Absolutely wonderful lession. Fits like puzzle piece to the grounding excercise, and like a puzzle piece in my life as well.
Yesterday I told my wife. "Analyzing things ungrounds me" She looked at me in amazement and said "That's what i have been trying to tell you for years! I just couldn't find the right words"
MAJOR things that are ungrounding:
* Analyzing too much ungrounds me
* Spazzing out when there is a lot of energy ungrounds me
(Too much mental energy when analyzing and too much vital energy when spazzing, no doubt. Grounding seems to bring them into balance)
Analyzing too much leads to fear of the future and tangles me up into things that are simply not here and now. Spazzing out often takes form in dancing around and being a goof and weird simply for attention, and it takes me into a state of avoiding the flow.
There is then a whole bunch of minor things that also are ungrounding, but they seem to be a result of the first two major things.. Including for example nervous habits like picking hairs from my chin and cheeks.
Going through the rest of this week with anticipation to find out more!
: What ungrounds me?
: Absolutely wonderful lession. Fits like puzzle piece to the grounding excercise, and like a puzzle piece in my life as well.
Yes. First learn to get grounded and practice staying grounded. When you get used to how it feels, you can become more mindful and notice when you are not grounded, and pinpoint what triggered you to float in fear.
Groundedness and fear are opposites, free will means you must choose. Same question I asked you before: where do you want to live?
: Yesterday I told my wife. "Analyzing things ungrounds me" She looked at me in amazement and said "That's what i have been trying to tell you for years! I just couldn't find the right words"
: MAJOR things that are ungrounding:
: * Analyzing too much ungrounds me
: * Spazzing out when there is a lot of energy ungrounds me
: (Too much mental energy when analyzing and too much vital energy when spazzing, no doubt. Grounding seems to bring them into balance)
It is that when you think too much, you disappear into your head. You lose touch with the body, with your groundedness, and your discernment. The world that exists in your head when you are not grounded, is illusion. It is the ego world of scary funhouse mirrors.
Imagine withdrawing your consciousness from your body to go running on the hamster wheel in your head, spinning going nowhere. getting tired. Hamster wheel is focusing on a future that never comes.
Thing is, the body fight-or-flight systems cannot tell the difference between an imaginary threat to your ego, and a genuine physical hungry lion chasing you... and it is more easily distressed when you are not in it, so to speak. It kicks into survival adrenaline mode and starts spazzing. With K., Shakti pours in too, to clear the fear... and it is creative energy so... unpredictable things happen.
You know the expression "thinking outside of the box." The box is your head, the hamster wheel. Grounding, you open the top of your head and let Divine inspiration do the thinking. Let the Muse download the music into you.
When you are in your head you are not present. Not in the moment. Is that clearer?
: : What ungrounds me?
: : Absolutely wonderful lession. Fits like puzzle piece to the grounding excercise, and like a puzzle piece in my life as well.
: Yes. First learn to get grounded and practice staying grounded. When you get used to how it feels, you can become more mindful and notice when you are not grounded, and pinpoint what triggered you to float in fear.
:
: Groundedness and fear are opposites, free will means you must choose. Same question I asked you before: where do you want to live?
:
: : Yesterday I told my wife. "Analyzing things ungrounds me" She looked at me in amazement and said "That's what i have been trying to tell you for years! I just couldn't find the right words"
: : MAJOR things that are ungrounding:
: : * Analyzing too much ungrounds me
: : * Spazzing out when there is a lot of energy ungrounds me
: : (Too much mental energy when analyzing and too much vital energy when spazzing, no doubt. Grounding seems to bring them into balance)
: It is that when you think too much, you disappear into your head. You lose touch with the body, with your groundedness, and your discernment. The world that exists in your head when you are not grounded, is illusion. It is the ego world of scary funhouse mirrors.
: Imagine withdrawing your consciousness from your body to go running on the hamster wheel in your head, spinning going nowhere. getting tired. Hamster wheel is focusing on a future that never comes.
: Thing is, the body fight-or-flight systems cannot tell the difference between an imaginary threat to your ego, and a genuine physical hungry lion chasing you... and it is more easily distressed when you are not in it, so to speak. It kicks into survival adrenaline mode and starts spazzing. With K., Shakti pours in too, to clear the fear... and it is creative energy so... unpredictable things happen.
: You know the expression "thinking outside of the box." The box is your head, the hamster wheel. Grounding, you open the top of your head and let Divine inspiration do the thinking. Let the Muse download the music into you.
: When you are in your head you are not present. Not in the moment. Is that clearer?
You may have followed my latest rant on the K-list about meditation and struggling to improve and become better and more pure and all that stuff.
Doing daily meditation because I "have" to, seems to unground me as well. Struggling with the surroundings puts me off-center.
As it is now I am taking it easy with the sadhana regime, especially since it throws me off. It seems K is very strongly encouraging me to re-evalue my whole attitude towards meditation.
I kinda feel like a warrior with no wars left to fight, as if I don't know what else to do. Whenever I stop fighting, I get grounded almost automatically.
Maybe the mantra meditation is not needed any more? Or at least take a break from it. The little I have started with Kriya yoga seems to have an entirely different effect. Much less struggle and far easier to stay present with.
Although maybe it doesn't have anything to do which type I practice? Maybe attitude is all that matters. Problem is that I have become very attached to the mantra and mantra meditation, with some ingrained idea it is necessary for spiritual evolution. That idea DEFINITELY ungrounds me. It doesn't resonate, and feels highly uncomfortable.
Any suggestions welcome! But I keep getting guided more and more away from techniques that requires force of concentration.. Maybe they are not for everyone.
Love
Gustaf
: : What ungrounds me?
: : Absolutely wonderful lession. Fits like puzzle piece to the grounding excercise, and like a puzzle piece in my life as well.
: Yes. First learn to get grounded and practice staying grounded. When you get used to how it feels, you can become more mindful and notice when you are not grounded, and pinpoint what triggered you to float in fear.
:
: Groundedness and fear are opposites, free will means you must choose. Same question I asked you before: where do you want to live?
:
: : Yesterday I told my wife. "Analyzing things ungrounds me" She looked at me in amazement and said "That's what i have been trying to tell you for years! I just couldn't find the right words"
: : MAJOR things that are ungrounding:
: : * Analyzing too much ungrounds me
: : * Spazzing out when there is a lot of energy ungrounds me
: : (Too much mental energy when analyzing and too much vital energy when spazzing, no doubt. Grounding seems to bring them into balance)
: It is that when you think too much, you disappear into your head. You lose touch with the body, with your groundedness, and your discernment. The world that exists in your head when you are not grounded, is illusion. It is the ego world of scary funhouse mirrors.
: Imagine withdrawing your consciousness from your body to go running on the hamster wheel in your head, spinning going nowhere. getting tired. Hamster wheel is focusing on a future that never comes.
: Thing is, the body fight-or-flight systems cannot tell the difference between an imaginary threat to your ego, and a genuine physical hungry lion chasing you... and it is more easily distressed when you are not in it, so to speak. It kicks into survival adrenaline mode and starts spazzing. With K., Shakti pours in too, to clear the fear... and it is creative energy so... unpredictable things happen.
: You know the expression "thinking outside of the box." The box is your head, the hamster wheel. Grounding, you open the top of your head and let Divine inspiration do the thinking. Let the Muse download the music into you.
: When you are in your head you are not present. Not in the moment. Is that clearer?
You may have followed my latest rant on the K-list about meditation and struggling to improve and become better and more pure and all that stuff.
Doing daily meditation because I "have" to, seems to unground me as well. Struggling with the surroundings puts me off-center.
As it is now I am taking it easy with the sadhana regime, especially since it throws me off. It seems K is very strongly encouraging me to re-evalue my whole attitude towards meditation.
I kinda feel like a warrior with no wars left to fight, as if I don't know what else to do. Whenever I stop fighting, I get grounded almost automatically.
Maybe the mantra meditation is not needed any more? Or at least take a break from it. The little I have started with Kriya yoga seems to have an entirely different effect. Much less struggle and far easier to stay present with.
Although maybe it doesn't have anything to do which type I practice? Maybe attitude is all that matters. Problem is that I have become very attached to the mantra and mantra meditation, with some ingrained idea it is necessary for spiritual evolution. That idea DEFINITELY ungrounds me. It doesn't resonate, and feels highly uncomfortable.
Any suggestions welcome! But I keep getting guided more and more away from techniques that requires force of concentration.. Maybe they are not for everyone.
Love
Gustaf
: : What ungrounds me?
: : Absolutely wonderful lession. Fits like puzzle piece to the grounding excercise, and like a puzzle piece in my life as well.
: Yes. First learn to get grounded and practice staying grounded. When you get used to how it feels, you can become more mindful and notice when you are not grounded, and pinpoint what triggered you to float in fear.
:
: Groundedness and fear are opposites, free will means you must choose. Same question I asked you before: where do you want to live?
:
: : Yesterday I told my wife. "Analyzing things ungrounds me" She looked at me in amazement and said "That's what i have been trying to tell you for years! I just couldn't find the right words"
: : MAJOR things that are ungrounding:
: : * Analyzing too much ungrounds me
: : * Spazzing out when there is a lot of energy ungrounds me
: : (Too much mental energy when analyzing and too much vital energy when spazzing, no doubt. Grounding seems to bring them into balance)
: It is that when you think too much, you disappear into your head. You lose touch with the body, with your groundedness, and your discernment. The world that exists in your head when you are not grounded, is illusion. It is the ego world of scary funhouse mirrors.
: Imagine withdrawing your consciousness from your body to go running on the hamster wheel in your head, spinning going nowhere. getting tired. Hamster wheel is focusing on a future that never comes.
: Thing is, the body fight-or-flight systems cannot tell the difference between an imaginary threat to your ego, and a genuine physical hungry lion chasing you... and it is more easily distressed when you are not in it, so to speak. It kicks into survival adrenaline mode and starts spazzing. With K., Shakti pours in too, to clear the fear... and it is creative energy so... unpredictable things happen.
: You know the expression "thinking outside of the box." The box is your head, the hamster wheel. Grounding, you open the top of your head and let Divine inspiration do the thinking. Let the Muse download the music into you.
: When you are in your head you are not present. Not in the moment. Is that clearer?
You may have followed my latest rant on the K-list about meditation and struggling to improve and become better and more pure and all that stuff.
Doing daily meditation because I "have" to, seems to unground me as well. Struggling with the surroundings puts me off-center.
As it is now I am taking it easy with the sadhana regime, especially since it throws me off. It seems K is very strongly encouraging me to re-evalue my whole attitude towards meditation.
I kinda feel like a warrior with no wars left to fight, as if I don't know what else to do. Whenever I stop fighting, I get grounded almost automatically.
Maybe the mantra meditation is not needed any more? Or at least take a break from it. The little I have started with Kriya yoga seems to have an entirely different effect. Much less struggle and far easier to stay present with.
Although maybe it doesn't have anything to do which type I practice? Maybe attitude is all that matters. Problem is that I have become very attached to the mantra and mantra meditation, with some ingrained idea it is necessary for spiritual evolution. That idea DEFINITELY ungrounds me. It doesn't resonate, and feels highly uncomfortable.
Any suggestions welcome! But I keep getting guided more and more away from techniques that requires force of concentration.. Maybe they are not for everyone.
Love
Gustaf
I have already told you to cut it out, on K-list several times, in many different words.
Quit trying to whip yourself into enlightenment. You think Goddess is something you can catch if you run fast enough? Meditate hard enough, do the hokey pokey and rattle the bones?
Gustaf, you silly bonehead. The peace and centeredness you feel when simply grounded, IS enlightenment. Certainly, there are other levels of attainment, but enlightenment is what it is. You say you want it but your actions show otherwise.
People who are very attached to an ego identity of "seeker" often don't want to believe this. Then they would have to become "finder" and they have not thought that far ahead... or they feel oddly disappointed in their expectations, they sought so hard and long and it turned out to be so damn simple it pisses them off and there is resistance.
Gee, I lost my keys... and funny, I found them in the last place I looked!!
Because in a normal world, once you find something, you
Where do you want to live? I keep asking ya.
You say one thing, then run the other way. It is kind of funny to watch you, but I bet it is exhausting to BE you, as you are when you are ungrounded spinning.
Many of the most ancient texts say no practices once K awakens, just follow as Goddess leads and don't attach to anything. The practices are to get it sparked, then just follow the inner guru... which is fine and active, your discernment is clear and you notice what ungrounds you... you just don't trust it... and you have to be ungrounded to not trust it, there is no fear when you are grounded. You keep choosing ungroundedness. Why?
Kriya is OK, but overdo it and you will find yourself getting oversensitive and emotional again. I think for you it will be just another form of control and resistance. I want you to stop all practices except being grounded and releasing what ungrounds you.
I'd also like you to do a web search on anxiety and adrenaline addiction. Try the shoe on and see if it fits.
quote: "The operating premise of the adrenaline addiction concept is that some people, usually under the label stress, use their own adrenaline as a drug. This "addiction to intensity" has a purpose. It is to repress the conscious emergence of particularly painful underlying feelings of loss, abandonment, and disconnection, at essential levels."
: : Excellent work, Gustaf!
: : : What ungrounds me?
: : : Absolutely wonderful lession. Fits like puzzle piece to the grounding excercise, and like a puzzle piece in my life as well.
: : Yes. First learn to get grounded and practice staying grounded. When you get used to how it feels, you can become more mindful and notice when you are not grounded, and pinpoint what triggered you to float in fear.
: :
: : Groundedness and fear are opposites, free will means you must choose. Same question I asked you before: where do you want to live?
: :
: : : Yesterday I told my wife. "Analyzing things ungrounds me" She looked at me in amazement and said "That's what i have been trying to tell you for years! I just couldn't find the right words"
: : : MAJOR things that are ungrounding:
: : : * Analyzing too much ungrounds me
: : : * Spazzing out when there is a lot of energy ungrounds me
: : : (Too much mental energy when analyzing and too much vital energy when spazzing, no doubt. Grounding seems to bring them into balance)
: : It is that when you think too much, you disappear into your head. You lose touch with the body, with your groundedness, and your discernment. The world that exists in your head when you are not grounded, is illusion. It is the ego world of scary funhouse mirrors.
: : Imagine withdrawing your consciousness from your body to go running on the hamster wheel in your head, spinning going nowhere. getting tired. Hamster wheel is focusing on a future that never comes.
: : Thing is, the body fight-or-flight systems cannot tell the difference between an imaginary threat to your ego, and a genuine physical hungry lion chasing you... and it is more easily distressed when you are not in it, so to speak. It kicks into survival adrenaline mode and starts spazzing. With K., Shakti pours in too, to clear the fear... and it is creative energy so... unpredictable things happen.
: : You know the expression "thinking outside of the box." The box is your head, the hamster wheel. Grounding, you open the top of your head and let Divine inspiration do the thinking. Let the Muse download the music into you.
: : When you are in your head you are not present. Not in the moment. Is that clearer?
: You may have followed my latest rant on the K-list about meditation and struggling to improve and become better and more pure and all that stuff.
: Doing daily meditation because I "have" to, seems to unground me as well. Struggling with the surroundings puts me off-center.
: As it is now I am taking it easy with the sadhana regime, especially since it throws me off. It seems K is very strongly encouraging me to re-evalue my whole attitude towards meditation.
: I kinda feel like a warrior with no wars left to fight, as if I don't know what else to do. Whenever I stop fighting, I get grounded almost automatically.
: Maybe the mantra meditation is not needed any more? Or at least take a break from it. The little I have started with Kriya yoga seems to have an entirely different effect. Much less struggle and far easier to stay present with.
: Although maybe it doesn't have anything to do which type I practice? Maybe attitude is all that matters. Problem is that I have become very attached to the mantra and mantra meditation, with some ingrained idea it is necessary for spiritual evolution. That idea DEFINITELY ungrounds me. It doesn't resonate, and feels highly uncomfortable.
: Any suggestions welcome! But I keep getting guided more and more away from techniques that requires force of concentration.. Maybe they are not for everyone.
: Love
: Gustaf
I have already told you to cut it out, on K-list several times, in many different words.
Quit trying to whip yourself into enlightenment. You think Goddess is something you can catch if you run fast enough? Meditate hard enough, do the hokey pokey and rattle the bones?
Gustaf, you silly bonehead. The peace and centeredness you feel when simply grounded, IS enlightenment. Certainly, there are other levels of attainment, but enlightenment is what it is. You say you want it but your actions show otherwise.
People who are very attached to an ego identity of "seeker" often don't want to believe this. Then they would have to become "finder" and they have not thought that far ahead... or they feel oddly disappointed in their expectations, they sought so hard and long and it turned out to be so damn simple it pisses them off and there is resistance.
Gee, I lost my keys... and funny, I found them in the last place I looked!!
Because in a normal world, once you find something, you
Where do you want to live? I keep asking ya.
You say one thing, then run the other way. It is kind of funny to watch you, but I bet it is exhausting to BE you, as you are when you are ungrounded spinning.
Many of the most ancient texts say no practices once K awakens, just follow as Goddess leads and don't attach to anything. The practices are to get it sparked, then just follow the inner guru... which is fine and active, your discernment is clear and you notice what ungrounds you... you just don't trust it... and you have to be ungrounded to not trust it, there is no fear when you are grounded. You keep choosing ungroundedness. Why?
Kriya is OK, but overdo it and you will find yourself getting oversensitive and emotional again. I think for you it will be just another form of control and resistance. I want you to stop all practices except being grounded and releasing what ungrounds you.
I'd also like you to do a web search on anxiety and adrenaline addiction. Try the shoe on and see if it fits.
quote: "The operating premise of the adrenaline addiction concept is that some people, usually under the label stress, use their own adrenaline as a drug. This "addiction to intensity" has a purpose. It is to repress the conscious emergence of particularly painful underlying feelings of loss, abandonment, and disconnection, at essential levels."
: : Excellent work, Gustaf!
: : : What ungrounds me?
: : : Absolutely wonderful lession. Fits like puzzle piece to the grounding excercise, and like a puzzle piece in my life as well.
: : Yes. First learn to get grounded and practice staying grounded. When you get used to how it feels, you can become more mindful and notice when you are not grounded, and pinpoint what triggered you to float in fear.
: :
: : Groundedness and fear are opposites, free will means you must choose. Same question I asked you before: where do you want to live?
: :
: : : Yesterday I told my wife. "Analyzing things ungrounds me" She looked at me in amazement and said "That's what i have been trying to tell you for years! I just couldn't find the right words"
: : : MAJOR things that are ungrounding:
: : : * Analyzing too much ungrounds me
: : : * Spazzing out when there is a lot of energy ungrounds me
: : : (Too much mental energy when analyzing and too much vital energy when spazzing, no doubt. Grounding seems to bring them into balance)
: : It is that when you think too much, you disappear into your head. You lose touch with the body, with your groundedness, and your discernment. The world that exists in your head when you are not grounded, is illusion. It is the ego world of scary funhouse mirrors.
: : Imagine withdrawing your consciousness from your body to go running on the hamster wheel in your head, spinning going nowhere. getting tired. Hamster wheel is focusing on a future that never comes.
: : Thing is, the body fight-or-flight systems cannot tell the difference between an imaginary threat to your ego, and a genuine physical hungry lion chasing you... and it is more easily distressed when you are not in it, so to speak. It kicks into survival adrenaline mode and starts spazzing. With K., Shakti pours in too, to clear the fear... and it is creative energy so... unpredictable things happen.
: : You know the expression "thinking outside of the box." The box is your head, the hamster wheel. Grounding, you open the top of your head and let Divine inspiration do the thinking. Let the Muse download the music into you.
: : When you are in your head you are not present. Not in the moment. Is that clearer?
: You may have followed my latest rant on the K-list about meditation and struggling to improve and become better and more pure and all that stuff.
: Doing daily meditation because I "have" to, seems to unground me as well. Struggling with the surroundings puts me off-center.
: As it is now I am taking it easy with the sadhana regime, especially since it throws me off. It seems K is very strongly encouraging me to re-evalue my whole attitude towards meditation.
: I kinda feel like a warrior with no wars left to fight, as if I don't know what else to do. Whenever I stop fighting, I get grounded almost automatically.
: Maybe the mantra meditation is not needed any more? Or at least take a break from it. The little I have started with Kriya yoga seems to have an entirely different effect. Much less struggle and far easier to stay present with.
: Although maybe it doesn't have anything to do which type I practice? Maybe attitude is all that matters. Problem is that I have become very attached to the mantra and mantra meditation, with some ingrained idea it is necessary for spiritual evolution. That idea DEFINITELY ungrounds me. It doesn't resonate, and feels highly uncomfortable.
: Any suggestions welcome! But I keep getting guided more and more away from techniques that requires force of concentration.. Maybe they are not for everyone.
: Love
: Gustaf
: I have already told you to cut it out, on K-list several times, in many different words.
As of yesterday, I quit the meditation and pranyama practices. Heck I even took the mala (string of beads for mantra meditation) and put it away in a drawer.
I did a few stretches since the body sometimes feels a bit numb in the morning, but that's it.
: Quit trying to whip yourself into enlightenment. You think Goddess is something you can catch if you run fast enough? Meditate hard enough, do the hokey pokey and rattle the bones?
I'm giving it up as we speak.
: Gustaf, you silly bonehead. The peace and centeredness you feel when simply grounded, IS enlightenment. Certainly, there are other levels of attainment, but enlightenment is what it is. You say you want it but your actions show otherwise.
Yeah, it creates a lot of tension.
: People who are very attached to an ego identity of "seeker" often don't want to believe this. Then they would have to become "finder" and they have not thought that far ahead... or they feel oddly disappointed in their expectations, they sought so hard and long and it turned out to be so damn simple it pisses them off and there is resistance.
I feel this very strongly indeed. I don't have to become anything at all, and that seems way too easy.. so different from the gurus who'd have me stand on my head every day and dig rocks for 30 years.
: Gee, I lost my keys... and funny, I found them in the last place I looked!!
: Because in a normal world, once you find something, you
:
Gotcha!
: Where do you want to live? I keep asking ya.
I had a dream where I was in a laser-tag like battle arena. People of both teams left, just walked away but I wanted to keep fighting, and I called them traitors. After a while I gave up too and just left the place.
My guidance tells me to live exactly in that peaceful state I imagined I would attain in the future. I have been able for some time to clearly imagine being in a beautfully simple, peaceful, timeless state.. It hit me this morning. If I can imagine it so strongly in the future, why not just experience it right here and now. If I can imagine it fully, it's already attained.
: You say one thing, then run the other way. It is kind of funny to watch you, but I bet it is exhausting to BE you, as you are when you are ungrounded spinning.
Yes! I chase around my own tail in a circle. It's already there but I keep chasing it.
: Many of the most ancient texts say no practices once K awakens, just follow as Goddess leads and don't attach to anything. The practices are to get it sparked, then just follow the inner guru... which is fine and active, your discernment is clear and you notice what ungrounds you... you just don't trust it... and you have to be ungrounded to not trust it, there is no fear when you are grounded. You keep choosing ungroundedness. Why?
It's an insecurity that ungrounds me. Everything that took place during my intense seeking. All those swamis that work so hard. When I first started experience K I -didn't want it-. Then later on I thought I didn't deserve it. Didn't really even believe such a thing would happen to me, despite all the constant validation. I became a validation addict. Yes Gustaf it's K. But I have felt too insecure to accept that. Need more experiences! All the experiences! Cosmic explosions. Doesn't matter what Mystress or Wife or anyone else says. Quite tiring indeed.
The insecurity then manifests as fear also. Fear that if I quit the practices, K is gonna give up and crawl back under a rock.. Or that I am not quite there yet and need to whip myself just a -little- more.
It is all very ungrounding. Along with change in lifestyle I have handed it all over to Goddess.
:
: Kriya is OK, but overdo it and you will find yourself getting oversensitive and emotional again. I think for you it will be just another form of control and resistance. I want you to stop all practices except being grounded and releasing what ungrounds you.
Yep! I won't take up even Kriya until I have handled this control and resistance that is ungrounding. Gonna stay with this particular class for a little while extra, too.
: I'd also like you to do a web search on anxiety and adrenaline addiction. Try the shoe on and see if it fits.
: quote: "The operating premise of the adrenaline addiction concept is that some people, usually under the label stress, use their own adrenaline as a drug. This "addiction to intensity" has a purpose. It is to repress the conscious emergence of particularly painful underlying feelings of loss, abandonment, and disconnection, at essential levels."
I just did today! Very fitting. A "K-symptom addict" also. Yoga addict. Interesting way of running away from groundedness. More crazy dreams! More rushes! More altered states! Otherwise things are not proceeding etc.
This stuff has become clearer and clearer since I dropped the lightworker/hero trip. That's a form of rush too. According to the science concerning this addiction, I am running away from myself. From the pains and joys and simplicity of life.
Now I am off for kirtan singing! That does not unground me at all. I love playing and singing. =)
Love
Gustaf
: I have already told you to cut it out, on K-list several times, in many different words.
As of yesterday, I quit the meditation and pranyama practices. Heck I even took the mala (string of beads for mantra meditation) and put it away in a drawer.
I did a few stretches since the body sometimes feels a bit numb in the morning, but that's it.
: Quit trying to whip yourself into enlightenment. You think Goddess is something you can catch if you run fast enough? Meditate hard enough, do the hokey pokey and rattle the bones?
I'm giving it up as we speak.
: Gustaf, you silly bonehead. The peace and centeredness you feel when simply grounded, IS enlightenment. Certainly, there are other levels of attainment, but enlightenment is what it is. You say you want it but your actions show otherwise.
Yeah, it creates a lot of tension.
: People who are very attached to an ego identity of "seeker" often don't want to believe this. Then they would have to become "finder" and they have not thought that far ahead... or they feel oddly disappointed in their expectations, they sought so hard and long and it turned out to be so damn simple it pisses them off and there is resistance.
I feel this very strongly indeed. I don't have to become anything at all, and that seems way too easy.. so different from the gurus who'd have me stand on my head every day and dig rocks for 30 years.
: Gee, I lost my keys... and funny, I found them in the last place I looked!!
: Because in a normal world, once you find something, you
:
Gotcha!
: Where do you want to live? I keep asking ya.
I had a dream where I was in a laser-tag like battle arena. People of both teams left, just walked away but I wanted to keep fighting, and I called them traitors. After a while I gave up too and just left the place.
My guidance tells me to live exactly in that peaceful state I imagined I would attain in the future. I have been able for some time to clearly imagine being in a beautfully simple, peaceful, timeless state.. It hit me this morning. If I can imagine it so strongly in the future, why not just experience it right here and now. If I can imagine it fully, it's already attained.
: You say one thing, then run the other way. It is kind of funny to watch you, but I bet it is exhausting to BE you, as you are when you are ungrounded spinning.
Yes! I chase around my own tail in a circle. It's already there but I keep chasing it.
: Many of the most ancient texts say no practices once K awakens, just follow as Goddess leads and don't attach to anything. The practices are to get it sparked, then just follow the inner guru... which is fine and active, your discernment is clear and you notice what ungrounds you... you just don't trust it... and you have to be ungrounded to not trust it, there is no fear when you are grounded. You keep choosing ungroundedness. Why?
It's an insecurity that ungrounds me. Everything that took place during my intense seeking. All those swamis that work so hard. When I first started experience K I -didn't want it-. Then later on I thought I didn't deserve it. Didn't really even believe such a thing would happen to me, despite all the constant validation. I became a validation addict. Yes Gustaf it's K. But I have felt too insecure to accept that. Need more experiences! All the experiences! Cosmic explosions. Doesn't matter what Mystress or Wife or anyone else says. Quite tiring indeed.
The insecurity then manifests as fear also. Fear that if I quit the practices, K is gonna give up and crawl back under a rock.. Or that I am not quite there yet and need to whip myself just a -little- more.
It is all very ungrounding. Along with change in lifestyle I have handed it all over to Goddess.
:
: Kriya is OK, but overdo it and you will find yourself getting oversensitive and emotional again. I think for you it will be just another form of control and resistance. I want you to stop all practices except being grounded and releasing what ungrounds you.
Yep! I won't take up even Kriya until I have handled this control and resistance that is ungrounding. Gonna stay with this particular class for a little while extra, too.
: I'd also like you to do a web search on anxiety and adrenaline addiction. Try the shoe on and see if it fits.
: quote: "The operating premise of the adrenaline addiction concept is that some people, usually under the label stress, use their own adrenaline as a drug. This "addiction to intensity" has a purpose. It is to repress the conscious emergence of particularly painful underlying feelings of loss, abandonment, and disconnection, at essential levels."
I just did today! Very fitting. A "K-symptom addict" also. Yoga addict. Interesting way of running away from groundedness. More crazy dreams! More rushes! More altered states! Otherwise things are not proceeding etc.
This stuff has become clearer and clearer since I dropped the lightworker/hero trip. That's a form of rush too. According to the science concerning this addiction, I am running away from myself. From the pains and joys and simplicity of life.
Now I am off for kirtan singing! That does not unground me at all. I love playing and singing. =)
Love
Gustaf