More of me.

[Sean]

Hello,

Right on, after I posted that before stuff, I felt even more independant and like I could trust myself for myself. I felt this huge rush of energy, scared me at first, then I realised that it was me LOL! More of me comming back. Its neat to finally see where my energy is going out and bring that back around again. Cool.

I'm telling myself to come here only every other day, to work on my own things for a change. Get more in tune with me and what I am. This is what happened...

Woke up my right kidney. It was not responding when I went to talk to it. Scared me for months. But I know how to wake up things now cool.

After I have been clearing all this stuff out, the energy flows through me with such strength and freedom. Still getting used to it. Also my visions of Goddess are getting a lot clearer, so beautiful. Also very sexy hehe. Just taking my time with it all. Getting closer to were I can let of where I thought Goddess abandoned me. It was depression. It can cut you off like a knife. You have to tell yourself over and over agian that you are open and receptive to the good things in life, or else you will trick you into thinking that you are lost and cut off. And if you think you are lost and cut, then you are. Lots of new things comming up as well. Learning new things, mostly about relationships. Cool.

Working on focusing on me more. Less on other things. Like the Tea Room here. I think about here a lot with all my questions. And I can tell when somone has replied, and what they said basicaly. I realised that this was not a good use of my Jedi powers so I'm refocusing everything onto my body. Did some good work today. I have these mysterious symbols that I always draw come up inside, and work there, and in my music I see.

Came up with this great plan about everything too. My new saying.. "Everything is a mystery" I spend lots of energy thinking to much about how things are, what I see, etc.. But if I say that. Then I don't have to worry about it. It goes for everything and fits all occations. Its all very mysterious. Maybe I will understand more one day, but thats not neccasary. All I have to do is just hang out and experience.

-----Rant-----
Women like me. I dont know how.. Some have that whole mysterious energy about them that I like, receptive, understanding, very much aware of themselves. Warm. Not self councious. They flow. Very atractive. They are also married, and a lot older than me. But they pick up on me right away. Even more so since I am flowing and not holding back me anymore. I went to go get a bed. I do my thing, me, and the lady selling them is smiling and looking at me really close for something, and smiling more. She ends up hitting me with her bed papers, and starts speaking in an Irish accent, "Ohh looky Sean Mulkern, an Irish lad" and all of that and her eyes are shining. Ok, this totaly blind sided me, and I started to hold back because she was married. I didn't think this was standard bed sales talk. I got scared. But I'm really tired of this. Girls think I'm imature. Women think I'm...uhh..I dont know.. Not the first time this has happened either. But screw it all. I was going to complain... "Oh poor me, Im either to young or to old, I'm out of place, out of time....etc..." But I am here, I am here now. I wouldn't be here now if I wasn't here now. I am me. I am starting to care less about the rules of the world. I'm going edges out now. Time to be more of me, everyone else had just better step on, or step off. This train is picking up speed.

----- End of rant.---

Ok, rock on,

They have Monty Python's quest for the holy grail on the big screen tonight. And I thought today was goin to suck....

"run away! run away!"

Sean