Yakshas/Yakshinis and the Divine Beloved

[Marco]

Dear Mystress, dear friends,

I would like to share a story with you that had happened several months prior to taking up the FST-course. I was lying in my bed and seemed to start to wake up. What I noticed was that I was moving from the dream state to waking up but was somehow caught between these states. I noticed that my body was sleeping but my mind was awake. Suddenly, I encountered a woman in my room with fiery red eyes. She had dark long hair and was completely naked. She looked a little bit like Selma Hayek in "From Dusk Till Dawn" and was slowly crawling up my body. I was frightened. I thought that this woman was a kind of astral-entity, ready to suck up my life-force and so I fought every erotic feeling that was coming up as she caressed my body with her voluptuous breasts. Then she suddenly tried to kiss me and I tried to stay cool and completely unaffected and the lips felt dry and the kiss was not very convincing. "Oh wow, for a maybe thousands of years old entitiy, you should work on your kissing skills", I thought. Later I read about Yakshas and Yakshinis beings half demon half deity that could enslave a tantric by having sex with him on the astral plane and as I told my teacher what had happened he just laughed and said that I should forget that superstition and get myself a girl-friend. At the moment I feel not only unpleasant in my current relationship ( my infatuation is gone but hers not and we had a quarrel about the fact that she says she "loves" me after having met me only two times) but whenever I see or talk to  a woman or have chat  on the internet I feel somehow disconnected, not knowing what I want or not want from a woman. However since two days, I seem to get the inner picture of a naked woman with dark long hair, voluptous breasts, and lightly tanned skin and wearing a leathery loincloth and whenever I let the fantasy go on, we seem to be in immediate sexual embrace and I feel energy rushing up the spine. She looks exactly like the woman during that "sleeping paralysis" and when I look at her with my inner eye she sometimes seems to change her eyecolours from hazelbrown to fiery red in order to support my view. Now I am not sure what to make of that. Is this just a fantasy? A self-made creation? Or did I just not notice that I had me my Divine Beloved long before?
Best wishes, your Marco