question about meeting my DB

[M.J.]

Hi All,

I'm on the Divine Beloved lesson, and the gifts of working through it have been plentiful.  I'm working on turning over the reigns to him and continuing to surrender my egoic judgements and such. 

Last night, I had a conversation with him for the first time.  We established a way of communicating more directly, and I got a more clear picture of him, including a name to call him for now.  It was a wonderful, blissful experience.  My muscles relaxed.  I slept well afterwards, with beautiful dreams, and woke up still feeling the peacefulness from our meeting. 

But as soon as I got up and starting going about tasks using my conscious mind, the peacefulness shifted suddenly to a depressed angst.  Got worked up over little things that don't normally bother me.  And I'm very motivated to do my work today.  I feel very tired, an unfamiliar restless tiredness.   I'm feeling guilty about it, esp. because I've been neglecting my work already for the past 4 days.  In a funk.

The dreams last night, though lovely, also represented a sense that I wasn't good enough... there was struggle in all of them.

My question - Is this at all normal after meeting your DB and surrendering lots of ego content?  I know my ego is resisting and holding on where it can.  I feel conflicted, and a bit confused.  Kinda like I take one step forward, and two steps back. 

Any feedback is much appreciated.  Thanks!   

[Mari]

Yes it's very normal. At least to me, that is I used to have dreams where I didn't have the courage to aproach Him , or then I was crawling sneaking in his presence feeling very unworthy of His grace and attention. Feeling so blessed if He granted a small kiss... Or I was running around looking for him but didn't find. I have many times felt abandoned and rejected by Him especially in my dreams.

On the journey towards Sacred Marriage our wounds, hurts, insecurities come up to be healed. Have courage, stay grounded and continue practise surrender, on a pace you can handle. It's so great you had such a profound experience already with Him Connecting with the Divine Beloved can be sometimes demanding, energy is so intense. So try to rest as much as you can. Ask Him to help you, so you can handle your daily responsibilities and also have time to build your heavenly romance. Dumping energy overload often is beneficial, if your brains feel like cooked. When really connecting with the Beloved, it's so high vibe state no wonder you are a little worn out.

You could also contemplate your work and the relativeness of time. How time doesn't really exist, and it's possible to play with time. Your DB definitely can... Your Beloved is whispering to my ear about it, how you carry some unnecessary guilt about your work now. Surrender the guilt to Him, and ask his assistance.

[M.J.]

Thanks for the reply, Mari.  Helps a lot. 

I'll try your suggestions related to work.  I already have a little, with amazing results.   

I have sudden waves of sharp sadness coming up since my last post.  But since there is no current reason to be sad, and I know its just old stuff coming up to be healed, it feels really good to me.

Also, intricate dreams each night, though I haven't identified much meaning in them. 

[Sigmund]

How nice, M.J.  You have such good stuff to work with. 

   Blessings

[Mystress]

  Beautiful post mari


 Shes right, the high vibe state triggers the karma coming up to be released in a sort of energy hangover the day following. You have to be mindful to be gentle with yourself after a peak experience and surrender what comes. Everybodys got stuff. Dont beat yourself up about what you discover about yourself, that just feeds ego. Be glad of the knowledge so you can be wise in surrender.  The dreams just show where the stuff is, showing you what needs to be surrendered. Is ok to say "Goddess please take my tendency to create struggle for myself, Thank you." or whatever is coming up for you even if you are not sure what or where to locate it.   The more you surrender the closer He gets and the more your vibe rises to lift you.

[M.J.]

Thank you, Mystress.

Thank you, Sigmund.