a time of releasing.

[Blossom]

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a close family friend. She was my mother's friend of 40 years and came out to Australia just after she did. She was around for my sister and I's birth and was always around when we were growing up. We used to call her our Aunt.

Anyhow, for a few years now I've been blocking out my spirit-sense (or 'other' senses). I didn't want to see or hear anything any disembodied visitor or guide said. I guess I did this from a place of fear because the first time around it was too much and things were occurring too quickly, so I developed anxiety issues. It felt better for me to block everything out than deal with it.

On the day of this lady's death it popped into my mind to drop into her place with my mum (this was in the morning). I dismissed that and just went about my day. I left work early and was going to meet my mum at the shopping mall, we decided that the best place to meet up would be at the giant clock. While waiting for me my mother bumped into a mutual acquaintance of the friend who passed away and it was this mutual friend who let us know that the other person passed away suddenly that morning. We dropped into the deceased place because her daughter, son and niece were there. Whilst there I felt a cool energy step in close to me… it was the deceased. I received the impression that she was 'thoughtful/reflective' and was just observing everything. She didn't feel upset or anything like that. I just left things as there were, as I was still in shock and wasn't in the frame of mind to pursue things further.

Anyhow, skipping on… my sister came down for the funeral on the weekend and I did mention to her that I had sensed the deceased. I am pretty sure my sister is K-awakened as well, and her awakening happened a couple of months after mine did? but she's only been 'receptive' the last few months. In the morning my sister asked if I had felt anyone about and I said that I'd let her know. During the service the first person I felt was my father. He was coming in on my right and to my sisters left. I let her know this and she said to tell him to f' off. Fair enough. Later, I said that the deceased-friend was hovering to the right and to the left - she was comforting her family, I suppose. I tried to interact with her during the service to see how she was and I got the impression that she was okay. She hadn't crossed over yet and was just 'lingering' around for her family, but would cross over soon. She seemed happier today. During the music/reflection part of the session I got the impression of her dancing and twirling at the front, and when I shared this with my sister she interrupted me and said that she also saw her dancing to the right at the front, and that she was swaying and twirling. And went on to describe what she was wearing...it was similar to what I was seeing as well, although the tones of colours were slightly different to me.

my sister only seems to be able to perceive features of people, so when zoning in on dad for example she got his hair and smile. For grandma just her long hair. She can also sense the distance.. if people seem far away or if they're close. I had a bit more conversation with the deceased and she did come over and stood between my sister and I. My sister felt that, and was able to say that she was giving her a one-armed hug (which I perceived too). I guess we had the spirits coming over our way because we were 'receptive'. Just before we left we were speaking to her daughter, and again I received the impression of her standing there to the right of her daughter holding a champagne glass and toasting. She yelled out Cheers! to us as we were leaving. I said goodbye and sent my love.

After all that we went to lunch. My sister started a conversation on guides and past-lives. She asked me if I could sense them and I said yes. She asked how many she had. She had 6, but I was only feeling three at the time. To me it felt like a wise-one energy, a female (mother-type) and an alien of some unknown origin - it was bluish and purple. She told me that they felt distant to her... like they were far away in the background. I said this was because she hasn't invited them in to work with her directly. I mean, they work with her and stay with her, but she hasn't made a 'conscious connection'. She needs to invite them in close in order to communicate directly. Only if she wanted to (maybe I should have suggested an entity clearing? I do these every now and again - fear issue of mine). I asked her if she could sense any of mine.. and she did sense two twin-like ones. Their energy was overlapping, kind of like they were the same being. They were near identical beings with very bright faces... that means that their features weren't distinguishable because they had too much light in their face like a light-bulb. The whole 'tuning-in' thing made her tire easily and made her head feel fuzzy. I don't experience that anymore... I did when I first opened up.

She then went back to questioning various things.  I started to feel a bit self-conscious at this point because WE were in a public place. I have an issue about speaking about personal stuff in public places.  So, I kept getting the message to 'relax' and I was like 'stuff you!' back to whoever that was. They were teasing me about being like a 'skittish rabbit'. So, the other bit of information I got was in symbolism. Camels, Elephants, Carousel, Turtle, Lily and Armadillo.  I got penguin for me and owl. We checked out the meanings when we got back home. All relate to not letting people walk all over you, new beginnings and inner-strength (stuff like that). I feeling a bit wretched in the SP when we got home, so was given guidance to hold onto certain stones and to have a shower. I guess to clear out any energy I had been clinging to.

so, I surrender to goddess any fears that i still have about being 'open' and 'receptive'. And release any fears I have about disembodied beings, guides, ghosts, entities or whatever. Goddess it is all yours.

[Sigmund]

Good your embracing your abilities, Blossom.  That'll help displace your conflict about them and make acclimating to them easier. 

[Blossom]

yes, definitely. Also, not really investigating the why's of it and just surrendering it all. I tend to get stuck in micro-management if I look into things too much (control issues). :-)

[Blossom]

I live in the express lane.

I think I am a very impatient person, so I find that I have trouble with 'pacing' myself. I understand the importance of slowing down and going with the flow, but my being always wants to rush ahead anyway. I can't be happy with "stopping to smell the flowers". This flows into my everyday behaviour as well. I tend to walk very fast, so I get very frustrated and impatient with people who walk slowly - snail like. I also don't like it when people take their time getting on the bus or are very unaware of their surroundings or other people, so they take up all the space in places. I tend to rush through work and I get all my stuff done quickly. I can't stand taking my time at the shops, so I speed right through. everything is rush rush rush. I need to relax more, I think... or at least remind myself that I can take things slow.

So, surrendering to goddess my general impatience.

[Blossom]

Still keeping it in this thread, and it probably has to do with the post above.

I tend to want to micromanage the process, which means that I am not fully trusting things to unfold or that shakti has it handled. This usually occurs in one specific area and it has to do with the sensations I get in my body and crown area. When I meditate or work or do anything these sensations increase and my body vibrates, but I tend to zone in on it (it's hard to ignore it because sometimes there is pain), and this causes resistance. I am also fixated on clearing out whatever is stuck there or whatever I think is broken. It's a silly control cycle. I should really just ignore it all.

So... Goddess please take my fixation and attachment to sensations and controlling the process. I surrender it to you, it's all yours. thank you very much.

[Blossom]

More on control issues. Intergrating stuff learnt in the course.

Ergh, I caught myself out doing something 'silly'. Sometimes I forget or don't consider that people don't have my understanding for certain things.  I project my understanding onto them. So, I kind of have this expectation that they know what I do, so whatever I share is rebuked because we're not on the same wavelength.  I don't factor in a lot of things, so I automatically drag everyone up to my state of being. That's why my explanations are not thorough or clear enough at times. it's not anything they are doing wrong. 

Perhaps, I don't need to explain things at all. It's not my place to in the end. People need to discover these things for themselves, in their own time.  I can only really share stuff if source/goddess guides me to. I don't need to interfere or project my truth or understandings on to other people, that's preachy. The guidance you get is for your own benefit, not others. So, if you're guided to eat healthily that doesn't mean you need to share the news with everyone and get them to eat healthily.

It also may stir up stuff in them that they might not be ready for, and then the consequences of that is my responsibility. They don't have the experiential stuff to deal with the information, so it doesn't integrate. Why DO we assist people? if not for our own purposes e.g. to feel good. then what? I think I am just going to surrender more to source in this regard and only share when guided to (when it feels right and not because my head says it needs to add in two cents). Or if someone approaches me, but then also need to follow own guidance with that.

In essence, I am not other peoples guidance system or source. I have my own connections to tune in to, just like everyone else. I guess in ways you hand over your power to someone else when you constantly rely on their information to get you to move forward. It's silly. Need to focus attention more inward than outward. However, I can still appreciate the steps it takes to get to that space, and again if I have that expectation of thinking that other people should know better, that's me projecting on to them. They are perfect as they are, no need to interfere with that. They'll move forward on their journey without people needing to interfere, or the tools and resources will come to them. Source/Goddess has it all handled, so need to trust in that that.

[Mari]

Hi Blossom!
You have good insights 
What probably all of us notice sooner or later is that you cannot change others. I have gone long road trying to preach and often feeling superior among people that are not awakened. I got beaten up badly enough and now I choose to shut up. People do not want me telling them how to live, and the fact is, do I even know how to live myself? Often I have realized that my "teaching" hasn't made peoples lifes any better, but the opposite! The road to hell, me and my good intentions...

What I do now, is I'm almost totally closed about my lifestyle in my normal daily life. I focus as best as I can to see my class mates and non-awakened friends (whatever that in the end means) good and perfect as they are. I focus on other things in life with them and it's been very good for me. My class mates are young intelligent healthy and friendly people, why should I try to convert them in the first place? K awakening can sometimes be so traumatising it's ok for them to live without it. Goddess talks to me through these people too, all the time. I get burdened by incoming karma often too, but I'm blessed to have active Shakti and tummo that clears me well, and being around my non-awakened friends has become a blissfull experience when my body transmutes incoming karma. I have lots of support from FST lineage 

Instead Goddess has given me FST and now our own small circle of wonderful lovely adorable people to fulfill my need to even preach sometimes  I am truly blessed that they choose to come even if I make mistakes all the time! So, wonderful insights Blossom, and I'm sure those insights help you to deal with you empathy much better!

[Mari]

Hello, again

I was rereading my post and realised it mirrors my harsness towards myself a lot. It's not about you Blossom, so if some projection is coming to you I take it back now Writing is tricky, I felt good writing it but now I see the energy better. But your post is great, I just do not want to send my harshness to you...

Time for navel gazing, and letting posts rest in my computer some time before sending them in the future 

[Blossom]

Nah, don't worry about Mari. I'm fine :-)

In my situation I was thinking more in general as well as spiritual, so only really contribute when it feels right not because you feel you need to make a point :-)