Expectations and Projections

[DaveP]

I feel compelled to post my understanding of how compassionate and selfless the Mystress is in offering this course and imparting her knowledge for all to find true happiness in being.

I recently had an experience that truly opened my eyes and heart, even further, to how giving the Mystress is.

I was approached in S.L. and asked to do some Karma vampire work, taking from her the karma that was damaging her kidney’s and liver, due to some serious attacks.. It was quite an experience… not really done this before to this degree. The Mystress talked me through every step, asking me to see what I could see,  the Karma blockages and to name the person or people responsible for sending the attack.

People’s expectations and projections really do damage. The most severe attack was from an ex-FST member that was holding resentment toward her…  ego really loves anger and resentment ~ it strengthens it enormously… this person has not taken responsibility for themselves and the result is a very powerful victim, blaming attack.

My feelings for this path and the Mystress are one of gratitude, I will personally make sure that I take full responsibility for my thought and actions, after seeing what damage is inflicted if you don’t.

You might say, how can this be, surely the Mystress is a powerful being and can stop any of this stuff happening with her magic... this is the price she pays for being so open and giving as our teacher.

Namaste.

[Mystress]

   Thank you Dave:

      The edema and swollen feet that were the symptom, are not gone but considerably reduced thanks to your efforts on my behalf.  A few times these past few weeks my feet were so swollen it felt like the skin was being stretched, the tops were rounded like a loaf of bread. My belly was swollen and hard, I looked pregnant. I've never had anything like it before, and will also be taking my own advice and visiting the Dr. this week. He will tell me to sit less and get more exercise...

  I hate victimhood, and spent a few weeks working with this inside myself without success before asking for a hand with it.

  "I attract that which occurs" is a powerful intention and I always look within myself first; but it comes down to my choice to provide this content and the Shakti-charge that is encoded into every lesson. I give it all to Goddess but people don't see Goddess, they see the human woman and focus on that.   There is an intention for the karma triggered by the shakti to be redirected to the individual's own Inner Guru so they may grow and become empowered through it - but if their intention - conscious or unconscious is to aim it at me, give me responsibility ...  the vessel takes the hits.

  Keeping my energy clean is a full time job, every day but even so I miss some stuff, and if too much builds up I get very hyper which makes it harder to settle and focus.  The other side of that is "Shamanic imperative" which means my health is also impacted if I *don't* do enough spiritual work with people every month... part of why my chat parties are most often spontaneous. 

  Creative activity helps to release it as well, which is part of my fascination with secondlife. I always need a creative outlet and it is a great place to do art, less mess and storage than something like cement sculpture, sewing or ... any of a dozen creative hobbies.

  These past few weeks I have been enjoying building a ton of stuff for the "Shopping in the sky" store on the sim, because I would like the sim to pay for itself.   I have mixed feelings about the project.  I enjoy the creative effort but in some ways it feels a little absurd to be putting so much time into making flowers and pottery that sell for the equivalent of about 7.3 cents each (35$L) when three new FST students, or two hours of session time would cover the expense.

  Sessions and new students have been rare these past months. I miss it because I really enjoy session work... would like to be doing more, even though there are these hidden costs.    My session fees don't seem so expensive when you take into account that the hour I spend is not the end, bits and pieces of stuff may be incoming for months after, despite my intentions to cut the cord and redirect to the inner Guru of the seeker.  The flowers are a creative expression and once they are made can continue to be sold as long as I have the store open, requiring no further attention... assuming people like them enough to buy them.  If a few weeks of creative effort will make the monthly visa bill disappear I can enjoy the creative playground all the more.

   A very eye opening experience was doing workshops in Europe... I granted a lot of Shaktipat in those 5 weeks and the result doesn't end for me when the workshop is over. Weeks later, one person described the incoming karma as the energy triggered stuff in people as looking like I was being pelted with skittles candy.  Some stuff was still incoming, two years later!

   Fortunately most of it burns off harmlessly in the outer edges of my aura but I still have to be mindful... and I try to remain mindful and not go over the edge into victimhood and paranoia... not always successfully as some threads in this forum can show... sometimes I just have to spew stuff back,  to release it from myself  but that razor edge is why I don't often speak of how the work affects me. Martyrdom SUCKS!!

  I am becoming increasingly reluctant to grant Shaktipat, it really is better if people awaken themselves through grounding. Requiring people to become established in their grounding and do the first 20 lessons really helps...  FST and my other work has aged me.  I'm 45, atm I look 55... about the only time I have really looked my age in the past few years was when I was staying with Gustaf and Kimberly in Sweden and they were picking the lint off me every day. Before I became so public as a teacher I always looked younger than my age... but then it was just my own karma processing, these days I am outnumbered...

  It is also why I am not doing much to promote FST... I am doubtful my body could handle 10,000 students... not unless I had a dedicated team doing regular support in helping me keeping my energy clean. It is rewarding to do so, I know people get a rush from karma vamping me and learn from it. 

  I am not complaining. I have a great life, I am the happiest person I know and the peace and bliss in my heart is constant... The body is taking the hits, and it concerns me but doesn't stop me.  It is just part of the gig... Nearly every Guru or spiritual teacher gets an impact from their choice to teach and share energy.  It is difficult to find any Guru who is not either insane with control games in an unconscious effort to coerce their devotees into surrendering the karma that poisons them, or dealing with failing health of kidney or liver disease.  The greatest teacher of modern times, Ramana Maharishi was in perfect peace as he informed his devotees that the karma they would not let go was killing his body before he died of liver failure. 

   I am not a Guru and that intention helps too, but I have the Guru Siddhis and cannot really control that aspect of myself... I know from my emails and other forums that people who are not my students do pray to me, and my spiritual self shows up for them.  It is difficult to determine to what degree this impacts my body; I would be interested to hear other people's impressions of this. Ask your heart.

  I keep surrendering all this stuff as a limiting belief because there is a part of me that doesn't want to believe in it.  "Goddess has it handled" would be easier,  but that idea kind of makes me lazy and the necessity of energy hygiene to cope with karmic feedback of sharing always seems to come back as something to be mindful of.  I have spent years learning the paths and patterns of the flow of karma, shaktipat and responsibility, and I have resources: Grail, Tummo Fire, Fire Serpent and abundant Shakti.  At any given moment I might be processing the karma of a hundred people visiting my websites, meditating on my photo or visiting my sim and enjoying the energy that is shared there.  I think I handle it all pretty well most of the time, even feed on the alchemical transmutation but quite simply I am outnumbered.

  I never stop working... even when I sleep, I don't move, I barely breathe and I don't dream.  I'm just *gone* for 6 hours at a time.   I am busy appearing in other people's dreams instead. I often experience being awake when my body is asleep, sleep paralysis doesn't frighten me at all, I rather enjoy the deep relaxation. The only time I dream is when half asleep, like if I wake up then go back to bed, or as I am falling asleep.

   I forsee FST having thousands of members, I have seen that since the first video shoot we did for it.  I don't know how to get from here to there without karmic overload killing the body. I've been looking for the key... trying to avoid victimhood and martyrdom.
   Maybe it is just not about me to trying to find the loopholes in the cosmic law, but instead to accept it, put it out there and talk about it. I'm looking for insights... interested to hear what all of your hearts have to offer.

    Thanks and Blessings...
   

 

 

[edward]

Mystress. You are the coolest person I know of. If I could choose between meeting you or Madonna (the artist), I would choose you!

[Mystress]

  Heh, Edward. Not the response I expected, but thanks. I want to meet David Bowie and Richard Bach... be cool to meet you too.  Looking forward to doing more travelling someday after the docs get around to removing the lump in my head...

   Its good for me too, to post my thoughts here. Can re-read later and get more perspective. The body-mind connection is so fascinating.  The phyiscal protectionist instincts putting the mind into a resistant state... monkey wrench in the works.  Gets me thinking too much.

   Still, that seems to be the pattern. The Gurus who manage to stay clear of the control psychosis get damaged physically, the ones who go psycho with unconscious physical paranoid protectionist control behaviors and start telling thier devotees who to marry live long lives. 

   "The Buddha walks through the battlefield unscathed" but sustaining that kind of transparency so that nothing sticks, is a challenge, especially for a passionate type. I used to aim for it, but I found it leaves me out of body too much.  It seems an emotional protection but ironically the body still seems to take the hits... IE Ramana... Staying embodied and paying attention to the power chakra signals of the body declaring its boundaries and limits seems to work better but I go out of body so easily... 

  Where is the middle path? Talking to the hubby last night, he noted a lot of spiritual teachers seem frail physically... I'm actually remarkably healthy except for a few minor chronic things like allergies... druid has a cold atm, I haven't had cold or flu in a decade but I am sensitive to allergies and environmental toxins like dust and mold. A few wierd genetic issues, like the ability to choke to the point of vomiting on a drop of my own saliva.. thanks dad! lol...

   Last night I fed myself to the snake Now I'm off to the doc... stay tuned!  LOL

            Blessings...
   

[Mari]

Heya!
I can't say anything that you don't know already, but I write some of my thoughts here anyway.
I tried to look about your situation and I saw you with candies all over, got a blast of Shakti and lost the mental picture, heh heh! I tried to ask that I could see just mental picture about situation, not connect with you, and got the same picture and blast of Shakti.... I repeated this few times, until I surrendered. For  a while I thought I'm not allowed to look at this, until new perspective about the picture came. People love the candies, they want them. They feel they can't have those candies otherwise. People seem to really see you as a Goddess, pray in front of your pictures, one way or the other. Karma flows to you. The other aspect that I see is that K brings up deep fears of loss and death. People get stuck, and can project their fear towards you. Been there done that. If people can't surrender their fear, it can get messy. Last week I saw a dream where in a boat I met loads of rats, then loads of big snakes, and for the first time I really met Portal Guardian, Death. I was looking at him and I wasn't scared at all. He had black cloak, no face. After this short meeting I was transported somewhere where i was looking all this from TV. There was something about ego death and death of my child. Mystress was sitting next to me, hugging and kissing my cheek. I became a spark of consciousness only aware of the kiss. After this Mystress said that usually it doesn't take so long (in finnish, lol) and disappeared. I saw my child coming and I screamed that I didn't ask any of this, I just wanted to be better mother. I woke up fear crushing me. It's been tough week for me, sorting all this, trying to surrender while having all kinds of images about his coming death. So, it's no wonder crap flows to you... I'm happy that I have tried not to project this on you, but when somebody plays a part in invoking these fears in people... I don't envy! Yep, I've been better mom this week with Death breathing behind me. Maybe I should have feared the Portal Guardian and run?
I believe it's true that karma follows responsibility, I saw it also in my old teacher, who was in a bad shape most of the time. Crippling migraines most days of the month, mystical anemia, neck pains... Now I heard she has rashes too. She was busy bringing all kind of fears, including death, up in her students. She does lots of lightwork too. I could share so much with her what I have learned here, but it's a total no go.
One thing that we practiced was shielding during workshops. That meant for example I was sitting in a class focused on removing all karma that I saw that was moving from students to the teacher, and keep teacher as clear as I could. We also kept the energy clear in the class when students were releasing their issues. We weren't allowed to blast anything else away than what was floating in the room, not to go into students personal space. At least then I truly felt it helped everybody in the workshops.
In my mind the healer team for Mystress is a good idea. I thought you already had one. Maybe you need more healers? At least you could try if it helps? There's already loads of people around the world whos karma flows to you, and if there's going to be more people.... Well, I think it's worth trying. AND it's also very educational and beneficial for older students

Mari

[Gustaf]

I've seen up close the toll all the karma processing takes on Mystress, when she was visting us here in Sweden. She stayed here for two weeks, and the difference when she was rested was like seeing two different people.  It's easy to forget that just because someone is self realized, has an abundance of love and shakti, doesn't make one into superman, with an invulnerable body or incapable of feeling hurt. Sometimes it's the opposite, with much higher sensitivity and an open, generous heart.

I'd be more than happy to eat some of that karma again!

Namaste
Gustaf

[Sandra]

I am the ex-FST member described in DaveP's initial post. I would like help from the FST Karma Vampire Clan, or simply ANYONE skilled in the matter - to step up and contribute to the mess Mystress and I are in together. It's been too long, and it's too involved at this point.

There is more to the story than she shares. There's MORE PEOPLE involved TOO! Words on it are nearly useless. Ask me the draft emails I have in my inbox. Ask me the rage emails I have from her!! In the interest of balancing and resolving this situation - here I am. Eat this karma off me too. Her kidneys ache? Omgod. Mine do too. I am Sophia Gerje in SL. Let's take care of this for real, for good.

I give full consent from any past or present member of FST to karma eat me, daily if need be. For a YEAR if need be, starting today - March 18, 2009. I'm posting this text in my SL picks too. I wish this nonsense to be transmuted. I wish for clarity and inner harmony to reign. This has to end and her story is UNBALANCED without me.

And just for fun - my birthday is Dec 02, 1973. We are 10 years to the DAY nearly to the hour similar in birthdays. My RL picture is here in this profile if it helps for your focus. If you astral peek in on me in my real physical, I might blow you away or I might shrug and not care for the sight intrusion. Just step up. You care for her and moan about her good service? Excellent! I'm not asking anyone to care for me in the slightest. It's just an idea that if you attend to BOTH sides of the formula, there actually MIGHT BE some transformation in the assault she AND YOU ALL have come to accept has par for the course. If you figure Goddess meant for people like her to get slammed like that, than sit back, do nothing. If you figure maybe Goddess meant for happiness FOR US BOTH, then step up.

Sandra-Sophia

[Mystress]

I am the ex-FST member described in DaveP's initial post.
Sandra-Sophia

  umm... no you are not actually.

   It was someone else, as Dave specified an EX FST member not a current one. That is the issue with anonymity, makes people self conscious and paranoid.  To clarify: It is not about anyone who is a current member or able to access the forum to read this post so there is no reason to identify them, especially as they cannot respond in their own defense. I contacted the person directly about the issue during the vamp session, to make it all conscious and declare my boundaries.  They denied everything of course. They deny what the shadow gets up to.

  We did find two minor entities from you, hanging onto my insides like cats on a curtain. I think they rode along with your recent donation (thank you) and I figured out they represented your desire for my attention.  They poofed when their job was correctly identified. This post sorta validates that impression...  They were insignificant little critters and didn't appear to be doing any damage. Dave's post was not about you. 

  Sandra I blocked you out when I told you I had, months ago... last August?  You told me recently you were fine.  Yes we did have quite an entanglement at one time, (well, several times in past years) I really took some hits to the point where my body was getting a traumatic stress reaction to your presence and I had to block you out, reflect your stuff back to you and ban you from the sim, remove you from my SL groups and I appreciate that you have mostly respected my boundaries around that... until now.   I did not remove you from FST, obviously.

   You were one of the 3 main people who were overwhelming me last summer that motivated me at that time to send the spewing post about people not respecting my boundaries and hitting me up for free session time in sl... but that is old news now.  Not a currently active issue on my end.  My posts spewing the stuff back at you are irrellevant to the Now and they were private so why are you wanting people to ask you about them? 

   I'm actually a lot more relaxed about people contacting me in sl these days.  Other people I mean... still prefer to keep some distance from you because you still need to sort yourself out, to claim your power.  Your effort to hijack the thread and make it all about you is just more of the same attention getting behavior pattern and you need to resolve it internally. 

  You keep comparing yourself to me... projecting that but it all gets deflected back, autopilot.  I really don't think we have much in common. The birthday thing is irrelevant and you need to stop focusing on the idea that we are the same.  It is long past time for you to be you!

   You love drama and attention (look at all the caps shouting in your post!)  and what you do to get it kicks your ass,  and that is why your kidneys ache.  Not because you are a world famous spiritual teacher with a lot of people praying for you to be Goddess for them, as is the issue for me.  The stuff I am dealing with is a side effect of my role and my attainments.  The stuff you are dealing with is your own karma feedback. 

  I hope someday you choose peace but obviously you haven't... I don't think getting the group to vamp on you is a good idea.

     Blessings...

[Mystress]

  As I mentioned in my initial response, I am happy. I am at peace.

   My body is taking some hits and that concerns me... but if palmistry mean anything, it is not going to kill me. My life line extends all the way down to the lines in my wrist.

  It is difficult for me to ask for help. I hold a position of faith that if my actions are in alignment with Goddess will for me, then no harm should come of them... so I am always looking inward to ask myself, what is out of alignment?

   Trying to take myself out of the picture, to be nothing so nothing sticks... If there is something within me that is creating this effect then I cannot find it and am looking for an external perspective in asking... but it always seems to come back to karmic law; if you share energy then the vessel takes the hits.

  Because of Shamanic Imperative, I take the hits even worse if I do not share... The really ironic thing is I get so involved in looking inward trying to find what within myself is getting me clouded, I forget to call on Snakey.  The Fire Serpent... To be wrapped in those black iridescent coils is joy!

   Within that circle what comes back is... to teach about the effects of Guru work... or, why it does not work. To have support, and empower people by accepting support from them instead of always giving.

   The issue there is that often when I ask for support about something, those who are less aware will see an expression of need as weakness and an invitation to engage a power game.

   For example, if I ask for help with a website, I might get five people responding but three of them really only want attention and will unconsciously, passive aggressively screw up and misunderstand to get more attention... which ends up wearing me out so much I burn out and have no energy left to guide those whose support is genuine and selfless. 

   My many thanks and gratitude to my best helpers and support people: Gustaf who is in Lineage training, and has been a great karma vamp and busy remastering all the FST videos, and his Lady of Quills.  Hillary my K-List co-moderator ... the list would not still exist if not for her, I burnt out on it so many times and she is a treasure and a dear friend.  Sigmund who is also lineage and recently completed the work of analysing all the updated FST lessons so I have an effective things to do list.  Sachiko who has worked in the past helping with the webdesign for the site updates and has agreed to do so again.  Rich who has done so much, from managing the K-Goddess forum and working with the K-list archives, to visiting me here for over a month to sort out 5 years of accounting.  We have had our share of drama in the past but it is past.  Jim who converted the Tea room to its present form. Samuel who also helps out on occasion with IT issues.

   I know I have probably left out some people .. some good people and some attention vamps... most people are good! I have faith in human nature, how can I not when I see Goddess in you all? 
   Thanks to all of you, for being here.
   Blessings...

[DaveP]

I would like to share an experience I had in the early hours of this morning, which relates to this topic of projections.

I am in the middle of a separation; my wife is still living with me until I buy her share of the property. She has found out that I have borrowed more than I need to pay her share of the equity… the extra money is for new furniture etc that I need to replace. The point is my wife now wants more money, which I have calculated I need to be free of worry. 

One of my pain body reactions (old patterns) is triggered with emotional pain that I suffered from the past growing up with parents whom financial issues was a source of frequent drama and conflict, and my father died when I was four nearly five years old, so money has always been scarce… I had developed a pain body that is triggered whenever awkward financial issues are involved. So as an adult I get upset and angry and behind this upset or anger lies issues of survival and intense fear.

My reaction to her demands sparked deep feelings within me, one minute I was centred and the next I found myself exploding with outrage and panic… totally over reacted!  I was projecting this anger on to her for about twenty minutes until I calmed down enough to sit down and discuss it with any clarity… but the damage had been done, I felt like I had polluted my very being, which hit a crescendo in the early hours of this morning. The energy was horrible, intense anger and spurn, my kidneys where aching violently. I asked my heart mind, is this my wife’s energy, please let me feel how she is feeling at the moment, well, I instantly calmed down and was still for a while, so obviously they weren’t. The horrible feeling came back with a message that this is my karma kick back, my energy multiplied and returned.

I am grateful for the experience and the opportunity to surrender it, but this did not surrender until I took full responsibility for my actions. This is the first time that I have been conscious of the feeling of karma kick back. I’ve experienced both side of the coin now, what affects it has on the one that the projection is aimed and what returns back to sender. A real eye opener! What I have realized from all this is the important action of acceptance…. being in the state of acceptance means you are at peace whilst the situation unfolds. The vibration of acceptance aligns ‘you’ with the creative power of the moment, without ego.

I am making a point to be aware of my breathing pattern (grounding exercise) constantly along with the feeling of acceptance and gratitude for the present moment… surrendering anything that manifests as self-deception. I have sent energy up to Goddess to be given back to my wife as an apology for being so wretched… hoping that Goddess will repair my wrong doing.



Hmm… Sarah, reading your words, I can feel the lack of responsibility behind them, and the neediness for attention. My feelings are that ‘you’ have to accept what ever, and move on, let go… free yourself of all this yourself through taking responsibility… connecting to your own strength and power within, there is no other way, just accept… align your life with the creative power of Goddess.

Namaste

[DaveP]

Sorry, Sandra not Sarah

[Sandra]

Whoopsie! I was the wrong attacker then. I personalized it to the current. I apologize for the mistake and my confusion. There's no interest in my part in being asked for details on what were these issues. I feel the discussion on it was closed, and still is closed. My interest was in karma vamping. I love a great vamping session!!    Last year I didn't realize when I had given the attacks and overwhelm, and when it was made clear to me, I worked hard around it. Reading these emails here I felt great shock to think I maybe was still so unconsciously attacking, as recently as last week. So.. it sounds like I might have improved that unconscious bit, and am not still the attacker to Mystress... No worries then! My mistake. I do make these kind of personalization mistakes. Apologies. Sandra

[Mystress]

Hi Dave:

   The fun part is, as your karma continues to clear there is more energy behind any projections so the karma kickback becomes much worse, and more instantaneous.

  "I attract that which occurs" sort of personal responsibility  is a necessary and essential survival discipline when ones central channel Shakti flow becomes a wide river. If an unawakened person's projections are a squirt gun, then an awakened persons projections are a firehose and the feedback hits you like a tsunami.

   As you discovered, you cannot get away with projecting anything... especially anger and blame. Getting whacked so hard by your own karmic feedback is very motivating, you don't forget how bad it feels. Turning inward first becomes an ingrained reflex to avoid ever feeling like that again. 

   The ex-FST member we spoke of in the initial posts responded to my im and suggested I was the one projecting my stuff.  Well, no... but I did not respond to that im because those sort of projection-mirror arguments just get stupid. I'd already explained that introspection had come first, and there no point talking if someone isn't listening.

  Weeks of introspection came first, because it has to.  I would not have been happy and at peace mentally and emotionally if the physical stuff was the result of that sort of blaming projection karmic feedback.  I just cannot go there.

   The only exception is if I am empathically overwhelmed with stuff that is really not my own; my Shadow guide is connected to the self preservation instincts of the body and He will take me over to spew it back at the owner with a Zen whacking stick of words, and blame is part of the dynamic of handing them back their responsibility.  I don't enjoy that possession state at all, and if He has to manifest to bail me out of a stuck place it is only as a last resort. 

  There is a big difference: afterward I will feel better for it, cleansed... as you observed in me during the KV session, after I sent the im giving back responsibility to the person who was poisoning me.  If the recipient responds with even more spewing, argument and resistance because they don't trust me, it can be messy.  People who would do that are toxic to me and get removed. If one person wipes me out I cannot be here for everybody else.

   I do not expect anyone to trust me unconditionally; I expect students to check for truth with their own hearts before giving me argument. Some people like arguing, its fun for them, whee drama and attention.  Not for me, I value peace.

   Blessings...