Surrendering to what is.

[Lexx]

For so long i have let my ego tell me who i am. Like waves crashing against a stone wall, the resistance is where my focus has been, the maelstrom that is so intense, drew my attention and i thought that was me.
I want to surrender my notions of who i am, and what lies in the next moment.
I want to surrender all these conditions, all the tripwires and all the traps..
Hand it over to the one and only moment. Goddess take these trappings of resistance and fear they are mine, they are a gift to you. Let me be borne into the eternal moment.

[Lexx]

On the flip side. (this is a vent)

So after 9 months i have broken up with my girlfriend. (properly)
I am now left with tasks to complete and a reservoir of anger inside me.
I feel like a hollow shell, running into the ground.
Trying to ground myself is very difficult, i cant seem to let the light in.
Im just an empty shell of rage, heartbrake, misery, and coldness.
Im so desperate. I can't see the light at the end. And i want her back.
She left because i have issues i need to sort out, and she was very patient. And she said if i get it done, to come and kick her door down and take her. I want to hold onto that, but im scared of getting myself into trouble.
I need to release so much anger and grief, and i cannot avoid my problems anymore, i have to believe i can get through all of them.
I want to be a rock, and not to roll, and i want my joy back, which has been sundered for years now. I think i may need a soul retrieval. (Goddess take everything and make it better)
Either way my life has to change drastically.

[Lexx]

I want to say thankyou, i feel something, a spark is back in me.
Thankyou to the Goddess for this feeling back in my belly.
I dont know what it was. But thankyou.