Hello again to all the lovely people on this forum, and hoping that the year 2008 is treating you well! :) :)
I've been a bit behind on the course (for a very generous definition of "bit" ;) ) and having some bad issues surfacing through my writing (lol! maybe I shouldn't aspire to be a writer if it freaks me out like that! ;) ) so this "unconditional love" thing feels more far away and alien than ever... but maybe it needed to happen so I can get rid of this bad stuff once and forever, and I know I have to work on grounding more seriously than usual, and I believe I can do it :)
Peace & love,
Helen
Hi Helen,
Feeling similar, the beginning of last year was for me one of great hope and I was convinced my new freelance career was taking off well - as it has happened I have had a lot of very big lessons to learn, big fat ripened karmic lessons to integrate and for the past month I have been feeling like suicide was a pretty tempting option .......... as I'm now in my 53rd year, new beginnings feel less 'fresh' :) :)
I even stopped doing all the things that were supporting me, Mystress' grounding work, the healing Qi Gong, the breathing exercises, the simple asanas, and as each learning disappointment, the next client took me to the cleaners, the next potential work contract dissolved into the usual lack of co-operative endeavour battered out of potential by conflicting egos and peoples lack of vision and my own bloody stupidity - I have slid and slid and slid...........................and then slid another 30ft drop more. I've been rejected for professional jobs, caring jobs, manual jobs, casual jobs whilst seeing my bank balance dissolving in a magical way by the forces of high street retail, the utilities, the supermarkets and their call centre employees and sales teams trying to prise a little more commitment and last bit of dosh out of me in the latest sneakiest and fear inducing way they can invent.
However, I am beginning to wonder if all the tears I've shed this year have been part of a process of
change that has been hard but necessary...........I have been well forced out of my comfort zone and the veil of Maya. Done all the accounts work I've been putting off for a year, faced up to my profligate consumerism, cleared the house full of unfinished projects, clutter, unfulfilled promises and aspects of my own mess that I have refused to face for so long and maybe now I can begin to pick up the few threads attached to my root karmic responsibilities and do what I need to do, nothing else...maybe I'm there now or at least, getting there.
Thanks so much to Mystress' site and Sigmund Tummo efforts, I am a lazy student a bit deaf, dumb and blind to the world of spirit - but I am at least now beginning to wake up thank heavens and earth and all that is..........hoping and beginning to believe in the New Year and that I may just get not what I think I want, but exactly what I need.
Blessing to y'all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hollyberry