Essay Submission

[maggie777]

Hi, Mystress I've emailed you my essay and look forward to hearing if you've received it. I feel it may be a bit too long to post here but I shall try. I have so much to say about but tried to keep it as short as possible. Please let me know if I should have a minimum in words. I feel that in my transition there are contradictions that as I evolve they work themselves out of my system. Oh what fun this kundalini process is.

FST ESSAY â€" Maggie Anderson

When I started this course I was already in transition. I’m sure that’s a theme by many. It’s all divine. I’m still a work in progress. I had finished a book that I was forever tweaking. It’s about my own experience; or rather my expression of the divine. It’s funny though, all of what I have in the book seems like you can take it or leave it. I grapple with sharing everything and nothing. Nothing but live your divine bliss. But I know that the book is my expression thus far and has truly assisted me greatly in processing Kundalini awakenings.

My first experience with Kundalini was forgotten till years later. In September 2000, I was asleep and my 8-month-old was sounds asleep as well. I was sleeping in the same bedroom with my 9-month old when I was woken up from a blue electric charge flowing up my spine. At that time I had no clue of Kundalini experiences and didn’t know what to make of this. Now I know this was a striking symptom from a rising Kundalini. I had started meditating for the first time about 1 2 months prior to this experience. Only weeks prior to this first experience I woke up unable to move with something writhing through my stomach. I was finally able to move. Some say this could have to do with the some coming back too fast to the body after astral project and the body hasn’t fully awakened. Only after (approximately eight months *after*) my first remembered Kundalini experience did I have my first initiation into Reiki. What transpired after the first emergence of Kundalini divine energy within my system was years of powerful transformations with my daily life, with my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. Changes in me and my life that I made on many levels occurred. A transformation that is now speeding up and I am riding the waves of bliss as they come!

July 7, 2007 marked a beautiful transformation, from within, for me. There were mini-awakenings prior to this that led up to this day. It was a beautiful sun-filled day and my Husband and I with our newborn baby of three months went to Block Island. I don’t remember when it happened whether it was on the serene ferry ride over to the Island or on the way back, but I do remember getting off the ferry and suddenly feeling the most wonderful bliss throughout my entire being. I was awash in such a feeling of love, ecstasy and bliss, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. This feeling lasted for weeks later. I know I was in a calm state just taking in the moment as the moment came, so I was in the Now already when this happened. Fast-forward back to 2007 and tack on a few months. Another stronger divine connection happened. Monday March 24th, 2008 I was doing my normal morning ritual of energy connection and whammo I was hit with the Divine energy of wonderful loving sensual energy through my whole being. It felt like a Divine Goddess presence within me. The Kundalini Serpent is the Feminine. Shakti, Goddess energy that I felt arising within me. How awesome is this right! ! It came through me from Shakti that I was to present this book and Sacred ceremony, as well as offer the ceremony as a class. I was to write the manual about this in combination with the Meditation I just recorded two days prior! When I recorded this meditation, I hadn't realized this was developing into this mind-blowing experience. I am forever changed and transformed. I know that as I continue evolving more of the me I truly am will emerge in every moment. The energy pushed through me so immensely. I channeled and typed away all that was flowing through me!

The Divine Goddess (a life force of feminine energy) is much stronger within me now. This balances out the Divine Masculine for a perfect union. The Divine connection is Kundalini more fully awakened. For some it happens over the course of a lifetime (or many lifetimes) and for others it can happen in an instant (as Eckhart Tolle describes in his books). This connection has been building for years and I’m sure will continue to do so. We are meant to align and integrate *both* the feminine and the masculine energies within us. To be one divine force together. There is not just a God or a Goddess. There is the masculine and feminine that align together bringing forth the tremendous powerful creative force for all of creation. These energies, when in balance, blend and meld together to be one.

We each have a Divine Spark within us. Embracing the divine within you causes transformations that change you forever. It is beautiful and powerful. As I evolve, this process may change. Whatever the Divine draws me to do and what feels right is how the process evolves. What feels right to you is how you shall move forward in your evolvement. There are many ways and all are right. This is my unique sharing. The Divine unified energy moves and shakes you! It ruffles your feathers and your life a little bit or a lot depending on your path and where you are in any given moment. The Shakti/feminine energy connection (that balances the masculine) transforms your life positively and divinely!

I am an Energy Worker as well as a Spiritual Teacher. The energy flows through me and is not of me. I maintain my energy while opening up fully to the Divine energy that channels or flows through me and around me. When you are healing someone or thinking you are healing someone you are in ego. If you are thinking that you yourself are healing another, then that is the ego in its fullest form. Energy healing is actually a tapping into the Universal (Energy) Life Force (and for some through Kundalini itself) to bring about healing a person by bringing up their fullest light body vibration and holding that higher vibration for clients to choose this space and higher vibration themselves. In other words, the Client is choosing a higher vibrations aka coming more fully into their true selves, their Higher Self. This is possible for people, animals, events, etc. In hopes that this does not complicate it more, we are all love and we are all God/Goddess. We are simply coming more fully in our awareness of this Love.

I've come to know that I maintain my energy and allow myself to open up to the Divine energy that flows through me to others and around me. This energy is a catalyst, but you are the one who chooses to receive or not receive. As you choose to receive you choose to open up to who you truly are, which is a 100% perfect, whole and complete person that can heal yourself.

I feel that when I raise my energy (connecting to the energies I connect to), I am in a beautiful blissful state and ego-less. I am able to also then feel the client as their 100% perfect whole and complete self and truly feel with my whole being the light form they are and therefore then connect with them as the light form I am and in that space we are one, we are raising vibrations and come into the more full form we truly are: light beings/consciousness.

We each experience our awakening uniquely. We each may take months or years in this experience and then live in unity. Even if there are like experiences, no one can truly feel what you feel or interpret how you would interpret through your unique soul experience. I know that as I open up more of the me I thought I was dissolves away (my ego). Bit by little bit. The ego will put up a fight and in the midst of this we will receive life changes to assist us in truly letting go of the ego once and for all. As we pass those tests we ascend more and more. Staying in alignment with our true selves and living in our joy in every moment will assist us on our path. More in depth tips to follow!
True Inner Peace Comes From Within. Inner peace is a state of being. A state of being that you can consciously shift into. You just contemplate inner peace and it is there. It is hard to place into words what IS. When I am there I am in utter bliss. All of these thoughts and ideas that I share with you are methods of coming to bliss in any moment. Finding bliss in any and all moments is the key to lasting happiness and true inner peace.

Some things that my heart tells me are still lessons for me to learn

One, stop listening to what others think about me. Stop getting validation from the outside and keep looking within. Every time I look within, I truly feel more validation from Self. Mmm Not validation, but truth and bliss and surrender. And things I don’t like are there, but I am doing my best to be truthful to that mirror. I know I ignore and resist and as I get those reminders over and over I resist less and less and become more aware, more mindful. Even now I wonder of what you and others might think of my inner process writings. This essay. Will it be felt as my truth? It feels like truth at this moment. More surrendering, breathing and being reminds me that it’s all divine. No matter what. And so, I breathe.

Second, stop teaching classes or offering services based on what I think others would like, but rather what truly flows from the heart. I’ve transitioned *out* many of the classes and services I have taught in the past because I knew they were just “fluff” for the “real” stuff that I needed to get out in order to feel that divine call fulfilled. This is another reason why those classes never seemed to fill up anymore or at all, no matter how much I put it out there. I knew this too. I never really tried with the ones I didn’t much care for. So there was always a part of me that knew. And even now, there are some classes and services that I am having trouble releasing; classes that have never filled up even from creation. But as an Aries with that “impulse” movement within me, I try to let things sit to be absolutely sure. If I don’t, I will jump too fast and not truly process it to obtain the truth about my decision. So now, I know I’ve waited long enough and have even said it’s time. So I will take them down and no longer offer them.

Things I’ve learned from this class (at least part of the many things!)

Remember Your Heart - Heart Voice

I feel like I am more in my Heart voice than ever before. I feel that I am facing more of the mirrors in mindfulness. I feel like things are being brought up and transmuted at a more balanced rate, rather than resistance of such things (hence making it harder and longer).

Your heart truly does hold all the answers and all-encompassing peace. Whenever I take even a tiny moment to remember and focus on my heart, peace floods my system. It's pretty amazing actually.

For instance, the Universe had been sending me messages recently to stop looking outside myself for answers. But I don’t always take the hint unless it’s a pretty blunt hint. So I scheduled myself a reading with a highly recommended trance channeler. And on three failed attempts I had to wake up and listen. The Universe stopped the first attempt at a reading due to a client’s (of this reader) Husband being near death. The second time I was able to get through but the connection on the phone was static-y. So we rescheduled to give her time to talk to the phone company. I waited to see if the Universe would intervene a third time and it did. This wonderful reader had to go tend to another client and their passing or their loved ones passing (again). So that was two out of the three reasons that had to do with a clients death. Intriguing. So I canceled the reading because I made a deal with the Universe that it would take three times if I were to take action. They did as I asked and I canceled to honor that agreement. I took the message. I need not go outside myself for answers anymore. My heart does hold all the answers and peace. Peace can flood your system anytime you take the extra moments to focus on your heart.

Just look within. Think of your heart. Feel your heart; your energetic heart, not your physical heart. As was taught to me, you may even see a pink glowing star there. This is the center of your heart. All the answers you could ever ask are here. Look within. The Divine within you resides here. As I tap into my heart I feel it in my third eye, my crown and my whole being. I truly feel centered and at peace here no matter what circumstances are going on around me. Unconditional love pours through me as I remember my heart.

You can tap into the Divine Source energy here and heal the self as well as those around you. If you experience a painful situation, breathe and look in your heart. Peace is all that is emulated from your center. And peace breathes out into your whole being when you do this. Breathe…. Release... Can you feel it?

Surrender

Surrender Surrender Surrender! Surrender has been such a huge lesson for me in this course. I really don’t think I valued its importance as much as I do now since being in this course. I loved your tip, Mystress, to have something to remind me many times a day to surrender. I drew a picture of a flower with the letter “k” underneath it, on a sticky at work. I periodically see it and try to think of what I was doing or saying or thinking and surrender it all. I know this is something I will constantly do and will keep those constant reminders to keep on surrendering.

Surrender was the key for me when it came to the possibility of losing our home. Our first home together with my husband and our children. But then, I surrendered. I said to myself it did not matter if we lived in this home or some other form of shelter that still showed the Universe supports us. I reminded myself that, as you say “Goddess has it handled” and I surrendered. I surrendered as much as I mustered at the time to God/dess and will allow whatever outcome to be. (We are awaiting a decision.) Also in the midst is more possible layoffs at my work. So what. I decided I needed to surrender being in this job if I was meant to say. If I stay, I’ll be happy to do so. If we move to a new location, we’ll see what feels right then. If I am not able to stay, then something new and improved will be there for me that is more divine on my path.

Always a catalyst for change, since change is are only constant. Embrace. Let go.
More lessons. My desire to be “there” already is more balanced now. I will get there in my own balanced time. I am finding I am truly enjoying every minute. (Not always but it is coming and staying longer and longer, more and more.) Becoming self-realized will happen when it’s meant to happen in divine timing and more when I simply let go of all attachments.

Mirror

The Mirror of All That Is. I find that when I remember that no matter what happens to me or around me, my Divine Self, my inner spark, that special place within me remains untouched. I am the Divine and as I remember that, my light spreads. As I remember this in times of strife or trouble, I come back to myself, my center. I realize it’s always there…the Divine. I am always okay. I am always Divine. And I can choose to spread this around and reflect something back to myself that is more pleasing or simply first allow what is, see what lessons may be there, but not be *of* the experiences, just the observer (in Divine Light always).

Levels to Source

A couple of months ago I wrote an excerpt in my book. I placed these levels here in this essay first and realized it needs to go in the book too. And then I sat on this essay for a few months. I didn’t know if I could send it yet. I didn’t know or feel if it was time or was I “there” yet. But I can tell you I’m no guru and I am not self-realized to completion by any means, but I’m living as authentically as I can and still evolving through experiencing. I know this course assisted much in helping my evolving point of view in awareness and Self-Realization. I’m getting there and am so thankful for the e-group that is still thriving. Here it is:

There are levels to Source that I have become aware of. Here I have grouped together and detailed the three main levels that I have observed. These levels have many underlying levels, steps or rungs as you get "there" and really are linked together in progression to each individual’s unique evolvement. But for the sake of offering a higher level overview, I have broken these out into three main levels.

Some may go in and out of one level many times before staying there. Each level incorporates a grouping of chakras, from the lower chakras to the higher chakras. Or rather, from the lower dimensions of reality to the higher dimensions of reality. However, it is important to note that each chakra has “pedals”, like a flower, and these pedals open up one at a time at different intervals for each individual. Not all pedals of each chakra may open at the same time. You may be opened just enough in each chakra in order for your Kundalini to rise but that does not necessarily mean you are fully opened in all chakras or even one.

Over time way may realize we can choose to live in all chakras for a balanced existence here. Some choose to live in only a few chakras. Each level is a reality. Each reality is divine in its own right. So each person is always “right” from within their dimension or reality. They are simply “acting” in whatever reality they are coming from. Each path is divinely chosen by each individual. So no one path is wrong. All is divine. Eventually, we all reach Self-Realization. It could take eons of time or happen in an instant. It is up to each of us and our own unique path. We seem to toggle in and out of the three levels over time. So you can be in Level two and still have aspects of Level One to release as part of your lesson. You become more aware of those lessons as you progress. Each of the levels I have observed is a balanced progression to the next. It is in our nature to evolve. It is innate within us to grow. And eventually we all seek that which is our true being. A connection to Source.

Level One

On the first level, we have the unaware aka unawakened soul. Your Kundalini is dormant. Kundalini is our life force (aka Shakti) and lays dormant at the Root Chakra (base). Kundalini is known for its visual of a serpent coiled three and a half times at the base of the root chakra when dormant. It is said that Kundalini gives one spark as the gift of life (the reason you are born) and then lays dormant from your time of birth till it is awakened. Over the span of your life, if you awake, the Kundalini or snake may rise and fall causing minor or major shifts to full awakening within you. So for Level One your Kundalini is dormant, resting. Here you live from a physical perspective. You go through life DOING. You go to school, get the right job, work overtime, obtaining the material possessions (house, car, etc.) and maybe create a family. You are DOing life. Lot's of doing and not much BEing. There may be small moments of being in a higher state of mind, but "life" takes over. You may even go to church and have a mind belief in God, but that's as far as it gets on this level (usually). Usually from this level your version of God is one based out of fear rather than love and bliss. You don’t listen to the guidance that is given to you internally and externally from Spirit. That is because on this level you simply don’t hear it. The veil or wall is up so to speak. On this level Life "happens" to you. You see yourself as a victim of your circumstances. You are the one singled out and being hurt. You feel that you are the victim of ALL of your life circumstances (the good and the bad). You ride the waves of life fighting to stay afloat half the time. It’s all about “me, me, me” in this level of awareness. The “I” in ego is pronounced here. You look outside yourself for love thinking that someone else’s love will fulfill you, not knowing that this is a temporary fleeting feeling compared to the unconditional love you can give yourself as you reach Level Two and Three. Level one is a lower level of reality that is based in your lower chakras (Root, Sacral and Power Chakras). You are living in one reality that is mostly a physical existence. Some are in this unawakened state all their lives. Some are meant to stay in this level of consciousness. And some choose to stay here in order to help others with the "Mirrors" (reflections of lessons to learn) and these people may never leave this level till they cross over. It is as Divine a path as Self-Realization. All paths lead to the same.

Level Two

Level two, you are awakened. It's as if your eyes were closed and now they are opened. You see life with a new awareness. You realize you have been guided and have always been guided all your life and now are taking the steps to listen. Your Kundalini has risen, if only partially. At this level your Kundalini may rise and fall many many times and this could be for all the rest of the years of your life. Level two is a wide gamut in Ascension. As the serpent rises you receive more awareness within those chakras and/or dimensions of awareness. You may receive epiphanies and clearings throughout all of your chakras in balanced ways. Or Kundalini may clear one chakra at a time. I’ve noticed that for me and many it starts with cleansing and clearing the lower chakras first (the lower dimensions of awareness) and moves up to the higher dimensions or chakras in balanced progression. Most have noted that the Heart, Throat and Third eye chakras are mostly involved in this level of awareness aka dimension or reality.
It is unique for each individual. I cannot say that it will be the same for all. Many I have encountered receive a cleansing the lower chakras first (physical and material issues coming up first) and still working on the other higher chakras in a slow balanced way that works for you. This is a bottoms-up fashion for Kundalini rising. There is also a Top-down version for some. This Top-down version gets the person in a really high state of being by opening the crown first and passing down. I feel that if this happens it is still working with other chakras, but the focus has first started at the top. You may feel a higher way of being is the only way. But as you balance out the other chakras down, you will come to notice that all chakras are necessary for a balanced way of living on this Earth while ascending. And there is the Kundalini awakening that happens throughout all chakras in varying degrees. Again, each person is unique and each is right with their process. It is divine.

Here you may want to ask the Divine that you have a balanced progression for awakening within you. The more you are sure that you are not rushing it, the smoother the transition will be for you. Never rush, simply go with the flow. At this level you will notice *many* Kundalini, as your Kundalini has started to rise. Practicing grounding daily is highly recommended and many time a day. As you do this you release what needs release while remaining connected. You will feel more balanced. I love your (Mystress’) grounding visualization. I’m a very visual person so this really works for me too.

When you awaken, suddenly things are clear and you may realize or feel within you a higher purpose for yourself and the whole Universe. As we ascend we must go through the ups and downs. You will notice many life changes. Old patterns fall away when you wake up to what’s truly around you. Our bodies are changing physically and energetically. We are transforming into true light beings or, if you like, Angels on Earth. It is a process. It doesn’t always feel good during this process. There is much going on. Many ups and downs and deaths and rebirths are taking place within you and around you. There is a natural expansion and contraction throughout the awakening process. Know that whatever you are going through with your emotions or Kundalini symptoms, it is all divine and it will pass. A Shift occurs.

When in level two, you become aware of your affect on others and in your own life. It’s truly not “all about you” after all. You begin a process of moving out of the “I” mode. This is a slow progression for some and can move swiftly for others. You become aware that you are not a victim of your circumstances, but that you created everything that has come to you in your life, ALL of your life via your vibration. That all experiences and people in your life are there to mirror lessons to you that you’ve beamed out into the world to receive. All life is a mirror to learn from. You begin to work on being in the witness state to learn from these experiences and evolve even more so.

You become aware that there truly is a bigger event going on other than your daily activities. You become more compassionate, appreciative and giving. Your love for others amplifies as you start to realize love for Self is of most importance.

Unconditional love is felt from within and then spills out naturally to the world around you. This loving realization may be slow or fast depending on your path. You become aware that even if you were religious that there is a Source that is within all of us and even more grand than you knew before. You become aware because of a shift that happens within you. A circumstance or many circumstances usually occur in your life to assist in this positive shift from within. Kundalini has its ways of forcing you to face your “demons” and/or “ego”. These experiences may seem "bad" or "negative" but they are truly divine. They stop you in your tracks and cause a beautiful change or shift of awareness. You will face these issues and transition into a beautiful butterfly.

Here you learn the art of manifesting. You realize the power of positive thinking and positive emotions. You learn just how powerful simply aligning your vibrations truly is to your inner feelings and outer experiences. Here you learn that you can turn off the negative chatter in your head and BE the positive person you've always desired you would be. You learn to attract positive experiences and positive people to your life just by being and emanating positive vibes (thoughts, emotions and frequencies). And you attract many new exciting adventures and material possessions to you. You learn that you need to surrender much of the old to receive much of the new. And you gain much in the art of surrendering everything.

On this level you become aware that there is something greater within you that you are meant to do. A "job" if you will. Maybe it's something you do in finding your passion in life at this moment. Something you can offer as service to others. In time unconditional love pours into whatever it is that you do. It's an inner pull within you that just IS. Your Dharma. Your destiny as a way of offering a part of who you are to life, to BEing, and to Source. You are driven to stay in this new path, to find and seek more of it and align yourself with your destiny as much as possible. Your divine passion for service to others takes over. This inner pull is a Divine spark that requires you to take Inspired Action towards a goal (that is positive for your growth and others). The more you take this inspired action, surrender, and allow the  Divine to work through you, the more you realize how Divine life is and how it works for you when you surrender to it. This is a grand level with many fulfilling aspects and you may stay here all your life. This level is also mostly where this book is coming from. Thus a lot of the aspects of this book are seen from this level and bits of level three as well, and relayed to you from this perspective. I feel that if I reached the third level completely this book may not be necessary anymore. But who knows really till we get there completely!

When you are in this stage of your awakening, you start to realize that you are not in control after all. You learn to stop controlling everything and allow. You go with the flow of life. When at this level this feeling is not completely there yet but is a progressing learning process. There is still a lot of trying to control and manifest results at this point. But you feel it. You feel a subtle transition into this non-control way of being. This is the subtle flow of transitioning into Level Three. Thinking that you are in control is the ego. You are not in control. The Divine is. The Divine always has been. Here you merely start to master the art of surrender and allow the waves of life to take over. But only in full surrender will you reach Self-Realization in Level Three.

When you reach the tail end of this level you stop trying to manifest things and more become in alignment with a higher vibrational way of being and living. You simply are in a positive state of mind and vibration. Therefore you naturally align with a positive experience. You naturally receive positive experiences because you simply are in a positive state. Your vibration is so high that there is no more trying, just simply being.

This is when you are nearing Level Three. The spectrum for Level Two is wide. During this transition you feel moments of joy, peace, love and bliss. Theses moments become more and more as you progress. Bliss moments become more and more. Love for others on an unconditional level is your awareness more and more.

The majority of us are somewhere in level one or level two. When in level two it may take years or lifetimes of lessons to rid yourself of your ego and karmic desires in order to reach the highest level of all. Having desires creates Karma. Creating karma keeps you in the cycles of lifetimes or reincarnation. Most of us have been doing this work within ourselves for lifetimes. And many energy workers are feeling that *this* is the lifetime for all of humanity to Ascend. Not to mention that there is also a galactic alignment that is in agreement with this feeling. This is why there are more Kundalini awakening emergencies being reported. This is why there are more and more people waking up than ever before. We are coming to a new age of light (as explained in the first chapter). Know that you are supported and we are all ascending together in a balanced way that works for us. Some may have a harsh awakening with more symptoms, but it is divine for them. They have agreed to what they are working with now. However, do note that you should not have to *try* to get there. When you are trying, you are resisting and you will receive more harsh symptoms than you bargained for. So simply allow the process to unfold as a flower and enjoy being with the process.

Level Three

The third level is Self-Realization. This level is one not of DOing but BEING. This level, I admit, is a level I am bouncing in and out of from Level two. I love this level the most. Don't we all. Here your Kundalini has done its work, balanced and cleared all chakras and karma and has risen completely from Root to Crown and out. When you reach this level you realize in a higher consciousness that we are truly all One with Source. But here you truly become One with Source at an almost unbelievable level (to our ego mind that is). Or rather you remember that you have always been a part of one and shed the blockages that preventing you from knowing this. You simply realize that all is perfect. All is Divine. That everything is in order and nothing needs changing. Nothing needs DOING. All that needs to happen here is BEING. Your ego is gone. You have released control and given it to the Divine. You are One and you release all the DOING from the prior levels. Utter Freedom.

Here is a level many may reach during meditation when in the prior level (if even only for a brief moment). When you come to this level and stay you are at a level of Self-Realization that Gurus and Masters talk about and have reached themselves. When you are here you just Are. Divine. The phrase "I AM That I AM" is who you are - who we all are. It is a Void of nothingness and everything. Everything is here and nothing at all. Words do not describe this place of being. Joy, peace and love are a constant way of being. Challenges may still occur around you, but you are not reacting to them anymore. They simply are. It’s not bad. It’s not good. It just is.

On this level you have shed your Karma. As you stop DOING, you get out of creating things and experiences. When out of creating you are no longer creating more Karma.

You simply just Are. Simply BEING wherever you are is bliss. No matter where you are or what is going on around you. On this level ALL things are possible. However, those that reach this level have no desire to create or manifest or show off powers that have been obtained by reaching this level. You are pure and desireless. Your Kundalini has risen completely. On this level you know ALL because you ARE ALL.

Some Gurus on this level have the awareness of others in “lower” levels and transmit this energy (via Shaktipat) to take other dedicated aspirant’s karma and transmute it into the Divine. They are simply stepping aside and allowing the Divine Source to do as It wills. Here is an Inspired Action by a Guru or Master that is Self-Realized by way of not DOING but simply BEING and ALLOWING the Divine to work through them to the aspirant. Service to others comes without effort. It is joy to give. On this level of awareness the alignment with your guidance and Source is constant. And as you are guided you serve with pure joy for the entire process.

There are bits of this Oneness feeling on level two, but, if you can believe, it’s very small compared to this level. You'll only know the feeling when you reach it. It is Bliss. You have a higher meaning of life. You ARE Life. You are in a new dimension of being. Here you can be IN the world but not OF it. Here the good and the bad pass you by. It simply IS. You are in Bliss. You are One with Source. You simply Are.

I am. Namaste. (Namaste = When you are in that Divine oneness place in you and I am in that place in Me, we are One.)

[Mystress]

Maggie:

   I got your essay. I wrote a response immediately that I have postponed sending because you did not graduate, and because the essay itself indicates external opinions of your state are not wanted.

   This essay is all about your hero trip, for most of it you are preaching *at* me!  How inappropriate is that, and how deep does your hero trip go for your essay to take that shape? That is a question for you to ask yourself.

  Your essay is mostly not about FST, except in the places where it appears you want to use my insights to add to your book. You do not have my consent for that. As you claim not to want or need validation or insights from outside of yourself...  there is no reason to be using my insights to promote your own agenda, and I prefer my work to not be misused in that way.

  I don't believe anybody needs me to teach FST or mysticism. I see Goddess in everyone and know they need nothing, and Goddess will provide for them regardless of what I do, or do not do. The students may believe they need me but I do not buy into that, giving them thier power back all the time.   Apparently you are at the opposite pole of thinking everybody, (including me!)  needs you to be their teacher. There is nothing enlightened about projecting "needs to be taught" onto people in order to promote your own hero trip ego agenda.

  You also appear to want to become completely self contained, and frankly that is a rather dangerous path as the reflections others give to us are one of the checks and balances on the spiritual path. Satsangh, the company of other spiritual people is important to keep you balanced. 

  Without some external feedback you can become trapped in a spiritual psychosis, inventing your own reality and too tunnel visioned into it to realize the validation you appear to be getting from Goddess, is self created by your own beliefs. It becomes a closed loop, GIGO.

  Ego is never completely dead. Even after realization, if you attach to *anything* you will grow a new ego around the attachment, have a fall from grace while still thinking yourself enlightened. If you plan to continue with spiritual healing, taking on the karma of others by granting Shaktipat then it not a possibility, but an inevitability that some of it will stick and grow into a new ego identity; in fact it already has.

   Seekers really like to project Goddess into the teacher and deny Her in themselves, and you fell for the projection and their belief in their own need because of your own insecurity and a need for approval. Your ego liked the role- and now you have a savior teacher ego identity that you seem not to question.

  Personally, I have many people in my life, followers of a variety of different paths as well as some of my graduate students whom I bounce insights and ideas off of.    They are Goddess too, and the mirror they represent is extremely valuable to me. I listen through own discernment, and often get further insights by the internal commentary from my own heart. I have no desire to become so arrogant in my enlightenment as to think I am some kind of world savior teacher who won't listen to anyone because they think they are always right... which seems to be your goal. 

    I kinda saw this coming months ago, in the way you posted to this forum about your spiritual work, it was clear that it has become your identity and you believe it is your purpose.  I thought perhaps you would catch on, and realize your spiritual work is a hero trip motivated by ego issues.  (something I warn against repeatedly in this course but it seems you think it did not apply to you? ) You did not, and it is because you do not want to.

   With most students whose essay does not pass, I would send them back to specific lessons for further study to prepare them for the grail,  but I don't see you as being at all willing to let go of your spiritual teacher identity. I question whether your motive in taking the course was for personal, internal growing or for your spiritual teacher agenda and to find fodder for your cherished book. 

   Likely, your reaction to reading my comments will be your ego trying to protect itself by looking  for issues in me, and hidden motives for the shape of my response instead of really hearing me.

  It doesnt matter, if you do not hear me then Goddess will provide another source for you, ... perhaps internally when your body begins to show you the result of your of your projections by creating health issues;  kidney and liver toxicity are the most predictable result of unwisely offering Shaktipat , and of trying to be teacher savior God for people who did not ask for that.

   When a student sends me a grad essay, I consider it a message that they feel they that they have gained all they can from FST and are ready to move on... especially an essay like you sent!  You have made it clear that you wish to be internally directed from now on, and I wish you "happy trails."

[tam]

MAS WROTE
The students may believe they need me but I do not buy into that, giving them their power back all the time.   Apparently you are at the opposite pole of thinking everybody, (including me!)  needs you to be their teacher. There is nothing enlightened about projecting "needs to be taught" onto people in order to promote your own hero trip ego agenda]. For this, I thank you, and have personally experienced it with you.  It is the greatest gift.
When I first read this essay, I felt everything you described. In fact my very first inner response was ...oops, she is setting herself up for a big fall and the second inner reaction was...who made her teacher.  The part that I could relate to was in the first year of my K experience I was so overwhelmed with the "amazing gift" I had to offer that I did energy work on anyone and everyone.  Their reactions to the "powerful experience of feeling their chakras open...seeing lights internall.y..seeing themselves in the future..etc.. was all of the conformation that I needed for the ego to think that I was special and was suppose to "fix" everyone.  But then something  happened.  As much as I enjoyed it...I started equally not enjoying it.  It did not feel right and yet I had no idea why..But I listened to my internal truth and it said stop, so I stopped.  I began to realize that I was projecting that need onto everyone and what I was getting back was more than painful.  In fact, now, 2 years later, I believe I am still clearing out some of the stuff I picked up and formed attachments to.  I now realize that there is No one in this whole world that I am meant to "fix" but myself.  There is no one I am meant to teach..but myself. There are times when someone will come to me with a question or problem and still a part of me wants to share so much information that I "just know' will be helpful..but then this little voice inside says...the very best thing you can do is be quiet and listen..maybe ask a question that makes them look inside of themselves rather than try to give them the answers or look to me for the answers.   This is a most amazing journey and thank you for this very special place to share it.  Tammy

[maggie777]

Hi MAS,

Thank you for responding. I never received the email. So I am glad to have gotten it here. Here out in the open on the messageboard. And some of the directed stuff I have in here towards you aren't in the book but I added to talk with you in there. I don't want to take anyone else's stuff. I am trying to process as I write. I'm so sorry. I need to reread this and see where I got off track here. It is not my goal to be on a hero trip and I'm in agreement with TAM. I also know that there is that part of me that would like to share with others and I'm guessing that's ego. So what's next. I don't know... I'm lost now.

Bliss,
Maggie

[maggie777]

Hi, I wanted to say that I never intended to teach you (especially) or anyone as this was my essay to explain how I interpretted what's been going on inside. I know we are all teachers and usually it's the "students" that do the teaching. I love to be with groups (satsangh) and gain that wisdom. And I also believe as you teach that our inner truth is very important. It is my hope to never be in a frame of being or thought that anything offered is needed in order to project there is a need. Energy sessions are far and few between these days because I am still processing what that means to me anymore. I never want to take another's karma, as that is theirs and not for me to clear up. It is up to the Divine. I'm not really explaining myself very well and was taken aback to say the least by your post.

Blessings,
Maggie

[Mystress]

 Hello Maggie:
 
   I postponed sending the email, it is difficult to tell someone their essay failed.  Reading your responses...I think you are in denial.

  I suggest you look at your attachments, to your book, your work, to what you think other people need, to the role you have taken on. Look at the language you use. Whenever you say "you" instead of "I" you are projecting.

ps:I am off sailing for the weekend..
Greeting from sunny Salt Spring island, the marina has wi-fi. Perhaps some of the other students can give you feedback.
   The shadow is what you think you are not...

[Sigmund]

Hello, Maggie.  I know what you mean about words being inaccurate in expressing divinity.   Sometimes they lead away from the truth. 

What I see in your essay is that, to a great degree, you assigned the control of your power outside of yourself, to books and in what others say when, if everything is all that is, we're the subject, verb and object of all aspects of our unfolding  as well as being its reflections and representatives in the world.   You then go into a lot of story mixed with sprinklings of the philosophies  you've internalized.   In repeatedly reflecting these things, you consequently disconnect your thoughts and actions from the true nature of things because you measure yourself against those externals to such a degree, despite feeling bliss, that you miss the benefits and detriments of things as they otherwise are which are available to inform you about this  and that.   

You describe a roadmap of consciousness unfolding which is the sum of, as I say above,  more of your reading than your paying attention to your growth and unfolding both personally and in the world except sometimes when you relate to how you’re personally blissed.   There are much more generalizations than the assignment calls for and much less personal experience.    I wonder if your classes never filled out because you based them on your knowledge rather than on your experiences.   People who are more experienced eventually saw the limits of what you reflected for them.   Extensive attention to knowledge leads to overlooking things as they are and while having and even sharing bliss can be beneficial, there’s much more good stuff that you’ve missed.  It seems you got a lot out of some things and came away incomplete and not completely balanced or clear thinging. 

Your efforts  seem heartfelt though they reflect a lack of discernment as to things as they are versus how you see them.  You have so many truisms that, either you missed stuff or you prevent your understanding of the course as you applied it to come much through.   Some of what you say has limited application to things as they are.   For example, “Finding bliss in any and all moments is the key to lasting happiness and true inner peace” shows partial understanding, as I’ve said above, of what resources are available to us as sources of information upon which to make decisions. 

When you say "More in depth tips to follow,” you reveal that you have the goods and others don’t or that you share your insights so others can short cut things, a stand antithetical  to the nature of the course. 

There are times when you reflect how you’ve benefited from the course.   For the most part, they get overshadowed by the plethora of other details. 

I come away understanding that you know much more about stuff instead of resonating with how you’ve used the course.   Some of what you write is inaccurate or understandably rehashing of things Mystress has passed along.   â€œAnd eventually we all seek that which is our true being.   A connection to Source, “   Our true being is a connection to Source and we have to seek it out?   That misses a lot.  If our true nature is all that there is, then everything is our nature, all the time.   Seeking what we are can lead away from realizing things as they are.   In seeing things as they are, we see what we are.

I refrained from reading the levels you assign to things since they reflect more of what I’ve said above.   Contrary to what you say, we are life, no matter what if any levels of bliss we attain or are graced with.

Namaste â€" I salute the divine within you and I wish you well.