Can I Get A Witness (State)? (Apologies to Marvin Gaye)

Barg · Dec 04, 2000, 06:13:28 PM

Always loved that song, and Marvin Gaye.

Anyway . . .

I went thru the 9 lessons that Mystress asked me to. A couple involved putting protections on my computer and apartment, and I did that today, went back to those lessons. Felt I had to clean my apartment more before doing that. So I cleaned.

It was a very interesting experience, and I'm having serveral different feelings about it.

I like going thru the lessons (or some of them) slowly, chewing on the links, etc. And I can get very lost in the web, so sometimes one link would take me out for a while. That sometimes makes it slow going with the lessons.

But going at a little faster clip, the lessons seem to build on each other more easily.

Part of the problem is definitely my ability to focus is so erratic right now. And I can distract myself so easily. Maybe that comes from living in New York City, where distractions come at you a thousand per second.

Mainly, what I think I've learned, is that I have to set aside time each week--two/three times a week to do this work. And at that time, I have to calm myself down by meditating, turn off the phone, and really make time to do this work. That's the key to getting anything done I think.

I'm beginning to think my inertia has a lot to do with too many things on my plate. I have to really make some tough choices about what's important to me, and the spiritual work I'm doing is becoming more and more important to me. Nothing else seems to matter without a strong spiritual base.

Now I'm not a person who's come to this easily. I've spent a large part of my life as a stone atheist Marxist, high nihilism too. But I couldn't bear wallowing in that much pain and darkness, so I became a drug addict. When I got clean (about 14 years ago), I started gently touching on spiritual matters. But never really went far. A little zen, stuff like that. Now I'm opening up more doors for myself, because I feel so out of balance, so out of touch with meaning and focus.

Ah, but I digress. Anyway, thanks Mystress for the assignment. It did kick me into gear. I guess what I can do to keep up my momentum is:

1. To set aside time each week (really MAKE time, not grab time)

2. To follow the links, but not get lost on the web, so that I make the lessons infinitely longer than need be.

Also, I like to say that I feel I'm finally getting the grounding thing. I've had some beautiful groundings, with lovely images and very tingly. Usually, I get the best grounding results when I remember to slow down, breath deeply, and focus before the grounding. Also, I've been doing some sound stuff, harmonics/chakra balancing exercises, and I ground before it and after it. The after grounding today was increadible. Energy gushing thru me! I'm finding using my voice in meditation very effective.

Blasts of light to you all,
Barg

Mystress · Dec 07, 2000, 05:13:31 AM

: Mainly, what I think I've learned, is that I have to set aside time each week--two/three times a week to do this work.

Yes.

: And at that time, I have to calm myself down by meditating, turn off the phone, and really make time to do this work. That's the key to getting anything done I think.

I suggest you get grounded before you begin each lesson, so you can check the info with your discernment and let your heart voice do the commentary.

:Nothing else seems to matter without a strong spiritual base.

That's what I find.. without Spirit nothing is worth doing and with Grace it doesn't matter what you do, fulfillment is in every moment.

: 2. To follow the links, but not get lost on the web, so that I make the lessons infinitely longer than need be.

I never intended that nnyone read the links on all of the lessons.. LOL!! I haven't even read them all, percyval and Jasper helped with the link-finding. Read the ones that are of most interest to you, skip the rest. You can always come back to them later.

: Also, I like to say that I feel I'm finally getting the grounding thing.

Good!

:I've had some beautiful groundings, with lovely images and very tingly. Usually, I get the best grounding results when I remember to slow down, breath deeply, and focus before the grounding.

Yes. With time it will get easier, your body will e trained to enter a grounded state very quickly and you can go about your day being grounded. I'm not always completely grounded either, I get some anxieties sometimes. Makes me appreciate the states of Grace all the more.

:Also, I've been doing some sound stuff, harmonics/chakra balancing exercises, and I ground before it and after it.

Excellent. I like to sing along with my favorite music note for note and breath for breath, as a meditation. Keeps me in the moment because if I think ahead I lose the flow.
Blessings!

Barg · Dec 07, 2000, 05:31:51 PM

: : 2. To follow the links, but not get lost on the web, so that I make the lessons infinitely longer than need be.

: I never intended that nnyone read the links on all of the lessons.. LOL!! I haven't even read them all, percyval and Jasper helped with the link-finding. Read the ones that are of most interest to you, skip the rest. You can always come back to them later.

Perhaps part of my inertia stems from a crazy kind of perfectionism. If the links are part of the lessonk, I feel I have to investigate every link before going on to the next lesson.

AND, if a particular link has a lot of stuff on the site, I wind up having to investigate the site somewhat thoroughly. No wonder I was moving so slowly. Then I wouldn't do the lesson, because I never felt I had time enough to finish the links.
Then I feel like I'm moving thru concrete,
then inertia sets in
and the inability to move thru concrete,
so I just don't move.
Then I get depressed,
then I eat porkrinds with my carrot juice,
then I start thinking nasty, negative thoughts and filling with self-pity,
then I suffer a little death for several weeks
or months
(it used to be years)
then I start smoking again,
then I catch a flu and fear pneumonia will ensue again,
then I stop smoking and take antibiotics,
then I eat better-breathe better
start singing again,
then I start feeling better,
then my groundings become more powerful because
I focus better and do them joyfully
and lovingly,
then I feel a hell of a lot better.
Then I wonder why
I have to repeat this cycle again and again.

Who would have thought web links would have such consequences! Of course, you realize I'm describing one of my patterns here, and it's evoked by all sorts of things, not just web links.

Of course, I pride myself on understanding and loving postmodernism, one aspect of which has been to expose linear thinking as a constructed architecture of mind, and not anything particularly "natural." So you'd think I'd be able to hit a few links, move on, come back to some things later, generally be more playful, less linear. Geez.

Of course yr advice is just right. I don't have to be a link nazi. I can just relax. I must remember I'm doing this because I like it, not because someone's making me. Because I'm hungry to not feel like an alien on my own planet.

Ach. Still baby-stepping, but having a wonderful day today.

Wide eyes to all of us,
Barg

Augustin · Dec 07, 2000, 09:09:28 PM

: : : 2. To follow the links, but not get lost on the web, so that I make the lessons infinitely longer than need be.

: : I never intended that nnyone read the links on all of the lessons.. LOL!! I haven't even read them all, percyval and Jasper helped with the link-finding. Read the ones that are of most interest to you, skip the rest. You can always come back to them later.

: Perhaps part of my inertia stems from a crazy kind of perfectionism. If the links are part of the lessonk, I feel I have to investigate every link before going on to the next lesson.

: AND, if a particular link has a lot of stuff on the site, I wind up having to investigate the site somewhat thoroughly. No wonder I was moving so slowly. Then I wouldn't do the lesson, because I never felt I had time enough to finish the links.
: Then I feel like I'm moving thru concrete,
: then inertia sets in
: and the inability to move thru concrete,
: so I just don't move.
: Then I get depressed,
: then I eat porkrinds with my carrot juice,

Thank you Barg for bringing up the topic of all the links on each lessons.
It seems that I am having the same problem: take too much time investigating the links.
(I don't eat porkrinds with carrot juice though!)

I'll see how much I want to investigate them in the future...

Thanks,

Augustin

Mystress · Dec 10, 2000, 02:53:23 AM

: Perhaps part of my inertia stems from a crazy kind of perfectionism. If the links are part of the lessonk, I feel I have to investigate every link before going on to the next lesson.

Well, you don't.. I'll add that info to the couse instructions at the beginning. Some of the links are more important than others.. like, other folks have written a lot about the properties of each chakra, so there are a lot of useful links on that lesson. Other lessons.. some of the links totally disagree with what I'm teaching, just to provide and alternate viewpoint, others are of casual interest only. It's the coursework itself, that is important.

I used to be a perfectionist.. but I could not complete things, nothing was ever good enough and projects got abandoned instead of finished. So, now I tend to finish things 80% and call it good enough. Thus, all of my sites have a few dead links and pages that never got spellchecked. So what? Better 80% wonderful than no site at all.

I listened to a tape on procrastination this week, the woman said, "If a job is worth doing, it's worth doing badly.." Ha! A way to cut perfectionism down to size. Don't be so hard on yourself. Goddess doesn't judge you.

: Then I feel like I'm moving thru concrete,
: then inertia sets in
: and the inability to move thru concrete,
: so I just don't move.
: Then I get depressed,
: then I eat porkrinds with my carrot juice,
: then I start thinking nasty, negative thoughts and filling with self-pity,
: then I suffer a little death for several weeks
: or months
: (it used to be years)
: then I start smoking again,
: then I catch a flu and fear pneumonia will ensue again,
: then I stop smoking and take antibiotics,
: then I eat better-breathe better
: start singing again,
: then I start feeling better,
: then my groundings become more powerful because
: I focus better and do them joyfully
: and lovingly,
: then I feel a hell of a lot better.
: Then I wonder why
: I have to repeat this cycle again and again.

Each time you repeat it, it gets less, right? So, gradually the pendulum slows in it's orbit. However, it is the nature of nature to be cyclical, biorythms and seasons turning. If we were blissed out all the time, we would cease to appreciate it and become jaded.

I have similar cycles, hormones and moon phases.. periods of intertia followed by bursts of creativity. If I take on Karma and crash from ascension I get quite bitchy and blame people for stuff.. fortunately I have a few people around me who cherish my bitchiness..

: Of course, I pride myself on understanding and loving postmodernism, one aspect of which has been to expose linear thinking as a constructed architecture of mind, and not anything particularly "natural." So you'd think I'd be able to hit a few links, move on, come back to some things later, generally be more playful, less linear. Geez.

This feedback is extrememly useful for me. You see, aside from back in 1996 when I was doing group Tantra workshops, I have always taught one-on-one, and with no schedule of planned lessons. I taught whatever was needed in the moment, chanelling guidance as it was asked for. I adapted the teaching to the individual student's aptitude and whatever life events called for. Goddess in charge, She made the time table and I was just the vessel. So, when it came time to create this course I was at a loss to really know where to begin and how to organize the important information into linearity.

I finally had to create a "teacher" ego to write the course.. it was kind of an odd creation, very aggressive as a teacher.. wierd. When it was done I killed that ego off again, it's purpose was complete. Jasper observed to me recently, I am not the same person as the woman who wrote this course.. the teacher ego is passed and now I'm just hanging out with y'all..

I am still considering the pattern of linearity, in the lessons, and the course is still evolving as I get feedback from you all. I think I might move the lesson on the Witness state closer to the beginning.. because it seems y'all need it sooner than it is presented as the course is, now.. I think I might move some other lessons around, as well.. created an updates page today but it is not uploaded yet.

: Of course yr advice is just right. I don't have to be a link nazi. I can just relax. I must remember I'm doing this because I like it, not because someone's making me. Because I'm hungry to not feel like an alien on my own planet.

Well, I cannot promise that.. It is possible that you really are an alien born into human form. My guidance keeps telling me I am.. recently I was even told to get my DNA tested to prove it.. LOL!! But for this lifetime, my place is here, to do the work I came in for, and it is blissful.

: Ach. Still baby-stepping, but having a wonderful day today.

: Wide eyes to all of us,
: Barg

Blessings to you, gorgeous!

Augustin · Dec 11, 2000, 09:26:30 AM

: I used to be a perfectionist.. but I could not complete things, nothing was ever good enough and projects got abandoned instead of finished. So, now I tend to finish things 80% and call it good enough. Thus, all of my sites have a few dead links and pages that never got spellchecked. So what? Better 80% wonderful than no site at all.

There are quite a few broken links in lesson 2. I prepared a list of them that I originally meant to send to you, should you welcome this kind of information. Do you?
Would you also welcome this kind of feedback to help you update each lesson?

: I listened to a tape on procrastination this week, the woman said, "If a job is worth doing, it's worth doing badly.." Ha! A way to cut perfectionism down to size. Don't be so hard on yourself. Goddess doesn't judge you.

Hmmm, Worth doing badly?
Something for me to remember.
Thanks.

Augustin.

Barg · Dec 13, 2000, 12:32:44 PM

: : Of course, I pride myself on understanding and loving postmodernism, one aspect of which has been to expose linear thinking as a constructed architecture of mind, and not anything particularly "natural." So you'd think I'd be able to hit a few links, move on, come back to some things later, generally be more playful, less linear. Geez.

: This feedback is extrememly useful for me. You see, aside from back in 1996 when I was doing group Tantra workshops, I have always taught one-on-one, and with no schedule of planned lessons. I taught whatever was needed in the moment, chanelling guidance as it was asked for. I adapted the teaching to the individual student's aptitude and whatever life events called for. Goddess in charge, She made the time table and I was just the vessel. So, when it came time to create this course I was at a loss to really know where to begin and how to organize the important information into linearity.

I'm not sure how to read your response here, so I want to make perfectly clear that my complaints about linearity were about the way I'm approaching the course, not the way you've set it up. I have no complaints about the basic nature of the class, the way it's set up.

My complaints were about my own inability to do a lesson, hit a link or two, move on, go back later, and treat the lessons as non-linear by not having to peruse every inch of every link in a straight line. Now actually, just calling attention to this, and the assignment you gave me has snapped me out of this, and I feel a little looser. I'm still reading a lot of links, but the difference is, I don't feel I HAVE to, and I don't read every link. I feel more free about it, and having fun. Sometimes my own rigidity appalls and astonishes me, because I like to think of myself as such a free spirit.

Sigh.

Barg

Mystress · Dec 14, 2000, 02:22:54 AM

: I'm not sure how to read your response here, so I want to make perfectly clear that my complaints about linearity were about the way I'm approaching the course, not the way you've set it up. I have no complaints about the basic nature of the class, the way it's set up.

Is alright.. I was just talking about my own stuff. The course is basically complete but I'm always looking for ways to make it better. It appears that some lessons that come later need to come earlier.. etc.. my stuff.

: My complaints were about my own inability to do a lesson, hit a link or two, move on, go back later, and treat the lessons as non-linear by not having to peruse every inch of every link in a straight line. Now actually, just calling attention to this, and the assignment you gave me has snapped me out of this, and I feel a little looser. I'm still reading a lot of links, but the difference is, I don't feel I HAVE to, and I don't read every link. I feel more free about it, and having fun. Sometimes my own rigidity appalls and astonishes me, because I like to think of myself as such a free spirit.

: Sigh.

: Barg

Good! Have fun with it..
Blessings!

Mystress · Dec 14, 2000, 02:29:04 AM

:
: : I used to be a perfectionist.. but I could not complete things, nothing was ever good enough and projects got abandoned instead of finished. So, now I tend to finish things 80% and call it good enough. Thus, all of my sites have a few dead links and pages that never got spellchecked. So what? Better 80% wonderful than no site at all.

: There are quite a few broken links in lesson 2. I prepared a list of them that I originally meant to send to you, should you welcome this kind of information. Do you?
: Would you also welcome this kind of feedback to help you update each lesson?

Sure.. but it is the nature of the web, that a link that is dead one day might work fine the next.. might just be a server down that day. Updating links can become a full time job. I can test all the links on a page with one mouse click, in the webdesign program I use.. but it's no use taking out a lot of useful links that might be back up tomorrow.

: : I listened to a tape on procrastination this week, the woman said, "If a job is worth doing, it's worth doing badly.." Ha! A way to cut perfectionism down to size. Don't be so hard on yourself. Goddess doesn't judge you.

: Hmmm, Worth doing badly?
: Something for me to remember.
: Thanks.

It is a way to get your ego out of the way, and get things done. There is a place for "do your best", but sometimes "best" is too much pressure.. so.. "just do it".

: Augustin.

Blessings!