Shadow

[Pete]

I did the shadow lesson for the first time today and the shadow showed up.  A naked black man with an erection showed up in the minds eye.  I felt really attracted and raped him.  He laughed at me.  Then came a series of memories about how I've despised homosexuality and tried to push away the gay people in my life with anger.  The encounter was a bit surprising.  I didn't see it coming. 

My heart voice suggested I use a Tibetan Buddhist meditation to integrate that part of myself and love it unconditionally.  Tong Len is where you visualize your heart as a radiant ball of white light.  Then you visualize all of the karma and negativity as a black mist...the thing that reviles you in the other person and draw it into your heart center from every being/place in the universe where that stuff is.  The white light in the heart grows in response as the karma is transmuted.  Then beams of white light are sent outwards to every place where the black mist came from to replace the karma with your own bliss and happiness.

The beauty of this meditation for me has come from the growing realization that there is no self and other...only self.  I'm taking my karma from where I have projected it and transmuting it into my own bliss.  It results in an ecstatic heart chakra and energy orgasms in the heart that are better than sex has ever been for me.  Also, after the meditation is done (30 sec or so), there is a strong compassion for the many forms of my self where I only had anger.  There is a great feeling of unity as well...and the empathy is so strong, I know what's going on inside of me.  In another way, any 'road to hell' that I projected onto the other person has been replaced with bliss.  Their life changes in response to the karma I have lifted from myself.  Bliss.  Bliss.  Bliss.

Come shadow.  Let us make love.

[Mystress]

  This is so beautiful Pete, I don't have anything to add, but thank you for sharing it.