The Tea Room

Now I just feel like shit.

A few days ago, right before I did the Waking the Serpents lesson, I discovered that the second chakra is placed higher than I had thought. I don%rsquot think it%rsquos a coincidence that I didn%rsquot discover that earlier, because there seems to be a lot of repressed issues there. When I focused on the second chakra it was very intense. However, when lying in bed I managed to focus on the chakra for a few seconds and then my body went into a neither pleasant or unpleasant orgasmic state. A big fat white snake curled itself all around my body.

The days after the Serpents lesson I%rsquove had to close my eyes and watch many different scenes from this life-time showing up in my mind. It%rsquos karma, and I surrender every scene with %ldquoGoddess take this. Thank you%rdquo. Immediately after surrendering one scene, another scenes pops up. Afterwards I feel lighter, but also kinda shaky. It%rsquos hard for the body to release karma.

Today I just feel like shit. It%rsquos hard to sleep at night, keep waking up, body is hot and many intense dreams.

I also have bad conscience. I%rsquove been a little bit porn addict, but because of energy-projection and karmic-feedback I%rsquove stopped watching porn. But yesterday I blew it, and masturbated while watching porn on internet. I feel terrible!

I%rsquove also noticed that I sometimes masturbate too often, and that only makes me lazy. So, I decided to only have orgasms without ejaculation. And that is very difficult because then one is always horny. How to transmute the energy? The energy build-up just makes it more difficult to avoid porn.

Edward

Hey Edward! There was a thread like this a little farther down the list, you may want to read it again. I can't tell you how to feel, but I can say that self-blame never helped anyone. Seems as if you are making good progress in meditation! all those lower chakra blockages are being brought up, aye?

: Now I just feel like shit.

: A few days ago, right before I did the Waking the Serpents lesson, I discovered that the second chakra is placed higher than I had thought. I don%rsquot think it%rsquos a coincidence that I didn%rsquot discover that earlier, because there seems to be a lot of repressed issues there. When I focused on the second chakra it was very intense. However, when lying in bed I managed to focus on the chakra for a few seconds and then my body went into a neither pleasant or unpleasant orgasmic state. A big fat white snake curled itself all around my body.

: The days after the Serpents lesson I%rsquove had to close my eyes and watch many different scenes from this life-time showing up in my mind. It%rsquos karma, and I surrender every scene with %ldquoGoddess take this. Thank you%rdquo. Immediately after surrendering one scene, another scenes pops up. Afterwards I feel lighter, but also kinda shaky. It%rsquos hard for the body to release karma.

: Today I just feel like shit. It%rsquos hard to sleep at night, keep waking up, body is hot and many intense dreams.

:
: I also have bad conscience. I%rsquove been a little bit porn addict, but because of energy-projection and karmic-feedback I%rsquove stopped watching porn. But yesterday I blew it, and masturbated while watching porn on internet. I feel terrible!

: I%rsquove also noticed that I sometimes masturbate too often, and that only makes me lazy. So, I decided to only have orgasms without ejaculation. And that is very difficult because then one is always horny. How to transmute the energy? The energy build-up just makes it more difficult to avoid porn.

:
: Edward

Yes forget the bad conscience, see if Goddess hasn't something better for you!

Can You reserve all of Your sex drive for Your Better Half? Give the seed up to Goddess? And when resistance comes up, give it also to Her!
I imagine it could be a nice war encounter, where the skill consists in facing coldbloodedly what comes up; guess You can get cold blood from Your fem side, if You let Her Fem Dom You... .

Eventually, isn't it an honor to be called for the weapons?

Good luck!

juergen.

: Now I just feel like shit.

: A few days ago, right before I did the Waking the Serpents lesson, I discovered that the second chakra is placed higher than I had thought. I don%rsquot think it%rsquos a coincidence that I didn%rsquot discover that earlier, because there seems to be a lot of repressed issues there. When I focused on the second chakra it was very intense. However, when lying in bed I managed to focus on the chakra for a few seconds and then my body went into a neither pleasant or unpleasant orgasmic state. A big fat white snake curled itself all around my body.

: The days after the Serpents lesson I%rsquove had to close my eyes and watch many different scenes from this life-time showing up in my mind. It%rsquos karma, and I surrender every scene with %ldquoGoddess take this. Thank you%rdquo. Immediately after surrendering one scene, another scenes pops up. Afterwards I feel lighter, but also kinda shaky. It%rsquos hard for the body to release karma.

: Today I just feel like shit. It%rsquos hard to sleep at night, keep waking up, body is hot and many intense dreams.

:
: I also have bad conscience. I%rsquove been a little bit porn addict, but because of energy-projection and karmic-feedback I%rsquove stopped watching porn. But yesterday I blew it, and masturbated while watching porn on internet. I feel terrible!

: I%rsquove also noticed that I sometimes masturbate too often, and that only makes me lazy. So, I decided to only have orgasms without ejaculation. And that is very difficult because then one is always horny. How to transmute the energy? The energy build-up just makes it more difficult to avoid porn.

:
: Edward

I'm much better now.

It was "growing pains", and that I was too strict with myself.

I've been jackin' of with no guilt, and just let the energy fill my body and when I ejaculate I give it to Goddess. I feel energized and happy afterwards.

One must gently and lovingly re-arrange the thoughts, beliefs and patterns. Force will only do harm.

: Yes forget the bad conscience, see if Goddess hasn't something better for you!

: Can You reserve all of Your sex drive for Your Better Half? Give the seed up to Goddess? And when resistance comes up, give it also to Her!
: I imagine it could be a nice war encounter, where the skill consists in facing coldbloodedly what comes up; guess You can get cold blood from Your fem side, if You let Her Fem Dom You... .

: Eventually, isn't it an honor to be called for the weapons?

: Good luck!

: juergen.

If I have understood this correctly, the problem occurs when we create images of other people involved in intimate acts with us (or others). The problem appears as these images create some kind reality on the astral level, which is equivalent to %ldquospiritual rape%rdquo, as the person in question does not participate consensually. However, sometimes it%rsquos difficult to restrain from making images, as they do appear and disappear within a fraction of a second and their emotional effect can also be overwhelming.

: I've been jackin' of with no guilt, and just let the energy fill my body and when I ejaculate I give it to Goddess. I feel energized and happy afterwards.

: One must gently and lovingly re-arrange the thoughts, beliefs and patterns. Force will only do harm.

Yes, you are absolutely correct Vyana.

As one can see from the earlier discussions we%rsquove had in the Tea Room this is something that I%rsquove been aware of, but it has still taken some time for me to change my patterns and implement new ones.

If new way of thinking may ring true in my ears and I can easily accept it, but sometimes I still need to feel it by experience over a period of time before I can accept it fully, on all levels, and integrate it with my actions. So that it feels right. Otherwise I just feel forced to do, or believe something, like a dogma. This probably goes for all types of beliefs that differ from my own.

I feel so light, energetic and no need for much sleep. I run and play with my dog like a child. The child in me is more free now.

Edward

: If I have understood this correctly, the problem occurs when we create images of other people involved in intimate acts with us (or others). The problem appears as these images create some kind reality on the astral level, which is equivalent to %ldquospiritual rape%rdquo, as the person in question does not participate consensually. However, sometimes it%rsquos difficult to restrain from making images, as they do appear and disappear within a fraction of a second and their emotional effect can also be overwhelming.

Yes, overwhelming!

but that's where mindfulness comes into play:

compare it to a fuse! the much to big current is overwhelming, but because of the fuse can't do much harm; at least if the fuse isn't too slow; technically(in electrics) there are slower and faster fuses available for different purposes; here we create our fuse customized, not too slow not too fast(too fast may also un-fit).
Just a simile that came to the mind.

ju.

: If I have understood this correctly, the problem occurs when we create images of other people involved in intimate acts with us (or others). The problem appears as these images create some kind reality on the astral level, which is equivalent to %ldquospiritual rape%rdquo, as the person in question does not participate consensually. However, sometimes it%rsquos difficult to restrain from making images, as they do appear and disappear within a fraction of a second and their emotional effect can also be overwhelming.

:
: : I've been jackin' of with no guilt, and just let the energy fill my body and when I ejaculate I give it to Goddess. I feel energized and happy afterwards.

: : One must gently and lovingly re-arrange the thoughts, beliefs and patterns. Force will only do harm.