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[Paris]

 I just read Mystress' note that said this is the place for incoherant rants, because things said here are given over to Goddess (she said that before, but I must have forgotten).

Well . . .

I'm so damn tired of not quite understanding what's going on.  I really hate my church, but it seems I keep being push back towards it.  Than when I start drifting back, I get blindsided.

I'm tired of the pain.

I'm tired of being stupid, and being treated like an idiot.

I'm tired of not being able to remember anything (which makes me appear as an idiot).  I'm tiured of not being able to think things through.

Most of all I'm tired of all the headaches (and of being broke.)

Paris

(no response needed)

[Paris]

I accidentally peeked at the next lesson "That which We Resist, Persists."  I guess I should rephrase the whole thing:

: Well . . . (THAT CAN STAY)

I surrender my difficulty in understanding to Goddess. I really hate my church, but I will accept what comes back to me after I surrender it to Goddess.  And now . . . (drum roll, please) . . . I surrender my association and relationship with my church to Goddess.  (Cymbols crash!)

I surrender my headaches and the pain in my legs to Goddess.

I surrender my memory problems to Goddess.

I surrender my brain dammage to Goddess.

I surrender my headaches and poverty to Goddess.

: Paris

: (no response needed)

[Eileen]

>>: I accidentally peeked at the next lesson "That which We Resist, Persists."  I guess I should rephrase the whole thing

It is true that what we resist, persists.  This I know by experience.

But I've also learned that it's our BELIEFS that create our reality.  At first, when I was taught that, I didn't really get it, but I went ahead and began to dig for my beliefs (ya really gotta sit and dig deep...deeper and deeper to see the root/seed of how your mind works).  I found that at the very bottom...the very lowest level of any belief ("all women are mean and nasty" or "i need to go to church" - whatever belief you hold...those were a couple of mine)...is joy.  To repeat that; at the bottom of every painful, nasty, unresourceful belief - is joy.  Not because it's good that a person got raped for instance, and that caused a belief about ________, but because when we find the seed or root of a belief that hurts us, we gain POWER to change it!  That's JOY!

In a way, that is one way of embracing our darkness.  At least that's how I see it.  As I look at the patterns in my life (good or bad) and then follow them backward, deeply, and see the source for that behavior, there is always JOY, and there is always the potential for change - to change my MIND.  All we have to do is look at that seed and ask, "Is this resourceful for me to believe?  Is it TRUE?"  "Does it need to hurt me TODAY?"

So may I suggest that you go back to your origional post and follow each of your rants.  They are perfectly spelled out!  I see them as your personal list for power!  At the beginning of each of those items is POWER.  Your power to discreate and re-create in a way that makes you blossom like a rose!  

If there is difficulty getting it going, then sit for a while and start listing all of the things you are grateful for NOW.  Better yet, list all of the things that you are grateful for surrounding each of those items!  What have you gained, or what can you gain from each experience.  This will fuel your journey to the seed of Joy and Power that lies at the beginning of each, and propell you to bliss.

Blessings!
Eileen

[juergen]

Hi Paris,

if your complaints are a consequence of an external accident, as i suggest, you will need external help, i think.

be it a mental healer like that Hawaian Honoponopono about whom we have heard here, or a good homeopath; or both! Even Mystress was looking for therapies after Her car accident; don't try to be a hero in the wrong place!

take care!

juergen.

:  I just read Mystress' note that said this is the place for incoherant rants, because things said here are given over to Goddess (she said that before, but I must have forgotten).

: Well . . .

: I'm so damn tired of not quite understanding what's going on.  I really hate my church, but it seems I keep being push back towards it.  Than when I start drifting back, I get blindsided.

: I'm tired of the pain.

: I'm tired of being stupid, and being treated like an idiot.

: I'm tired of not being able to remember anything (which makes me appear as an idiot).  I'm tiured of not being able to think things through.

: Most of all I'm tired of all the headaches (and of being broke.)

: Paris

: (no response needed)