My experiences with grounding

[Marco]

Dear Mystress Angelique Serpent,

I just wanted to expand a little on the post in the public forum and share with you some experiences I had with the grounding so far. I started grounding about two weeks ago and about three days into grounding I felt me stomach aching und burning as if someone with hot hands would massage my internal organs. This lasted about three days. Then on the next day as I was in a supermarket, my feet felt hot and I felt warm currents of energy go up my leg. In the evening I vistited friends and while we were sitting at dinner a very hot energy came up through the legs, heated up the base chakra and finally exploded in my solarplexus. I almost thought that I was about to vomit and I prayed it might stop which it did but only to start again when I was back home so I was not able to eat or drink for about two days due to a hefty diarrhea and I also had strong emotions and feelings that seemed to change frequently (e.g. spontaneous crying). I have to admit that I was not sure whether this inner turmoil came from grounding or my current emotional situation as I suffer a  from the loss of the woman I called my Shakti in my last post. In fact she has never been exposed to Tantra. But she is as woman with a very strong empathy and we shared often our thoughts, dreamed of each other and I felt always very powerful after having been able to talk to her. She showed me many things and also introduced my to BDSM as she has had a relationship to a dominant male as his sub for about a year. She has also a very dominant side as she is probably what in BDSM is called a "switcher" and I guess I am a switcher also. She just wanted to strengthen my dominance in order to help me gain self-confidence and she truly managed that. I am very grateful to her as I would not have found my way to FST without her. At the moment we have to go seperate ways as she is still not over her last relationship as this man has left her after three years with a child of six months and life is at the moment quite a struggle for her and I desperately tried to help her during the last weeks but I noticed that I was not able to do so. Yesterday, the day when I took up this course ,  I felt so strong after the grounding meditation that I called her up and broke most of the ties between us in order to set her free and allow her to find her own way. This decision was very hard for me but to let her go is the only way to win her back. She is also very busy and it seems that her life is slowly but steadily getting better. She even started to explore her dominant side which she had repressed for quite some time. I see her as my muse and if Goddess allows we will be back together again. But Mystress, I got to tell you, doing the right thing is very hard. After I hung up the phone I bitterly cried and suddenly had the feeling that I should write poems. This night I wrote two poems and as I shared them with my best friend who is a very gifted writer, he told me that he had never read anything such meaningful and emotional from me. So I guess I am making progress and I am very grateful to you giving this wonderful meditation to the world.

Best wishes,
your Marco

[Marco]

Dear Mystress Angelique,

I just wanted to add something to this topic. Tonight, I had a quite interesting experience. I was in the internet and I was in a chat-room where the woman I love is also registered and as I had a look at her profile, I saw that she had received some gifts and letters from another man. When I had a look at his profile , I saw that was looking quite handsome ( I am quite overweight) and that he is obviously a very gifted artist (which I am not) and I started to cry and thought of myself that I am worthless and how stupid I was to think that such a wonderful woman could fall in love with such a loser like me and I cried and cried and kept telling me that I am worth nothing and that I am worthless and I cried an cried. Then I had the feeling I should go outside and as I looked at the starless sky, I prayed to the goddess that she might take this pain away from me and suddenly I felt something like a cloud gather above my head and I felt a very pleasant energy coming down from above and suddenly, I had to laugh and could not stop laughing about myself. How stupid have I been to think that I am worthless. We all are magnificent. He, me, her and my heart feels so expanded and there is so much energy working in my heart center as I am writing this and I am not sure what to make of it. Still difficult to let go, but there seems to be hope.....