Pre-graduation essay

[edward]

Pre-graduation essay



Two days ago my ATV got stuck deep in the jungle. I was on my way to
Mango Bay, and it is so secludet that one usually take boat to get
there. I was frustrated,
because it was early in the morning, and nobody to help me. And with a wounded
knee I was not in shape to walk all the way back to get help. Instead
I sat down,
got grounded, and felt physically the emotions I were having right in
that moment.
Suddenly a beautiful young man showed up from nowhere, and with all his effort
he pushed the ATV up two steep hill roads.

This is what my reality is like now. People show up and offer their
help. Whatever
the situation may be.

I am a little bit embarassed, now that I see that everything is me,
and everything
is Goddess. Hehe...I mostly bow my head all the time. Thank you.

I feel I become to know, more and more, that I am complete.

Yeah.

I am empty for words. But fully contained.

I noticed that the magical flow happens when I am present with my emotions.
Experiencing.

I laughed like a child, on the way down from my hill bungalow to the village,
driving the ATV through the dark jungle on one side, and the ocean on
the other,
all the way down here to write my essay.

Its more fun this way.

Now I think I will get me a coconut shake, and watch stars from the beach.


This is for you.

I love you. Thank you.



Edward

[Mystress]

After I read your "mystress visit as a witch post" I had a thought of how I will enjoy reading your grad essay... but I expected it was  still a few months away.  Not to see it next time I visit the tea room.  So I am kind of disregarding this: I think you wrote it in response to my thoughts, not because you feel ready. 

  Your growing is incredibly beautiful to watch, but I am concerned about you too.  Doesn't the "pacing" essay warn against making major life changes when in a K catharsis phase? That was my thought, when I heard you quit your job.   (but if not then, when?) 

  I believe you are following the guidance of your DB, and therefore safe... I also feel you are still not fully anchored in your body.  There is an element of recklessness to your behavior that is a little self destructive, and it makes me think you are not hearing the deeper elemental survival instincts of your body, still acting as if life is a dream and I suspect the knee injury and other accidents are your body trying to get your attention.

  Eh? Reality is a dream, but if you stub your toe it still hurts... that is the message for you, in your recent injuries.  You could manifest help for the ATV by being in the moment, but you cannot heal a damaged knee with a wave of your hand.   The body is a wonderful toy and the world is your playground, but if you break your toys they are not so much fun to play with anymore. 

  These ecstatic phases are one of the real perks of Kundalini, some of mine remain most cherished memories,and not for a moment do I want to rain on your parade.  Enjoy it, bliss out, grow, have adventures... just remember "this too, shall pass." Kundalini is like a sine wave, biorhythm. What goes up must come down.  Enjoy the vacation, but on the other side of this phase is another edward, the future guy and it would be nice if he inherits an intact body...   

   Typically, humans anticipate danger by going out of the moment: "if > then statements." If I step in front of this bus, then I may be killed or injured. The clever monkey can imagine a tiger might be behind a tree, without actually seeing it. "If there is a tiger hidden, and I go there, I may become lunch."   

  There is a deeper level of body survival instinct that does not need to think, to know.  The psychic part that knows where the tiger is, will automatically avoid it with a natual flow, in the moment. 

  Spend some time meditating on your root chakra. Project your soul into it, and get to know its wordless language of subtle instincts.

  Blessings!!   

 

[edward]

After I read your "mystress visit as a witch post" I had a thought of how I will enjoy reading your grad essay... but I expected it was  still a few months away.  Not to see it next time I visit the tea room.  So I am kind of disregarding this: I think you wrote it in response to my thoughts, not because you feel ready.

Well, I did feel some pressure, but it was the DB that made me write the grad-essay. Maybe
only to get this response. 


  Your growing is incredibly beautiful to watch, but I am concerned about you too.  Doesn't the "pacing" essay warn against making major life changes when in a K catharsis phase? That was my thought, when I heard you quit your job.   (but if not then, when?) 

I felt like moving ahead for many years actually, and when my boss offered me a couple
of months salary for quitting the same day I accepted the offer. I always follow the DB.

   I believe you are following the guidance of your DB, and therefore safe... I also feel you are still not fully anchored in your body.  There is an element of recklessness to your behavior that is a little self destructive, and it makes me think you are not hearing the deeper elemental survival instincts of your body, still acting as if life is a dream and I suspect the knee injury and other accidents are your body trying to get your attention.

True.

   Eh? Reality is a dream, but if you stub your toe it still hurts... that is the message for you, in your recent injuries.  You could manifest help for the ATV by being in the moment, but you cannot heal a damaged knee with a wave of your hand.   The body is a wonderful toy and the world is your playground, but if you break your toys they are not so much fun to play with anymore.  

Ive tried to figure this out. I was very sceptical to ride the motorbike, but my Heart voice
said it was OK and safe. After the accident I was quite angry at the Heart voice and I said
to it that I felt betrayed and that I do not trust it anymore. Then the Heart voice said the
accident was unavoidable karmic debt, and that it can not tell about karma that is to be
brought up in the future.

Anyway, on the way to the clinic,  my friend drove as crazy because we both were in panic.
When I calmed myself down I noticed that we were driving in the wrong lane and heading
towards two trailers coming against us. I said to my friend to calm down and get on
the correct lane. We luckily avoided another accident. Im sure we both would have been
dead now if I did not take action.

I think some things are unavoidable as karma, but this last incident, it was my active
choice to not be seriously injured / killed. So this experience woke me up, and Im
happy to be alive.

What do you think of this?


   These ecstatic phases are one of the real perks of Kundalini, some of mine remain most cherished memories,and not for a moment do I want to rain on your parade.  Enjoy it, bliss out, grow, have adventures... just remember "this too, shall pass." Kundalini is like a sine wave, biorhythm. What goes up must come down.  Enjoy the vacation, but on the other side of this phase is another edward, the future guy and it would be nice if he inherits an intact body...   

Offcourse. I am careful. I might not be the most in the body person I know of, but
Im very careful.

   Typically, humans anticipate danger by going out of the moment: "if > then statements." If I step in front of this bus, then I may be killed or injured. The clever monkey can imagine a tiger might be behind a tree, without actually seeing it. "If there is a tiger hidden, and I go there, I may become lunch."   

  There is a deeper level of body survival instinct that does not need to think, to know.  The psychic part that knows where the tiger is, will automatically avoid it with a natual flow, in the moment.  

  Spend some time meditating on your root chakra. Project your soul into it, and get to know its wordless language of subtle instincts.

OK, I will do that.

  Blessings!!   


Thanks.


Edward


 

[Mystress]

Well, I did feel some pressure, but it was the DB that made me write the grad-essay. Maybe only to get this response. 


  Yes, I think so.  Grad essay is a sure fire way of getting my attention, because it holds me hostage.  I have an agreement to present an evaluation of your process which I might not share at other times. 

   Ideally, the grad essay is an opportunity for you to take time to reflect on your own process, contemplate what lessons were most powerful for you, celebrate and contemplate your growth and revisit areas where you think there is more growing to be done.  At the beginning of the course I suggest keeping a journal, and the grad essay is a time to use it for reflection, gaining a larger perspective of your path. 

   You are not at that lesson yet, and don't try to skip ahead.  That sort of self reflection is just not the direction of your current phase of growth, your focus is learning to live in the moment and embrace the emotional and physical.  You have done amazing work, and it is beautiful to see!!  Even so, you are not cooked yet...  still adjusting to being alive and embodied, after being a dead guy walking, stuck in limbo for so many years. 

      My inner time sense, that your grad ritual is still a couple of months away.  What Goddess has in mind for that time though, no idea.  Not mine to say.

  Ultimately, it is not up to me... if you really feel ready to graduate, if your DB says it is grail time, I'll send you the link.   

I felt like moving ahead for many years actually, and when my boss offered me a couple
of months salary for quitting the same day I accepted the offer. I always follow the DB.


OK, you did not tell us that before~!  So you did not really quit, you were laid off with severance. You made it sound like you chucked your job on impulse.  I felt like it was ok, blissful but it is part of my job to keep an eye on you folks ...
   So, what show-off ego bit of you wanted to make it look so dramatic? Who are you trying to impress, eh? 

Ive tried to figure this out. I was very sceptical to ride the motorbike, but my Heart voice
said it was OK and safe. After the accident I was quite angry at the Heart voice and I said
to it that I felt betrayed and that I do not trust it anymore. Then the Heart voice said the
accident was unavoidable karmic debt, and that it can not tell about karma that is to be
brought up in the future.

I think some things are unavoidable as karma, but this last incident, it was my active
choice to not be seriously injured / killed. So this experience woke me up, and Im
happy to be alive.

What do you think of this?

I'd be angry too, and be doing about 100 entity clearings on my heart!  Karmic debt or no,  the heart voice lied to you?  Then tried to cover with an excuse?  That feels a kind of lame to me.  Maybe I am misunderstanding your meaning again, but... my gut smells a rat.

  It is hard to express... I've had a small, but persistent nagging feeling that something is not quite right with you.  I have not responded to your recent posts because of not wanting to bring you down or make you worry especially when I am not clear, myself, ... but if the Scary Witch Mystress shows up trying to shake some sense into you, or shake the crap out of you,... well, that is something.   The spiritual equivalent of a smack upside the head to a hysterical person. My human self may have been unwilling to deliver it, but my spiritual teacher self manifests as required.

     This idea of karmic debt... maybe just an error in translation but it makes me think of Goddess as some kind of loan shark thug who will break your knee-caps if you don't pay up.  It's not resonant,  sounds like entity or ego BS to me.   Some part of you thinks you need to be punished for being too happy?

      I see that problems often contain gifts, "Maybe good luck, maybe bad luck time will tell"... and karma is self created. I see that injury or illness is sometimes the body's way of asking for some TLC, or shouting about some issue that you are not seeing.      
 
Offcourse. I am careful. I might not be the most in the body person I know of, but
Im very careful.

LOL! Well, thank you for the reassurance, and I am sorry if I sound like a mother.

  Blessings~
 

[edward]

     Ideally, the grad essay is an opportunity for you to take time to reflect on your own process, contemplate what lessons were most powerful for you, celebrate and contemplate your growth and revisit areas where you think there is more growing to be done.  At the beginning of the course I suggest keeping a journal, and the grad essay is a time to use it for reflection, gaining a larger perspective of your path. 

     You are not at that lesson yet, and don't try to skip ahead.  That sort of self reflection is just not the direction of your current phase of growth, your focus is learning to live in the moment and embrace the emotional and physical.  You have done amazing work, and it is beautiful to see!!  Even so, you are not cooked yet...  still adjusting to being alive and embodied, after being a dead guy walking, stuck in limbo for so many years. 

Its different to be in the body, root chakra. Until now Ive mostly been in the heart and
upwards, one foot in each world it feels like.

Yesterday morning, after being waked up by my japanese friend 5 o clock in the morning,
being pulled out of bed naked, to drive him to the sunrise point, Tanote View, and experiencing the magical transition from night to day, I could feel the Tummo fire working heavily in the stomach area. You did some heavy work, eh?

After your reply Im focusing on the root, its a lot easier. Different way, its more peaceful
here, less bliss and that. When I woke up today, still in the root, instead of wanting to
cuddle with the chicken  and hens I wantet to grab one chick and eat it. Yesterday night
I had some murderous desires, so I sprayed insect spray under a lamp. I didnt know they
were gonna die so fast, so soon I was showered with dead and half-dead insects. It was
quite a massacre.

        My inner time sense, that your grad ritual is still a couple of months away.  What Goddess has in mind for that time though, no idea.  Not mine to say.

Yeah. Im gonna focus on the root constantly, and then we see after a couple of months.


OK, you did not tell us that before~!  So you did not really quit, you were laid off with severance. You made it sound like you chucked your job on impulse.  I felt like it was ok, blissful but it is part of my job to keep an eye on you folks ...
   So, what show-off ego bit of you wanted to make it look so dramatic? Who are you trying to impress, eh? 

I got the choice to either stay, and start working and not being lazy, or quit with several months salary. It was dramatic for me, after working 7  years, and in a way the job
has been like the secure base from were I live from. After one nights sleep I said I wanted
to quit, and after that I felt like being cut loose from a safety line.

I dont know what Im gonna do when I get back. I wanna start my own company though. Dont like to work for anyone else, I dont like to get orders from bosses, wanna do it
my way, follow my ideas.


I'd be angry too, and be doing about 100 entity clearings on my heart!  Karmic debt or no,  the heart voice lied to you?  Then tried to cover with an excuse?  That feels a kind of lame to me.  Maybe I am misunderstanding your meaning again, but... my gut smells a rat.


No, you understood correctly.

    It is hard to express... I've had a small, but persistent nagging feeling that something is not quite right with you.  I have not responded to your recent posts because of not wanting to bring you down or make you worry especially when I am not clear, myself, ... but if the Scary Witch Mystress shows up trying to shake some sense into you, or shake the crap out of you,... well, that is something.   The spiritual equivalent of a smack upside the head to a hysterical person. My human self may have been unwilling to deliver it, but my spiritual teacher self manifests as required.

       This idea of karmic debt... maybe just an error in translation but it makes me think of Goddess as some kind of loan shark thug who will break your knee-caps if you don't pay up.  It's not resonant,  sounds like entity or ego BS to me.   Some part of you thinks you need to be punished for being too happy?

No, no error in translation. Yes, it did say so. Ahh...Im gonna clear out the heart. Its
continous job!

        I see that problems often contain gifts, "Maybe good luck, maybe bad luck time will tell"... and karma is self created. I see that injury or illness is sometimes the body's way of asking for some TLC, or shouting about some issue that you are not seeing.      

In the root the body feels like asking for love and caring.

LOL! Well, thank you for the reassurance, and I am sorry if I sound like a mother.

Dont be sorry. I do like to get whacked, and that you are strict.

Edward

[Mystress]

After your reply Im focusing on the root, its a lot easier. Different way, its more peaceful
here, less bliss and that. When I woke up today, still in the root, instead of wanting to
cuddle with the chicken  and hens I wantet to grab one chick and eat it. Yesterday night
I had some murderous desires, so I sprayed insect spray under a lamp. I didnt know they
were gonna die so fast, so soon I was showered with dead and half-dead insects. It was
quite a massacre.

Yeah. Im gonna focus on the root constantly, and then we see after a couple of months.

All things in moderation. As you are discovering, issues in one chakra show up for resolution elsewhere.  How did your power chakra react to the root chakra impulse of killing bugs?  It is a holographic system.  You have to pay attention and integrate all the chakras.

  Only spending time in the upper chakras is another version of hiding out in the underworld, in spirit.  It is in the lower chakras of the physical where you need to continue integrating with your body. 

  It is happening anyway, the second chakra is the seat of emotions, you are being shown it is ok to be there with your feelings, it is blissful and productive, and you have reclaimed your sexuality. 

  Your impulses so far are a little dramatic, but if you are going to experiment, you will find it more fulfilling to kill something you can eat. Go fishing, or buy a live crab from the market.  Love it, appreciate its beauty, thank it for its life and body, then kill it cook it and eat it. Have the experience, integrate your ancient ancestors by enacting the ancient ways of simple survival.   

  Did you notice, you did not love the chicks any less, for wanting to eat them.

   When I go to the zoo, seeing the lovely antelopes, deer, gazelles... I appreciate their grace and beauty, and I can see them roasting on a spit over a fire... both, and there is no inconsistency.  Just how they look from different chakra levels.   

In the root the body feels like asking for love and caring. 
 
    Yeah! That's what I'm talking about. The root chakra does not have emotions, so much as appetites, hungers.  It has instincts to get basic human needs met: food, shelter, companionship, continuance of the species, health, safety.  It has no sense of time, but depending on your DNA, it may be wired to the changing seasons and the pull of the tides. 

It is not intellectual, it does not think or reason so much as *sense.*  It has no language, you have to bring the energy up to the throat for translation, to write about it. Yet at the same time, it is where the serpents coil sleeping, and it is the connection to the planet, the life force magnetic field and the organizing consciousness we call Gaiamind. So while it appears simple to the intellect, it is wired into a vast and silent consciousness.

LOL! Well, thank you for the reassurance, and I am sorry if I sound like a mother.

Dont be sorry. I do like to get whacked, and that you are strict.

Edward
 
  sub guys, heh... ok. Blessings...

[edward]

All things in moderation. As you are discovering, issues in one chakra show up for resolution elsewhere.  How did your power chakra react to the root chakra impulse of killing bugs?  It is a holographic system.  You have to pay attention and integrate all the chakras.

Well, I did have the runs afterwards. And all night through, and the morning after.

I have noticed that I get less bitten by mosquitos now. Im more on guard with body,
and more aware of it.

So I should focus at the root and the heart at the same time?

  Only spending time in the upper chakras is another version of hiding out in the underworld, in spirit.  It is in the lower chakras of the physical where you need to continue integrating with your body. 

  It is happening anyway, the second chakra is the seat of emotions, you are being shown it is ok to be there with your feelings, it is blissful and productive, and you have reclaimed your sexuality. 

  Your impulses so far are a little dramatic, but if you are going to experiment, you will find it more fulfilling to kill something you can eat. Go fishing, or buy a live crab from the market.  Love it, appreciate its beauty, thank it for its life and body, then kill it cook it and eat it. Have the experience, integrate your ancient ancestors by enacting the ancient ways of simple survival.   

Oh my god. I can kill insects, but I think the fish and the crab will not taste good. I once
ate a fish that I catched, it didnt taste good. Anyway, will try it one day.


  Did you notice, you did not love the chicks any less, for wanting to eat them.

Yeah, its like I both want to eat them and kiss them at the same time.

I feel like an animal in the root, more animal like desires. Like a reptile. I notice
the way I eat my food now is more like an animal eating. I havent gotten any
complaints about my eating manners though.


    When I go to the zoo, seeing the lovely antelopes, deer, gazelles... I appreciate their grace and beauty, and I can see them roasting on a spit over a fire... both, and there is no inconsistency.  Just how they look from different chakra levels.   



In the root the body feels like asking for love and caring. 
 
    Yeah! That's what I'm talking about. The root chakra does not have emotions, so much as appetites, hungers.  It has instincts to get basic human needs met: food, shelter, companionship, continuance of the species, health, safety.  It has no sense of time, but depending on your DNA, it may be wired to the changing seasons and the pull of the tides.


It is not intellectual, it does not think or reason so much as *sense.*  It has no language, you have to bring the energy up to the throat for translation, to write about it. Yet at the same time, it is where the serpents coil sleeping, and it is the connection to the planet, the life force magnetic field and the organizing consciousness we call Gaiamind. So while it appears simple to the intellect, it is wired into a vast and silent consciousness.


Ive cleared more than a couple of hundred entities from heart. Persistent voices, says
I hate you, We love you...etc. Everytime I say Goddess please take this.

I thought I was pretty entity free, but it feels like a wormhole has been opened.

Is this right?


Edward

[Mystress]

Ive cleared more than a couple of hundred entities from heart. Persistent voices, says
I hate you, We love you...etc. Everytime I say Goddess please take this.

I thought I was pretty entity free, but it feels like a wormhole has been opened.

Is this right?


Edward

   Surrender doesn't work on entities, they have free will. You have to do the entity clearing from the lesson about it. Ya know, leave your house unoccupied long enough, don't be surprised to find squatters have moved in! 

   When all the chakras are cleared and accessable, you can shuttle through their perceptions like channel surfing the TV.

  Blessings!

[Gustaf]

Surrendered some entities around my heart this morning.  Yesterday I was listening to a song with the Buddhist mantra "Om Mani Padme Hum", and DB started dancing in the heart lotus.  This morning I noticed some entities that must have been stirred up. It was a bit like opening a sunroof or sunhatch. "There's the door, byebye!"  Mind can show such humour sometimes.  The cosmic joke?  Some of the entities were dragging suitcases and those big hat-boxes that rich ladies have in wild west movies.

Namaste
Gustaf