Sava's Journal

[Sava]

I had to restart again. I got caught up in a relationship and work and I lost my focus on FST.

I've been grounding 8 times a day for 4 days now/energy dumping and I'm going to start over on the lessons again/journaling.

I'm not going to try and make excuses for why I haven't been doing FST, I'm just going to try and do better

Happy to be back.

[Gopi]

Welcome back!
Good to hear from you again.
Glad you are grounding and revisiting lessons.
New FST has lots of new practical exercises and revised content.
So it is worth revisiting lessons.

Namaste
Gopi

[Sava]

Day 43 of grounding 8 times a day

started a new hand written journal today and finished the first chapter of FST.

Feeling better and more connected to source energy.

Really looking forward to reconnecting with DB, our connection used to be very strong but has faded.

Also, I used to receive visions but haven't had any in years. I dont think visions are neccesary for spiritual growth so I am not yearning for more but I remain open to whatever may come.

I will be re-writing the 2 versions of retro on a card to put in my wallet and use when needed, then when retro becomes more automonous I'll stop whipping the cards out and perform the magic metaphysically. Maybe, i can get to that today, if not today, I'll do it soon.

Ok I think its time for a walk and a stretch.

[Sava]

been doing so much better with grounding, and staying grounded, writing in my handwritten journal, letting go of old beliefs, and I am almost done with the introduction to kundalini lesson. feeling so great today I woke up earlier than normal and feel full of energy.

I read the part where Mystress says "do not seek awakening unless you are ready to turn your life over to the Will of your Soul." and I have read this many times. But it had more meaning this time around, it felt more attainable, more doable. Looking forward to what may come~

[Mystress]

Life flows better with Goddess in charge.

[Sava]

I'll admit I haven't made much progress since my awakening 7 years ago

But I think now I can see what has been holding me back

I've identified the cause and am committed to changing my ways

And things have gotten better



I'm hearing the cues from my body more easily

Sometimes the sensations/phenomena feel invasive but I am learning to go with it and not be scared when Goddess moves through me

It just requires a deeper surrender on my part



I'm on Roleplay and Responsibility now, I've been going slowly but that's ok, I'm not in a rush.



I will stay on this new path and not get distracted by the things that have thrown me off course in the past. If I can go 6 days without veering off, I can go 600. I can do this, it is very hard but with my will and help from Goddess I have faith I can restore balance and let this process unfold naturally. I've been fighting for a long time, but honestly I just feel like giving up, I know it will be worth it.

[Gopi]

Happy New Year Sava!
Good to hear from you.

Expectations about linear time and progress don't make much sense when dealing with K.
Nature or Divine Feminine based way of living emphasizes cyclical nature of time - moon cycles, fertility cycles, seasonal cycles, crop cycles, etc.

As your heart chakra opens more, you will experience increased empathy with everything that you interact with. Anytime you feel something invasive or out of character:
* Pause and ground
* Ask your discernment whether what you are feeling is your own stuff? If you are grounded, you should get a clear bodily response.

Mystress taught me this. It is astonishing how much of the emotional content that flows through me is not mine (most of the time). If I identify with any of it, then I grow an ego around it.

Also, dumping overload helps manage empathy overload. I usually feel restless, anxious, and unable to focus when I am overloaded (unwanted empathic junk). That's my cue to dump overload.

I can relate to you when you say 'it is very hard'.
During my initial days of FST, I felt the same way and restarted lessons multiple times.
There were some very challenging lessons that I had to repeat many times.
I felt stuck at some lessons for several months because it took me that long to integrate the insights through life experience.
Mystress encouraged me to not give up... and honestly, a part of me knew I had to finish this course no matter how long it took.
After graduation, I can honestly say for myself that it was worth all the effort.
Several years after graduation, I re-read lessons and find new insights.

Take your time - your Higher Self and Goddess know what is best for you.
You can do this!

Namaste
Gopi

[Sava]

Thank you Gopi for the insights and kind words as always. Also, the encouragement is much appreciated.

Im off to re reading the retro tech again so I can use it more effortlessly, it really is groundbreaking tech.

[Sava]

I've been having trouble sleeping more than 5-6 hours. I usually sleep 8-9. I have been making significant changes in my lifestyle though, I didn't drink much but recently I gave up alcohol altogether.

I've been energy dumping usually 3 times a day for a total of 7-8 minutes because in the past this definitely helped me sleep more.

I feel okay, maybe slightly under rested, I only slept 5 hours last night, then laid in bed awake for about an hour.

The internet says I should be getting more sleep, but I also know that folks often need less sleep after awakening. I've just never had that affect til now. Is this a cause for concern? Maybe I just need to energy dumping more?

[Sava]

Update: day has progressed and I feel great, I don't feel tired like I haven't gotten enough sleep. I guess this might be the new normal for me, woohoo
Feeling grateful today

[Sava]

Im on role play and responsibility but am a bit stuck.



I wrote in my journal about the relationship with my parents, and have let go of blaming them, what I wrote in my journal regarding my parents is more thorough but I'll just sum it up here, the things that have bothered me about them also taught me how not to be. And I am grateful for that lesson.



I'm just struggling to understand what the other part means "Begin to get a feel for the power exchange in your own life. Notice what power exchanges appear consensual, and which have a winner and a loser or victim."



Maybe there is a different way to explain this? Maybe something experiential so I can understand it better?

[Mystress]

The power chakra issues are hardest for most people, so the ideas are revisited repeatedly.

Ultimately we are all Gods of our own lives so attitude of victimhood is very disempowering.

Goddess sees perfection, seeing your life through Her eyes is peace.

On the more mundane, people play roles to get energy from others, typically described as power games. Being grounded and getting energy from the earth gives the opt out.

 There are many systems that attempt to divine people into four quadrants, I use the one from a book: Celestine vision

Sometimes they seem contradictory like "A leader is in service to the needs of those they lead." Doctors, teachers, is a service position but via leadership.

Also sort of connected to the aspects of consciousness lesson, learning to think of identity as a committee with roles rather than a single I.

The Aspects video is missing, we could not find it on the master tapes when we redid them for better quality. I only have the realplayer version of it, tiny low rez window, 22050hertz audio; what streaming looked like in 2000. Had a chat with GPT yesterday about whether it could be restored with AI. Seems complicated!

[Sava]

I finished the aspects lesson and tried to move on to the next but was given the veil despite being there for two weeks. Is there a way to fix this?

[Mystress]

Yea its been totally broken since the Artemis launch. I hoped we could fix it before anyone noticed!! ... but J didn't see my email. He is working on it now.

In Dec I spent about 3 weeks, long days attempting to write a new membership management system with chatgpt. I wanted to release it for the new year but that day I discovered it was totally lying to me about what was done and had a complete hysterical meltdown.

I gave it up to Goddess and a grad student reappeared, the one who made the original mystery curtains! He is a pro python dev and pretty much rewrote everything, but its taken a while. It is a beautiful system.

In the meantime I am responding to pass the next lesson url directly. Check your messages.