Surrender and vulnerability

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This is been an interesting few weeks, I can barely keep pace, I know I’m a newbie here and already seem to be posting a lot…Requesting your patience, this seems like a good place to express.

Following from my previous digression about gifts and acceptance, I think my post triggered some karma. Surrender feels like complete vulnerability and openness and the absence of will, which is resistance to life. Once I decided that I no longer needed will, the universe decided to test me with an entity, without will and resistance it felt like I had no mechanism for self-protection and defence, just complete vulnerability, even to attack! Part of me wants to drop the will completely, surrender to goddess, and then its up to her to protect me, if she allows me to be attacked: all is impermanent, all is without a self there is a reason for everything…

Another part of me goes into fear, says that I need to protect myself or victimhood… I’m unclear about the lesson here, what is the right action? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Many feelings this morning, had to write another poem, its deep:

Ripples of pain and suffering, my pain and the collective pain of humanity; The heart convulses, each contraction sends waves of emotion. A heavenly voice sings Na Mo A Mi Tuo Fo, infinite light, infinite life…The contrast between light and dark is heightened, the sorrows of the world revealed, tears come to my eyes, a door is opened, bellows of pain and suffering, uncontrollable sobbing, moans of agony, the heart convulses, waves of emotion, A heavenly voice continues to gently sing Na Mo A Mi Tou Fo, infinite light, infinite life, outpourings of love and sorrow.

RK

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This is all good now, needed the entity thing to trigger some remaining karma connected with a certain issue. Mystress’s recent post on the K-list re: entities cleared a lot of it up for me.  I asked my GA to set some boundaries. If I come across any entities in future, I’m planning to stuff them in a white hole, or eat them! I came across this advice in some past messages on this forum and thought it was really funny by the way, I’m imagining Arnold S: “I eat entities for breakfast” in that Austrian accent…