Shaken Awake

[WillyT]

Hello all,
When I was btw the age of 10 - 12, I remember very well being awakened by the feeling of 2 hands on my chest right above my heart pushing me up and down very hard to the point my mattress wast bouncing up and down. I opened my eyes and no one was in my room. I was shaking with fear and was almost too scared to look around my room. I looked quickly...no one was there. I covered my head with my sheets and just layed there shivering until i fell asleep again.

That experience was one of the first I could remember with anything considered not "normal". My father was into Santeria around the time this happened. I wonder if that had anything to do with it.

A few months ago I felt the same presence that I felt 13 years ago. I woke up and looked at the foot of my bed and there was a black shadow figure standing there focused on me. I closed my eyes from fear and it was gone. I asked that it come back a couple of weeks ago in an attempt to show it unconditional love when i asked it too it sure did listen while exercising I felt and saw the shadow moving in the other room asking me to go there with out words.  My fear didnt let me.

I am trying to love what I have feared since I was 10 - 12 yrs old I know that this is my shadow and that thru surrender I can come to accept my shadow side and integrate it but it rarely comes to me in dreams it prefers to come to me while I am awake which is very scary. Also I am curious if my fathers initiations could have an effect on me?

Thank you

[juergen]

Hi Willy!

What if you give unconditional love to your fear

I don't think, your father's initiation is of greater concern, you can't influence it anyway.
I think it's best to give love to it too

til later!
juergen

[DaveP]

Hi Willy!

Welcome to this truly magical experience. 

I've had the similar thing happened to me, felt like I couldn't move, being pushed down, scared me too. I've once sensed and saw a dark shadow in the corner of my room about ten years or so ago. Filled my whole body will love and sent it out to it and it dissapeared. Juergen's right the power of unconditional love is very powerful, sent with good faith in it.

Rest assured, as you journey thru this miraculous course you will acquire, I'm sure, all the power you will need to protect you from any harm that anything or any person can ever inflict on you.

Cheers'
Dave.

[juergen]

Yes, i found, actually there are two kind of fears:

1. a passive one which takes the character of 'angst' and makes us draw together, like putting a blanket over the head when e=mc2 strikes; turning us to sleep...

2. an active one, fear proper, which turns us awake, so we can run away from a hungry croco. Or, which may come as a nightmare and prevents sleep...

Obviously there are silver linings in 2th of them, like the muddy waters in a baby's bathtub: you can't have the baby shining clean without the muddy waters.

Separation is illusion. In the here and now anything can do its good.

So i guess in the higher sphere of unconditional love, nothin at all can be excluded, if we want to wield full power, want to become our best self possible.

completely,
juergen

[WillyT]

Sometimes I feel that this fear is slowing my process, then i also feel like maybe i need a slow down, I recently watched the animated movie Ratatouille (good movie for Kundalites) very symbolic for me the chef being controlled by the rat in his chefs hat, using the chefs hair to control his movement...only by surrendering to the rat is he able to cook. And get this the movie's food critic is named Anton Ego. The movie is full of insights i highly recommend it if not for the laughs alone. But right now I feel like the character in the movie doing awkward things in public because of the rat in my hat.

[Jackman]

Ratatouille is truly a good one to see..

[Mystress]

Willy: talk to the shadow (It hears your every thought) and ask it to show up in a milder form that you can talk with and relate to so you can learn to love it more gradually.
   That it terrifies you now is no big, quite natural;  it is protective; a measure of how much karma is to be cleared before you are ready for ego death. 

    Blessings...

[WillyT]

Thank you mistress, i will give it a shot.