The Divine Beloved

[robink]

I’ve been working through the lesson on the Divine Beloved this week. After a few reads, I recently sat down and read through the lesson thoroughly and verbally gave the DB full control over my mind, body, heart, feelings, life, everything I could think of. I discovered that I had a lot of fears and limiting beliefs about what I was capable of and what he DB was capable of which I surrendered as well.

The DB revealed more of itself to me that night. I felt Her strong presence lying beside me, very powerful energy. I submitted to it, which She loved and responding with giving me pleasurable sensations.  At that point I slowly drifted off into an altered state; it was very relaxing feeling caressed by Her. She did some work on me, filling my chakras with Her energy and clearing them one by one and ended with feelings of my third eye being drilled.

After this was complete, I was taken to the sea. The tide was coming in, I did not feel like going for a swim, but I felt Her urging me to get in. At that point I was drawn into the water automatically and slowly the water was rising to envelope me. I felt the water creep up over my nose as I took a final gasp of air. I couldn’t breathe, this was very real and I felt that my physical body couldn’t breathe either. I resisted and woke myself up. After I relaxed again, the same thing happened, I feared that if I went along with this I could die. Not only in my dream but in real life! I resisted and called out for help (to higher beings), which I do when feeling in any kind of danger. She did not like that one bit and I felt it. My whole body shook. My alarm went off at 6 am signaling the end of the session.

I feel really bad now; my actions demonstrated resistance and lack of faith. The fact that I called out for help was even worse, I panicked, basically sending the message that I didn’t trust Her and felt threatened. It really wasn’t a good way to end one of my first encounters with the DB. I apologize for those feelings, I hope she can forgive them and offer me another chance! I surrender my feelings of regret, my fears, resistance and lack of faith to my Divine Beloved and ask for Her assistance in helping me to overcome them.

If this happens again what should I do? If I go along with this, will I physically die? Why does She want to drown me?

I would really appreciate some guidance at this point, energy of the DB is not to be messed with and I feel like I’ve stuffed things up!

[Blossom]

It's okay to make mistakes. Do you feel as though you can't make mistakes and will be punished? do you have a harsh inner-critic?

Being unable to fully surrender and allow yourself to drown just highlights fears that you still hold. And that's okay. It's a process, so those fears/issues will come to your attention when you're ready. You don't have to push yourself to get over all your fears at once (rush the process) because that might cause you to become overwhelmed. 

Blessings,

[robink]

Yes to all of the above! The DB is also a very serious teacher, I still don’t understand the significance of drowning, but it was effective in triggering a lot of karma. The ego when faced with its ending will fight using everything it’s got and I learnt what that was. I am presently working through those issues. Bringing the physical body into it made the experience much more powerful, I really don’t know what would have happened if I drown. I can still feel that she eagerly wants me to do this. To Die consciously. Fortunately my DB is quite patient and forgiving. I spent some time pondering of a way to make amends, I offered her some flowers and She melted. What followed was very intimate and passionate, my body doing things I never imagined it could do. Since then, it’s like I’ve been possessed by Her, it feels extremely sweet. I am now learning how to be a romantic as I am discovering she really loves that. The heavenly romance is currently underway.

[Mari]

Robin, sounds really good

Water is emotions, deep unconsciousness. Yes, maybe you will drown and die in your dreams... and you learn to breathe underwater in your dreams, when certain clearness in emotions has become your reality.