In the process, it seems that I have lost motivation for getting my ass off the bed or out of the house

Glenda · Nov 29, 2000, 12:09:34 PM

Auguston.......I do believe that all of us experience this feeling for various reasons. Sometimes it may be just tired, being bored, personal things we need to deal with (those can be difficult) a change in our spitituality, problems with our partners.

Mystress has many avenues for us to learn, experiment with, possible answers we are looking for....personally I have been searching all my life, have picked up bad habits for me, but never gave up on my quest for enlightment, now that i have found my answer I must work on takeing down the wrong things for me....that takes time(I just have to remember this is why I am here this life time). It is harder in some ways to do this on your own...no person to see, but as in most things there are pluses to it also,learn at your own speed and not be on the line. Nice to hear from you....Asia, a year ago I got my First Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo, along with three of our boys, it was a wonderful experience...Martial Arts, I have great respect for our teachers in our school. It really was the begining but we had to move so our new area has no good schools and they are too expensive.
Later Glenda

Barg · Dec 03, 2000, 01:39:57 AM

: Auguston.......I do believe that all of us experience this feeling for various reasons. Sometimes it may be just tired, being bored, personal things we need to deal with (those can be difficult) a change in our spitituality, problems with our partners.

Sometimes I long for a "simpler" time, when people mingled with more merriment in the public sphere, wandered, walked, talked, told stories, wrote letters. Or maybe I'm romanticizing a bit. I have some very good, dear friends, but the overall society I find very wearisome to navigate. When I teach in schools (poetry), and see these sweet faces stuck in these horrible rat-trap schools where the city has no real will to give them a decent education, it makes me want to weep. Stuff like that makes me want to stay inside my sweet little apartment, read, burn candles, keep the world out. I want so much for my planet, and the Repulsicans own all the media, so I feel my voice isn't audible. That scares me.

Sometimes I fear pursuing spirituality is escapism, yet I desperately need to create a universe that Bush can't touch. Bush, of course, is just a symbol of the unaware, lower consciousness types that spread pain and suffering in the name of some god. But you see what I mean.

There's the feeling of having so much to do, too much, and then there's the feeling of having no voice, no say in the direction of society and my planet. These feelings freeze me with inertia.

But that frozen period is usually followed by an energetic one. Waiting for the energy to rise can be hellish, and one tends to beat oneself up. That's something I'm getting better at. Not eating my heart and brain for lunch when I'm not able to be the world's most perfect example of golden perfection that ever slouched toward enlightenment. Maybe that's why I have to keep going thru those periods. To learn how to relax and enjoy inertia as my body/mind takes some downtime to regenerate.

It's nice to have this online community where people are so desirous of expanding consciousness.

Barg
(Yes, I'm doing the homework Mystress gave me, and will report soon.)

Augustin · Dec 04, 2000, 02:07:19 AM

| : Augustin.......I do believe that all of us experience this feeling for
| various reasons. Sometimes it may be just tired, being bored, personal
| things we need to deal with (those can be difficult) a change in our
| spirituality, problems with our partners.

Yes, and it is often a combination of all those things.

On the k-list, S. wrote about the Exceptional Human Experience which "starts with an outline of 5 developmental stages worked out by Rhea White of the EHE Network:
1. The initiating event/experience
2. Search for reconciliation
3. Between two worlds
4. In the experiential paradigm
5. A new way of being in the world. "

In this particular cycle, I feels like I am in stage 3, living between two worlds, sitting between two chairs. In many aspect of my life, the old paradigm is being confronted by the new one. I am in the middle and look both ways and do not know where to go. The problems is that I am not always sure which is the new and which is the old, disguised so as to gain some spiritual appeal... All those issues boil down to "which one should I choose? Which way do I have to go?..." which of course is all ego-talk.

After anger, fear and guilt, I wish to learn to surrender my intellectual confusion. What need is there to understand if we really trust that Goddess knows better? There are much more questions than I am writing here, but all need to be surrendered. As W. says: "Who's asking?".

| : Mystress has many avenues for us to learn, experiment with, possible
| answers we are looking for....

Yes. Like when she says: "follow your bliss, this is your navigation system." I forgot to write about that in my earlier post. I am already pretty clear about what I want to do with my life, why I have come on Earth. Or am I confusing my will for the Will of Goddess? The only thing I know is that I feel good when I do certain things, but then I manage to bobby trap my bliss by thinking something like: "This is what is giving me BLISS, therefore, it is what I SHOULD do." LOL! So sometimes I find myself in the situation where I am not doing anything and feel very bad about it and I know that I'd feel better by getting certain things done but I seem to be stuck in my pain. I can't go from here (doing "nothing") to there (just do it!).

Actually, I make it sound worse than it really is. The situation is already much better. Writing about is makes me realize that surrender is a comprehensive practice. One can start in a limited area (like surrendering "negative emotions" like I have done with anger). But soon Surrender needs to include one's whole life.

So, for now, I do my best to put surrender into practice. I trust in Goddess's lead.

Hmmm.... I wanted to have practices, and Goddess provided!

|personally I have been searching all my life,
| have picked up bad habits for me, but never gave up on my quest for
| enlightenment,

That's probably one thing all the classmates here have in common: none of us ever completely gave up....

| now that I have found my answer I must work on taking down the
| wrong things for me....that takes time(I just have to remember this is why I
| am here this life time). It is harder in some ways to do this on your
| own...no person to see, but as in most things there are pluses to it
| also,learn at your own speed and not be on the line. Nice to hear from
| you....

Thanks, it's nice to be together....

| Asia, a year ago I got my First Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo, along
| with three of our boys, it was a wonderful experience...Martial Arts...

I don't know much about Martial Arts.

The interesting thing here is when I do the grounding meditation outside, people will want to start talking to me. They all think I am doing Qi-Gong and they are surprised to see a foreigner do so. They want to tell me that they practice Qi-gong too, they want to give me advice on how to do it (apparently, I am not doing it properly :-( ), and they want to invite me to their spiritual group.

A few years back, when I was living in Britain, I was waiting for the bus in a deserted street in Digbeth, just outside Birmingham city center. I sat on a doorway in half lotus position, hands on my knees, palms facing upwards, eyes closed. A lone passerby came, put a one Pound coin in my open hand, and went... :-o !

Different country, different consciousness, different reaction from people seeing a strange guy meditating in the streets...

As we say here: "Jia you!", keep up with the effort, keep going...

love,

Augustin.

Glenda · Dec 04, 2000, 02:39:11 PM

: Auguston.......I do believe that all of us experience this feeling for various reasons. Sometimes it may be just tired, being bored, personal things we need to deal with (those can be difficult) a change in our spitituality, problems with our partners.

: Mystress has many avenues for us to learn, experiment with, possible answers we are looking for....personally I have been searching all my life, have picked up bad habits for me, but never gave up on my quest for enlightment, now that i have found my answer I must work on takeing down the wrong things for me....that takes time(I just have to remember this is why I am here this life time). It is harder in some ways to do this on your own...no person to see, but as in most things there are pluses to it also,learn at your own speed and not be on the line. Nice to hear from you....Asia, a year ago I got my First Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo, along with three of our boys, it was a wonderful experience...Martial Arts, I have great respect for our teachers in our school. It really was the begining but we had to move so our new area has no good schools and they are too expensive.
: Later Glenda
:

I'm so tired........