Inner Mother/ Goddess

[Augustin]

One of the things that I expect from this course, and I  am confident that I will not be disappointed, is to be able to be closer to my inner, divine being, to what my friends at the Gnostic Movement called our Inner Mother, to what Mystress calls Goddess. Goddess finds plenty of opportunities in life to make me aware that I am constantly looking outside of me for That Which is Missing in my heart.  Each time I think at last I have found it, I find out that it is a fake, an ego based interpretation of what I need. I go and grab what I am longing for, but as soon as I grab it, I find that it volatilizes, it disappears. It existed only for the ego but it is only emptiness. It has no flavor and doesn't satisfy my hunger.

   I am a free being, and I can choose whatever I want. I can choose to carry on running after those ghosts or I can choose to start looking inward, within my own heart. I have done enough of the former. I was always hungry, always lacking. There is nothing wrong with pain, save that I have experienced enough of it. I start to do the latter. I choose to experience being satisfied for a change. Satisfied with what I have, with what I am. When I feel a need, I am learning to look inwards for That Which is Missing in my heart. I look within my heart itself. And I find out that That Which is Missing in my heart, is just here, nowhere else but in my heart. My Inner Mother has it, she is sitting within my heart and holding within her outstretched hands That Which I was always longing for: Divine Love. It is here, ready for me, I can take it anytime, it is just that I have the free will to come and take it. Now that I have stopped looking for it outside, I find out that it was here all the time, within my heart, and that it actually never was missing. It was just that I did not have the eyes to see it.

   Of course, this is not a lesson to be learned once only, but as many times and in as many areas in my life where I projected my power out of myself. The lesson can be really painful at times, just enough to remind me to start looking within me. Fortunately, I am now cooperating, so the pain doesn't last long. I am releasing my worldly longings. I surrender my wants. And I find myself. A loving being. A loved being. One who has always been loved but was too busy looking for "love" everywhere to actually notice it.

   I liked the link from lesson one to Roger Hamstra's account of his awakening process (at Spirit Web). The way he describes our life long search for our "other half", the fact that men marry their mothers and women their fathers and the rest of it all. It all rings true to me.  

   When now I start looking at my true self, at my Inner Mother, I start to feel a bit more whole again, I start to feel Love instead of The Primal Pain. So I repeat, I am sure that this course will help me to get more and more in touch with that divine part of me. It is already happening... and I haven't finished lesson one yet!

Love to all,

many thanks to Mystress Angelique,

and also, of course, many thanks to my Divine Mother,

Augustin.

[Lady C]

:
Wow!...............Thanks.

[Mystress]

:
: One of the things that I expect from this course, and I  am confident that I will not be disappointed, is to be able to be closer to my inner, divine being, to what my friends at the Gnostic Movement called our Inner Mother, to what Mystress calls Goddess. Goddess finds plenty of opportunities in life to make me aware that I am constantly looking outside of me for That Which is Missing in my heart.  Each time I think at last I have found it, I find out that it is a fake, an ego based interpretation of what I need. I go and grab what I am longing for, but as soon as I grab it, I find that it volatilizes, it disappears. It existed only for the ego but it is only emptiness. It has no flavor and doesn't satisfy my hunger. >>>

 You cannot grab Goddess in your hands.. She will not be controlled. The ego trap is in the activity of searching. Getting caught up in activity. You cannot tame a fox by chasing after it. That won't work, it will outwit you. You have to sit still and focus on love, be receptive to what the fox wants... and patient. You canot bait it, because the fox is Goddess.. She will always outwit Her children.  

:     I am a free being, and I can choose whatever I want. I can choose to carry on running after those ghosts or I can choose to start looking inward, within my own heart. I have done enough of the former. I was always hungry, always lacking. There is nothing wrong with pain, save that I have experienced enough of it. I start to do the latter. I choose to experience being satisfied for a change. Satisfied with what I have, with what I am. When I feel a need, I am learning to look inwards for That Which is Missing in my heart. I look within my heart itself. And I find out that That Which is Missing in my heart, is just here, nowhere else but in my heart. My Inner Mother has it, she is sitting within my heart and holding within her outstretched hands That Which I was always longing for: Divine Love. It is here, ready for me, I can take it anytime, it is just that I have the free will to come and take it. Now that I have stopped looking for it outside, I find out that it was here all the time, within my heart, and that it actually never was missing. It was just that I did not have the eyes to see it.>>>>

 That is very beautiful. I am very happy for you, that your restless hunting has found peace. That fire you dreamt of has found it's way to your heart.. burned thru the shell you were keeping around it. Peace and love flows out from your writing.

:     Of course, this is not a lesson to be learned once only, but as many times and in as many areas in my life where I projected my power out of myself. The lesson can be really painful at times, just enough to remind me to start looking within me. Fortunately, I am now cooperating, so the pain doesn't last long. I am releasing my worldly longings. I surrender my wants. And I find myself. A loving being. A loved being. One who has always been loved but was too busy looking for "love" everywhere to actually notice it. >>>>  

  Yes... you are very loveable. It has been beautiful, watching you grow into the bliss of surrender.

:     I liked the link from lesson one to Roger Hamstra's account of his awakening process (at Spirit Web). The way he describes our life long search for our "other half", the fact that men marry their mothers and women their fathers and the rest of it all. It all rings true to me. >>

 Yes, I have heard it said that our ideal partner will manifest all of our parents worst qualities, so we can work out our stuff together.. I don't think relationships need to be that harsh, but that dynamic is part of the dance of projections.  

:     When now I start looking at my true self, at my Inner Mother, I start to feel a bit more whole again, I start to feel Love instead of The Primal Pain. So I repeat, I am sure that this course will help me to get more and more in touch with that divine part of me. It is already happening... and I haven't finished lesson one yet!>>>

  Beautiful.

There is a lovely group energy growing, as the coursework comes to life thru the students, so many feet treading on the same path. "Where 2 or more are gathered" works in cyberspace, outside of time.

: Love to all,

: many thanks to Mystress Angelique,

: and also, of course, many thanks to my Divine Mother,

: Augustin.
  Thanks to you, Augustin for joining us here and sharing your beautiful stories.
    Blessings..