Others sensing my Shadow?

[WillyT]

Hello all I have a question regarding others sensing my shadow...

I have a friend who I think may be an empath, a few times they have told me they feel a dark shadowy figure lurking around me it has made them nauseous and dizzy. I do the shadow meditation often is this what they are picking up? Perhaps some of the not so nice things about myself I am attempting to integrate and accept  

I had another friend also sense something enter their apartment with me. It raised the hairs on their arm. I needed to go to the store shortly after I arrived. I asked that whatever was accompanying me not go in with me out of respect for the persons home. I also did the entity clearing just in case. Without telling this person I did that I asked if they still sensed anything they said no. If this is the shadow does it interact with others sensitive to energy?

[Duu]

Hi,

What kind of shadow meditations did you do?
How do you relate, view your shadow?

Well in the post you did not tell, if you saw, feell anything around you.
If you dont see any figure around you then basicaly it is no problem.
Some things come to my mind:
If you do meditate about challenging stuff it is good perhaps to officialy end the mediation, closing the session.
Or your meditation might unconciously continue and you will be keeping vibration, while processing, that might not be plesant for other people.
Also to keep energy balanced and turned inward and to not infringe on other people energy in shared spaces is good and polite thing.
It is sometimes our energy that can be felt as agravating at some times to other people even when we feel fine.

love,
Duu

[WillyT]

Hi Duu,

I try to remain mindful of projecting and judging others, I know its a never ending task sometimes I am very good at it other times I am not but for the most part if I catch myself I turn inward and try to see how its a part of me in some way like Mystress teaches here: http://kundalini-teacher.com/meditations/shadowmed.php

I have sensed it before in the same room sometimes different rooms and a few times it has communicated with me. The last I remember was my ego thinking about shamanism and a response I got back was a sarcastic "You can barely handle what I'm giving you now. You are not a Shaman."  Usually it's a fear that hits me without reason then I send it love and it usually makes me laugh with a parting shot like "You big wussy" <- not as kind however.

I see my shadow as helping me but scary and intimidating(Something I have come to know about myself recently). I have been working to change this behavior It's an old self defense mechanism created from childhood - adolescence.

It's also pretty sarcastic and funny sometimes too. It has protected me showing me parts of myself that I did not know I was capable of in dangerous situations but those times it was almost as though everything was on autopilot. One time I could remember almost getting into a fight at a bar and having a strong vibration rise from my chest up my throat to my tongue and I could feel my tongue flicking like a cobra. The situation was diffused without anymore words and no recollection of what led up to it. We had a drink afterwards.

I will keep in mind about formally ending any meditation I start and staying turned inward. I'm just curious about tips for the shadow meditation since I usually am in the presence of someone at the time something comes up to be looked at in the ugly mirror. Perhaps I need to stop doing this meditation for a bit? I don't know.

[Duu]

Hi,
I can just share some insights to it.

We see things outside that are pointig us to our karma, judjments end etc. inside us.
That is part of the ugly mirror. Other part is integrating the new perception.

Yes we can see some shadow figure outside and it is the same as any external situation.
Helpfull beings or situations might manifest outside but it is not realy the shadow.
So if you see, feel a figure and say oh that is my shadow and is scary or dark and so on.
Because you are judging the shadow you sort of failed for a moment to point finger back to you.
Not realising that the true thing that does judge the "shadow" figure is your own shadow/ego inside.
So if you judge shadow as scary or dark and so on.. well that is actualy the shadow.
So seeing shadow out there is good, we see it all the time. But it is not independed from us.

Sending love to shadow is good but also actualy it can be a confirmation of separation and of the fear.
One canot love shadow and fear it at the same time.
In fact to love unconditionaly is to seek, realise the unity. So loving shadow becomes loving one self.
Or when when realy loves oneself than one natury loves the shadow as well.

How is that it is enough to love oneself and the shadow disapears?. This is a good theme for shadow meditation.
Because sometimes our idea, belif system of what shadow is, is the very obstacle.
It is close to the esence of the tantric paths.

I really feel I could love myself more.

regards,
Duu

[WillyT]

Thank you Duu, I had to read your reply a few times before it clicked for me.

At work when I say to myself so and so is acting like an asshole...sometimes my internal dialogue is "How have I acted in that manner before?" other times it becomes an instant "You are an asshole too".

To make the judgment at all of another is an attempt to acknowledge separation by my ego.
The question of whether I have acted in the same manner is a conscious effort to peek thru the veil of forgetfulness. An act of free will to love,accept,integrate back to unity.

So the internal dialogue becomes an indicator of how much control the ego has at the present moment?

The statement "You are an asshole too" in my mind does not feel critical when it occurs it feels closer to acceptance that I am all that is although it only come's to be from the perception of separation.

Thank you again

[Mystress]

  Interesting post. The personality you define does sound exactly like a Shamans shadow guide, but you dont feel like a shaman to me. You are too sane, and too nice.
   People who are not shamans do not get the shadow talking to them like that.

  The part of it appearing outside of you, around you and other people picking up on it does not sound like a shamans guide, it sounds like a few odd trickster spirits I have encountered, or possibly a personality splinter.  Indication of a personality splinter is usually a few years memories missing from childhood. In that instance, the splinter itself is usually locked away in some sort of ivory tower and an aspect of shadow is guard and jailer, as if the ego fragment that is locked away has a shadow of its own.

   I doubt if any of my students, even the ones who have met me, have felt my guide around me, except the few times I have channeled him into his sl avatar... because he is inside.  Rarely someone will report a visit or a dream... but the creepiness of a Shaman is not in guide so much as gate.

  Genuine Shamans have a death gate, feels like a portal of cold fire just under the heart chakra. The vibration of it is identical to that of the Amanita Muscaria "death cap" mushroom. I let someone feel mine recently and defined it for him as "icy blast from the gates of hell".. but its not hell, it is death, and scary in proportion to your fear of death and madness... your uncleared karma. I scupulously took the energy of it back from him afterwards or he would have been trying to hold onto his sanity with both hands in about 3 days. 

  For the spirit to say you are not a Shaman, could mean you are not a shaman, *yet*... not having graduated the training,  ... I think you are dealing with a trickster spirit.  They can be quite interesting but you cannot trust them 100%.

  Since the spirit is so talkative, why not ask it what it is, where it came from, what its job is, why it is with you... etc. ? Keep focus on your discernment, as it responds.
 

[WillyT]

  Interesting post. The personality you define does sound exactly like a Shamans shadow guide, but you dont feel like a shaman to me. You are too sane, and too nice.  

I've been working to control my temper and continue to sort out my passive aggressive tendencies.

Surrendering everything has helped me stay what people would call relatively sane. I can't say I've done anything to curb the speculation about my mental state to close friends however. I've started to find peace in the idea of being nothing maybe just because its easier no pressure? Laying on the floor at home and disappearing and letting go of all my thoughts brings me peace. Then I snap out of it sometimes after a few hours and I feel guilt for not having used my time doing something productive, sometimes Its a feeling of coming back somewhere from a long trip. I can compare it to the feeling I had when I first moved from New York City to Florida at 19 yrs old. On my own for the first time caught between homesick/scared and enjoying my new freedom.

I've seen the shadow figure without a doubt dead on (not in my peripheral) two times. Once at the foot of my bed as I've slept the other time on the side of my bed too my right looking down on me. Each time I was frozen with fear.
My ego wants the shaman special title but the sock puppet I have of you in my head Mystress has shown me some terrifying things already each time I'm grateful for having the ability to surrender them away and not being chosen.
I guess this is the same child that wanted to be an astronaut, fireman, policeman and marine just because of the special training and recognition. I tried to become a police officer but my psychological evaluation scores were not up to par for the job, lol.

I feel this voice I'm dealing with may be a personality splinter I've been having lots of childhood memories come up lately. Some good that fill my heart with joy and remind me of times that I knew a bit more about what brought me joy. Then other not so happy times that were brought up. I'm quick to surrender the unhappy memories but sometimes forget to surrender the happy moments as well. I'll continue to listen for it and ask it questions either way I will send it to the light.

Thank you

[WillyT]

From last weeks SL Chat session:

[12:16] WillyT413: When you have a moment Mystress I had a question about how to get in touch with the personality splinter or the triccster spirit I have heard, I have not sensed it lately but i feel its still there
[12:16] Mystress Weatherwax: the shadow you posted about?
[12:17] WillyT413: yes
[12:17] Mystress Weatherwax: good, something chewy
[12:18] Mystress Weatherwax: commands the shadow to show up here
[12:18] Mystress Weatherwax: feel it?
[12:18] Mystress Weatherwax: hello creepy thing.
[12:19] Mystress Weatherwax: gives it love
[12:19] Mystress Weatherwax: anybody else get the hair on their neck stand up when I called it?
[12:20] F S: not I
[12:20] E: no.
[12:21] Mystress Weatherwax: oh maybe it showed up to me locally... rl
[12:21] Mari Rozensztok: no, but i was probably a bit distracted. it seems kinda cute somehow
[12:21] Mystress Weatherwax: yes when I gave it love it got kind of cuddly, felt it massaging caressing my shoulders
[12:22] Mystress Weatherwax: so critter, what you be eh?
[12:22] Mystress Weatherwax: turned into a child
[12:22] Mystress Weatherwax: are you part of little willy?
[12:22] Mystress Weatherwax: yes
[12:23] Mystress Weatherwax: I dont think he intended to split you off like this
[12:23] Mystress Weatherwax: would you like to go back reintegrate be part of him?
[12:23] WillyT413: i would like him back
[12:24] Mystress Weatherwax: good
[12:24] Mystress Weatherwax: callys willy's DB to get the child splinter and take it home proper
[12:24] Mystress Weatherwax: bye bye
[12:25] Mystress Weatherwax: how do you feel?
[12:25] WillyT413: felt giggly a moment ago
[12:25] WillyT413: a weight off of my chest lighter

Mystress called on the shadow I had been encountering at the most recent chat session in SL , at the time she called on the shadow to show up I did not feel anything creepy but there was a thought that popped up immediately and said "Who is she to command me anywhere" If felt a bit disrespectful towards Mystress for me to have that thought and I did not want to share it during the chat I surrendered it as my ego wanting to keep the illusion of separation. When she gave it love I had a visual of her consoling the child me. When she asked if it would like to reintegrate with me there was a communication of it missing me and sadness. I missed it as well although I didn't exactly know what aspect was broken off I knew it was me and invited it to be part of me again. After a few moments there were feelings of playfulness, innocence and curiosity. Made me giggly a warm feeling of welcome home.

Since that moment I've had some vague insights into how the split happened though not fully understood. I'm sure there's still more to unfold or maybe not either way I surrender them to you goddess. Thank you, and Thank you Mystress

[Mystress]

Mystress called on the shadow I had been encountering at the most recent chat session in SL , at the time she called on the shadow to show up I did not feel anything creepy but there was a thought that popped up immediately and said "Who is she to command me anywhere"

  Actually I heard that thought and responded "I am the one who is going to help you, now get your ass over here." It did. Dealing with resistant spirits is nothing new. 

   Sharing a little more of the chat...

[12:31:54 PM]  Mystress Weatherwax: anyone else want to share impressions of the integration of willy?
[12:35:04 PM]  Mari Rozensztok: when the small boy integrated there was so much love, it was successful integration i think
[12:35:18 PM]  ernstl: I have not had a feeling of presence from anyone and the heart voice said "alright - or corrected" - Seems it was natural that this part of Willy has returned
[12:36:10 PM]  ernstl: I this part of the work that Shamans do?
[12:36:16 PM]  Mystress Weatherwax: yes
[12:36:32 PM]  Mystress Weatherwax: we have an enhanced ability to talk to aspects of consciousness like that
[12:36:53 PM]  Mystress Weatherwax: why mari could sense the being most clearly besides me
[12:37:11 PM]  Mystress Weatherwax: Shaman perceptions
[12:38:05 PM]  Mystress Weatherwax: typically the scary monster is protector and jailer of the splinter child
[12:38:38 PM]  Mystress Weatherwax: am not sure whether the shadow transformed when given love or poofed and the child was freed
[12:38:54 PM]  ernstl: is love always the key ?
[12:39:32 PM]  Mystress Weatherwax: they are aspects of each other, like the splinter ego has its own shadow aspect but that shadow looks more like shaman guide than usual non shaman shadow aspect
[12:39:36 PM]  Mystress Weatherwax: yes often
[12:39:47 PM]  Mystress Weatherwax: just love the monsters, they change...
[12:42:04 PM]  ernstl: Thats also one reason for me why FST is different - no one says you should be scared of anything - there is in reality to need for fear
[12:42:48 PM]  Mari Rozensztok: most monsters are very pleasurable to transform...

[WillyT]

  I thought it was my own mind rambling but I did hear the response too. I meant to copy all of the chat but only got part of it when I logged back in SL wouldnt show me the entire chat history.

[12:38:38 PM]  Mystress Weatherwax: am not sure whether the shadow transformed when given love or poofed and the child was freed

To answer the question above when you asked what it was I had a visual of a tall dark shadow shrink and transform into the child me.

[Mystress]

  Well me saying I do not know something often triggers a flood of information. 

  They are two aspects of the same thing, interpretation of visions can be very personal so what you see in a vision is based on your own interpretations.

  The shadow stuff represents the fear that caused the split and the child is what got split.  The shadow faded, the child appeared.

  Was it a transformation of one to the other, or was the child inside there all along hidden by the shadow protector,  revealed by the shadow fading when loved? Think of the child in a cloud of smoke obscuring... you dont know its there until you blow the smoke away and it is revealed.

   I saw the transformation too but from experience I know the guard and the guarded are distinct though connected and you find the prisoner after you deal with the dragon at the gate.  The cuddly thing that caressed my shoulders, was not a child. Its not a child like behavior, it is adult friendly non sexual touching. The child stays the same age, it does not grow up with the adult which is why the childlike love and innocence felt so fresh... but the shadow is mature.
 
Is very cool you saw and felt so much of what happened.

[WillyT]

Was it a transformation of one to the other, or was the child inside there all along hidden by the shadow protector,  revealed by the shadow fading when loved? Think of the child in a cloud of smoke obscuring... you dont know its there until you blow the smoke away and it is revealed.

My visual that day was a transformation from tall shadow to child form it was not very clear but I asked for a clearer picture and saw the shadow shrink to child size with a dark hazy cloud of smoke being released...perhaps my imagination has taken over.

[WillyT]

hehe I've had a couple of dreams in which I lose my i.d. and a folder the contents of which I used to know but have since forgotten. In the first dream I go to my elementary school to visit and play some sports in the recess yard. I place my wallet with i.d. and the mystery folder with the recess equipment. I then leave without it. In the second dream I am driving in a car with worn breaks that seem to always stop just in time before I wreck when I remember that I left those items at the school. I begin driving to the school almost getting into accidents at every step of the way before stopping somewhere safe and saying I can just call the school someone must have found it. I thought of one person in particular that used to work there a friend of my mothers and feel that she was the one who found it. At this point my dream and real life become intertwined I begin dreaming I'm in the car that I'm taking a nap in and trying to place a phone call to the school right before I wake up. Wonder if there will be more episodes...curious to know what's in the folder.