A Tale Told by an Idiot

[Barg]

Hey All,

This is going to be long. I think some of you will remember an old flame getting in touch with me over email around New Year's. Well, we finally did get together. Had a great time. And he was supposed to come back this weekend.

I'm still getting used to working 5 days a week, so my energy, eating habits, cleaning process haven't been so great. My apartment was a total cluttered mess. Of course, with "company coming", especially romantic company, I got up this morning early and really made the place look beautiful. The way I like it and try to keep it, because I can't think straight when it's messy. I also don't feel very spiritual when it's messy.

So, after cleaning all morning and thinking the guy will be here any minute, I check my email, and there's one from him saying he feels really sick and can't come. Naturally, I was bummed. He was very apologetic and afraid I'd be angry. But I was really sick a few weeks ago, so I could empathize. Also, since that Republican jumped ship and gave committee chairpersonships in the Senate back to the Democrats, I've felt rather good. But I digress.

Barg's tale begins to be relevant to this course:

So, if I hadn't thought he was coming, I wouldn't have this lovely clean house today. I'd have told myself I was too tired to clean. Meanwhile, I've been avoiding doing the next lesson, which is the Divine Beloved lesson. So I think, hmmmm, I was expecting to have a romantic weekend, so this would be a perfect time to do that lesson.

I sit down and ground myself, and read the quotes, then the essay (doing the unconscious mantra a lot of times), then watch the video. I've got "Hearing Solar Winds" by The Harmonic Choir playing softly in the background--beautiful voices recorded in a cathedral just singing harmonics, and occasionally, a Tibetan bell chimes. I've got sage burning and candles lit. It's a gray, rainy day in New York City.

A little history I find relevant to the rest of the story:

In my therapy work, which encompasses releasing energy blocks, and in other investigations, it's come to my attention that my head is really divided from the rest of my body by a rather energy-dammed neck. Hard to get the energy flow through there. Hard for me to feel the rest of my body.

The story continues:

So I do the Divine Beloved lesson, and I'm following instructions to meet the whomever, which from a session with Mystress a few weeks ago, I came to call Kel.

I'm sitting up straight at the computer. My body starts swaying very softly, and I notice my neck has a sort of rubbery quality. My neck starts ever so softly swaying with the spine. At first, I can't determine if I'm (the usual control freak) moving my body or if I'm (the Divine Beloved, Goddess, etc.) moving my body.

I make a conscious effort not to guide the movement. It really didn't feel like me (I just started swaying side to side again as I write this). It starts getting stronger. Next thing I know, I'm doing neck rolls, slowly at first, then wider and wider. And I'm doing them in a particular way, allowing stretches. Then I think about how in yoga, the exercise switches direction after a while. 15 seconds later, my head switches direction.

This made me suspicious, because I'd thought it, so I thought maybe it is just control freak me doing it. But I stay with whatever it is that was going on, because it really was feeling like my neck was loosening up.

Then I realize that my hands are tingling, at first it feels like tingling, but then it feels like heat. My whole body is tingling incredibly. I can't feel or imagine anything coming up my spine tho. No energy there, it's all in the neck. Or wait, it IS in the spine, because the swaying spine is what was helping propel the neck, and the swaying influences the neck rolls in a very dancy like way. But it's not energy shooting up the spine, that I could realize at least.

The phone rings, and my answer machine is broken, so it rings and rings. My attention goes to the ringing phone, but my body keeps doing what it's doing. When my attention returns to my body, I realize the motion has taken on a life of it's own. My head starts turning side to side, stretching farther and farther each time. I'm afraid I'm going to be like Linda Blair in The Exorcist, and have my head spin completely around.

I'm thinking, that's the key. To get my attention off my body and let it do it's thing. But also to really pay attention to how the body feels doing this.

My inner body gets lighter and lighter, not weight-wise, but sun-wise. Then a bright spark of light bounces on my forehead, beams a beam straight thru to the pituatary gland, which shoots a beam up, as does the bright spark, so that there's a triangle of light in my head, but reaching way up into the wild gold yonder.

Then more neck rolls, and my neck is beginning to feel really tired, and it takes about another two minutes, but it dies down.

Meanwhile, tho I thought I saw my DB when I did that session with mystress, he looked kind of like Steve Reeves, who is way too "perfect" for my taste. Perhaps he was being sardonic. Tonight, I couldn't see anything. But I did hear a voice, and feel this energy.

I asked if it was still Kel (the name he claimed in Mystress' session, which I also thought was a dorky name when I heard it. But tonight, the voice said Kel was for Kelramamatiathonatkian (can't remember if those are the exact syllables). . . He said that he could continue to say his name for eternity, because it had no end, but he knew I was into this poetic vocal percussion and rhythmic thing, and so he gave himself a name inspired by that. I think that's really funny. His name takes eternity to say, but it's Kel for short. I also think that's a fabulous name!

And I'm not sure if it was his voice or not, but I also heard, "We're taking this process really slowly. You need loosening up."

After it was over, I read all the links in the lesson. Haven't done that in a while. Read the next lesson, and now am a little freaked because I didn't see a form. I don't want to be one of the 10%. But I don't remember a lot of my childhood either. Though I never felt like I was an abused child. Certainly not by my parents. I don't think by my brother.

Then I read the next lesson, about making a divine date with my DB. I realized that I'd already done the preparations, because I was expecting this guy. So I'd made the place lovely, groomed mindfully, rubbed myself all over with lavender body lotion. I was all set when I did the DB lesson and didn't even know it. Such a coincidence. Maybe that's why "I" avoided the DB lesson til today. My apartment was such a mess. Who'd want to invite a DB over to that?

Normally, if a/the guy couldn't get here, I'd be really pissed and disappointed. But even as I read his email, it all seemed so preordained--and I didn't even know I was going to do the DB lesson then. I feel like today was carved out by something else. Then I think I'm either a fool or an idiot to believe such nonsense.

It's not much, I know, and perhaps I'm blowing it out of proportion. I'm such a sick fuck skeptic, and this really blew my mind.

Barg

So that's the tale. Thanks for listening.

Barg

[Percyval]

hiya Barg,

that was so delightful to read... sounds to me like K-flow working hard at burning through one of your blocks in the neck area...

so do you still think you are not a K-awakened person? some people think this term means something like "fully awakened"... but i think it just means that your serpents are awake and they are rising up through your chakras... they are just beginning an amazing transformation...

warmly,

percyval

[Augustin]

The idiots are the closest to God(dess).
You are blessed. :-)

Are you the Barg who told us during the chat last week that you're not kawakened yet? ;-) (I had a really nice time with you girls, by the way!)

I enjoyed your tale; thanks for sharing :-D

Love to you and to the other classmates in the big apple..

Augustin

[Mystress]

 I really want to thank you for sharing your experience, Barg.. it is lovely.. so perfect. Sublime!
Blessings!

: Hey All,

: This is going to be long. I think some of you will remember an old flame getting in touch with me over email around New Year's. Well, we finally did get together. Had a great time. And he was supposed to come back this weekend.

: I'm still getting used to working 5 days a week, so my energy, eating habits, cleaning process haven't been so great. My apartment was a total cluttered mess. Of course, with "company coming", especially romantic company, I got up this morning early and really made the place look beautiful. The way I like it and try to keep it, because I can't think straight when it's messy. I also don't feel very spiritual when it's messy.

: So, after cleaning all morning and thinking the guy will be here any minute, I check my email, and there's one from him saying he feels really sick and can't come. Naturally, I was bummed. He was very apologetic and afraid I'd be angry. But I was really sick a few weeks ago, so I could empathize. Also, since that Republican jumped ship and gave committee chairpersonships in the Senate back to the Democrats, I've felt rather good. But I digress.

: Barg's tale begins to be relevant to this course:

: So, if I hadn't thought he was coming, I wouldn't have this lovely clean house today. I'd have told myself I was too tired to clean. Meanwhile, I've been avoiding doing the next lesson, which is the Divine Beloved lesson. So I think, hmmmm, I was expecting to have a romantic weekend, so this would be a perfect time to do that lesson.

: I sit down and ground myself, and read the quotes, then the essay (doing the unconscious mantra a lot of times), then watch the video. I've got "Hearing Solar Winds" by The Harmonic Choir playing softly in the background--beautiful voices recorded in a cathedral just singing harmonics, and occasionally, a Tibetan bell chimes. I've got sage burning and candles lit. It's a gray, rainy day in New York City.

: A little history I find relevant to the rest of the story:

: In my therapy work, which encompasses releasing energy blocks, and in other investigations, it's come to my attention that my head is really divided from the rest of my body by a rather energy-dammed neck. Hard to get the energy flow through there. Hard for me to feel the rest of my body.

: The story continues:

: So I do the Divine Beloved lesson, and I'm following instructions to meet the whomever, which from a session with Mystress a few weeks ago, I came to call Kel.

: I'm sitting up straight at the computer. My body starts swaying very softly, and I notice my neck has a sort of rubbery quality. My neck starts ever so softly swaying with the spine. At first, I can't determine if I'm (the usual control freak) moving my body or if I'm (the Divine Beloved, Goddess, etc.) moving my body.

: I make a conscious effort not to guide the movement. It really didn't feel like me (I just started swaying side to side again as I write this). It starts getting stronger. Next thing I know, I'm doing neck rolls, slowly at first, then wider and wider. And I'm doing them in a particular way, allowing stretches. Then I think about how in yoga, the exercise switches direction after a while. 15 seconds later, my head switches direction.

: This made me suspicious, because I'd thought it, so I thought maybe it is just control freak me doing it. But I stay with whatever it is that was going on, because it really was feeling like my neck was loosening up.

: Then I realize that my hands are tingling, at first it feels like tingling, but then it feels like heat. My whole body is tingling incredibly. I can't feel or imagine anything coming up my spine tho. No energy there, it's all in the neck. Or wait, it IS in the spine, because the swaying spine is what was helping propel the neck, and the swaying influences the neck rolls in a very dancy like way. But it's not energy shooting up the spine, that I could realize at least.

: The phone rings, and my answer machine is broken, so it rings and rings. My attention goes to the ringing phone, but my body keeps doing what it's doing. When my attention returns to my body, I realize the motion has taken on a life of it's own. My head starts turning side to side, stretching farther and farther each time. I'm afraid I'm going to be like Linda Blair in The Exorcist, and have my head spin completely around.

: I'm thinking, that's the key. To get my attention off my body and let it do it's thing. But also to really pay attention to how the body feels doing this.

: My inner body gets lighter and lighter, not weight-wise, but sun-wise. Then a bright spark of light bounces on my forehead, beams a beam straight thru to the pituatary gland, which shoots a beam up, as does the bright spark, so that there's a triangle of light in my head, but reaching way up into the wild gold yonder.

: Then more neck rolls, and my neck is beginning to feel really tired, and it takes about another two minutes, but it dies down.

: Meanwhile, tho I thought I saw my DB when I did that session with mystress, he looked kind of like Steve Reeves, who is way too "perfect" for my taste. Perhaps he was being sardonic. Tonight, I couldn't see anything. But I did hear a voice, and feel this energy.

: I asked if it was still Kel (the name he claimed in Mystress' session, which I also thought was a dorky name when I heard it. But tonight, the voice said Kel was for Kelramamatiathonatkian (can't remember if those are the exact syllables). . . He said that he could continue to say his name for eternity, because it had no end, but he knew I was into this poetic vocal percussion and rhythmic thing, and so he gave himself a name inspired by that. I think that's really funny. His name takes eternity to say, but it's Kel for short. I also think that's a fabulous name!

: And I'm not sure if it was his voice or not, but I also heard, "We're taking this process really slowly. You need loosening up."

: After it was over, I read all the links in the lesson. Haven't done that in a while. Read the next lesson, and now am a little freaked because I didn't see a form. I don't want to be one of the 10%. But I don't remember a lot of my childhood either. Though I never felt like I was an abused child. Certainly not by my parents. I don't think by my brother.

: Then I read the next lesson, about making a divine date with my DB. I realized that I'd already done the preparations, because I was expecting this guy. So I'd made the place lovely, groomed mindfully, rubbed myself all over with lavender body lotion. I was all set when I did the DB lesson and didn't even know it. Such a coincidence. Maybe that's why "I" avoided the DB lesson til today. My apartment was such a mess. Who'd want to invite a DB over to that?

: Normally, if a/the guy couldn't get here, I'd be really pissed and disappointed. But even as I read his email, it all seemed so preordained--and I didn't even know I was going to do the DB lesson then. I feel like today was carved out by something else. Then I think I'm either a fool or an idiot to believe such nonsense.

: It's not much, I know, and perhaps I'm blowing it out of proportion. I'm such a sick fuck skeptic, and this really blew my mind.

: Barg

: So that's the tale. Thanks for listening.

:
: Barg