Looking at my ugly-side.

[Blossom]

Hey All,

I've been exploring my ugly-side more lately and am just posting my observations here, to surrender.

I've noticed that I have a habit of being quite biting. If there is someone I don't particularly mesh with that comes over and interacts with me, and they're in a smug or happy mood... my automatic reaction is to squash that mood - I bite them in a way that brings them down. I wouldn't say that it lifts me up (mood-wise) because I feel quite grouchy/angry afterwards.

The same thing occurs if someone I don't mesh tries to gain sympathy. I get grouchy. I pick out their flaws and focus on that. I have a habit of doing that with myself at times too, focusing on what is 'wrong' with me and overanalysing it all. These issues are releasing as I surrender things, but there is still stuff there.

I guess the drama being played out here is a lack of tolerance which is a lack of acceptance. And that I seem to be carrying a lot of inner rage still. I am sure more stuff will surface... I am surrendering all stuff being brought to my attention over to Goddess.

[Blossom]

Oh, and another thing I notice is that I am very protective about my 'personal space'. I seem to have constructed this psychological boundary to keep things out, so if something invades that space I get angry/grouchy about it. I've set myself up to defend the fort. I think the only exception to this is people I accept. Strangers and people I don't mesh with beware!

Surrendering this all to Goddess to handle too..

[Blossom]

Considering Boundaries today... it popped into my mind that perhaps because of all the Solar plexus/boundary issues/unwanted empathy that I tend to have it effects my crown area. The pain and resistance I experience there in my skull. Crown is about unity and openness.. if I am afraid of being open, vulnerable and allowing things into my 'space' wouldn't that cause pain and resistance in that area? my ego defenses would feel/perceive a threat and react.

Well, I am unraveling it all piece by piece and surrendering it as it comes up (the fear in the SP), but safety seems to be a deep issue for me. I am unwilling to compromise my safety that's why I get a bit defensive when my ego-boundaries are triggered. And I react and behave the way I do.  I've set myself up that way because of experiences/conditioning that I've had from a very very very young age. I had an out of control father and an over-worried and controlling Mother. So, I am quite rigid with how I allow myself to live. Does that mean I should do some inner-child work? to help release the fear.  Surrendering these issues over to source/goddess.

[Mystress]

  Digging through this stuff is good, healthy. I think you are missing an underlying issue though and that is how these are all control games.  People play control games when they are ungrounded, to steal the energy they need from other people instead of connecting to source. 

   Children need a parent or guardians love and attention like they need air, and the behavior patterns developed to get it are sort of below the level of the ego, wired into the survival mechansims.

   A lot of the primary control games we learned as a survival issue in childhood, will always surface again when your energy is low, no matter how enlightened you get, or are the rest of the time.  If you get to know them well... know yourself well, you will catch them quicker when they appear.

   Dont be too hard on yourself, everybodys got stuff. Continue with the introspection and surrender, but focus a little more on grounding and feeding yourself from source so the control dramas dont come up.

   Blessings...

[Blossom]

Hi,

Thanks for your thoughts Mystress. I wasn't really considering the fact that I could be after energy because I was ungrounded (or becoming ungrounded). So, thank you for pointing that out. I'll do my best to be a bit more mindful. Being hard on myself is a habit. Still working at surrendering things as they arise.

[earth_heavy]

Hey Blossom, I read a book recently that goes way deep into what Mystress outlined here - I guess it was big in the nineties - its called the Celestine Prophecy - its fiction but very insightful...I saw the movie they made of it recently and of course it fell very short. Anyway, the book helped me put some pieces together in myself and has some really good info...I have the audio version on mp3 if you'd like it...

[Blossom]

sure, I'd love to listen to it. will you send via file sharing? maybe if you put the link in here others can listen to it too - if they like.

[earth_heavy]

Blossom, here you go - scroll all the way down to the bottom to see the download link...

http://www.sendspace.com/file/ymdlds

-jase

[Mystress]

    There are many different ways or methods to divide people into types, quadrants.  I know various self help courses I have taken all had different ones.  For what we do, the four outlined in the celestine prophecies as control drama types is the most useful... and I am pretty sure I mention in the video that is where they are drawn from. I do try to credit my sources where I can.

   TCP does have a lot of useful insights, classic stuff really. The only place where they sort of messed up is in their ideas of what its like to be ascended... well, they werent so how could they know?