newbie intro

[Helen]

Hi all! a new user here, currently perusing the 3rd lesson. Normally I wouldn't post on the forum so early, being a shy and quiet type, but it's all about pushing the boundaries, right?

I've browsed around and I fear I won't fit, as you all seem so educated, eloquent and enlightened! *sigh* I'm as mundane as it can be - a computer programmer and a geek, not particularly spiritual, I found the FST course through my NaNoWriMo novel (lol!) written as an experiment in freewriting, as the Fire Serpent had sneaked into the plot (I liked the imagery) and I looked it up on the Internet to see what it is

I envy those who were raised as Christians, because IMHO it's more easy to convert from one faith to another than to build it from scratch. I was raised as an atheist (in Soviet Russia) and trained to perceive any "esoteric" stuff as crap and a way to cheat gullible people. In my thirties, gravitated to agnosticism, then eventually got hooked on Paganism/Wicca. But it never worked for "real", as I'm still a diehard skeptic, and except some rare occasions, it feels more like a fantasy RPG, and tastes like cardboard. Thought just to follow the motions (rituals, meditations and stuff) in order to push myself to one or other direction (accept it  properly or ditch it altogether) but can't even start, not enough motivation...

And still there's something I'm desperately missing and wanting. Tried some self-exploration through creativity, one thing led to another and suddenly I find myself signing up for NaNoWriMo (which is totally crazy as I'm not a writer) ; then the Fire Serpent introduces herself, I come across "sex" in the same context with "surrender" and "divine" and realise it's the missing link... my Nano characters start to behave in unexpected ways, messing up my mind... I get high on energy and do stuff which freaks myself out... sex drive boosts through the roof... still, it all can be explained by overactive imagination or hormones or insanity or whatever.

This course is my last hope, I think now I'm more acceptant and it can really work this time; and it's better to believe in God/dess than in being insane, right?

Although I still have huge issues with "unconditional mother love", maybe because my own mother's love (overprotective and possessive) did me a lot of harm. Maybe I'd actually like the punishing male God if he were kinky-looking (JC is not my type, too geeky, I prefer more manly bodies

Oookay... well, that's me, for now. Laters!


p.s. I loved to see SMF here! it's my favourite board too! (well, after the Invision Power Board, but it's commercial)

[Mystress]

  Hello, Helen. Welcome.

You wrote:

I envy those who were raised as Christians, because IMHO it's more easy to convert from one faith to another than to build it from scratch. I was raised as an atheist (in Soviet Russia) and trained to perceive any "esoteric" stuff as crap and a way to cheat gullible people.

  Yowch!
  Yet, one of my early (teenaged) influences was a book called "Psychic discoveries behind the Iron Curtain."

   Two roads to political power. One is to be God's voice for people, take the place of the middleman in a telephone game, or tell people there is no God so  they are helpless, spiritually orphaned and must depend on the State to care for them. The latter is not sustainable as the state has no place to pass the buck when the karmic feedback hits.

  I guess my work really is innovative, eh? Introduce them to God within themselves, and butt out. Trust That within them to lead them to right action of being a good citzen and a contributing member of society.   

And still there's something I'm desperately missing and wanting. Tried some self-exploration through creativity, one thing led to another and suddenly I find myself signing up for NaNoWriMo (which is totally crazy as I'm not a writer) ; then the Fire Serpent introduces herself, I come across "sex" in the same context with "surrender" and "divine" and realise it's the missing link...

  That is very cool! We are all mundane, just like that... You fit right in.  Blessings!

  PS: I researched the new tea room for months before choosing SMF... it is excellent!

[Helen]

Heh, yes, the communist party had tried to usurp the role of religion in people's lives - and it had really worked at the beginning! a few dozen years - people were living and dying for the Communist ideals... but eventually the enthusiasm started to fade... among my generation, growing up during the period in the history of USSR later called "stagnation", the Party was still feared, but despised, distrusted and laughed at.

Maybe that's the reason why I keep distrusting all and any authorities; and there's no way I'm willing to surrender to anybody or any*thing* unless it's sex-related

And thank you for the welcome! hope the lessons will become more practical with time (eh... homework?) but the first 4 lessons are already a very good reading...

[juergen]

Hi Helen,

nice to meet You

as a computer geek i think You already must have a good wire to Goddess

... and agnostics are also right as regards their conclusion: if we are separate from Goddess, we can never know Her; only the presumption doesn't feel right eh? - no wonder You found FST

... and the geeks are the jocks

enjoy,
juergen

[Sigmund]

Hi, Helen.  I'm really impressed about how you were led to fst and that you resonated with what you found.  I'm not surprised that you're getting mileage from the course. 

I suspect that you'll get past your pained responses to your mother's destructive love as you progress further.  I know that sometimes love can only be expressed through a veil because of family loyalties about how things are played out. 

I'd like to say something about your increased sexual feelings and will refrain since I don't want to side track or interfere with what you're going through.   Sometimes, when I just hold those feelings, they unfold and release more information.  Sometimes not.

    Best regards.

[Helen]

Hey, thank you, guys! It's ok Sigmund, don't give me any spoilers, it will be more fun   I hope I'll get in terms with the concept of "love" eventually...

And Juergen, lol! actually, my life perceptions are very much colored by my computer experience, it's always easier to me to find new patterns and connections when I translate it all to computer-based metaphors. In particular, I think that all the religions are different interfaces to Divine - like different operating systems or desktop environments - noone of them is perfect, every one has its faults, but every person can choose the one which is most convenient for him/her, or even to build one from scratch (but unfortunately, most of the people are stuck with the OS which is installed for them by their vendor, or which all their peers are using, and they're afraid or can't afford to switch

laters

[Scott K]

Helen

Hi Helen. Welcome, and I think your going to be in for an interesting experience in here.

I'm not sure if I agree with you on what you said about I envy those who were raised as Christians, because IMHO it's more easy to convert from one faith to another than to build it from scratch. , being that I found it very hard as a Christian to be taken out of my comfort zone, time and time again. It was quite a humbling experience, to give up certain belief patterns that have been pounded into me since childhood.

Scott K