lot of them using the wayback machine if you are very curious.

  http://archive.org/web/web.php

It's obvious to me in hindsight that you must be well aware of the broken links.  I'm sorry for posting what sounded like a complaint!  And thanks for the reminder about the wayback machine; I had forgotten it existed.

Hi melodicvibrations, nice to meet you

I hope I'm going to be sensible about this and not try to rush ahead to something I'm not ready for.  With the pacing walls in place at least I can't try to gobble multiple lessons in a day. 

I don't know what Karma I'm still holding.  I guess I'll have to be prepared for some possible past-life Karma to surface and maybe even some this-life stuff that might be hiding.  I processed a lot over a two year period (4 years ago!) using a EFT http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_Freedom_Techniques, developed by a California engineer and non-denominational minister named Gary Craig. It was at the end of one particularly intense session, involving lots of tears and about 2 hours of tapping, that I had my first taste of Shakti.    Which, ultimately, is what led me to this course...  Thank you, Goddess.

That session that ended with the moment of Shakti happened when I focused on what I consider "the big one", which is Gary Craig's  term for an individual's defining emotional trauma or energy blockage.  He doesn't usually call it Karma but I interpret it to be the same thing.

I won't write a lot here about other spiritual paths;  I want to focus on this one, FST.  But EFT was part of the path that brought me here. 

[melodicvibrations]

EFT does work, and rapidly.  See you around

[ponysong]

Aaaaahhhh...

I enjoyed the SL chat tonight, very much.  It felt like a dream vacation to someplace very strange and beautiful.  I sure gawked and stumbled around like a tourist!  I found myself under water at one point and called to Mystress for rescue.  While I was under, something miraculous swam by!  I think it was one of these: http://topnews.net.nz/data/Plesiosaurs.jpg

Mystress and Duu showed me the way from the White Temple to Yggdrasil, and we sat in meditation there for a few minutes.  Magical!

Thank you both!

[Mari]

Hi Ponysong and welcome from me too

[ponysong]

Thank you, Mari

[Mystress]

While I was under, something miraculous swam by!  I think it was one of these: http://topnews.net.nz/data/Plesiosaurs.jpg

It was nice meeting you in virtual.
 
  The giant sea turtles are so beautiful and realistic, they make me catch my breath to see them. There are usually 5 of them and they swim randomly around the mountain but can most often be spotted in the water near white temple and Yggdrasill. The rotating floating bed in the water near Yggdrasill is a good place to relax and turtle watch.

[ponysong]

The giant sea turtles are so beautiful and realistic, they make me catch my breath to see them.

Ah, so that's what it was - I was a bit distracted and didn't get a good look at it.  I will surely return for some turtle-watching.

[ponysong]

Oh, my goodness.  My mother always said, "be careful what you ask for".

A few days ago I posted that I did not know what Karma I was still holding.  Well, I asked, and Goddess delivered. 

Without giving details, a few weeks ago I acted against my conscience, and now the predictable result has followed in harm to another human being. 

Tonight I decided to perform a "give it up to Goddess" session on all the aspects of this situation I could identify.  I found emotions about it making it very difficult to ground myself; I felt the energy was blocked right at my tailbone and it developed into almost an unbearable pressure in my body as I tried to allow Prana to flow down through me.  I was able to ground for a few seconds at a time but then the connection closed again and I simply couldn't visualize the fiery crystal or the grounding cord.  It was a little better after the ritual, but there is still some blockage.

I am finding this very interesting and challenging as I try to identify and give up the egoic attachments and justifications related to this event.

I know it is better not to analyze too much and yet my intellect is fascinated by the process at the same time as my body is developing wondrous sensations by the movement of such energy. 

[ponysong]

I have a question for Mystress or one of her lineage.

I found a suggestion from Mystress when reading this thread:    
Toxic lineage, gender issues and witchcraft. http://fire-serpent.com/tearoom/index.php/topic,849.msg3241.html#msg3241

Set up a short term shield, I call it the "ugly mirror." Imagine the egg of your grounding with an inward reflecting mirror so all of your projections come right back at you, and take a good long look at yourself reflected in what you are projecting onto your mom. Don't wear it for more than a day or a few hours at a time, when you are prepared to be receptive and introspective, and forgiving and accepting of yourself... it is a powerful device.

I like this idea of being able to identify projections - it seems really important to me right now.  I feel my grounding is getting more solid (it's day 14 for me, practicing 8X/day).  I can recognize more and more when it's strong and vibrant.  Does this "ugly mirror" seem like a technique that would be OK for me to use right now? 

[Mari]

Hi Ponysong,
You are still quite new on the course, so if you want to experiment with it make sure you remember to take the ugly mirror bubble down after a short time.

I like using it, but after a day or so I tend to get hyper if I forget it up

[ponysong]

Thank you, Mari.

I think it's better to be cautious, so I will do as you say. 

I am enjoying this process so much, I think it's good for me to post frequently in Tea Room so I don't risk getting carried away with it.   

Even the Karma that is coming up is enjoyable in a way, because "giving it up to Goddess" provides immediate relief.  And it's so satisfying to be able to do that.  Then the Grounding exercise gives direct access to that blissful connection and vibration that I only felt one time before after experiencing a lot of painful emotion when I was using only Prana (EFT) to work on these things.

[ponysong]

I keep getting the urge to draw my grounding, as the experience becomes more and more vivid.  One representation I keep drawing in my notebook is just a set of little beads on a glowing cord.  But sometimes I have the urge to draw something more detailed.  I'm not an artist, although I drew a lot as a child, so these urges are unusual for me.  I draw the figure standing,  even though I'm sitting when practicing grounding, but maybe I'll test my skill next time and draw myself sitting.

I have not seen anybody else posting images in Tea Room, so I hope it's OK. Here's my most recent drawing of my grounding experience:

[ponysong]

Silly.  and I just realized of course I have seen other images posted in Tea Room.   

[ponysong]

I forgot when I posted earlier - I meant to write that I tried the "ugly mirror" a few days ago but I didn't get any immediate feedback.  Maybe I was not asking the right questions.  I was focused on an issue I mentioned a while back (acting against my conscience) and I wanted to identify my projections surrounding that event.  I wondered at the time if the reflections might come later.  I did make sure to take the mirror down at the end of my meditation.

I'm looking forward to practicing the Earth Heart meditation.  I tried it a few days ago, and I felt an interesting knot near my heart, on the right side of my chest.  But then a few days after that I remembered to read the K-teacher page about it and realized my Grounding is not solid enough yet.  And I can feel it isn't.  I can't properly visualize the grounding cord at all, even when the energy itself feels quite clear and strong.  So I will wait some time before trying that exercise again.

I have felt Shakti very strongly the last few days.  Really a rushing sensation up my spine and interesting areas of tightness or pressure through my torso.  Yesterday was a day off work, and I spent a lot of time in Grounding meditation, focusing on the tight areas and giving them to Goddess as gifts.  I find this very mentally absorbing and rewarding exercise.

[Mari]

Ponysong, the ugly mirror bubble works best when you are out in the world, with people. When dealing with people you have some conflict, perhaps. It mirrors what you send out back at you, judgements, opinions, beliefs... so it helps you to see more clearly what lies hidden on your shadow side. Remember to surrender all what you experience. It also kinda protects others from your projections and energy.

My opinion is, that you can leave that practise later and enjoy the high times now you have enough time to work with your shadow in the future, when you are getting closer to the lessons that are about the shadow. So if something unpleasant comes up with the ugly mirror practise, you have good solid information and tools, that help you to work through the emotions. You can come back to this practise later if you are guided so.

[ponysong]

Thank you, Mari.      Your comments are always helpful and wise.

Certainly I am enjoying the high times although shadow keeps suggesting it is too good to be true;  that this kind of energy charge can't be a permanent thing.  It's so unusual to feel the vibration that I experience with the Grounding exercise.  It's something I associate only with peak experiences; I suppose it is because I have lived most of my life in a paradigm of scarcity. 

Never enough money, never enough time, never enough energy, never enough love, I am never good enough.  I realized this not long ago and I wrote it in my FST notebook.  I have always felt that my available energy is limited, and must be conserved so I can have it in reserve for the really important tasks in life. 

Accepting the fact of infinite energy, infinite love and the imperative to direct it as Goddess wills does require a certain mind shift, and it does not happen instantly.

[Mystress]

  Mari is wise, gives good advice. You asked about bubble and she explained it.

   Instead of using the bubble, just remember your energy body has angel wings and wrap your wings around you. The inside of the wings will reflect your negative projections back at you more clearly and immediately than the bubble. They will also reflect other peoples projections back to the sender with the same unvarnished clarity of whose crap it is really... so if you wear them wrapped around you, around other people you may get some odd reactions.

I am ok with students using tearoom as a blog but prefer they do as you have been, keep adding to a single thread with your name on it instead of starting many new ones.  Adding to an old thread brings it back to the top of the "recent posts" list on the front page, whereas if one person keeps starting a lot of new personal threads other peoples posts get pushed off the screen on the index pages.

  I told this to ant, and he responded by becoming the tearoom greeter for a while,  as a way to start new threads... usually sigmunds job. Made me smile.

  I told it to twindragon and she obeyed it for about a week...

   

[ponysong]

 
I am ok with students using tearoom as a blog but prefer they do as you have been, keep adding to a single thread with your name on it instead of starting many new ones.

   

Thank you, Mystress.  That was my idea, that this topic could be a sort of shared diary, where I can write pertinent things as they occur; not necessarily asking advice but sometimes that too.  Then later, when things get sticky (as they are bound to) there will be some background already.  Plus I like to get to know people.  Tea Room feels to me like an intimate private space to share with trusted friends.

Instead of using the bubble, just remember your energy body has angel wings and wrap your wings around you. The inside of the wings will reflect your negative projections back at you more clearly and immediately than the bubble. They will also reflect other peoples projections back to the sender with the same unvarnished clarity of whose crap it is really... so if you wear them wrapped around you, around other people you may get some odd reactions.

I like this! Though I don't have anything more to report about Grounding practise except that it's been very difficult for the last 7 days.  I'm finding it very hard to focus; the meditation takes a long time each time.  My work shift at the moment demands my full attention with many interruptions from people, with no private place for meditation.  So I try to get the most out of practise at home, only 3 or 4 times per day.  But those times are very satisfying.  I have begun to visualize Angel Wings each time I practise Grounding and at other times through the day, but I haven't noticed any feedback yet. 

I guess the most important thing to keep in mind, is that time doesn't matter.  If my 45-day Grounding practise takes 60 days, or 90 days, or longer, then that is how long it takes.  It's most important to me that I can feel the energy each and every time I practise, and I feel the subtle changes in my body's response to the energy.