Jacob's blog

[jacobschapira]

I'm having a hard time moving on. Every single sock puppet and entity gave me their spiritual essence as proof of their existence, not only that but they appeared with images in my mind's eye and in my dreams various times. I was not immediately told to go be homeless, this was after I dumped the hospital with negative energies which attract accidents and bad luck. I still have an energy which shoots indiscriminately and cannot move on, no new repressed emotions, no fears. Hell road and 0 fears faced, 0 nightmares,  full sense of pleasure.... My situation IS unique and I do believe something has gone wrong and this isn't all drama in my head, I'm going on home leave soon hopefully am fully sane and not remotely paranoid about anyone.

[jacobschapira]

I really dont want to kill myself but this energy in my throat won't go. Asking Guardian Angels doesn't work. Nothing helps anymore. It is seriously disturbing me that it shoots at people indiscriminately without my permision.

[jacobschapira]

Going home from hospital for the first time in a long time. Then discharged next week. Things are calmer but now too calm, nothing spiritual is happening.. I wanted to open my third eye and see cool things with the third eye page but didn't work. Back to grounding but my visualisation skills are god-awful. I am still worried about this energy in my throat chakra and the various dreams I had.

[jacobschapira]

Forgot about no complaints - checks in... no more complaining calm = good

[jacobschapira]

I feel the responses here were really harsh. Gopi I inhaled a can of deoderant, ran into fields after dry fasting for 4 days. I tied string around my neck and was sectioned. I am going home tomorrow and survived luckily. But please don't say this was a torture fantasy. I'm totally calm now but this energy in my throat won't go and I haven't progressed spiritually. I can barely visualise and have aphantasia whilst before I had good visualisation skills. The Krishna I spoke to said I had to be celibate because I committed statuary rape under UK Law. Whilst I feel this was harsh, because I did try to do the drugs she did, I just failed to snort them properly, she was definitely far more intoxicated than me. We didn't do penetrative sex but did oral sex for about 1 minute. I got her water afterwards and we were on positive terms weeks later and Mystress says she doesn't think about me anymore. I've now developed a very real fear of Hell because in my dreams a bird tried to pluck out my eyes, I had a dream of Belzebub swallowing a mansoon of bugs and then tastes of bugs when I ate chocolates on Christmas, and of burn survivors. When I tried to ask vortex to clear Brazilian elections, I only got back the taste of Brazil Nuts. Now when I ask vortex to clear this energy in my throat nothing happens and it was Krishna and the feminine presidential voice who said it has to do with increasing subtle probability of developing cancer. Multiple peoeple in my family have serious cancer right now. Lord Krishna also appeared with Lord Ram. I'm very worried. He does ask ISKON followers to be celibate at times, and that was what I was associated with for months before and had many dreams of Him and subtle experiences when chanting His mantra, including smells, his spiritual essence, I felt sleepy after not sleeping for 4 days when going to studio 108, a hari krishna restaurant I volunteered at for young people who like Kirtan. My Kundalini always communicates with me with smells and tastes mostly, I had the unique smell of the Buddhas energetic signatures too. I'm about to inherit 40k and was told to commit suicide by entities when I want badly to become a healer, I wanted to learn to cure cancer for this reason. I also saw visions of bees swarming me, and my mum crying over my dead body, of Hitler, and of Sekhmet killing me over and over again with a basket of human-eating bugs. I'm worried because of these visions and my lack of Ascension progress. I am about to do the grounding now. I'll try jerking off to the Earth Core too.

[jacobschapira]

I should add that Jesus and Amitabha never mentioned celibacy. Amitabha just said be vegetarian.