It has to do with recognition of my divine nature as creator, of that what simply is. Not something which has to be created or controlled, just that which is, always was and will be, in all it's simplicity and perfection. This separation created probably by a some level of controlling, is giving me the feeling of not being in control , since there is no consciouss control over the control (lol!). In my consciouss awareness, it's not in my 'grip', I can only see welcoming readyness there, not the resistence itself. I see very well that it's something to do with the individual ego structure, and that I can't 'do' anything on the ego level with the individual ego. Like 'trying to pull yourself out of the swamp by pulling one's own hairs'. The only thing to do on this level, as I see it sofar, is to open more by total acceptance and a welcoming attitude, loving it more and asking the divine to help.
When I used the words 'in control' it was meant here to be in a totally normal integrated state with my physiological functioning, I comparision with the state of some immobilisation, like not being able to easily move the arm.
Thank you infinitely, your help is very precious to me!
A big hug from Jyotiram
This post is very circular, you ask a question, then express the impossibility of an answer, then decide it does not need an answer. You have given yourself a good example of your trying to be receptive and then jumping in and wanting control.
I suspect your beloved Devi, is probably the best person to support you in discovering the places you do this. This will entail some mindfulness on her part, because she appreciates this about you.
Blessings...
: Dear Mystress,
: We are getting to a fundamental issue here with regard to 'control' and I would be very happy if I could get to some more clarity about it if possible, more so of course to clear it out, since it's bugging me for quite some time. It's true there is a separation in me, and it seems to really have something to do with control, although the level which 'graps' the control is very deep, a kind of automatic response which jumps in when in innocently slipping into the flow of what I would call 'real life', like being in a state of natural and consciouss oneness with the powerhouse. Being in the flow. This 'jumping in and grasping the handles', cutting me of from it, is more clearly seen when this shift is sudden and more dramatic.
: As soon as it's realized it would jump in. There are times in the innocence of the night this could occur somewhat conscioussly.
: It has to do with recognition of my divine nature as creator, of that what simply is. Not something which has to be created or controlled, just that which is, always was and will be, in all it's simplicity and perfection. This separation created probably by a some level of controlling, is giving me the feeling of not being in control , since there is no consciouss control over the control (lol!). In my consciouss awareness, it's not in my 'grip', I can only see welcoming readyness there, not the resistence itself. I see very well that it's something to do with the individual ego structure, and that I can't 'do' anything on the ego level with the individual ego. Like 'trying to pull yourself out of the swamp by pulling one's own hairs'. The only thing to do on this level, as I see it sofar, is to open more by total acceptance and a welcoming attitude, loving it more and asking the divine to help.
: When I used the words 'in control' it was meant here to be in a totally normal integrated state with my physiological functioning, I comparision with the state of some immobilisation, like not being able to easily move the arm.
: Thank you infinitely, your help is very precious to me!
: A big hug from Jyotiram
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