Insight Needed!

[astoe]

Dear fellow Serpent Tantrika,

happy new year of the Snake!

I come today with a personal question, but maybe the post can also be of interest for others.

I've been pondering a while before posting this, as I think that most personal issues get cleared by themselves with time as you practice and stay connected.

However, there seems to be a recurring scheme in my life experience and I feel like I have a blind spot there. Either I can't fully understand the scope and nature of the problem, or there is something blocking me in this area that I don't (or don't want to) address with my practice.

What I want to talk about has already happened in many variations in my life, sometimes pretty stunning. The example now is just the most recent.

Imagine you are working on a personal project. There's a lot of drive in the project, coincidences that make you meet people, cooperation and an overall sense to be pushed towards the goal by a higher force. you have been working several month full time on the project (actually an app that generates ambient sounds), created a website, etc...

Then comes the moment where the project is released into the world. And that's where there seems to be something odd mixing in the energy that was there before. Coincidences are still there like meeting people that can help (journalists, other artists...), etc... I meet all those people, they're really interested in the project "wow, cool you do that" (e.g. venturing in the jungle to record sounds). But then, when I try to contact these people afterwards, just like we had agreed, there's no feedback. No answer. Nada.

It is not just on communication level, that was just an example. It is more on the level that "something" is there that says I am not allowed to get recognition, let alone success with my projects. Even an email to close friends, inviting them to check out my new website: almost nothing. Not even "hey cool", or "will check it out". I am not thin skinned (at least not officially  ), but especially the last one actually touched me.

Not that I don't get feedback at all. Some people were pretty stunned by the website. I have been playing my app at relevant places, etc... It's just that I feel that it's more like swimming against the stream, whereas development was a breeze.

Funny enough I learned to live with that state of things. I know before ego was involved. Of course you spend time and energy and you would like to see planted seeds grow. With time I am not that attached to it anymore. It is just projects, there's more important things than this.

But the on another hand I think "why?". After all, why should it not just work out great? Or is there an intergalactic karmic burden that says: You will get a lot but you will never experience the bloom of you projects!

To this I have to add that this only applies to my personal projects, which are most of the time not what I rely on to make my living. In that area there's no worries. It just seems to be the case with personal projects with a very high amount of personal investment.

Well I have written a lot. Maybe someone has suggestions or something similar to share. And in any case "Great Mother, please hear my words and bring insight into this topic.  Hereby I also submit/surrender this project to you. May it be of benefit to others as much as possible. Thank you."

thx,

a

[Ernst]

Dear Astoe,

I feel with you - you create something beautiful - you put your energy into it - and it seems you do not get the support and appreciation from other people. Reading your post reminded me on two experiences I made:

Firstly I was many times victim of my own "though forms"  - my famous was "On my Birthday there is always something terrible happening" - and you know what - I was always right,  until I sent into light and surrendered
everything attached to it.

The second is my need of peoples acceptance of me and what I am doing with the root cause: fear. I worked on this sometimes on a daily basis - many times:"Goddess please take this fear of nonacceptance and my need of external appreciation and everything attached to it as gift for you - thank you - breath out.". Now I found on the path the source of unconditional love inside of me.

I love to see your trust that issues will solve on the path.

I am on the Karma lessons (sweating) ... they bring me to my knees and show me of what I thought I am not, so personal stuff really get sorted out (funny idea - surrendering it to Goddess and she sorts for you) on the path.

all the best to you

[astoe]

Hello Ernst,

Nice to hear from you .

And yes, you are totally right with what you say. It probably boils down to fear... and maybe something close to it: accept and take responsibility for who we are.

I am rather the type of guy who aims at making the perfect thing in the studio, but I don't talk so much about it. Kind of thinking, I don't want to "bother" people with my own stuff.  But I think herein also lies the key - it occurred to me after writing yesterday. I think the change of perspective is that actually everything we create as human beings can become a gift. Not the expression of our individuality and ego anymore, but the expression of the potential for beauty inside human beings.

So from now on all I do will be an offering to enlightenment and the great mother. That's the way it goes. I am happy about it.

Thanks again and happy karma freeing

a

[Mystress]

  you could try thanking the silent ones for not feeding your ego need for approval and recognition...

[astoe]

ha, interesting twist. I will do this.

thx